Two months salary question

[njdiamondlooker]

When they say traditionally to spend two months salary on the diamond do they mean pre or post taxes? This makes a huge difference.

 

[valeria101]

That a loose statement started by an add... it really is up to you to judge what is reasonable

 

[Nicrez]

To me, the two months salary thing was only if you have money in the bank, a house, no debt and a completely FREE wedding....

Everyone is different, and a student who makes nothing and still is at the start of his life, with no equity, etc, I would say should not have to adhere to such a rule. On the other hand, second marraiges, or people who marry later in life, tend to have more assets and be better established in their careers, so they can afford more, and two months salary isn''t so bad.

What you should NEVER do is go into debt to buy this ring, and remember that it is a symbol of love, and NOTHING else. Upgrades are possible in the future, or at least resetting into nicer, more expensive settings. This is not the only piece of jewelry she will ever own most likely, but remember that it should be sentimental, and pleasing to her, so be considerate of her tastes, as she will most likely wear it for a long time to come!

Good luck, and if you feel you can afford it, then budget yourself at 2 months net for now...

 

[JohnQuixote]

Spend what you have - and have what you spend.


(say that in Yoda-voice)

 

[windowshopper]

And there are wonderful ways to get something great with it actually being a big solitaire............marilyn monroe had an eternity band of diamond baguettes when engaged to arthur miller, audrey hepburn two gold bands and grace kelly a ruby and diamond eternity band................

 

[bennyboy96]

I was struggling with this for awhile too. 2 months (without specifying gross or net) is what the ads and "culture" says, but other people say more like 1 month. I ended up setting my budget using 1-1/2 months net salary. It also depends on what you can get for that amount. I was able to get what I wanted for that budget...a radiant over 1 carat with a quality cut and no lower than I SI1. Had I needed to spend another $1K to get that, I probably would have increased the budget rather than settling for something smaller or lower quailty.

 

[hoorray]

The 2 month salary guildline is really just a marketing campaign that DeBeers put lots of money behond to up the level of spending on e-rings. Why should any vendor dictate how much to spend? Spend what you can afford with no attention to how it compares to your annual salary.

If you think about it, the theory is complete bunk... People with lower salaries (i.e. not much extra left after paying for the necessary basics), certainly shouldn''t be using 2 months of their hard earned and much needed $$ unless they have been saving diligently and won''t impact their day to day expenses. For people with higher salaries, and thus more extra $$ left over each month, 2 months salary (gross or net) can ba a crazily high amount, depending on their priorities. Figure out what is right for you in the context of what you can afford and all the other expenses that come with getting married (wedding, honeymoon, house downpayment.....)

And now I guess I should climb down off my soapbox....

 

[verticalhorizon]

I can't stand to hear people taking that 'guideline' to heart. Its a crock! Don't give in!

Your gesture to your beloved when you decide to propose can BE ANYTHING and COST ANYTHING.

Gift giving, in general, is difficult. You have to consider what the recipient would want as well as your own personal tastes and spending habits.

As soon as you hear someone start saying, "You have to do such-and-such..." you should run. Your engagement, your wedding... they belong to the both of you and the only thing you SHOULD do... is what would make you the happiest.

Would it make you happiest to buy a big rock or put a deposit on a house? Neither is more important than the other. Heck, if you can buy both, more power to ya! If you can't really afford either, your love and committment will do just fine.

I couldn't afford much, but I saved, and did a lot of research to be able to give my wife a unique and quality engagement ring (Jubilee in Vatche X-Prong) and wedding band (Mark Morrell) that I knew she would love. But we also aren't big spenders in general. It made me feel good to splurge a little for this once in a lifetime event and that made us both happy. Sure, I'll be eating a lot of grilled cheese, but... I like cheese.

Follow your heart. Don't go into major DEBT over it. Many people 'upgrade' in 5, 10, 25 years and incorporate their existing ring into their new ring or make a pendant. There's no set guideline.

 

[JC]

Focus more on what you think she will want rather than what it will cost. However, do this within reason and stay inside the borders of reality. In life it''s normal to want what you can''t have. So take what you think she wants and customize a budget to get that or as close to that as possible. In the end I''m sure that she will appreciate what you give.....

This -

is more important than this - $$$

 

[bar01]

Date: 5/25/2005 8:27:25 AM
Author: Nicrez
To me, the two months salary thing was only if you have money in the bank, a house, no debt and a completely FREE wedding....

