Too Much Sparkle at Work? Navigating Jewelry in Non-Profit Settings

[MMtwo]

I’d love your thoughts on something I’ve been trying to balance.

I work in a non-profit that serves people experiencing homelessness. It’s meaningful work, and I care a lot about being approachable and relatable to the folks we serve. I am hybrid, so mostly work from home. I am going into the office tomorrow and as always, thinking about what jewelry to wear. Here is where I start to fret a little.

I love my sparkles and these things bring me a lot of joy. Lately, though, I’ve been second-guessing myself. I don’t want my love of sparkle to feel “off” in an environment where people are going through real struggles.

How do you balance personal expression with sensitivity to the people around you? I wonder if diamonds are just too much except for wedding rings.

Would love to hear how others handle this!

 

[maryjane04]

Can you describe what kind of jewellery you normally wear?

I wear the same earrings and necklace everyday and will probably never take them off. It's not a style that draws too much attention either. The only thing that would is my ring but I limit it to just an ER and WB on my ring finger, albeit the ER is a 5+ carat honker hahaha.

 

[MMtwo]

My go to diamond necklaces are around three-quarter carat. I have one in yellow gold and one in white gold. I have a paper clip chain, but I’m wondering if that might just be a little too much sparkle or gold. I love wearing circle black pearl bead necklaces sometimes I’ll wear jade bead necklaces, and wondering if maybe this is a good choice as nobody but me knows that they are valuable. They’re unusual enough where I live that it would be assumed that they’re just pretty colored glass beads.

Earrings I have them anywhere from .4 per ear up to .9 per ear studs. I also have different types of pearl earrings, but even wearing those I worry that I’ll come off as too precious if that makes any sense: just too shiny.

 

[missy]

I worked at a non profit multidisciplinary health clinic for decades. I always wore my engagement rings and earrings. No issue whatsoever. In NYC so not sure that makes a difference but in case

I was focused on helping my patients and they were focused on being helped. Did they notice my bling? Occasionally yes but it was always a positive experience and I never felt anything negative about wearing what I love


That’s my motto. Wear and do what you love as long as you don’t negatively affect others
Read the room and you’ll know what to do
If you feel uncomfortable don’t but if you find pleasure from it do

 

[dk168]

I used to work in manufacturing facilities with strict rules on personal hygiene including jewellery and make-up.

It grew out of habit that I seldom wear make-up or a lot of jewellery nowadays.

I have different jewellery wardrobe to go with my different clothes and accessories wardrobe.

I reserve the nicer/grander/sparklers jewellery pieces for special occasions.

I volunteer as a cook once a month for a charity for homeless and vulnerable people in my town and surrounding areas, and tend not to wear any jewellery other than earrings and a step-counting watch during a session.

With the other service charity that I volunteer, I tend to wear casual clothes and the lesser jewellery for meetings and informal gatherings, for the nicer pieces to come out at formal dinners.

DK

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

MMtwo nothing you’ve described sounds flashy or over the top. It just sounds like nice jewellery pieces that are your personal style. Go for it! You’ll just look like “you” and I doubt it would bother anyone.

 

[Crimson]

I’d love your thoughts on something I’ve been trying to balance.

I work in a non-profit that serves people experiencing homelessness. It’s meaningful work, and I care a lot about being approachable and relatable to the folks we serve. I am hybrid, so mostly work from home. I am going into the office tomorrow and as always, thinking about what jewelry to wear. Here is where I start to fret a little.

I love my sparkles and these things bring me a lot of joy. Lately, though, I’ve been second-guessing myself. I don’t want my love of sparkle to feel “off” in an environment where people are going through real struggles.

How do you balance personal expression with sensitivity to the people around you? I wonder if diamonds are just too much except for wedding rings.

Would love to hear how others handle this!

That's why I love Jade! When I have to go low-key, I wear jadeite. It is not flashy (unless it is set with lots of diamonds and other stones) and the colour is soothing. It puts people at ease. It also has a touch of the traditional, at least in Asia. There is a Chinese saying "翡翠不语" which means, jadeite is quiet.
When I travel I usually don't wear much bling, just a small pair of jadeite earrings and a pendant because most people cannot tell if it is genuine or valuable.
I think you have a kind face, @MMtwo.
People can tell if you are a good person. So don't worry too much about the bling. Your heart and purpose matter the most and they will show.

 

[stracci2000]

I agree with Crimson.
Wear one of your lovely jade strands and maybe pearl or jade studs.
Understated and low key.

 

[glitterata]

Most people don't know enough about jewelry to be able to tell how much things cost. Anything with gold or diamonds, especially big ones, will read as expensive. Colored stones and white metals probably won't. And now that people are getting used to seeing large lab diamonds, even diamonds will eventually stop shouting "This person's rich!"--though that might take a while.

