Uncomfortable and embarrassed

[Haven]

stci--I'm sorry you feel judged and that's making you sad. As an uninvolved third party reading this thread, I don't see anyone calling you a liar. I do hope you feel better soon.

As for the original situation, I don't think you have any reason to feel uncomfortable. It is smart on your part to ask for a discount, and the vendor's response was definitely poorly worded. But even so, you just sound like a smart consumer to me. You should never be embarrassed about a purchase, and if this vendor made you feel this way, maybe she isn't the right vendor for you. Have you considered contacting another PS vendor? You should feel comfortable with whomever you purchase jeweler, so I hope you find the right person for this project.

 

[decodelighted]

You're feeling "judged" and think you're being called a "liar" ... so now you're "sad"? Come on now! Toughen up, Toots. Does that translate? I stand by my previous remark .... even more so now.

I think you are being over sensitive and dramatic about it, personally.

 

[kama_s]

Yup, you have definitely taken all the comments out of context. Which goes to show you. It's obvious there is either a language barrier, or you get your panties in a bunch over nothing.

You must have misunderstood the vendor based on your reaction to the comments on this thread. And I don't think either was an issue big enough for you to get THIS upset.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Yup, you have definitely taken all the comments out of context. Which goes to show you. It's obvious there is either a language barrier, or you get your panties in a bunch over nothing.

You must have misunderstood the vendor based on your reaction to the comments on this thread. And I don't think either was an issue big enough for you to get THIS upset.

I have to agree.

I remember your other posting about being upset. Honestly, people here can be cutting occasionally, but not in the instances you've experienced. Honestly, we're just trying to get to the root of what was said and how it was said so we can understand what happened. I'm guessing, on some level due to the language barrier, you're putting their comment into your own words...which is fine, we all summarizes to some extent when relaying information. We're not calling you a liar and but we are saying don't take it harshly, it's just something that happens sometimes--people get told no.

 

[stci]

Ok... you're right.

 

[House Cat]

Hi Stci,

I wasn't calling you a liar. I was looking for the sales person's exact words with the hopes to help with this situation. I was hoping there was a misunderstanding between what she had said and your interpretation. If that isn't the case, and she indeed said "your's are too small" then I am sorry for insulting you.

 

[Gypsy]

As someone who deals with people who do not speak English as a first language very often (including in my own family), I know that sometimes I use the simplest and fewest words possible to convey what I am thinking when I feel there is a barrier. And frequently that means omitting much of the wording that conveys tone in favor of making sure my content is clear.

To a fluent English speaker I might say something like, "We do have a discount, but it is only available for a certain category of our products, and this particular purchase would not, unfortunately qualify." My focus here is on my tone in delivering my message.

BUT... to someone who understands (or whom I think understands) only a minimal amount of English I might say, "No we do not offer a discount on this, only on this." Just because it's a more direct answer and I want to make sure I'm not confusing my audience. My focus here is only on delivering my message. I don't care about tone (even if I should!).

In your case stci-- I don't think you did anything that you need to feel bad or embarrassed about. You asked a valid question. And you got an answer. Your budget or your taste are both things you never have to apologize to a vendor for, in my opinion. Pricescope vendor, or not.

 

[Gypsy]

As for folks who think stci is blowing this out of proportion. My perspective (and therefore just my opinion so you can take it or leave it) is that when you are ordering something from another country there is a level of stress there, and some of the stress is in not knowing what the etiquette is... I know when I was in France my directness was offensive to some shop keepers. And I was driven nutz by the standard service in restaurants. There are HUGE differences in customer service standards, etiquette and expectations.

It might very well be that IF a shopkeeper in France tells you, "No your stone is too small for a discount"... there might very well be a judgment PURPOSELY implied BY THE SHOPKEEPER to the customer. So that the customer WILL feel embarrassed and go away and not bother to shopkeeper with something beneath them. So that when someone FROM FRANCE gets that response from a shopkeeper ANYWHERE they ASSUME that they did something wrong.

In the US, even... if you go into certain stores and ask for things like price the assumption is... "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" (Try certain areas of NY or LA).

*I* certainly can understand feeling embarrassed if I feel a shopkeeper or sales person is judging me, or even angry.

