Brides are crazy. It brings out their color. Sometimes, it isn''t the best color. I don''t think this excuses her behavior. It was HORRIBLE.
That said, I complained a little about my bridesmaid... but at the time I was confused. Nothing made sense. But our relationship was a complex one. We had been friends for 15+ years and I was the girl who never thought about getting married. She was the one who dreamed of it since she was a little girl. I think she just thought it would happen to her FIRST, and was jealous. I just know she didn''t intend on being soo hurtful to me... but it doesn''t make it hurt any less.
THIS IS DIFFERENT. You did not deserve to be her doormat. Her behaviour was inexcusable. Now I am soo sorry about your feelings, but you just need to u/s - she was possessed. Clearly! It doesn''t detract from your day, any more or any less... you just now know how to treat people that you care about. As far as how you are posting, I always feel you are very sweet and supportive. I am sorry YOU don''t feel that way. Now I am not newbie, but I did see your response, and didn''t think anything of it. She is perfectly entitled to her feelings, as I think brides get really crazy in the last moments, ESPECIALLY WITH THINGS OUTSIDE THEIR CONTROL... but sometimes you just need to realize that it is a special time in your life... but really JUST A SPECIAL DAY to those around you. Some brides have a hard time understanding that... and you end up with situations like what you experienced.
I am sure you were totally fine. I don''t know how her perspective was... but I am not kidding when I had some serious questions about my friends'' intentions.. which is why everything i posted I tried to keep... well generic. Now you probably saw my - should you wear white post.. but that was crazy. No it didnt bother me at the time, but paired with everything else, I was confused. The month before I got engaged my MOH was dating a guy. Told me he was crazy and she just didn''t like him. I get engaged. The NEXT WEEK she decides to start dating him again. Before I''ve even picked my venue 4 months later, she pressures him to allow her to move in with him, even though it risks being disowned by his father, and having to LIE about living together. When I want to talk about the invitations, she is asking how she gets him to propose to her. This is 4 1/2 months in.
My shower happens (which she was sooo bored and posted pictures I gave her of her "yawning through her MOH duties" on the internet), and she does her duties, and is in a hurry to leave because she wants me to go out w/ her and her BF even though I have relatives in town. I agree because I had not met him before. The entire time they talk about what they want for their wedding and why my choices aren''t... their choices. Then I have to watch them MAKE OUT for an hour. Seriously, we''re adults, and he is groping her breasts and sticking his hand in between her legs uncomfortably close to her privates. I ask them to take me home as I am grossed out and appalled that this guy would disrespect my friend like this in front of me. I totally disapprove, but she was happy, so I was too. Then I hear about how she cannot afford to take off time from work, to spend the day before with me and the girls to get our nails done and go out to lunch (MY TREAT) and could not afford to get the $80 discounted rate on a hotel room for after the wedding. I was okay with this, until she tells me that they decided to get a hotel room in town for no reason... just a date night. They went shopping, bought a new dress, went to dinner, went to a nice show, and stayed at a nice hotel. The entire "just a date night" event was approx $900.00. They can spend their money how they want, but she told me about this, in the SAME BREATH THAT SHE SAID SHE CANNOT AFFORD THE ROOM AFTER OUR WEDDING. I was hurt, because they just DID NOT want to spend their money on this... her delivery was painful.
Then there was the actual week of. She was NEVER available for anything, and was LATE to the rehearsal. She shows up in a white dress, and it doesn''t bother me, I just think, maybe she doesn''t know that this might make me uncomfortable. Not because of the UPSTAGING the bride bit, but because just the fact that you are late, and THEN IN WHITE really draws attn to you and your outfit. I think, weird, but could be an accident. So we wait while she blushes and takes her place. The day of, she wore brand new shoes, that she hadn''t broken in (YES SHE KNOWS BETTER) and SURPRISE gets blisters all over her feet. So she is SERIOUSLY POUTING in the pictures in the background (we had to throw out about 150 pictures because of this, non crop-able). This is BEFORE THE WEDDING. I ask if she brought her emergency kit bag that I made for everyone, which had bandaids, and footgel in them amongst other things, she says she forgot it, so I get out mine and patched her up. Then it was the ceremony and she was perfect, and I could feel that she was really happy for me. She was finally smiling and gushing. Ahh, there was my long lost friend! She sat next to me through dinner and was fine too, great in fact. Then her BF asked her father for his permission to ask her to marry him. I had already told him (I had a WEIRD FEELING) that he had better not propose during my reception or I would give him a beat down. Then they start TELLING EVERYONE, I am sure she was embarrassed and that is why she left, but she left IMMEDIATELY after the bridal party dance around 9 or so. She did not stay, and I was surprised and hurt. They left because they were going ring shopping the next morning, and she wanted to pick a HUGE RING. She had made some comments which made me think she was intentionally trying to get a ring, well, bigger than mine. (Hence another post topic about ring size I posted.) I don''t care how big my ring is compared to others, but I honestly wondered if this happens to people, and well if it happened to my friend.
She got engaged while I was on my honeymoon, and it has been about her ever since. Afterwards she did not even LOOK at any of my wedding pictures. (You think she''d at least be interested in how SHE looked in them right... human curiousity?? Nope.) She planned her entire wedding in 3 weeks, signed all vendors and made serious demands when her wedding was 13 months away. I won''t even go into it, because I think she just started freaking early.
I did not expect it to be me, me, me... but I just feel like my friend was in such a rush to get to where I was, that she wasnt enjoying her ride, or happy for me and mine. Are we still friends. OF COURSE. I understand that brides get crazy, and people can sometimes, not act their best. But I was still hurt by what I felt to be petty jealousy. Yes I felt it before hand, did I yell at her... well no. (I did look on PS hundreds of times to see if there was a topic similar to mine, I was a LONG LONG TIME LURKER.)
So why do I share my story? Just to say, everyone has their perspective. She could write something like... My relationship was moving soo quickly with the man I love and my crazy bitch of a bride just is soo selfish. I thought out of all people SHE''D be happy for me, but it seemed like she was acting weird. Like she was judging me, for stealing her time.... blah blah blah.
But I am one of those people who checks myself... I am not quick to fire, when she sent me her engagement pictures (received A WEEK after I got my wedding pictures back) I really was happy and genuinely commented about which ones I liked best. I just thought she might do the same... but then this is her time to shine, and mine is over.
I just wanted to let you know, sometimes little things can be hurtful. But I never told her how much she hurt me. Actually this is the only time I''ve really ever let it out. i just don''t think she knows or meant to do so hurtfully, so I dont hold any illwill or hard feelings. I am just making sure during HER TURN I do everything for her that she DIDNT do for me.
Maybe you could do that... look at your wedding like a fresh start... one to wipe the slate clean and fill with your dreams, your hopes, and YOUR LOVE for your FI. I think I am hitting the PS limit on space here... sorry.
That just makes me smile SO big!!! And, lastly, the fact that he relished the rain during her ceremony and said something to you just showed you that he's totally backing you up 100% and wanted you to know it. 
