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Under 1ct Owners - Upgrade or No?

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mirre

Shiny_Rock
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I have always been one to say when I get an e-ring "I will never upgrade and have it for the rest of my life!" Because I''m a very sentimental person. However I''m torn between waiting and getting what I want so I''m not tempted with the "upgrade" down the road or getting something that is wonderful now but not "ideal" and risking the want to trade-up later.

Anyone with under 1 carat as their e-ring main stone (either previous owners who have upgraded or current owners) have this feeling? What did you do?
I would love to hear your stories.



Reasoning behind question: A couple of weeks ago bf and I were talking about things I''d like for an e-ring and he had asked something about what size center diamond. I didn''t want to say something and it sound ridiculous or greedy before knowing what his ideas were, so I said I didn''t know and would leave part of that up to him (I''ve pretty much picked everything I want for a setting with only a little help from him because he says that since I''m the one wearing it he''ll get what I want). He had said he was thinking .5 to .75ct. Don''t get me wrong that would be just fine with me, however, before this when he had mentioned upgrading eventually without me saying anything about it I stated that I plan to keep whatever I get forever. I kind of want something a smidge bigger (nothing over 1ct, maybe around .85ct or so) just so that it''s big enough that I''m not risking wanting something bigger down the road, but not sure if/how to bring this up? I worry that this makes me greedy or that I would appear greedy to him. (Another side note: I have tried on rings before to get ideas and found one I fell in love with... showed it to him after almost deciding what I wanted and when looking up the specs found out the center was about 2ct oval with two .5 crescents on either side when I showed it to him and said "It actually looked perfect on my tiny finger even though it''s huge!" He responded with "Well is that the one you want?" To which I replied... "NO! That would cost WAY too much!")


Sorry for the long post, I really didn''t intend on it being this long.
 

Kelli

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I don''t think you sound unreasonable at all, considering you said you could wait for what you really wanted. If he is ok with upgrading later, it doesn''t sound like it would be a huge issue for him, especially if he also was that quick to see if you wanted the 2 ct oval! If you explain to him that you really won''t ever want to upgrade for sentimental reasons, he''ll likely understand why you want to go a little bigger.

I won''t personally ever upgrade, but my stone is bigger than a carat. I waited eight years to get engaged so I went ahead and splurged.
I say get what you REALLY want!
 

geckodani

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Date: 4/21/2009 2:14:57 PM
Author: Kelli
I don''t think you sound unreasonable at all, considering you said you could wait for what you really wanted. If he is ok with upgrading later, it doesn''t sound like it would be a huge issue for him, especially if he also was that quick to see if you wanted the 2 ct oval! If you explain to him that you really won''t ever want to upgrade for sentimental reasons, he''ll likely understand why you want to go a little bigger.

I won''t personally ever upgrade, but my stone is bigger than a carat. I waited eight years to get engaged so I went ahead and splurged.
I say get what you REALLY want!
I agree with Kelli. If you truly don''t want to upgrade, but want a bigger rock, talk to him about it.


I''ve got a .75 that I adore. That said, someday, I would like to upgrade it. Probably for our 20th or 25th anniversary.
 

Fly Girl

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Jan 9, 2007
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7,312
We upgraded my 0.20 ct e-ring for our 25th wedding anniversary. I actually kept the old ring. There is a point where the diamond just isn't worth trading in. If what you can afford is around a carat, that is a nice size that will last you for many years. If you can afford something larger, then get what you can afford. In the coming years, lots of other priorities will come before diamonds. Please get a ring that you love.
 

mirre

Shiny_Rock
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Jul 2, 2007
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Thank you all for your input! I don't think he'd mind... I could probably show him a 5ct and say that's what I wanted and get it... may take awhile but still he probably would. I just didn't want to seem like that because I know he'd most likely get what I wanted that I was asking for too much. And kind of wanted an outsider's perspective.

(I have entertained the idea of shooting for that 3ct tw 3-stone ring a long while down the road as a RHR as I was typing out OP though
)
 

jmtomaui

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 10, 2006
Messages
390
Mirre, what you just said makes a lot of sense. As finances improve over time and life changes, you can always get a larger stone for a RHR and continue wearing your original engagement ring.