As for 'making a big deal out of it'.... I don't think that posting about your feelings is making a big deal. It think stci was just sharing that she was embarrassed by the tone of the response she got when she asked her question and was asking for a gut check. And I don't see any problem with that. In fact, that's what this site is for in part: gut checks.

And I can understand how she would be hurt by people invalidating her feelings. They are HER feelings. There is no right or wrong, and I don't think we really have the right to JUDGE (and there was judgment) what her feelings are.

Telling someone-- 'It's okay, don't feel embarrassed you did nothing wrong' is VERY different from saying, "boy are you a drama queen for feeling embarrassed and posting about it."

One is okay, and the other is not. I'm saddened to see that so many long time posters seem to have forgotten that distinction in this thread.

 

[slg47]

As for folks who think stci is blowing this out of proportion. My perspective (and therefore just my opinion so you can take it or leave it) is that when you are ordering something from another country there is a level of stress there, and some of the stress is in not knowing what the etiquette is... I know when I was in France my directness was offensive to some shop keepers. And I was driven nutz by the standard service in restaurants. There are HUGE differences in customer service standards, etiquette and expectations.

It might very well be that IF a shopkeeper in France tells you, "No your stone is too small for a discount"... there might very well be a judgment PURPOSELY implied BY THE SHOPKEEPER to the customer. So that the customer WILL feel embarrassed and go away and not bother to shopkeeper with something beneath them. So that when someone FROM FRANCE gets that response from a shopkeeper ANYWHERE they ASSUME that they did something wrong.

In the US, even... if you go into certain stores and ask for things like price the assumption is... "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" (Try certain areas of NY or LA).

*I* certainly can understand feeling embarrassed if I feel a shopkeeper or sales person is judging me, or even angry.

As for 'making a big deal out of it'.... I don't think that posting about your feelings is making a big deal. It think stci was just sharing that she was embarrassed by the tone of the response she got when she asked her question and was asking for a gut check. And I don't see any problem with that. In fact, that's what this site is for in part: gut checks.

And I can understand how she would be hurt by people invalidating her feelings. They are HER feelings. There is no right or wrong, and I don't think we really have the right to JUDGE (and there was judgment) what her feelings are.

Telling someone-- 'It's okay, don't feel embarrassed you did nothing wrong' is VERY different from saying, "boy are you a drama queen for feeling embarrassed and posting about it."

One is okay, and the other is not. I'm saddened to see that so many long time posters seem to have forgotten that distinction in this thread.

agree with everything in this post

 

[dragonfly411]

STCI - First I don't think you should feel embarrassed at all! If it was worded that way it comes off as a bit direct. Even if it wasn't, there are better ways to handle the situation. You asked a legitimate question and you had every right to!

Also, I've learned over my few years here that you cannot take everything that posters say to heart. Many of the posters here are very direct and blunt. They don't mean to be cutting, rude, snarky, or mean. They are just direct. You have to develop a pretty tough skin and take what you can from those posts. Don't let it make you sad though ok?

Good luck getting your earrings all done! I'll be looking forward to seeing them!

 

[afreebird]

Stci, if it will make you feel any better, I was told yesterday by a saleswoman in Victoria's Secret that my chest would be too small for the 34B bra I asked her for. I seriously wanted to hide my face in the nearest underwear drawer! I bought the bra anyway because she was WRONG and I'm going to rock my almost-34B's. I guess some of us can be a little sensitive about diamond and bosom sizes, but everything's relative, anyway.

Don't let an awkward interaction spoil your fun!

 

[Natylad]

As for folks who think stci is blowing this out of proportion. My perspective (and therefore just my opinion so you can take it or leave it) is that when you are ordering something from another country there is a level of stress there, and some of the stress is in not knowing what the etiquette is... I know when I was in France my directness was offensive to some shop keepers. And I was driven nutz by the standard service in restaurants. There are HUGE differences in customer service standards, etiquette and expectations.

It might very well be that IF a shopkeeper in France tells you, "No your stone is too small for a discount"... there might very well be a judgment PURPOSELY implied BY THE SHOPKEEPER to the customer. So that the customer WILL feel embarrassed and go away and not bother to shopkeeper with something beneath them. So that when someone FROM FRANCE gets that response from a shopkeeper ANYWHERE they ASSUME that they did something wrong.