The people you serve surely understand that there's a large resource differential between you. If they're going to distrust and resent you because of it, the jewelry may or may not make much difference. Would it be better to avoid gold and sparkly stuff so as not to rub their faces in it? I don't know if PSers are the right people to ask--people who have experienced homelessness themselves might have a better sense of it. (I expect different folks would have different opinions, though. And maybe there are PS members who have experienced homelessness and can chime in?)

Have you asked your colleagues or supervisor for advice? How do other people at your office handle this?

In your situation, I would probably stick to colored stones, silver-looking pieces, and bead necklaces, and leave the heavy yellow gold, diamonds, and white pearls at home. But I don't know if that would be necessary or even better.

I work for an educational nonprofit, and none of my colleagues wear expensive jewelry--mostly just a wedding band and maybe some cheerful silver earrings--and for a long time I tried to fit in by sticking to my wedding band and the occasional discreet piece. (My situation is different from yours, of course, because I'm not trying to be relatable to people across such a large gap of resources.) Then a few years ago, after I reset my heirloom diamond into an antique setting that makes it very noticeable, I started wearing more of my stuff. I alternate pieces; my colleagues often see me wearing something they haven't seen before, so they know I have a large collection. One work friend can be bitter and resentful, and I'm sure she sometimes thinks bitter thoughts about my money and how I spend it, but that's her issue, not mine. (She's wonderful otherwise, I love her, and I'm sorry she's unhappy.) I'm now known around the office as the jewelry expert. One colleague asked for my help finding an engagement ring for his fiancé. Another asked for my advice when she inherited a bunch of jewelry, and we had a good time playing with my UV flashlight, calipers, scale, and diamond tester. Turns out I was worried for nothing.

 

[newtojewels]

I just want to agree that no one knows the price of jewelry, and that's especially true for CS and pearls. This thread reminded me of a funny interaction. I offered to lend a friend anything I own for her wedding and she liked my 1.28ctw transitional earrings that I purchased secondhand from a PSer. But she asked if they were "real" and panicked when I said yes and suddenly acted like she couldn't possibly even touch them. But pearls and colored stones? No questions on price at all. And to be clear, this is someone with the kind of household income where she wouldn't have needed to panic about anything in my little collection price-wise, but only my diamonds elicited that reaction (her engagement ring is a moissanite and she doesn't know that her partner spent more on her wedding set than I did on my earrings). I could have had a $100k imperial jadeite in my jewelry box and she wouldn't have noticed.

 

[Karl_K]

I have done a lot of work at places that help the homeless and have had a lot of interaction.
First Bravo for doing it!
What you describe sounds fine.
On a item count scale its a 10 out of 100 compared to what I have seen.
Multiple rings on every finger,3-5 necklaces and 3 earrings each ear.
One of the sweetest people ever and was very very good at working with clients.
Once the government forced metrics on them she was at the top nearly every time, which everyone already knew.

So my opinion is dont worry about it your fine.

 

[MMtwo]

I think part of my self-questioning comes from my own baggage. I’ve always had some spectrum-y tendencies, especially when it comes to social anxiety. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized why this is bubbling up for me.

Back around the year 2000, I was homeless myself—leaving an abusive marriage with two small children. Thankfully, I had incredible support, including an amazing caseworker who encouraged me to go to college. I still remember the moment I found out about the Pell Grant. I just stood there and cried. It felt like a door had opened that I never believed I could walk through.

I did go to college, and over time, I found work with the very agency that had once helped me. Eventually, I grew into a role providing technical support for homelessness services. Who knew, under it all I am 100% nerdy geek!

Since then, my life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. Both of my kids graduated from college. I married a wonderful man, and together we’ve reached a level of financial stability that still feels a little unreal sometimes. I live on a street surrounded by doctors and lawyers—and honestly, it feels like I somehow stepped into someone else’s life.

You’d think that kind of transition would be easy, but if I’m being honest, I carry a lot of survivor’s guilt. While I love my home and my life, I’m acutely aware of how quickly chapters in life can turn. I walk into buildings now and see people who are struggling so hard, and all I want to do is hug them and tell them it’s going to be okay. But sometimes, I know it won’t be. And the truth is—there’s no real difference between us. We just happen to be in different chapters of the same story.

And somehow, all of that turns into me overthinking whether I’m wearing too much jewelry at work. But maybe what I’m really wrestling with are bigger, deeper things—like guilt, identity, and the fragile line between "then" and "now."

Oh and the handbook at work cautions about excessive jewelry. I do not know what this means

 

[newtojewels]

I think part of my self-questioning comes from my own baggage. I’ve always had some spectrum-y tendencies, especially when it comes to social anxiety. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized why this is bubbling up for me.

Back around the year 2000, I was homeless myself—leaving an abusive marriage with two small children. Thankfully, I had incredible support, including an amazing caseworker who encouraged me to go to college. I still remember the moment I found out about the Pell Grant. I just stood there and cried. It felt like a door had opened that I never believed I could walk through.

