Wedding To my friends on BWW: A confession and apology

[Shoopy]

Ever since the disaster that was my ex-friend’s wedding, I have been completely turned off with weddings in general. The reason why I haven’t planned a thing for my own wedding is because every time I think about it, I think about what happened, and I end up wanting to throw up. That’s how affected I am by those events. (For those that don’t know the history, this is the original post: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-am-so-so-sad-right-now-and-dont-know-what-to-do.101494/)

I’m trying to get past it because I really want to be able to plan my own wedding and get excited about it as I was before. Even having the headache of the guest list still made me feel so excited. And now nothing. My poor FI has asked about 20 times since that night when are we going to get married and every time I say ‘I don’t know.’

Anyway, that’s my confession. And the apology part comes in because I also noticed that when it comes to questions about BMs or if someone posts about arguments they have with their BMs, I immediately get very defensive. So if I post something like that and it hurts your feeling, I’m sorry!

Totally random post…I know!

 

[Porridge]

Aw Fiery...that bi*** ruined her own wedding! Don''t let her ruin yours too. I still can''t believe how atrocious her behaviour was. Have you heard anything from her?!? Ew actually never mind, forget her altogether, come here to your nice, normal (albeit virtual

) friends, and take joy out of planning your own, beautiful wedding! Do it for us...we love it!

 

[elrohwen]

Fiery, that's totally understandable! My confession is that I'm often sick of wedding planning and more excited about getting to the honeymoon (yay vacation!) than actually having the wedding. And when I see or hear about bridezilla type behavior, I know it turns me off from my own wedding a bit. I think some girls are programmed to be excited no matter what, but some of us are a little more fickle

It'll come back to you!

My only suggestion is to change things up. I don't remember if you have a venue or anything, but maybe if you had thought of doing one thing, change it up completely. Maybe starting over like that will bring the excitement level up.

 

[cbs102]

Fiery, her behavior was completely unjustified. you have moved in...you are having a baby and youWILL be getting married.... i say you jump right in feet first.

and there is no need to apologize. i often think that you give amazingly sound advice!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/3/2009 4:43:51 PM
Author: cbs102
Fiery, her behavior was completely unjustified. you have moved in...you are having a baby and youWILL be getting married.... i say you jump right in feet first.

and there is no need to apologize. i often think that you give amazingly sound advice!

Ditto

 

[decodelighted]

Don''t be too tough on yourself ... lots of folks have periods like this pre-wedding. It doesn''t even take a wedding-related trauma!

You are not her. Weddings do bring out drama in people -- so its good to temper your expectations ... but if all the joy & excitement has been sucked out by your *fear* of drama or by the stressful memories:

a) start small. look around for little pockets of joy. whole weddings can stem from a single image or silly favor or idea or word or detail. once you get pick one little thing the whole picture starts to form.

b) practice gratitude. be actively grateful for all of the wonderful people left in your life -- especially your fiance. Grateful for the people who''ve lived to share your moment. Grateful that you''re in a position to afford whatever type of wedding you''re aiming for.

c) let go of blame. really hash out what happened to you and realize that you are not to blame for ANY of it. You might even have a bit of post-traumatic stress around the issue.

If these little ideas don''t start helping, you might want to talk to a CSW or priest or something. To get more coping ideas & to make sure you''re not actually ambivalent about *being married* .. rather than wedding planning itself.

Good LUCK! I had a tough time getting started myself ... but it was more about dreading having to do "the same old play" I''d always seen. Once we figured ways to make it "ours" it was much more exciting & manageable.

 

[FrekeChild]

Hugs lady!!!

You''re such a class act, and that stupid chick did not deserve your wonderful friendship!

Do you want to get excited about wedding planning again? What do you think would get you excited?

 

[Shoopy]

Thanks ladies (and thanks Deco for the tips! I’m going to print those out).

I know it was completely random but I thought about it because I answered newbie’s question about her Bridesmaid. When I had the first response written, I re-read and realized it was as if I was talking to this ex-friend and not newbie so I deleted. Then I got paranoid that maybe I’ve been that way with others LOL. I just need to hurry up and get over it. It’s so bad that whenever I hear the Jason Mraz “I’m yours” song, I have to run and turn it off because that was their song. Oh boy…

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Honey, I''m happy to help you out and help you plan anyway I can from long distance. Seriously, I''ve done it before for freinds. Please don''t let that woman affect your potential happiness with your wonderful fiance, and don''t let her punish you or him. If you need anything just page me. As Deco said, it can often be one thing that sparks it all up again... for me it was my bouquet.

((HUGE HUGS))

 

[violet3]

Oh, i still feel so terrible for you! i cannot even go back and read that thread again, because it upset me so much before. don''t let that ruin your planning - you deserve to have a beautiful wedding with your friends and your family who care about you. I hope you are feeling better about it soon, but honestly I can completely understand why you are "off" the weddings right now. So sorry!