In the US, even... if you go into certain stores and ask for things like price the assumption is... "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" (Try certain areas of NY or LA).

*I* certainly can understand feeling embarrassed if I feel a shopkeeper or sales person is judging me, or even angry.

As for 'making a big deal out of it'.... I don't think that posting about your feelings is making a big deal. It think stci was just sharing that she was embarrassed by the tone of the response she got when she asked her question and was asking for a gut check. And I don't see any problem with that. In fact, that's what this site is for in part: gut checks.

And I can understand how she would be hurt by people invalidating her feelings. They are HER feelings. There is no right or wrong, and I don't think we really have the right to JUDGE (and there was judgment) what her feelings are.

Telling someone-- 'It's okay, don't feel embarrassed you did nothing wrong' is VERY different from saying, "boy are you a drama queen for feeling embarrassed and posting about it."

One is okay, and the other is not. I'm saddened to see that so many long time posters seem to have forgotten that distinction in this thread.

+1

 

[marcy]

I don't think that was a bad thing to ask - you shouldn't be embarrassed. She could have been more gracious in her response though.

 

[Arkteia]

It is perfectly normal to ask. Look at it this way, if you were buying a car, you'd try to negotiate, right? Why not here?

I think she made a mistake by not being courteous. She might have lost a potential long-term customer since people tend to stick with their favorite vendors and upgrade their stones.

 

[Black Jade]

Faut pas avoir honte. Nous ne pensons pas que vous avez menti--c'est que tout le monde est etonne que la vendeuse etait si mal eleve envers vous, alors nous cherchons de savoir s'il n'a pas question d'un malentendu.
Quand vous aurez achete les boucles a oreilles, montrez les nous, s'l vous plait.
Vous vous exprimez tres bien en anglais; il me serait difficile de faire le meme en francais, en particulier si c'etait un question acheter des diamants. Continuez a nous poser des questions quand vous en aurez.
J'espere que vous excusez mes fautes de grammaire--je parle francais assez bien mais j'ai des difficultes en m'exprimant quand j'ecris.

 

[Black Jade]

As someone who had the experience of trying to shop in France, speaking French as a second language, I know Stci's questions are very reasonable and I can understand her feelings wondering if she did something wrong cross-culturally. I'm so glad that most of us understood that, and a bit shocked at the couple of people who are being gratuitously rude to someone they don't know who is doing their best to function in our language. I hope she notices what a minority you are and isn't afraid to continue posting.

 

[stci]

Faut pas avoir honte. Nous ne pensons pas que vous avez menti--c'est que tout le monde est etonne que la vendeuse etait si mal eleve envers vous, alors nous cherchons de savoir s'il n'a pas question d'un malentendu.
Quand vous aurez achete les boucles a oreilles, montrez les nous, s'l vous plait.
Vous vous exprimez tres bien en anglais; il me serait difficile de faire le meme en francais, en particulier si c'etait un question acheter des diamants. Continuez a nous poser des questions quand vous en aurez.
J'espere que vous excusez mes fautes de grammaire--je parle francais assez bien mais j'ai des difficultes en m'exprimant quand j'ecris.

Hooooo! You're great! Your french is more than acceptable! It's advance french language! Thank you very much Sweety! I appreciate!

 

[Black Jade]

^Thank you for the compliment. Expressing yourself in another language is so hard and makes one feel insecure. Sure hope you stay on this board--and that you get exactly the earrings you want without any more stress.

 

[arjunajane]

Yup, you have definitely taken all the comments out of context. Which goes to show you. It's obvious there is either a language barrier, or you get your panties in a bunch over nothing.

You must have misunderstood the vendor based on your reaction to the comments on this thread. And I don't think either was an issue big enough for you to get THIS upset.

agreed.more drama over..........

 

[monarch64]

^Thank you for the compliment. Expressing yourself in another language is so hard and makes
one feel insecure. Sure hope you stay on this board--and that you get exactly the earrings you want without any more stress.

Agree! My French language skills are terrible at this point, but I do understand the language barrier here and I don't think that there is intentional drama going on here. Stci--don't worry about it and keep posting.

 

[Andelain]

So stci, have you ordered your earrings yet?

I can't wait to see them.