I did go to college, and over time, I found work with the very agency that had once helped me. Eventually, I grew into a role providing technical support for homelessness services.

Since then, my life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. Both of my kids graduated from college. I married a wonderful man, and together we’ve reached a level of financial stability that still feels a little unreal sometimes. I live on a street surrounded by doctors and lawyers—and honestly, it feels like I somehow stepped into someone else’s life.

You’d think that kind of transition would be easy, but if I’m being honest, I carry a lot of survivor’s guilt. While I love my home and my life, I’m acutely aware of how quickly chapters in life can turn. I walk into buildings now and see people who are struggling so hard, and all I want to do is hug them and tell them it’s going to be okay. But sometimes, I know it won’t be. And the truth is—there’s no real difference between us. We just happen to be in different chapters of the same story.

And somehow, all of that turns into me overthinking whether I’m wearing too much jewelry at work. But maybe what I’m really wrestling with are bigger, deeper things—like guilt, identity, and the fragile line between "then" and "now."

Oh and the handbook at work cautions about excessive jewelry. I do not know what this means

The very beginning of this could have been my mother writing it, though she was never into jewelry so I know she isn't here on PS. She is a doctor and it was still very hard for her to leave her abusive marriage and it makes me think often about how impossible it is for basically any other women.

Anyways, to me thinking about how your own experiences are playing into anxiety about other people's potential perception sounds very astute and self-aware, and I hope that doesn't come across as condescending because I don't mean it that way at all.

 

[stracci2000]

@MMtwo
You are an amazing person to have been down this road and back.
I remember you telling your story once before.
Kudos to you for giving back

 

[glitterata]

I think part of my self-questioning comes from my own baggage. I’ve always had some spectrum-y tendencies, especially when it comes to social anxiety. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized why this is bubbling up for me.

Back around the year 2000, I was homeless myself—leaving an abusive marriage with two small children. Thankfully, I had incredible support, including an amazing caseworker who encouraged me to go to college. I still remember the moment I found out about the Pell Grant. I just stood there and cried. It felt like a door had opened that I never believed I could walk through.

I did go to college, and over time, I found work with the very agency that had once helped me. Eventually, I grew into a role providing technical support for homelessness services. Who knew, under it all I am 100% nerdy geek!

Since then, my life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. Both of my kids graduated from college. I married a wonderful man, and together we’ve reached a level of financial stability that still feels a little unreal sometimes. I live on a street surrounded by doctors and lawyers—and honestly, it feels like I somehow stepped into someone else’s life.

You’d think that kind of transition would be easy, but if I’m being honest, I carry a lot of survivor’s guilt. While I love my home and my life, I’m acutely aware of how quickly chapters in life can turn. I walk into buildings now and see people who are struggling so hard, and all I want to do is hug them and tell them it’s going to be okay. But sometimes, I know it won’t be. And the truth is—there’s no real difference between us. We just happen to be in different chapters of the same story.

And somehow, all of that turns into me overthinking whether I’m wearing too much jewelry at work. But maybe what I’m really wrestling with are bigger, deeper things—like guilt, identity, and the fragile line between "then" and "now."

Oh and the handbook at work cautions about excessive jewelry. I do not know what this means

What a moving story. I'm so glad and impressed you were able to free yourself from your abusive relationship, so glad you had effective help, so glad and impressed that you're now helping other people do the same thing. Your empathy is inspiring.

I think the way you're handling your jewelry choices sounds perfect.

You deserve a good life, stability, happiness, safety. You even deserve sparkly things that make you happy. Everyone does.

When you were going to the agency as a client, did your caseworker wear jewelry? If so, how did you feel about it at the time? If not, would it have mattered to you if she had? What about the other people working at the agency--did you have reactions to their jewelry?

 

[MMtwo]

I worked at a non profit multidisciplinary health clinic for decades. I always wore my engagement rings and earrings. No issue whatsoever. In NYC so not sure that makes a difference but in case

I was focused on helping my patients and they were focused on being helped. Did they notice my bling? Occasionally yes but it was always a positive experience and I never felt anything negative about wearing what I love


That’s my motto. Wear and do what you love as long as you don’t negatively affect others
Read the room and you’ll know what to do
If you feel uncomfortable don’t but if you find pleasure from it do

I love learning about your work, this is great. I think it is possible that NYC may be a little more blinged in general. Good advice to let my feelings guide the decisions. I imagine anything is probably okay, within reason. I am just a little fretful. I think I will wear jade beads, they always feel good and I think appear lower key.

I used to work in manufacturing facilities with strict rules on personal hygiene including jewellery and make-up.

It grew out of habit that I seldom wear make-up or a lot of jewellery nowadays.

I have different jewellery wardrobe to go with my different clothes and accessories wardrobe.