And there are ways to set a stone so that it looks larger in a halo or a bezel setting.

You have a good head on your shoulders and I know you will love whatever your future FI proposes with.

Julie
 

AprilBaby

Super_Ideal_Rock
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get what you can afford and upgrade later. I went from .35 to 1.21 for my 25th anniversary.
 

Diamond*Dana

Ideal_Rock
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I have a .62 pear as my original e-ring stone, and I will not be upgrading if I have to trade in my stone. If I can get additional stones and keep mine, then fine
 

White Orchid

Shiny_Rock
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May 4, 2008
Messages
229
I have no intention of ever upgrading my ring. I wouldn''t mind getting a larger RHR one of these years, but I''m too attached to my e-ring to ever replace it.
 

LaurenThePartier

Super_Ideal_Rock
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10,100
If you really think .10 ct. will make a huge difference to you, I suggest you wait it out!

My Asscher is a .71 ct. and because it's an Asscher, it faces up like a .50 ct. round at 5mm. Because of my husband's search for the perfectly square Asscher on such a limited time frame, I've decided this is my forever ring. I won't be upgrading this one at all.

However, if you look at some of my posting history, you'll see I have started a small collection of Right Hand Rings to keep my need to change things up in check.
 

DiamondFlame

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 7, 2009
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680
I say upgrade your RHRs for all I care but personally, trading in the diamond he proposes you with seems like a crime to me.
But that''s just sentimental old me... Of course, you can always get a big anniversary 2 carat ring without trading in the original e-ring.
 

Mary K

Rough_Rock
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Mar 29, 2009
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I''ve only had my ring for about a month so I may change my mind later, but I have no intentions of upgrading from my 0.77 RB. I love the size of my e-ring and once I have a wedding band with it I can''t see going any bigger--I don''t think it would look right on my finger and this is the one he proposed with so it is too special to me.
 

HornAround

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Date: 4/21/2009 5:21:06 PM
Author: Mary K
I''ve only had my ring for about a month so I may change my mind later, but I have no intentions of upgrading from my 0.77 RB. I love the size of my e-ring and once I have a wedding band with it I can''t see going any bigger--I don''t think it would look right on my finger and this is the one he proposed with so it is too special to me.

I like your train of thought. Would you mind posting a few pics of your ring on your finger. Thanks,

Back to the topic, make sure you''re happy with your diamond because if not, your future husband won''t be either.
 

karend26

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2008
Messages
141
My center stone is .86, but looks quite large on my finger. I''m sure most people assume it''s at least 1 carat. I think this is because of my finger size (4.75) and the cut of the stone which is spectacular (AGS0 H&A). So make sure to keep those things in consideration. You might be surprised how large an under 1 carat looks if it''s a great cut. And, no, I have no plans to ever upgrade. Besides the sentimentality, I think this is the perfect size for my finger.
 

mirre

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Thank you all so much for your advice and stories.

I (and I''m sure others as well) would love to see pictures if anyone would like to share?
 

Brilyant

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From a male point of view, I think it's a bit... strange... that you are already thinking about an upgrade before even getting engaged. To me, this would be kind of painful to hear and hard to understand as a boyfriend who is probably scraping funds together for your ring. I understand that the upgrade is for later, but the thought that you need to upgrade at some point/that the ring won't be good enough at some point/that his hard work now isn't enough is hard to swallow for me.
 

vintagelover229

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Date: 4/21/2009 6:53:15 PM
Author: Brilyant
From a male point of view, I think it''s a bit... strange... that you are already thinking about an upgrade before even getting engaged. To me, this would be kind of painful to hear and hard to understand as a boyfriend who is probably scraping funds together for your ring. I understand that the upgrade is for later, but the thought that you need to upgrade at some point/that the ring won''t be good enough at some point/that his hard work now isn''t enough is hard to swallow for me.
If you read her post carefullly you would have read that SHE wasnt the one that mentioned upgrading...her bf did. AND the reason for the post is she is wondering BECAUSE she''d like to have a size that she thinks is ideal, so she wouldn''t feel the desire for a larger stone, because of the semential value.

I think if her bf is okay with waiting for a little while, and would have saved up for a 2ct stone, she can say I''d like at least such and such size so that way it will be my forever ring.
 