Everyone is different, and a student who makes nothing and still is at the start of his life, with no equity, etc, I would say should not have to adhere to such a rule. On the other hand, second marraiges, or people who marry later in life, tend to have more assets and be better established in their careers, so they can afford more, and two months salary isn't so bad.

What you should NEVER do is go into debt to buy this ring, and remember that it is a symbol of love, and NOTHING else. Upgrades are possible in the future, or at least resetting into nicer, more expensive settings. This is not the only piece of jewelry she will ever own most likely, but remember that it should be sentimental, and pleasing to her, so be considerate of her tastes, as she will most likely wear it for a long time to come!

Good luck, and if you feel you can afford it, then budget yourself at 2 months net for now...

Some really good advice! But one conflicting point. I am older, second marriage, home, more income - BUT - as mentioned the wedding is not free - it coming out of my (well, our) pockets (no parent help this time!) - as did the cost of the engagement trip, the wedding ring, the honeymoon trip, new furniture, moving costs, lawyers fees (trust and wills), and on - and on - and on (YIKES!

)....

I think was important for me to have a rough budget for everything (not just the engagement ring) we were going to need/want from pre-engagement to post wedding time - and decide what I could afford and make her happy - it was important to get her a wonderful ring!

The two month rule is really just a guide ...and perhaps a bit of propaganda considering who it comes from.

 

[Chiefrocka]

Funny thing....awhile back I was talking to my girlfriend and I jokingly asked her that question. She didn''t have a response, we are currently looking for a center stone....sorry I am looking. Every so often she inquires about my progress in cute ways. Sometimes to to get a reaction I''ll tell her to pipe down or that two months will turn Net in a heartbeat.....she makes a pouty (sp) face =( ........ and we both laugh. She''s not hung up on size of a stone or how much I''m willing to spend, she actually wants me to spend less then I planned, some would say i got lucky.......

Just from a personal perspective, if you openly ask this question, is there pressure from her, family, peers, etc. to spend a certain amount??? Or have you even discussed this with her? Some people get caught up in the hype and break their bank account, or even gasp!!! charge this purchase and pay interest at 22% for mall stores.

IMHO, get her what you feel comfortable getting and if she or you want a more expensive stone then you can afford now, simply wait and save.

 

[codex57]

Set a budget. That 2 months thing is just a guideline. If you can''t afford 2 months, then you can''t afford two months. However, the idealistic view is that as a good provider, you planned this long enough to have saved 2 months.

And yes, you can go more than 2 months if your circumstances dictate. I went over. Way, way over. But I also made her wait long enough.

 

[LadyluvsLuxury]

I agree with the other posters. Some people don''t have two months worth of salary (before or after taxes) to spend on an engagement ring, and some have enough money saved up to purchase a years worth! It all depends on your situation...However, I definitely concur with the poster that said do not put yourself in debt over a ring, you will have enough expenses to worry about starting out as a new family (some you wouldn''t even have imagined), you can always upgrade a stone or purchase a new setting later on. However, once you dig yourself in the deep dark pits of debt hell, it''s sometimes impossible to get back out!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 5/25/2005 6:38:12 AM
Author:njdiamondlooker
When they say traditionally to spend two months salary on the diamond do they mean pre or post taxes? This makes a huge difference.

I''ll echo what many of the others have said.

This is a recommendation made by industry players who have a vested interest in getting your dollars.

Most folks I know don''t spend anywhere close to that. They spend what they can afford and what they think is appropriate for them in the structure of a "luxury" purchase.

Do what feels right to you.....you dictate the budget you are comfortable with.

 

[northstar_78]

Would you and your love be happier with some change jingling around in your pocket and a smaller ring or would you rather have a big piece of bling and interest payments? I''m adding your significant other because they will be starting this new life with you as well!

There is no set-in-stone rule about engagement rings. Pick a budget that is right for you and your soon-to-be-better half and stick with it. You''ll be much happier and better off.

Being me my boyfriend and I talked about this and I think couples should. That way you can figure out the level of expectation on both sides. And when I mean level of expectation I''m talking about what''s between you two...don''t let others force you into making a decision that you might regret.