I reserve the nicer/grander/sparklers jewellery pieces for special occasions.

I volunteer as a cook once a month for a charity for homeless and vulnerable people in my town and surrounding areas, and tend not to wear any jewellery other than earrings and a step-counting watch during a session.

With the other service charity that I volunteer, I tend to wear casual clothes and the lesser jewellery for meetings and informal gatherings, for the nicer pieces to come out at formal dinners.

DK

This sounds very appropriate. Especially for hands on work. It's awesome of you help out in your community.
I also wear a step counter at work. Especially conventions. Lots of steps!

MMtwo nothing you’ve described sounds flashy or over the top. It just sounds like nice jewellery pieces that are your personal style. Go for it! You’ll just look like “you” and I doubt it would bother anyone.

Thank you. I think you're right and I am just fretful right now. Probably unless I am very blinged out, no one would even notice.

That's why I love Jade! When I have to go low-key, I wear jadeite. It is not flashy (unless it is set with lots of diamonds and other stones) and the colour is soothing. It puts people at ease. It also has a touch of the traditional, at least in Asia. There is a Chinese saying "翡翠不语" which means, jadeite is quiet.
When I travel I usually don't wear much bling, just a small pair of jadeite earrings and a pendant because most people cannot tell if it is genuine or valuable.
I think you have a kind face, @MMtwo.
People can tell if you are a good person. So don't worry too much about the bling. Your heart and purpose matter the most and they will show.

Crimson, I think my heart is following in this direction. I agree with the whisper part. I will bring my lavender beads and my "denim" blue flower strand. I can restring the blues today, they are longer than I prefer.

I agree with Crimson.
Wear one of your lovely jade strands and maybe pearl or jade studs.
Understated and low key.

Thank you my friend. I think this is the way.

Most people don't know enough about jewelry to be able to tell how much things cost. Anything with gold or diamonds, especially big ones, will read as expensive. Colored stones and white metals probably won't. And now that people are getting used to seeing large lab diamonds, even diamonds will eventually stop shouting "This person's rich!"--though that might take a while.

The people you serve surely understand that there's a large resource differential between you. If they're going to distrust and resent you because of it, the jewelry may or may not make much difference. Would it be better to avoid gold and sparkly stuff so as not to rub their faces in it? I don't know if PSers are the right people to ask--people who have experienced homelessness themselves might have a better sense of it. (I expect different folks would have different opinions, though. And maybe there are PS members who have experienced homelessness and can chime in?)

Have you asked your colleagues or supervisor for advice? How do other people at your office handle this?

In your situation, I would probably stick to colored stones, silver-looking pieces, and bead necklaces, and leave the heavy yellow gold, diamonds, and white pearls at home. But I don't know if that would be necessary or even better.

I work for an educational nonprofit, and none of my colleagues wear expensive jewelry--mostly just a wedding band and maybe some cheerful silver earrings--and for a long time I tried to fit in by sticking to my wedding band and the occasional discreet piece. (My situation is different from yours, of course, because I'm not trying to be relatable to people across such a large gap of resources.) Then a few years ago, after I reset my heirloom diamond into an antique setting that makes it very noticeable, I started wearing more of my stuff. I alternate pieces; my colleagues often see me wearing something they haven't seen before, so they know I have a large collection. One work friend can be bitter and resentful, and I'm sure she sometimes thinks bitter thoughts about my money and how I spend it, but that's her issue, not mine. (She's wonderful otherwise, I love her, and I'm sorry she's unhappy.) I'm now known around the office as the jewelry expert. One colleague asked for my help finding an engagement ring for his fiancé. Another asked for my advice when she inherited a bunch of jewelry, and we had a good time playing with my UV flashlight, calipers, scale, and diamond tester. Turns out I was worried for nothing.

I really appreciate your post so much. "don't know if PSers are the right people to ask--people who have experienced homelessness themselves might have a better sense of it.". This sentence was particularly helpful and it helped my little epiphany as to why this is a struggle for me. Or, why exactly I am having such a struggle over relatively a small life decision.

Your thoughts on leaving the heavy gold at home seem spot on. This was very helpful!

I just want to agree that no one knows the price of jewelry, and that's especially true for CS and pearls. This thread reminded me of a funny interaction. I offered to lend a friend anything I own for her wedding and she liked my 1.28ctw transitional earrings that I purchased secondhand from a PSer. But she asked if they were "real" and panicked when I said yes and suddenly acted like she couldn't possibly even touch them. But pearls and colored stones? No questions on price at all. And to be clear, this is someone with the kind of household income where she wouldn't have needed to panic about anything in my little collection price-wise, but only my diamonds elicited that reaction (her engagement ring is a moissanite and she doesn't know that her partner spent more on her wedding set than I did on my earrings). I could have had a $100k imperial jadeite in my jewelry box and she wouldn't have noticed.

