too much info for FFI?

[Uptown_Girl]

Hi, I''m brand-new to the site -- well, actually been a lurker for about 6 months but I''m a newly official as a PS user.

I found both the setting and the diamond that I covet by reading posts and recommendations on PS. Done a lot of searching and reading and figuring out the larger/better stone v. more ornate setting dilemma for myself. I finally got my little heart set on Saturn Jewel''s AD144 and an .84ct I-VS2 Round H&A, AGS Ideal. AND i managed to make this all work within the FFI''s budget!

Question though: am I ruining the surprise of the engagement by letting the FFI in on all of this? Can anyone weigh in on -- folks who picked out their rings for/with their BFs and those who were more or less left out of the process? Should I keep my mouth shut and be happy with whatever he might select (bless his heart)?!!

I''m starting to feel like I''m ruining this very exciting time for myself and my BF by picking out my own ring...

Thoughts?!!

 

[LitigatorChick]

I picked out my own ring (which I have now upgraded and am having the old ering re-used, but that is another story). If you know what you want, tell him! Don''t let that poor man blunder about, as they often do. And how bad will he feel if he works so hard to find a ring for you, but you are disappointed because it is not what you want.

You can still have the magical engagement moment. We had picked out the ring, but I didn''t know when my DH was going to pop the question or how. The magic of the engagement moment is the atmosphere and your DH, not the ring.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Hi Uptown Girl! Welcome

I identify strongly with your scenario. I''ve just gone through this and experienced many of the same emotions.

To answer your questions, I think that it can be great both ways -- not having any input or being fully involved in the entire process. Personally, I chose to be fully involved in the process because I feel that jewelry is so personal and it is just too difficult, if you are a person with strong opinions/tastes etc, for someone else to get something that suits you to your exact specifications, for lack of a better word. I found the whole setting and diamond "hunt" with my bf to be a great bonding experience. We have learned so much about diamonds and about each other and have just had a great time! I''m sorry that it is coming to a close.

Since early on in our ring buying process I started to educate myself about diamonds, I just naturally became a heavily involved in the purchase b/c I didn''t want my bf to be ripped off and wanted to get the best quality for our budget.

Now that our ring is complete, I do, in some ways, regret being so involved and not being entirely surprised by what my ring will look like, because I am sure my bf would have done a good job, however, the jeweler and my bf have been really good at keeping me "out of the loop" now that the setting & diamond selection process is over.

I have not yet seen the ring set with the diamond and I will not until he actually proposes.

I think that this is a good compromise as I will still be surprised at the beauty of my ring when it is eventually presented to me. I can''t wait! From what I have seen, it is beautiful! ... if I do say so myself.

Again, welcome & Congrats on finding a diamond and setting you love!

 

[Uptown_Girl]

Thanks to you both -- I know I''m particular, so it''s probably best to save my poor guy the headache of having a disappointed me...

Sparkalicious, I agree -- I wanted to be as informed as possible to help my bf in knowing what the best deals were, what to look out for -- not to mention what I liked! I was pretty sure -- and right -- that he would be overwhelmed with the process and need a lot of guidance. He''s not big on research, much more of an impulse buyer, haha! I''m the analytical one, and I wanted the best ring for our price range.

Granted: I won''t see the finished product until the actual engagement either!!! The suspense will kill me but I''m glad to have had a part in picking out this very, very important accessory.

Thanks again -- I have been freaking out a little about feeling pushy with the FFI. I think we''re both going to be really happy with the ring though. We''re "no surprises" kind of people!!

 

[Fly Girl]

We went shopping together and picked out our rings together. It was great fun.

I would for sure let him know what you like. My hubby really appreciates it, as it takes a lot of the pressure off of him when he can be sure that I am going to like his gift. I will let my jeweler know what I like, the jeweler keeps a list, then all hubby has to do is call and give the credit card number. He loves it!!!

I get thanked for making shopping soooooo easy for him.

I think that there are a lot of guys who would prefer not going through the agony of picking out their girlfriends''/wives'' jewelry.