As Nicrez said "remember that it is a symbol of love, and NOTHING else" and that is so true! Be thoughtful about what your significant other loves but be realistic. You can always upgrade on your stone and setting later on down the road. Be creative. There are many band-style rings that pack a lot of sparkle but won''t force you to withdraw everything from the bank.

There''s no right answer to any question, just what is appropriate at the time!

 

[valeria101]

Unless you tell us what your salary is (don't!) it's kind'a hard to tell.

Do you have some idea of what kind of ring would be appropriate ? Otherwise, any given amount can buy very different diamonds and rings anyway.

Unless your girl will demand the bill to check if her present did enough damage... your target is a ring, not a budget.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

When my DH began shopping for rings 11 years ago, he was completely upset by the maul stores who told him that he had to spend 2 months salary on a ring for me. His response, "Then we''re never going to get engaged!" We had little money and a lot of school loans. 2 months salary was not reasonable for us. We were able to buy something that was within our limits that we were both happy with...

Now, 10 years later, we could afford to upgrade...it was definitely worth the wait and we didn''t succumb to any advertisers'' ploys.

 

[Rank Amateur]

It all depends on how rich her Daddy is.

 

[NoonersMom]

I have to agree with what others have said here. It''s all about your life situation, your priorities and your financial situation. I would definitely not go into debt for a ring. IMO, that''s a bad way to start off. So determine your budget, do your research to get the best value for your heard earned $$$ and find a comfortable balance of the 4 C''s & setting.

 

[churchwedding]

I just bought an e-ring last month. I also struggled with the 2 month salary thing...I am fortunate enough to make a fairly good living and for me, this amount would equal a new BMW...which was too much for me to swallow. So, I know this may sound ridiculous but I''ve come up with my own rule (which I''ve circulated around the office and many of my women co-workers have adopted to a certain degree).
My rule would be that you spend 50% of what your car costs. My rationale is this...if you drive a $80,000 Porsche, it doesn''t matter what you make...you are either making a salary that affords you such a car or you are so concerned with your image that you are willing to go into debt to have that car. Either way, if you come up with a $5,000 ring, I believe your fiance'' will feel unappreciated....that you are willing to spend exponentially more on a car you can afford or that the image your car provides is more important than the e-ring that is supposed to represent your love for her. In this case, you should buy a very substantial ring ($40K). On the other hand, if you have a $4,000 Dodge Colt, then you either have a respectable working class income or you may have a very high salary, but you place little importance on material possessions that are often construed as extensions of your ego or image. Either way, if you come up with a $2,000 ring, your finance'' should understand your choice.

I adhered this rule and we are both happy with the e-ring I bought.

 

[LadyluvsLuxury]

LOL Interesting concept!

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Date: 5/25/2005 8:31:05 PM
Author: churchwedding

My rule would be that you spend 50% of what your car costs.

Interesting theory...although when we got engaged, we couldn''t afford half of what my DH''s car''s cost. Maybe it was the equivalent of 2-3 car payments! ROFL

Now as for our upgrade, we only spend about 1/3 of the cost of his most recent car...but I''m happy (extremely!!!!) with what I have...spending more wasn''t necessary....

 

[Nicrez]

hmm... I got jipped!! Honestly, what a great idea!

Wait does that calculate from the price the car was PURCHASED or the price at CURRENT MARKET VALUE?

Anyway, I would always suggest two things before anything else. This is a conversation my DF and I had LONG before the ring came. he said, ideally, what could we spend on your e-ring that makes me feel good about my purchase and satisfies Nicrez''s need to be thrifty and buy a house some day...

Talk it out with your loved one, as in the end you are making a BIG financial purchase and they SHOULD ideally be part of your big decisions, or will be in the future.

And /or I would talk to an accountant/financial planner when you see what you have spent, and what you have made. They may be able to advise you on a reasonable amount that you can safely spend, and then you take that along with what you discuss with your intended and you might be at a good buget then.

Good luck and I hope you figure it out!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/25/2005 8:31:05 PM
Author: churchwedding


. MMy rule would be that you spend 50% of what your car costsy rationale is this...if you drive a $80,000 Porsche, it doesn't matter what you make...you are either making a salary that affords you such a car or you are so concerned with your image that you are willing to go into debt to have that car. Either way, if you come up with a $5,000 ring, I believe your fiance' will feel unappreciated....that you are willing to spend exponentially more on a car you can afford or that the image your car provides is more important than the e-ring that is supposed to represent your love for her. In this case, you should buy a very substantial ring ($40K).