Isn't it funny how this is unique for people? I gifted my sister some studs a few years ago and she is afraid to wear them. Keeps trying to return them . Did she end up borrowing the studs? I bet they would have been perfect!

I have done a lot of work at places that help the homeless and have had a lot of interaction.
First Bravo for doing it!
What you describe sounds fine.
On a item count scale its a 10 out of 100 compared to what I have seen.
Multiple rings on every finger,3-5 necklaces and 3 earrings each ear.
One of the sweetest people ever and was very very good at working with clients.
Once the government forced metrics on them she was at the top nearly every time, which everyone already knew.

So my opinion is dont worry about it your fine.

Thanks Karl. Awesome you're out getting the work done with folks. I am feeling much better now, after realizing I was processing some other feelings too.

The very beginning of this could have been my mother writing it, though she was never into jewelry so I know she isn't here on PS. She is a doctor and it was still very hard for her to leave her abusive marriage and it makes me think often about how impossible it is for basically any other women.

Anyways, to me thinking about how your own experiences are playing into anxiety about other people's potential perception sounds very astute and self-aware, and I hope that doesn't come across as condescending because I don't mean it that way at all.

Life is sometimes very hard. Plans made sometimes just don't work. Your mom sounds fierce! That she became a doctor and survived an abusive marriage makes her a hero in her own story. Just knowing that our decisions can impact outcomes is a powerful motivator to make changes. Your Mom is very brave. I am sure her lovely daughter is too.

You come across as thoughtful and delightful and I am so glad you're here.

@MMtwo
You are an amazing person to have been down this road and back.
I remember you telling your story once before.
Kudos to you for giving back

I would relive it all again if it would bring me to growth and learning life lessons. While I really appreciate your words, I just see myself as stubborn and hard headed. I just want to be a friend like the one I needed all those years ago. Just like a worker bee...with jewelry .

And I also think you're amazing...your jewelry is so beautiful!

 

[purplesilk]

I would wear just my (plain) wedding band, pearl studs and/or a colored stone bead necklace.
Wearing tons of jewels won't make you relatable: keep it simple and very very understated.
My jewels bring me joy but there are some occasions in which my everyday stuff is just too much and ostentatious.
Just my opinion.

 

[purplesilk]

I would also avoid luxury brand bags and clothes.

 

[purplesilk]

I've always been taught to wear clothes, jewels and makeup according to the occasion.

 

[Lookinagain]

I agree to keep it subtle. You can't go wrong that way.
And bravo to you for turning your life around. You took lemons and turned them into lemonade!

 

[elizat]

My go to diamond necklaces are around three-quarter carat. I have one in yellow gold and one in white gold. I have a paper clip chain, but I’m wondering if that might just be a little too much sparkle or gold. I love wearing circle black pearl bead necklaces sometimes I’ll wear jade bead necklaces, and wondering if maybe this is a good choice as nobody but me knows that they are valuable. They’re unusual enough where I live that it would be assumed that they’re just pretty colored glass beads.

Earrings I have them anywhere from .4 per ear up to .9 per ear studs. I also have different types of pearl earrings, but even wearing those I worry that I’ll come off as too precious if that makes any sense: just too shiny.

I think what you have described sounds fine. Pearls, honestly, people that don't know tend to assume they are cheap or fake! Same thing with jade, I think. If you wore a tennis necklace, I'd say it's too much. I think pearls are fine. I think the pendants sound fine. People might even think they are cz. I feel like rings with large diamonds or gemstones are different in that setting. I feel like you could get away with big chunky southwest style jewelry easier than large fine pieces, if that makes sense.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I related very much to your post about your life experiences. I grew up very poor and am often quite shocked at my life these days and know things could easily have turned out very differently for me. I have poverty trauma and it certainly adds layers to my relationship to jewelry. I would not wear diamonds if I were spending time with people living with poverty, as they are an obvious class symbol that many people can recognize. Pearls, jade beads, silver perhaps. A wedding band. But nothing more. I don’t think there is anything right or wrong about other people making different choices, but that’s just how I would feel most comfortable and respectful.

 

[Bron357]

I have lots of jewelry but always “read the room”.
When I do charity / school etc work I wear my wedding band but not my engagement ring. I’ll wear stud earrings, a simple necklace and a watch. I won’t wear a heap of bangles or bracelets.
In a casual, low key environment I like to fit in not stand out.
At a formal setting or like at my school reunion I load it on and shine like crazy!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

My go to diamond necklaces are around three-quarter carat. I have one in yellow gold and one in white gold. I have a paper clip chain, but I’m wondering if that might just be a little too much sparkle or gold. I love wearing circle black pearl bead necklaces sometimes I’ll wear jade bead necklaces, and wondering if maybe this is a good choice as nobody but me knows that they are valuable. They’re unusual enough where I live that it would be assumed that they’re just pretty colored glass beads.