Callisto

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I understand where you''re coming from. My boyfriend and I are in the place where we want to get engaged but not quite the place where we can afford the kind of e-ring we''d both like. However, I too am hesitant to upgrade for sentimental reasons.

My currently solution that is driving our ring search is to compromise a a few measures of diamond quality to get closer to the size I''d like. Do you know what specs of diamonds he was looking at? A lot of guys seem to feel the need to get D or E colored diamonds even though diamonds as low as (and often times even lower) I colored are beautiful and colorless for all practical purposes. I''ve also seen tons of diamonds graded at SI1 or occasionally SI2 that are totally eye clean. It definitely takes a little extra work on his part to ensure that these lower gradings are still amazing diamonds, but it can have an amazing result.

Not sure what kind of diamonds you''re looking at, but I found that by going down to approximately I color and SI1 clarity I was able to go from .75 to about 1 carat and the diamonds I''m looking at now are no less beautiful than the ones before as long as they are cut just as well. Just another idea to consider.
 

Black Jade

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Date: 4/21/2009 6:53:15 PM
Author: Brilyant
From a male point of view, I think it''s a bit... strange... that you are already thinking about an upgrade before even getting engaged. To me, this would be kind of painful to hear and hard to understand as a boyfriend who is probably scraping funds together for your ring. I understand that the upgrade is for later, but the thought that you need to upgrade at some point/that the ring won''t be good enough at some point/that his hard work now isn''t enough is hard to swallow for me.
Yes, I think the young lady should just ''leave it to him'' as she told him in her post and let him choose what he knows he can afford and let him put it in the setting she chose and then enjoy the ring and the wonderful feeling of being engaged to someone she loves.
It sounds to me like she is nervous--I know when I get nervous I start second guessing myself the way she is doing, and wondering if I will REALLy like something or if I will make the right choice, especially if I am feeling it is a forever choice. She did say that she didn''t really want to upgrade, so she just needs to get over the thought that there is some ''magic'' size that the ring needs to be to be right. She needs to just enjoy the moment and how much her guy loves her. He sounds really anxious to please! She''s lucky.
I wish her the best and a very happy engagement and marriage. As someone who''s been married happily for 26 years come June, i can assure her that it''s not about the ring at all! Though hanging around certain parts of this forum too much can make it seem like that.
Best
 

Kelli

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Date: 4/21/2009 8:36:25 PM
Author: Callisto
I understand where you''re coming from. My boyfriend and I are in the place where we want to get engaged but not quite the place where we can afford the kind of e-ring we''d both like. However, I too am hesitant to upgrade for sentimental reasons.

My currently solution that is driving our ring search is to compromise a a few measures of diamond quality to get closer to the size I''d like. Do you know what specs of diamonds he was looking at? A lot of guys seem to feel the need to get D or E colored diamonds even though diamonds as low as (and often times even lower) I colored are beautiful and colorless for all practical purposes. I''ve also seen tons of diamonds graded at SI1 or occasionally SI2 that are totally eye clean. It definitely takes a little extra work on his part to ensure that these lower gradings are still amazing diamonds, but it can have an amazing result.

Not sure what kind of diamonds you''re looking at, but I found that by going down to approximately I color and SI1 clarity I was able to go from .75 to about 1 carat and the diamonds I''m looking at now are no less beautiful than the ones before as long as they are cut just as well. Just another idea to consider.
I totally agree with this. You see a lot of people saying they would love to have a 1ct stone, but that they can''t afford it. A lot of these are the same people thinking that to have a "quality" diamond, you have to stay in the D-F, IF-VS range. I thought the same thing til I started really looking.
 

whitby_2773

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 5, 2009
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2,656
hi mirre :)

i have a .83ct stone as my engagement ring. i recently added side stones (.46 and .47ct) to give it some extra oomph and size. i now have very nice finger coverage, and i still used my original stone and band (which was tapered to fit the new head). still feels like my old ring, but now much more substantial. and it looks fabulous.

this is one way forward you might want to consider...

and i think .75 - .9ct is a lovely size for a solitaire or central stone.

good luck!
 

elle_chris

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 19, 2004
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3,153
Date: 4/21/2009 1:56:24 PM
Author:mirre
I have always been one to say when I get an e-ring ''I will never upgrade and have it for the rest of my life!'' Because I''m a very sentimental person. However I''m torn between waiting and getting what I want so I''m not tempted with the ''upgrade'' down the road or getting something that is wonderful now but not ''ideal'' and risking the want to trade-up later.