I adhered this rule and we are both happy with the e-ring I bought.

just because he drives a $80k Porsche that doesn't proof he can afford to drive that car.don't forget the bank is probably the majority owner.now you want the guy to add another $40k worth of debt.

and don't forget,after the two of are married.the debt will be on both of your shoulders.

 

[Lorelei]

Grace Kelly''s ruby and diamond ring was actually her first engagement ring. She received soon afterwards a honking 10 or 12 carat EC solitaire!!!!

She wore the ring in High Society, you can''t miss it!!!

 

[laughinggravy]

I think that''s a very sweet, nice question. But ya know ''they'' say a lot of things. You have to live with the consequences of your purchase - so spend wisely.
Abi

 

[aliceB]

My BF was worried that I would try to get him out of this as cheaply as possible. However, his encouragement backfired and I ended up going a tiny bit over budget. I ended up going more towards the 2.5 month mark (Yikes!, but he assures me that he had been saving just for the engagement ring so there was no debt. Also, I won''t get a wedding ring because that would be too many rings for me and I won''t upgrade because I put my jewelery on and it because a permanant part of me (I''ve been wearing the same neckalace for the last ten years , since I was 16 and have never taken it off). So I guess how much you spend depends more on you and her and your lifestlyes instead of just how much you bring home every month.

 

[Zeppelin]

Date: 5/25/2005 8:31:05 PM
Author: churchwedding


I just bought an e-ring last month. I also struggled with the 2 month salary thing...I am fortunate enough to make a fairly good living and for me, this amount would equal a new BMW...which was too much for me to swallow. So, I know this may sound ridiculous but I've come up with my own rule (which I've circulated around the office and many of my women co-workers have adopted to a certain degree).
My rule would be that you spend 50% of what your car costs. My rationale is this...if you drive a $80,000 Porsche, it doesn't matter what you make...you are either making a salary that affords you such a car or you are so concerned with your image that you are willing to go into debt to have that car. Either way, if you come up with a $5,000 ring, I believe your fiance' will feel unappreciated....that you are willing to spend exponentially more on a car you can afford or that the image your car provides is more important than the e-ring that is supposed to represent your love for her. In this case, you should buy a very substantial ring ($40K). On the other hand, if you have a $4,000 Dodge Colt, then you either have a respectable working class income or you may have a very high salary, but you place little importance on material possessions that are often construed as extensions of your ego or image. Either way, if you come up with a $2,000 ring, your finance' should understand your choice.



I adhered this rule and we are both happy with the e-ring I bought.

Sorry to bump such an old thread, but I've been struggling with this lately and found this thread interesting.

BTW, as far as the "price of your car" analogy. I would suggest something more along the lines of 1/5 of the car's new cost might be more fair. That way a person driving the $80k Porsche is still dropping around $16k for the ring...which can buy some really nice rings (understatement). But, mere mortals that drive cars that cost 20-30k would be advised to spend $4-6k.

I don't think I buy into any of the "guidelines," though.

I also have no clue how much I should spend.

 

[monarch64]

Zeppelin, if you have no idea how much you want to spend, maybe you should determine what you want in the 4 C''s and use that as your guideline. My husband had a rough idea of the size and shape of the diamond he wanted to get me, and he went from there. Our jeweler worked with him on cut, color, and clarity after he decided what size range he was most interested in. It just depends on what YOU feel is important in a diamond.

 

[belle]

Date: 2/23/2006 5:23:43 PM
Author: Zeppelin

Sorry to bump such an old thread, but I''ve been struggling with this lately and found this thread interesting.

BTW, as far as the ''price of your car'' analogy. I would suggest something more along the lines of 1/5 of the car''s new cost might be more fair. That way a person driving the $80k Porsche is still dropping around $16k for the ring...which can buy some really nice rings (understatement). But, mere mortals that drive cars that cost 20-30k would be advised to spend $4-6k.

I don''t think I buy into any of the ''guidelines,'' though.

I also have no clue how much I should spend.

not buying into the ''guidelines'' is wise. spend what you can comfortably and reasonably afford. i know that may sound vague...but it''s true. if you have unlimited resources, get the best cut rock you can in a size that she would be comfortable with. if you have limited resources, get the best cut rock you can within your budget.