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Tomorrow is the day.......

Izzy03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
Messages
613
......my parents are coming to move the rest of my stuff out of the house I share with my husband! I initially left a lot of stuff behind because I was getting cold feet and was overwhelmed by the thought of moving my entire life out of my home. When I left several weeks ago, it felt kinda like a "relationship vacation". However, this time it feels like a real separation.

I called him today to tell him that I would moving all of my stuff out tomorrow. He immediately became upset and started asking what he was suppose to tell our neices/nephews, our friends, other family members, what about the business, what about our fur babies, etc. I told him that none of those things are as important as our health and safety. The marriage has become toxic and is making both of us sick emotionally and physically. I also made a point to tell him that after all the horrible things he said to me last weekend, I didn't understand why he wanted to be with me anyways. He was surprisingly understanding, I think he may have in his mind that this is temporary.

He said something to the effect of "Well, if you think that this is the best thing to do to make us stronger, then I think you should do it." I didn't respond to that comment. I understand that me moving my ENTIRE life out of here isn't to scare him straight, or to "fix" the relationship. It is about my happiness and safety. If by chance he was able to make some miraculous change, then maybe I would consider trying again, but I know it is unlikely that will happen, and it certainly wouldn't happen in few months. Sure, things will seem great once we are away from each other, we'll get along like when we were dating, his temper won't come up at all. However, once life takes over, the chances are pretty high that he will revert to his poor coping mechanisms. I am going to try my hardest to stick to my guns and not fall for the facade. For now, I am going into this with no plans except to get away and communicate with him only when absolutely necessary.

My schedule has been so crazy, and I need to begin hitting the books hard to study for my boards rather than allowing this marriage to drain my energy. I believe someone on this message board told me sometimes one of the great thing about divorce is that it takes time. Its not a cold turkey deal. This will give me time to clear my head and look at things from a different perspective. Perhaps all of the things that have kept me around for so long will seem meaningless in a few months, and I will realize the dreams are not worth holding onto. I need baby steps, its just the way I was built. But for the first time in months, I am confident in my decisions. As for now, I feel great. I know 100% that I am doing the right thing, and that I have done EVERYTHING I could to make the marriage work.

I'm a little nervous, and a little excited. Most importantly, I am very hopeful that one way or another, I am on my way to happiness again. Thanks for all the hugs you guys offered and the boots you kept up my a$$. Sorry it took me so long to get to this point, but I am grateful to finally be here!
 

choro72

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
1,867
:appl: :appl: :appl:
I applaud your strength. Stay safe, and good luck with your studies! Glad to hear your family is helping you out.
 

Izzy03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
Messages
613
I think in celebration of this occasion, I will have McDonald's for dinner. Not only will I NOT feel guilty about it, I will NOT compensate with extra time at the gym either!!!

Sheesh! I may run there.........stark naked! Singing and dancing!!
 

dreamer_dachsie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
24,364
Good for you Izzy!

Remember your threads when things get hard, eh? You will be sorely tempted at times to go to him, call him, engage with him if you feel lonely. Make plans *now* for what you will do instead of calling your ex. And if possible, have little to no contact with him in the next 3-6 months. You need that time to really separate mentally from him, you know? My advice here is based on my own serious breakup in my early 20s. Separating physically is much faster than mentally, and its important to have a plan how to handle those weak moments. Just like you need a plan for how to avoid eating an entire pizza watching sex and the city reruns... or wait, is what only me? :rodent:

Now go eat your McDonald's and enjoy it! Have a flurry too, those things are like gold.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
Izzy, you have put your feet on the path to a healthy life. congrats! and please go back and read each and every post, especially your post in this thread, should doubts begin to assail you.

MoZo
 

GamerGirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2011
Messages
175
Yay! Congrats on taking this step - and I hope you enjoyed you McD's :appl:
If you are ever feeling weak just post on the single ladies thread and we will be there to talk you out of contacting him. I think this will be a GREAT thing for you.
 

Cluless

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2011
Messages
835
Izzy, you go girl. I commend you for finding the courage to do this, big hugs to you. Please from now on only look forwards, no looking back think about you, your health, your happiness. I hope you enjoyed your MD and smiled while you were enyoing it, now that felt nice didn't it. Keep your chin up go finish your studies and tomorrow will bring more smiles xo.
 

lliang_chi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
3,740
Izzy, Bravo for you. You're doing great. You'll have this time to center on yourself, don't waste it. A few ladies in your previous threads urged you to get talk to a counselor and I think it's important. You're going through a big change in your life. Regardless of how you feel it's a big change, and talking to someone will help you process everything in a constructive productive manner.

Stay strong!
 

somethingshiny

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
6,746
Good luck, Izzy! I think you're going to be surprised at how good life can be!
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,038
I hope after you are done with your boards you take some time to work on YOU. That's what makes someone healthy. Leaving him is the first of many steps you will need to take. Good luck.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Tacori E-ring|1306530480|2931947 said:
I hope after you are done with your boards you take some time to work on YOU. That's what makes someone healthy. Leaving him is the first of many steps you will need to take. Good luck.
Ditto Tacori. And congratulations on taking this step-I think with time (and work on yourself) you'll be able to see that you're much better off without him.

Good luck to you!
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,849
Agree with MovieZombie. Also, count on him NEVER making a miraculous change/recovery. Just worry about YOU. My very best wishes to you, dear.
 

Izzy03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
Messages
613
Thanks everyone, it has been quite the adjustment. I am surprised at well I have been holding up considering my new living situation isn't the most ideal, but thats just me being a princess, after all its only for 6 weeks tops!

I miss him, but not enough to break down and call. I've been pretty busy between clinicals and moving, but now the dust is settling so it'll be interesting to see what happens. I am not ruling out a reconciliation, but a lot has to change and I want to make sure if I return to the marriage it will be for the right reasons. Time will tell.

I know whichever way this goes, I will be just fine. So, lately I have been thinking, if this doesn't work out, it would be so cool to move somewhere now! Right now I am thinking Austin or San Antonio.
 

Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,628
If by chance he was able to make some miraculous change, then maybe I would consider trying again, but I know it is unlikely that will happen, and it certainly wouldn't happen in few months. Sure, things will seem great once we are away from each other, we'll get along like when we were dating, his temper won't come up at all. However, once life takes over, the chances are pretty high that he will revert to his poor coping mechanisms.

I applaud your realistic outlook that these behaviors aren't easy to change and won't unless there is intensive therapy and a desire on the part of the "offender".

I wish you the best.
 

Indylady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
5,574
Izzy, lots of luck and thinking of you! Way to go! :appl:
 
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