 

[honey22]

You are nothing but a sweetie!! And one of my favorite members around here.

Don''t let that toxic woman ruin this special time for you and your DF!!!!

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think your feelings are totally understandable in light of what happened to you.

I think the best way to get past it is to try really hard to focus on any happy memories you have of joyous weddings, and to focus on how special your wedding to your FI will be - what a wonderful representation of the start of your life together.

 

[tlh]

Brides are crazy. It brings out their color. Sometimes, it isn''t the best color. I don''t think this excuses her behavior. It was HORRIBLE.
That said, I complained a little about my bridesmaid... but at the time I was confused. Nothing made sense. But our relationship was a complex one. We had been friends for 15+ years and I was the girl who never thought about getting married. She was the one who dreamed of it since she was a little girl. I think she just thought it would happen to her FIRST, and was jealous. I just know she didn''t intend on being soo hurtful to me... but it doesn''t make it hurt any less.

THIS IS DIFFERENT. You did not deserve to be her doormat. Her behaviour was inexcusable. Now I am soo sorry about your feelings, but you just need to u/s - she was possessed. Clearly! It doesn''t detract from your day, any more or any less... you just now know how to treat people that you care about. As far as how you are posting, I always feel you are very sweet and supportive. I am sorry YOU don''t feel that way. Now I am not newbie, but I did see your response, and didn''t think anything of it. She is perfectly entitled to her feelings, as I think brides get really crazy in the last moments, ESPECIALLY WITH THINGS OUTSIDE THEIR CONTROL... but sometimes you just need to realize that it is a special time in your life... but really JUST A SPECIAL DAY to those around you. Some brides have a hard time understanding that... and you end up with situations like what you experienced.

I am sure you were totally fine. I don''t know how her perspective was... but I am not kidding when I had some serious questions about my friends'' intentions.. which is why everything i posted I tried to keep... well generic. Now you probably saw my - should you wear white post.. but that was crazy. No it didnt bother me at the time, but paired with everything else, I was confused. The month before I got engaged my MOH was dating a guy. Told me he was crazy and she just didn''t like him. I get engaged. The NEXT WEEK she decides to start dating him again. Before I''ve even picked my venue 4 months later, she pressures him to allow her to move in with him, even though it risks being disowned by his father, and having to LIE about living together. When I want to talk about the invitations, she is asking how she gets him to propose to her. This is 4 1/2 months in.

My shower happens (which she was sooo bored and posted pictures I gave her of her "yawning through her MOH duties" on the internet), and she does her duties, and is in a hurry to leave because she wants me to go out w/ her and her BF even though I have relatives in town. I agree because I had not met him before. The entire time they talk about what they want for their wedding and why my choices aren''t... their choices. Then I have to watch them MAKE OUT for an hour. Seriously, we''re adults, and he is groping her breasts and sticking his hand in between her legs uncomfortably close to her privates. I ask them to take me home as I am grossed out and appalled that this guy would disrespect my friend like this in front of me. I totally disapprove, but she was happy, so I was too. Then I hear about how she cannot afford to take off time from work, to spend the day before with me and the girls to get our nails done and go out to lunch (MY TREAT) and could not afford to get the $80 discounted rate on a hotel room for after the wedding. I was okay with this, until she tells me that they decided to get a hotel room in town for no reason... just a date night. They went shopping, bought a new dress, went to dinner, went to a nice show, and stayed at a nice hotel. The entire "just a date night" event was approx $900.00. They can spend their money how they want, but she told me about this, in the SAME BREATH THAT SHE SAID SHE CANNOT AFFORD THE ROOM AFTER OUR WEDDING. I was hurt, because they just DID NOT want to spend their money on this... her delivery was painful.

Then there was the actual week of. She was NEVER available for anything, and was LATE to the rehearsal. She shows up in a white dress, and it doesn''t bother me, I just think, maybe she doesn''t know that this might make me uncomfortable. Not because of the UPSTAGING the bride bit, but because just the fact that you are late, and THEN IN WHITE really draws attn to you and your outfit. I think, weird, but could be an accident. So we wait while she blushes and takes her place. The day of, she wore brand new shoes, that she hadn''t broken in (YES SHE KNOWS BETTER) and SURPRISE gets blisters all over her feet. So she is SERIOUSLY POUTING in the pictures in the background (we had to throw out about 150 pictures because of this, non crop-able). This is BEFORE THE WEDDING. I ask if she brought her emergency kit bag that I made for everyone, which had bandaids, and footgel in them amongst other things, she says she forgot it, so I get out mine and patched her up. Then it was the ceremony and she was perfect, and I could feel that she was really happy for me. She was finally smiling and gushing. Ahh, there was my long lost friend! She sat next to me through dinner and was fine too, great in fact. Then her BF asked her father for his permission to ask her to marry him. I had already told him (I had a WEIRD FEELING) that he had better not propose during my reception or I would give him a beat down. Then they start TELLING EVERYONE, I am sure she was embarrassed and that is why she left, but she left IMMEDIATELY after the bridal party dance around 9 or so. She did not stay, and I was surprised and hurt. They left because they were going ring shopping the next morning, and she wanted to pick a HUGE RING. She had made some comments which made me think she was intentionally trying to get a ring, well, bigger than mine. (Hence another post topic about ring size I posted.) I don''t care how big my ring is compared to others, but I honestly wondered if this happens to people, and well if it happened to my friend.