Earrings I have them anywhere from .4 per ear up to .9 per ear studs. I also have different types of pearl earrings, but even wearing those I worry that I’ll come off as too precious if that makes any sense: just too shiny.

everybody has written such great replies, im not sure you need mine !
i think it depends on so many things, but especially the social norms of your town
eg the average size of an ER can be so much different from place to place

i do wish i could wave a magic wand and get rid of your survivor guilt, you deserve the better life you are living now after being in a horrible situation, and you will have absorbed so much empathy and understanding from that time that you are now putting to such good use, you deserve everything that makes you happy including jewellery


i do love the pearl ideas as so many people of all ages in my town wear them and nobodies knows what is faux and what is real
but you dont want to loose them either !

now just bare with me as i ramble on ...
i guess its all about contex
i follow what the royals wear jewellery wise and on a day to day basis Spain only seem to wear earrings as i think the Spanish people and economy are struggling a bit plus the monarchy has only been restored for the past two generations after being over thrown
but by comparison the Dutch royal ladies seem to pile it on (a style i must prefer) although their Queen does like large plastic faux pieces for day wear -
and as for my royal family i just wish the younger ones would wear more of the good stuff that has already been paid for but the Princess of Wales seems to like overpriced minimal styled high street jewller brands and also mixes it up with faux (while i want big flashy pricesless brooches every day) These ladies all face the scrutiny of the media who like to add up what they think everything is worth

perhaps the thing is to go smaller in size rather than lower in value when opening your jewllery box

three of my work mates volounteer at the food band which is run by the combined churches of our town
things are tough here right now
thankfuly we did not overpay for our house but many people have very large morgage repayments right now and the cost of living and groceries and food have skyrocketed since covid while council taxes also go up and up every year
i dont know how people with young families are managing, its hard enough for us just trying to keep our head above water

i get great pleasure from seeing what other people are wearing,
i work in a very well off old money area but lately we have been having people walk out because they perseeve us as being too expensive

my kind hearted work mates who help out the food bank say its amazing the really flash new cars that pull up needing help, flashy clothes, top of the line shoes etc
so i would say if you lived here, wear what you want, i never judge people on what they wear

if i had a job where it was practicle to wear more jewellry i would
but i loose earrings and also we work in a bakery and you know hygene and all that

you could invest in a few modest silver pieces, mix and match is fun once you get the hang of it . maybe throw some fun fashion pieces in also

im from the 80's, if im going out i wear rings, earrings, always a necklace =i despise minimilism

i loved the idea about incorporating gemstone beads into your ensomble - some people think they just come from the local crystal shop and are a dime a dozen

but may i just add
Don't overthink this
any of it

focus on all the good work you do
not what other people may or may not think of you

i very much doubt after reading all the replies on your thread that anyone here would rub anyone's nose in it and i most definatly include you in that

I would wear just my (plain) wedding band, pearl studs and/or a colored stone bead necklace.
Wearing tons of jewels won't make you relatable: keep it simple and very very understated.
My jewels bring me joy but there are some occasions in which my everyday stuff is just too much and ostentatious.
Just my opinion.

you are very wise

 

[Crimson]

I think part of my self-questioning comes from my own baggage. I’ve always had some spectrum-y tendencies, especially when it comes to social anxiety. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized why this is bubbling up for me.

Back around the year 2000, I was homeless myself—leaving an abusive marriage with two small children. Thankfully, I had incredible support, including an amazing caseworker who encouraged me to go to college. I still remember the moment I found out about the Pell Grant. I just stood there and cried. It felt like a door had opened that I never believed I could walk through.

I did go to college, and over time, I found work with the very agency that had once helped me. Eventually, I grew into a role providing technical support for homelessness services. Who knew, under it all I am 100% nerdy geek!

Since then, my life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. Both of my kids graduated from college. I married a wonderful man, and together we’ve reached a level of financial stability that still feels a little unreal sometimes. I live on a street surrounded by doctors and lawyers—and honestly, it feels like I somehow stepped into someone else’s life.

You’d think that kind of transition would be easy, but if I’m being honest, I carry a lot of survivor’s guilt. While I love my home and my life, I’m acutely aware of how quickly chapters in life can turn. I walk into buildings now and see people who are struggling so hard, and all I want to do is hug them and tell them it’s going to be okay. But sometimes, I know it won’t be. And the truth is—there’s no real difference between us. We just happen to be in different chapters of the same story.

And somehow, all of that turns into me overthinking whether I’m wearing too much jewelry at work. But maybe what I’m really wrestling with are bigger, deeper things—like guilt, identity, and the fragile line between "then" and "now."

Oh and the handbook at work cautions about excessive jewelry. I do not know what this means

@MMtwo I am in tears reading this. You have overcome so much and returned to help others. You've set a wonderful example for your children. I want to give you a big hug! Since I cannot, I am sending you some flowers that I photographed in Holland Park, London.
Hope your day went well.

