Too busy to say yes...

[Delesh]

I had everything planned perfectly.
I had all the little details worked out including getting a reservation at a very exclusive restaurant and picking out the exact place I was going to ask her.
Now she tells me that she is too busy with work to go out that night

I am not sure what to do now.
I can''t tell her how important it is otherwise she will know something is up as it was just supposed to be a nice night out together.
I can''t feel mad because she is working really hard and would go if she could.
I''ve already kind of upset her by begging her to try to make it so I don''t think I should push any more for that night. Plus, if she is going to be super tired and stressed from work I don''t want to ask on that night anyway.

I guess its back to the drawing board.
I just really can''t wait to ask her!

Well, at least I can be sure she wasn''t expecting the proposal.

Now that my plans are totally trashed I am thinking of doing it on our little upcoming vacation.
She will be expecting it though so I am not sure how I can pull it off while still making it a surprise.
Any thoughts?

 

[jcarlylew]

oh noes!
I''m glad though, that you are not to frustrated. And i think doing it on you little trip will be wonderful!

 

[trillionaire]

What about surprising her with a candle lit dinner the same night as the reservations? She could come home after a long day and you could have everything all set up. You could cook her favorite food, and maybe get one of those massage cushions like this one. They sell them at retail stores like Bed Bath and Beyond and Linen and Things. Or maybe a foot bath like this. Or both!

Or you could prepare a candle lit bath for her, and get dinner ready while she relaxes in the bath. you could have a dress picked out for her to wear.

Just tell her that you are sorry that you had been pressuring her about going out to dinner, and that you felt bad about being insensitive to how much work/stress she had been under, so you wanted to do something nice for her, even if the two of you couldn''t go out.

Just a thought

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[NuiX]

Oh no! I''m sure that ring is burning a hole in your pocket! However, I''m glad you chose to not push her to go! I''m always happiest when engagement stories don''t start off with "I was in such a bad mood..." I''m sure your upcoming trip would be a great time to propose, but if she''s expecting it have you thought about doing it soon after you come back so it''s a real shocker?

 

[katamari]

This is a fourth vote for the trip! I also have a high-demand job and am often frustrated when my SO interrupts my work to try to do something sweet. I still appreciate it, but I just can't get as into it as when I have the free time. Plus, the proposal on the trip would be way more meaningful to me. You can get a fancy dinner any day of the week, but you will have some experiences on your vacation that can never be replicated.


ETA: The proposal itself makes it special, even if she is still expecting it. For instance, I have a strong suspicion that my SO will propose when we are in Europe next month (we bought the ring a couple months ago). However, even though I expect it is coming, I still don't know where or how and that will be plenty enough, at least for me, to make it feel special.

 

[Delesh]

jcarlylew: Yes, no point in being frustrated. This is supposed to be one of the best moments in our lives.

trillionaire: Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of getting her all nice and relaxed.

Nuix: Yes, it is definitely burning a hole! I want to wait for the perfect time though. I am not sure I could make it through the trip without asking though.

katamari: I understand the pressures that work can have. I actually had a lot more planned for the proposal and a nice dinner was just going to be the "dessert" in the whole scenario. Good luck with your trip to Europe. I love it there and it would be a perfect place to get engaged.

 

[Delesh]

I thought I had everything worked out perfectly but now that things are changed I am torn between a few possibilities.
So I have been thinking that I might kind of combine the trip and my previous ideas into a proposal.
My 3 similar ideas are as follows:

1. I will do most of the things I was planning before only do them the day before our trip. That way I can set everything up and have a big surprise and then have our first vacation as an engaged couple, a sort of engagement celebration trip. The issues that could arise with this idea are that she may not be in the best mood after a long day of work and may have problems with knowing exactly when she can come home.

2. I will do all of the things I was planning the night before our trip but wait to propose the morning of the trip. This way the special evening would give her a chance to relax and get in the mood of the vacation and then be totally surprised when she wakes up. Mornings are special to us as well so that is a plus. The issues that could arise with this idea are that we will be leaving kind of early for the airport so I don''t want to run into problems with not having enough time.

3. Do the proposal while on vacation. This would be great because it would be a special place and she would have all the time and hopefully be relaxed. The issues with this idea are that while it would be an exciting new place it wouldn''t have the sentimentality of the places around home, i would have less control over finding a great place and planning the entire scenario, and it wouldn''t be as much of a surprise.

They all have positives and potential negatives.
Asking in a different place would be very special and something to remember but it isn''t a typical situation.
I really like the idea of asking in a situation that is "normal us". By that I mean doing something that we love to do together everyday.
The essence of our relationship.
I don''t know if this would get lost in the vacation proposal.

Ahh,

so much to think about!

 

[stone_seeker]

Try not to overthink things. The trip is a good idea but you know her better than us in terms of what she would like. Just dont try to build it up to much because it hardly ever goes 100% to plan but thats what makes things unique and special.

if it were me, i would ask on the first day of your trip. this way she can be relaxed and u can spend the rest of the trip celebrating.

 

[trillionaire]

I have always loved the idea of a morning/breakfast in bed proposal

Anyway, don''t stress too much... she is going to love whatever you do, you seem very very thoughtful!

 

[Delesh]

Yes, you are right. I need to chill as it will be perfect no matter what (as long as she says yes).
I am pretty sure what I am going to do.
We will see what happens.

 

[jcarlylew]

let us know and good luck!
I am a fan of number 2 and 3. I am usually cranky after work so i can understand how she would not want to be held up getting home.

2-3 sound super romantic. Don''t worry about it getting "lost" in the vacation. there is no way THAT would happen.

 

[somehowcollide]

Hello, and congrats. I would definitely do it before the trip OR right when the trip began. The trip will be so much more fun (for the both of you) as an engaged couple.

I personally would like it before I left, so I could spend the whole vacation basking in joy!