 

[BriBee]

I designed my whole ring top to bottom, picked the stone, everything. FI was there (sometimes) to observe, but everything was left up to me. I don't feel like I lost any of the surprise/romance because the proposal was a COMPLETE surprise and I decided not to see the ring until the proposal, so even though I designed it, I had never actually seen it completed. FI was happy to let me do this, because it took all the stress off him and I got exactly what I wanted. It will depend on the guy though, as there have been some heated threads on here about letting her pick vs. a total surprise, and some guys are very adamant that THEY should pick and let it be a surprise. Mostly though, I think you'll find that the ladies on here all concur with being involved in at least some of the ring process.

ETA: cute avatar Uptown Girl

 

[Uptown_Girl]

Thanks, BriBee -- I''m starting to feel more at ease with my outspoken ways on this! I''ve had a surprisingly hard time "spending" someone else''s money, haha! It''s getting easier...

I love the art-y shot of your ring in your avatar! I can''t wait to have pix of my own to share with any and all who will look .

 

[Lurchie]

I picked out my ring myself and haven''t regretted it for a second! While I''ve often wondered what my FI might have picked out for me, it was just too much of a gamble to entrust ANYONE, even the person I adore, with a decision like this! And I''m glad I didn''t, too, even though he has great taste. The setting I fell in love with is pretty modern and my FI has since told me that given my historic preservation background, he probably would have picked something antiquey. While I LOVE many antique settings and hope to have one some day, I want to pick that one out too!

 

[dani13]

Hi Uptown Girl!

Welcome to PS!! I totally understand how you feel...I picked out my own diamond and setting with my boyfriend (at the time). I remember feeling the exact same way you do, but I realized that there really wasnt much I could do about it. I am an extremely picky person, and there was just too much risk involved for him to be picking out the ring on his own...It was alot of $$$, and I was the one who was going to be wearing it on my hand, not him.

In the end, picking out the ring together was a really nice experience...it was win-win. We had alot of fun doing it.. we would take trips into NYC to see our vendor, and then make a day out of it doing other things afterwards. Once the ring plans were finalized, I was out of the loop....I had no idea when the proposal was coming. And my husband really surprised me when it came time!! It was a wonderful moment in our lives that both of us will never forget!

So, don't worry about it. It would be worse if he spend all that $$ on a ring that he did end up surprising you with, but you just didn't love.
Far worse.

 

[autumnlala]

Uptown Girl, I am in the same boat as you!! I thought I could just leave the choice up to DBF, he knows I like antique type settings and we have both noticed ones we like on other people, but when we learned he inherited a marquise, and decided to set it east-west, there aren''t really any stock options and we''re probably doing something custom. I can''t just leave the total design up to him. But he really wants to make the final decision and not just have me pick one out and him buy it.

Here''s what I''m doing (a little OCD but I''m a lawyer so it goes with the territory): giving him very specific guidance about what I care about and leaving the rest up to him. For ex., I really care about the color of the gold, the quality of the sidestones, the size of the shank, that it sits low on my finger, etc. but don''t care so much about engraving, filigree, exact proportions and design of the ring, etc. Of course, what I care about has turned into a 6 page Word document with pictures!

It may take a little surprise out of the process, but my attitude is I don''t want to upgrade, so this is the ring I want to wear FOREVER. I should at least have some input since it''s going on my hand. He''ll get to have input into his wedding band, why shouldn''t I get input into what I will wear with my wedding band? The engagement will still be a total surprise, I''m sure.

Funny story: DBF of course already knows I am SUPER picky but this was crystallized when we were at Shane Co. (b&m) in ATL recently. This was my first time physically looking at and trying on rings with DBF. We spent probably an hour and a half looking, trying, and talking with the saleslady. I found three settings that were possible and settled on one favorite. We asked her to write down the stats and intended to keep looking. She gave us the hard sell, told us they don''t reorder so if that ring is gone when we''re ready to buy, it''s gone, and YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS REALLY PICKY SO DON''T THINK YOU CAN JUST GO ANYWHERE AND FIND EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS!!! Hilarious.