 

[MMtwo]

I would wear just my (plain) wedding band, pearl studs and/or a colored stone bead necklace.
Wearing tons of jewels won't make you relatable: keep it simple and very very understated.
My jewels bring me joy but there are some occasions in which my everyday stuff is just too much and ostentatious.
Just my opinion.

I would also avoid luxury brand bags and clothes.

I've always been taught to wear clothes, jewels and makeup according to the occasion.

Very sage advice. Thanks for the reminder on luxury brand bags. I'm going to switch off to another one before I go. I am just struggling about work, or was, these replies have been fabulous.

I agree to keep it subtle. You can't go wrong that way.
And bravo to you for turning your life around. You took lemons and turned them into lemonade!

Thanks, being in that position was very hard and demoralizing, especially worried about the kids. Being a mama bear is a strong motivation to do things. So I did what I could. But honestly, the hardest days gave me more than it took from me. In the end, I was lucky to have been through it.

I think what you have described sounds fine. Pearls, honestly, people that don't know tend to assume they are cheap or fake! Same thing with jade, I think. If you wore a tennis necklace, I'd say it's too much. I think pearls are fine. I think the pendants sound fine. People might even think they are cz. I feel like rings with large diamonds or gemstones are different in that setting. I feel like you could get away with big chunky southwest style jewelry easier than large fine pieces, if that makes sense.

What a fantastic idea! I do have a few turquoise pieces that are big and colorful, but I can't imagine would read like gold would. Thank you! I also have some chunky silver rings that would work too, Just stone, no diamonds.

I related very much to your post about your life experiences. I grew up very poor and am often quite shocked at my life these days and know things could easily have turned out very differently for me. I have poverty trauma and it certainly adds layers to my relationship to jewelry. I would not wear diamonds if I were spending time with people living with poverty, as they are an obvious class symbol that many people can recognize. Pearls, jade beads, silver perhaps. A wedding band. But nothing more. I don’t think there is anything right or wrong about other people making different choices, but that’s just how I would feel most comfortable and respectful.

Oh my gosh, I really feel your words, "I have poverty trauma and it certainly adds layers to my relationship to jewelry." I am sure my collection habits are sometimes tied to anxiety. I think your advice is on target, I appreciate your thoughts and that you shared this with me. Sending a hug to the little girl in you that went through so much.

I have lots of jewelry but always “read the room”.
When I do charity / school etc work I wear my wedding band but not my engagement ring. I’ll wear stud earrings, a simple necklace and a watch. I won’t wear a heap of bangles or bracelets.
In a casual, low key environment I like to fit in not stand out.
At a formal setting or like at my school reunion I load it on and shine like crazy!

More great advice, thank you! I like the fit in ideology. I think perfectly dressed would be quietly dressed. This is so helpful.

everybody has written such great replies, im not sure you need mine !
i think it depends on so many things, but especially the social norms of your town
eg the average size of an ER can be so much different from place to place

i do wish i could wave a magic wand and get rid of your survivor guilt, you deserve the better life you are living now after being in a horrible situation, and you will have absorbed so much empathy and understanding from that time that you are now putting to such good use, you deserve everything that makes you happy including jewellery


i do love the pearl ideas as so many people of all ages in my town wear them and nobodies knows what is faux and what is real
but you dont want to loose them either !

now just bare with me as i ramble on ...
i guess its all about contex
i follow what the royals wear jewellery wise and on a day to day basis Spain only seem to wear earrings as i think the Spanish people and economy are struggling a bit plus the monarchy has only been restored for the past two generations after being over thrown
but by comparison the Dutch royal ladies seem to pile it on (a style i must prefer) although their Queen does like large plastic faux pieces for day wear -
and as for my royal family i just wish the younger ones would wear more of the good stuff that has already been paid for but the Princess of Wales seems to like overpriced minimal styled high street jewller brands and also mixes it up with faux (while i want big flashy pricesless brooches every day) These ladies all face the scrutiny of the media who like to add up what they think everything is worth

perhaps the thing is to go smaller in size rather than lower in value when opening your jewllery box

three of my work mates volounteer at the food band which is run by the combined churches of our town
things are tough here right now
thankfuly we did not overpay for our house but many people have very large morgage repayments right now and the cost of living and groceries and food have skyrocketed since covid while council taxes also go up and up every year
i dont know how people with young families are managing, its hard enough for us just trying to keep our head above water

i get great pleasure from seeing what other people are wearing,
i work in a very well off old money area but lately we have been having people walk out because they perseeve us as being too expensive

my kind hearted work mates who help out the food bank say its amazing the really flash new cars that pull up needing help, flashy clothes, top of the line shoes etc
so i would say if you lived here, wear what you want, i never judge people on what they wear

