......my parents are coming to move the rest of my stuff out of the house I share with my husband! I initially left a lot of stuff behind because I was getting cold feet and was overwhelmed by the thought of moving my entire life out of my home. When I left several weeks ago, it felt kinda like a "relationship vacation". However, this time it feels like a real separation.
I called him today to tell him that I would moving all of my stuff out tomorrow. He immediately became upset and started asking what he was suppose to tell our neices/nephews, our friends, other family members, what about the business, what about our fur babies, etc. I told him that none of those things are as important as our health and safety. The marriage has become toxic and is making both of us sick emotionally and physically. I also made a point to tell him that after all the horrible things he said to me last weekend, I didn't understand why he wanted to be with me anyways. He was surprisingly understanding, I think he may have in his mind that this is temporary.
He said something to the effect of "Well, if you think that this is the best thing to do to make us stronger, then I think you should do it." I didn't respond to that comment. I understand that me moving my ENTIRE life out of here isn't to scare him straight, or to "fix" the relationship. It is about my happiness and safety. If by chance he was able to make some miraculous change, then maybe I would consider trying again, but I know it is unlikely that will happen, and it certainly wouldn't happen in few months. Sure, things will seem great once we are away from each other, we'll get along like when we were dating, his temper won't come up at all. However, once life takes over, the chances are pretty high that he will revert to his poor coping mechanisms. I am going to try my hardest to stick to my guns and not fall for the facade. For now, I am going into this with no plans except to get away and communicate with him only when absolutely necessary.
My schedule has been so crazy, and I need to begin hitting the books hard to study for my boards rather than allowing this marriage to drain my energy. I believe someone on this message board told me sometimes one of the great thing about divorce is that it takes time. Its not a cold turkey deal. This will give me time to clear my head and look at things from a different perspective. Perhaps all of the things that have kept me around for so long will seem meaningless in a few months, and I will realize the dreams are not worth holding onto. I need baby steps, its just the way I was built. But for the first time in months, I am confident in my decisions. As for now, I feel great. I know 100% that I am doing the right thing, and that I have done EVERYTHING I could to make the marriage work.
I'm a little nervous, and a little excited. Most importantly, I am very hopeful that one way or another, I am on my way to happiness again. Thanks for all the hugs you guys offered and the boots you kept up my a$$. Sorry it took me so long to get to this point, but I am grateful to finally be here!
I called him today to tell him that I would moving all of my stuff out tomorrow. He immediately became upset and started asking what he was suppose to tell our neices/nephews, our friends, other family members, what about the business, what about our fur babies, etc. I told him that none of those things are as important as our health and safety. The marriage has become toxic and is making both of us sick emotionally and physically. I also made a point to tell him that after all the horrible things he said to me last weekend, I didn't understand why he wanted to be with me anyways. He was surprisingly understanding, I think he may have in his mind that this is temporary.
He said something to the effect of "Well, if you think that this is the best thing to do to make us stronger, then I think you should do it." I didn't respond to that comment. I understand that me moving my ENTIRE life out of here isn't to scare him straight, or to "fix" the relationship. It is about my happiness and safety. If by chance he was able to make some miraculous change, then maybe I would consider trying again, but I know it is unlikely that will happen, and it certainly wouldn't happen in few months. Sure, things will seem great once we are away from each other, we'll get along like when we were dating, his temper won't come up at all. However, once life takes over, the chances are pretty high that he will revert to his poor coping mechanisms. I am going to try my hardest to stick to my guns and not fall for the facade. For now, I am going into this with no plans except to get away and communicate with him only when absolutely necessary.
My schedule has been so crazy, and I need to begin hitting the books hard to study for my boards rather than allowing this marriage to drain my energy. I believe someone on this message board told me sometimes one of the great thing about divorce is that it takes time. Its not a cold turkey deal. This will give me time to clear my head and look at things from a different perspective. Perhaps all of the things that have kept me around for so long will seem meaningless in a few months, and I will realize the dreams are not worth holding onto. I need baby steps, its just the way I was built. But for the first time in months, I am confident in my decisions. As for now, I feel great. I know 100% that I am doing the right thing, and that I have done EVERYTHING I could to make the marriage work.
I'm a little nervous, and a little excited. Most importantly, I am very hopeful that one way or another, I am on my way to happiness again. Thanks for all the hugs you guys offered and the boots you kept up my a$$. Sorry it took me so long to get to this point, but I am grateful to finally be here!