 

[Uptown_Girl]

Hahaha, oh wow, I''m laughing so much, Autumnlala -- your Shane Co. story could easily be posted by me, only replacing "Shane Co. in ATL" with "Robbins Bros. in Dallas." It was our first time actually looking at rings on my hand too. Talk about some frustrated sales people! They introduced me to no less than three salesmen who presented every angle possible to get us to buy. (No criticism of Robbins Bros. or their staff, we just weren''t ready to buy and I already had too many ideas in my head.)

You said "I don''t want to upgrade, so this is the ring I want to wear FOREVER. I should at least have some input since it''s going on my hand. He''ll get to have input into his wedding band, why shouldn''t I get input into what I will wear with my wedding band?" I couldn''t agree more. Doesn''t mean I won''t want an anniversary ring -- right hand maybe? -- down the road, but I really want to love and always cherish my ER.

I''m so glad I''m not alone!! haha. You guys are great.

 

[Uptown_Girl]

Oh..and an east-west set marquise?!! That sounds AMAZING. Isn''t that what Catherine Zeta-Jones has?

::hangs head in shame for reading too many US Weeklys::

 

[autumnlala]

You are correct!!! I was actually a tad bit disappointed when we found out it was a marquise, since I had been looking at rounds and that type of setting exclusively, but when I saw the east-west setting I started to get so excited!! Of course Catherine Zeta-Jones'' is like 10 carats!! The setting I''m hoping for (again, leaving it up to DBF) would look like Jazmine''s (but my stone is 1.20 cts and hers is a whopping 2 ct!). So pretty and still the antique look I''m going for:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-ring-will-soon-be-on-its-way.37170/

And as I wrote this is the ring I want to wear forever, I almost added-- that doesn''t mean I won''t want an anniversary band or two to stack with it later!!!

Good luck and have fun

 

[Sparkalicious]

Autumnlala and Uptown Girl -- I am SO relieved to know that others are as OCD as I am.

It''s shameful, but, to compliment your 6 pg Word doc, I created an elaborate Excel Spreadsheet detailing, the 4C''s, and all applicable diamond measurement percentages to Tolkowski Ideal Specs.

It was pretty funny whenever we went into B&M stores with our "diamond file" ... Sales people got a little intimidated ... We finally found the perfect place who loved the fact that we were so knowledgable.

 

[LGK]

My husband did a little browsing on his own, and decided he really didn''t want to make the decision for me. So I picked out the ring I wanted- an antique Art Deco one- and he bought it with me there. And I''ve never regretted the way we did it at all, I am super picky about setting styles and whatnot, and he hates shopping. I can''t imagine having done it any other way.

We are not that traditional though, and are pretty casual about things- very small wedding, no major proposal thing, etc. I do think this is a pretty personal decision. If the traditional "stuff" is your thing, maybe you would regret it eventually if you are super involved? Me, I never regretted it. I''d by far and away prefer to have the exact thing I wanted vs. a surprise.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

We picked out my original ring together, but it was a surprise when he gave it to me. For my anniversary upgrade much later, I picked it out completely. I pick out all my jewelry and give him the link to the item or the stock number, etc. He can select from a preapproved list, but he would go crazy if he had to read pages of my preferences! I save him that trouble by providing him a wishlist of specific items!

 

[Deelight]

Around my parts it is fairly unheard of for the girl to really help in the selection process that said though for my ring me and BF have looked and looked and looked together some more and I have given him guidelines of what I like but at the end of the day we have fairly similar tastes and I know he will pick me a stunner. The final details are his

Does it ruin the surprise? no I know he will propose to me and around when but I think it is wonderful and romantic and heck I get to try on a million pretties in the process works a treat for me . And if anything it has been OMG more exciting being involved comparing sparklies and then dreaming about them afterwards always gives me a warm giggling feeling inside