if i had a job where it was practicle to wear more jewellry i would
but i loose earrings and also we work in a bakery and you know hygene and all that

you could invest in a few modest silver pieces, mix and match is fun once you get the hang of it . maybe throw some fun fashion pieces in also

im from the 80's, if im going out i wear rings, earrings, always a necklace =i despise minimilism

i loved the idea about incorporating gemstone beads into your ensomble - some people think they just come from the local crystal shop and are a dime a dozen

but may i just add
Don't overthink this
any of it

focus on all the good work you do
not what other people may or may not think of you

i very much doubt after reading all the replies on your thread that anyone here would rub anyone's nose in it and i most definatly include you in that



you are very wise

I love, love, love your replies.
I enjoy royal watching too. So much fun when they wear the large flashy peices. I think royalty is rather expected to occasionally show off the goods. But then reflecting back, didn't we chat once about protocol having only pearls and gold before 6PM, no diamonds?

You are a lovely, smart and fun lady and I am so glad you posted.

PS: Not sure am wise at all, but I try to avoid unwise!

 

[MMtwo]

@MMtwo I am in tears reading this. You have overcome so much and returned to help others. You've set a wonderful example for your children. I want to give you a big hug! Since I cannot, I am sending you some flowers that I photographed in Holland Park, London.
Hope your day went well.

You, my dear Crimson, are so kind. The hardest days are far away now for me, the girl I was you had tears for is stronger and loving for others maybe because of those bad times that helped her do better. She may have needed just the crisis to learn lessons.

Your flowers are beautiful just like your heart. Hugs back to you.

 

[dk168]

Agree with the sentiment of 'reading the room'.

DK

 

[diamondyes]

I’d love your thoughts on something I’ve been trying to balance.

I work in a non-profit that serves people experiencing homelessness. It’s meaningful work, and I care a lot about being approachable and relatable to the folks we serve. I am hybrid, so mostly work from home. I am going into the office tomorrow and as always, thinking about what jewelry to wear. Here is where I start to fret a little.

I love my sparkles and these things bring me a lot of joy. Lately, though, I’ve been second-guessing myself. I don’t want my love of sparkle to feel “off” in an environment where people are going through real struggles.

How do you balance personal expression with sensitivity to the people around you? I wonder if diamonds are just too much except for wedding rings.

Would love to hear how others handle this!

I’m in the same boat as you, and honestly I often wear my silver jewelry to work for this exact reason. It is what it is.

 

[luckygreen317]

I think part of my self-questioning comes from my own baggage. I’ve always had some spectrum-y tendencies, especially when it comes to social anxiety. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized why this is bubbling up for me.

Back around the year 2000, I was homeless myself—leaving an abusive marriage with two small children. Thankfully, I had incredible support, including an amazing caseworker who encouraged me to go to college. I still remember the moment I found out about the Pell Grant. I just stood there and cried. It felt like a door had opened that I never believed I could walk through.

I did go to college, and over time, I found work with the very agency that had once helped me. Eventually, I grew into a role providing technical support for homelessness services. Who knew, under it all I am 100% nerdy geek!

Since then, my life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. Both of my kids graduated from college. I married a wonderful man, and together we’ve reached a level of financial stability that still feels a little unreal sometimes. I live on a street surrounded by doctors and lawyers—and honestly, it feels like I somehow stepped into someone else’s life.

You’d think that kind of transition would be easy, but if I’m being honest, I carry a lot of survivor’s guilt. While I love my home and my life, I’m acutely aware of how quickly chapters in life can turn. I walk into buildings now and see people who are struggling so hard, and all I want to do is hug them and tell them it’s going to be okay. But sometimes, I know it won’t be. And the truth is—there’s no real difference between us. We just happen to be in different chapters of the same story.

And somehow, all of that turns into me overthinking whether I’m wearing too much jewelry at work. But maybe what I’m really wrestling with are bigger, deeper things—like guilt, identity, and the fragile line between "then" and "now."

Oh and the handbook at work cautions about excessive jewelry. I do not know what this means

Thank you for sharing your story. You understand them like nobody else can since you have gone through it yourself. Your kindness is probably the bright spot for the people you encounter. What a priceless gift you give by caring that makes an impact when it’s needed the most.

When I read your first post I was thinking of the unconscious bias we all have to some extent that a big ring = money. While we all know that is not the case, unconsciously our minds may go there. I intentionally wear understated jewelry on certain work days. Maybe it’s my own guilt of finally “having” when others may not. I feel it’s more about trying to relate to the people I am working with. Many of them live month to month and having what I have may seem unobtainable. In turn, they may feel makes us different when I am trying to relate to them on some level.

Regardless of what you decide to do, you are an amazing human. This reminds me to not consciously or unconsciously judge someone by what they have or what they wear. We all truly should be judged on WHO we are.