Anyone with under 1 carat as their e-ring main stone (either previous owners who have upgraded or current owners) have this feeling? What did you do?
I would love to hear your stories.



Reasoning behind question: A couple of weeks ago bf and I were talking about things I''d like for an e-ring and he had asked something about what size center diamond. I didn''t want to say something and it sound ridiculous or greedy before knowing what his ideas were, so I said I didn''t know and would leave part of that up to him (I''ve pretty much picked everything I want for a setting with only a little help from him because he says that since I''m the one wearing it he''ll get what I want). He had said he was thinking .5 to .75ct. Don''t get me wrong that would be just fine with me, however, before this when he had mentioned upgrading eventually without me saying anything about it I stated that I plan to keep whatever I get forever. I kind of want something a smidge bigger (nothing over 1ct, maybe around .85ct or so) just so that it''s big enough that I''m not risking wanting something bigger down the road, but not sure if/how to bring this up? I worry that this makes me greedy or that I would appear greedy to him. (Another side note: I have tried on rings before to get ideas and found one I fell in love with... showed it to him after almost deciding what I wanted and when looking up the specs found out the center was about 2ct oval with two .5 crescents on either side when I showed it to him and said ''It actually looked perfect on my tiny finger even though it''s huge!'' He responded with ''Well is that the one you want?'' To which I replied... ''NO! That would cost WAY too much!'')


Sorry for the long post, I really didn''t intend on it being this long.
I understand how you feel, but at this point, I wouldn''t say anything unless you know for a fact that it wouldn''t be a financial burden on him. If he said .50-.75 and decided to go with a .50, there''s a large increase to get it to that .85 range. In fact, it''s more than double the price.
Also, I know you''re saying that this would be your forever diamond, but you really can''t say for certain until you have it on you finger and wore it for a few years. You never know if you''ll change your mind down the road. If not, and like you said he''s not opposed to upgrades, I''d wait until you were married and for a birthday or anniversary do an amazing right hand ring.

Honestly, no matter what you''ve said about him being ok with the whole size thing, and no matter which way you slice it- I think the guy "could" be a little put off by this.

Either way, good luck
 

I Love My Sailor

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2009
Messages
353
Okay... I think you will find my story of help.

I started off with a .82 center stone G color, VS2 clarity, the ring had 3 .02 melee on each side and a 5 stone wedding band with .50 TCW set in platinum, it that was passed down to me.

I absolutely loved it!

The setting was very old and stones started to get dangerously loose. My husband expressed his desire to buy me my own set.

We knew nothing about pricesope or their vendors.


My husband bought me a center stone .69 I SI1(2) and a .79 total carat weight wrap enhancer. He WAY over paid and they were not eye clean.I ended up not happy with it! At first I was but, I later realized, we could have gotten more for our money and our budget allowed for a second try at this ring business.

We were still stupid consumers.

I decided to reset my original .82 into a Tiffany solitaire and I traded in the set my husband bought me for a 1.50 eternity band. I loved it!!! until........ I noticed 8 months later my solitaire is not set straight and my eternity band... beautiful... but horribly made.

So now I have a crooked e ring and loose stones in my eternity band!!! I really wish I had gone with a more reputsble company intead of buying cheap because I would be much better off!!

Now my husband is getting irritated!! which I don''t blame him but he loves me and wants me to be happy so we are in the process of saving up for a new wedding band. We are almost there and will be ready to have a 2 carat u prong e band made in about 1 month, made by Brian Gavin. Then we are saving up for a new center stone 1.35 carat weight.... which is what I really want. And my husband say he is willing to do this for me but afterwords he never wants to hear about another ring HA HA (which I agree)

You will experience shrinkage and you will want something bigger later on, it seems from your comments that you know you want something bigger! I think you may even want to go with a 1 carat. Don''t go through what my husband and I did Please! wait, save up and get something extraordinary!

That''s my advice


 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,365
I think that according to stats I read somewhere, women who get just over a carat for their first engagement ring are significantly less likely to upgrade than women who have under a carat for their original ring...

My original e-ring was approx .15c... or maybe .10c.

Anyway, the advantage of having an original diamond so small was that I got to keep the ring, and now I have a five-year anniversary solitaire ring which I wear on the e-ring finger when I wish, while the original lies waiting in my closet.

It's the upgrade you have when you're not having an upgrade!
Already I am sentimentally attached to this new stone (1.11c)

I don't think there is a heavy 'ethical' issue attached to careful and considered additions to your jewellery closet.

In any case, where the heart leads, the brain will follow - if you do choose to upgrade later, you won't feel like you are in fact 'selling out' because the brain has a fantastic way of manufacturing consent via sentiment: The upgrade represents the deepening of our journey...' yada yada yada...

ETA: I think style boredom must be pretty much unavoidable as well...so even if you like your centre stone's size, you might find some other elements of the ring boring after a while...
 

mirre

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 2, 2007
Messages
420
Thank you all again for all of your wonderful advice.

There were a few things mentioned that I'd like to maybe clear up why I'm asking mainly for the ones who said something about me already wanting to upgrade and I don't even have it yet. I posted this to get opinions and I appreciate each and every one of them however I would like to ask that if you are going to respond please read the OP entirely, I stated that I DO NOT want to upgrade which is why I'd like to get something I know we'll both be happy with, because like I said HE was the one that said we can eventually UPGRADE you and I protested. I'm not the eager one to get engaged quickly I would like to wait awhile and he knows this, so for me waiting a bit longer and saving up for something that is PERFECT although a grain of salt would be perfect because it came from him with love, I want something that 25 years from now I'm not going man I wish this was bigger and asking for a new ering/wedding set. Maybe adding to it with an anniversary band or something but would never want to change the original set.

Also, to the one who said something about being happy with whatever he gets because he would already be scraping funds together... if you will go back and read my original post he was VERY QUICK to offer to get the 3ct, but thank you for your input it helped to hear male points of view.

Another reason I asked about this is because the ring will be custom made, it will be knife edge with pave sides halfway down each side of the shank coming up and meeting a flower-type head. So even if I got something now I wouldn't be able to just replace the stone without completely altering the setting like you could with a simple solitaire, IF that time ever came. So that's my main fear because I don't want it changed ever (with exceptions of maybe sizing and even then I mentioned to him that I would probably do the beads on the inside to keep it from spinning instead of adjusting the sides).

I'm probably WAY overthinking things like I tend to do sometimes.


ETA: What I may do in order to ease my mind (maybe) is go out to local jewelry stores that have settings already made up and just try different sizes to see what looks nice on my fingers. I know depending on several factors different diamonds will appear different, but that could give me a bit of perspective and starting off place.
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 24, 2008
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Date: 4/22/2009 10:37:09 AM
Author: mirre
I want something that 25 years from now I''m not going man I wish this was bigger and asking for a new ering/wedding set. Maybe adding to it with an anniversary band or something but would never want to change the original set.
Yeah exactly, I really wanted an anniversary band to mark a hectic five years, but tbh I knew I didn''t want to add a band to my original set... it just seemed kinda silly to do that as the original ring was of shall we say ''ordinary'' quality...
and I didn''t want a RHR because everything I looked at was so much nicer than my e-ring... sooo...

I had my new set engraved, which was a really great touch...
 

elle_chris

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 19, 2004
Messages
3,153
Date: 4/22/2009 10:37:09 AM
Author: mirre
Thank you all again for all of your wonderful advice.

There were a few things mentioned that I''d like to maybe clear up why I''m asking mainly for the ones who said something about me already wanting to upgrade and I don''t even have it yet. I posted this to get opinions and I appreciate each and every one of them however I would like to ask that if you are going to respond please read the OP entirely, I stated that I DO NOT want to upgrade which is why I''d like to get something I know we''ll both be happy with, because like I said HE was the one that said we can eventually UPGRADE you and I protested. I''m not the eager one to get engaged quickly I would like to wait awhile and he knows this, so for me waiting a bit longer and saving up for something that is PERFECT although a grain of salt would be perfect because it came from him with love, I want something that 25 years from now I''m not going man I wish this was bigger and asking for a new ering/wedding set. Maybe adding to it with an anniversary band or something but would never want to change the original set.

Also, to the one who said something about being happy with whatever he gets because he would already be scraping funds together... if you will go back and read my original post he was VERY QUICK to offer to get the 3ct, but thank you for your input it helped to hear male points of view.

Another reason I asked about this is because the ring will be custom made, it will be knife edge with pave sides halfway down each side of the shank coming up and meeting a flower-type head. So even if I got something now I wouldn''t be able to just replace the stone without completely altering the setting like you could with a simple solitaire, IF that time ever came. So that''s my main fear because I don''t want it changed ever (with exceptions of maybe sizing and even then I mentioned to him that I would probably do the beads on the inside to keep it from spinning instead of adjusting the sides).

I''m probably WAY overthinking things like I tend to do sometimes.


ETA: What I may do in order to ease my mind (maybe) is go out to local jewelry stores that have settings already made up and just try different sizes to see what looks nice on my fingers. I know depending on several factors different diamonds will appear different, but that could give me a bit of perspective and starting off place.
Then I''m confused.
If he can afford a 3ct then why is he saying .50-.75? And then why would you have a problem saying you''d rather have a .85?

My first post assumed that the reason he''s willing to upgrade down the line is because the funds aren''t available yet. Hence- he wants you to have something BIG but can''t get it right now. If I''m wrong, then there''s no reason not to let him know you''d rather have a slightly larger stone. It''s still smaller than what he was willing to get you.
 

mirre

Shiny_Rock
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style="WIDTH: 96.91%; HEIGHT: 102px">Date: 4/22/2009 10:47:08 AM
Author: LaraOnline


I had my new set engraved, which was a really great touch...
Engraving... great idea!

I suppose the original could also be switched to a RHR to allow for a new set to mark a special anniversary or something of the sort. Not so much replacing or upgrading, more of a "the ering was for who we were at the time it happened" and the new more of "who we have become during the ''x'' amount of years we''ve been together".

I''ve always thought re-proposing is a super sweet idea and gesture. Doing it with an anniversary band or ring would be a perfect way to present that kind of gift... maybe in about 24 years I could hint at this lol (then you''d have two "original" erings
)
 

mirre

Shiny_Rock
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Messages
420
Elle, I was worried about bringing it up to him because I didn't want to seem greedy, I didn't want the 3ct (total ct weight) because I told him it was too much. I'm pretty sure he couldn't afford that right now but would get it when he could, but he's the type that would get me anything I wanted to make sure I'm happy (his words not mine) which is why I am worried that I may be asking for too much.
I'm thinking that his reasoning behind the size he said was that my ring finger is very slender and didn't want something that would look crazy on it, not so much the financial aspect.

I think I'm going to try to find out what the "ideal" size for my finger is not the "ideal" size for my mind and once I've done that and am armed with this information will talk with him about my concerns when it comes up again, which are that I would rather wait it out a bit longer to get something we'll both be happy with so as to not risk wanting something bigger down the road to "replace" it because my intentions are to never "replace" the original.
 

elle_chris

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 19, 2004
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3,153
Date: 4/22/2009 11:13:09 AM
Author: mirre
Elle, I was worried about bringing it up to him because I didn''t want to seem greedy, I didn''t want the 3ct (total ct weight) because I told him it was too much. I''m pretty sure he couldn''t afford that right now but would get it when he could, but he''s the type that would get me anything I wanted to make sure I''m happy (his words not mine) which is why I am worried that I may be asking for too much.
I''m thinking that his reasoning behind the size he said was that my ring finger is very slender and didn''t want something that would look crazy on it, not so much the financial aspect.

I think I''m going to try to find out what the ''ideal'' size for my finger is not the ''ideal'' size for my mind and once I''ve done that and am armed with this information will talk with him about my concerns when it comes up again, which are that I would rather wait it out a bit longer to get something we''ll both be happy with so as to not risk wanting something bigger down the road to ''replace'' it because my intentions are to never ''replace'' the original.
That''s a great idea. Just make sure you don''t think the ideal size is 5carats


But i have to ask, would you really be willing to postpone your engagement because of the size of the stone? Ultimately, the e-ring plays no role in your life.
 
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