She got engaged while I was on my honeymoon, and it has been about her ever since. Afterwards she did not even LOOK at any of my wedding pictures. (You think she''d at least be interested in how SHE looked in them right... human curiousity?? Nope.) She planned her entire wedding in 3 weeks, signed all vendors and made serious demands when her wedding was 13 months away. I won''t even go into it, because I think she just started freaking early.

I did not expect it to be me, me, me... but I just feel like my friend was in such a rush to get to where I was, that she wasnt enjoying her ride, or happy for me and mine. Are we still friends. OF COURSE. I understand that brides get crazy, and people can sometimes, not act their best. But I was still hurt by what I felt to be petty jealousy. Yes I felt it before hand, did I yell at her... well no. (I did look on PS hundreds of times to see if there was a topic similar to mine, I was a LONG LONG TIME LURKER.)

So why do I share my story? Just to say, everyone has their perspective. She could write something like... My relationship was moving soo quickly with the man I love and my crazy bitch of a bride just is soo selfish. I thought out of all people SHE''D be happy for me, but it seemed like she was acting weird. Like she was judging me, for stealing her time.... blah blah blah.

But I am one of those people who checks myself... I am not quick to fire, when she sent me her engagement pictures (received A WEEK after I got my wedding pictures back) I really was happy and genuinely commented about which ones I liked best. I just thought she might do the same... but then this is her time to shine, and mine is over.

I just wanted to let you know, sometimes little things can be hurtful. But I never told her how much she hurt me. Actually this is the only time I''ve really ever let it out. i just don''t think she knows or meant to do so hurtfully, so I dont hold any illwill or hard feelings. I am just making sure during HER TURN I do everything for her that she DIDNT do for me.

Maybe you could do that... look at your wedding like a fresh start... one to wipe the slate clean and fill with your dreams, your hopes, and YOUR LOVE for your FI. I think I am hitting the PS limit on space here... sorry.

 

[tlh]

Wow, sorry about the that long post. All I just wanted to say, was don''t let someone else''s bad attitude ruin your special moment. I just get a little long winded. Start smaller, like colors and things like that... and it will come back.
(HUGS)

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Okay, So I just read what happened with your 'friend' and her awful behavior and I want to say that even MORE than her wretchedness, what stood out to me was something else entirely. That 'something' was: you have a WOOOOOOOOONDERFUL guy! WOW!! WOW!

Seriously?! Can I tell you all a 'secret?' (LOL..as secret as it'll be on a public forum..lol)....but my FI wouldn't have grabbed my purse and gone into the bathroom to get me and said 'we're leaving.' Know what he would've done? Just sat there. Not said anything. He wouldn't have tried to get this friend to go talk to me or calm down or anything. He wouldn't have defended me (certainly not out loud to others, but probably not even to me). He'd probably try to justify her behavior. My FI (although I love him to death), cares TOO MUCH what other people might think of him if he does ANYTHING, that he ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS does NOTHING!!! GRRR...(LOL...sorry, this isn't about me...) *

When I read that he went downstairs to figure out about checking out and brought you up a key lime pie?? I'm sorry, but THAT was probably the SWEETEST thing EVER!! Why? Because in the midst of being upset about what that psycho did to you and wanting to take care of the situation (ie, checking out, etc.), he was still MORE concerned with taking care of YOU!! And making sure YOU were okay!!! That just makes me smile SO big!!! And, lastly, the fact that he relished the rain during her ceremony and said something to you just showed you that he's totally backing you up 100% and wanted you to know it.

Anyway, I'm saying all of this for one major reason - HE was the one who was there FOR you and WITH you throughout that ENTIRE horrible fiasco and you know what?? He'll be there WITH you and FOR you during the entire planning process, too (I'm sure!). And, the fact that HE is asking you 'when do you want to get married?' makes me think he REALLY, REALLY wants to be your husband!! And, you're sort of denying him that. Please don't misunderstand me when I say that. I know it's not your intention to do so and I'm 100% convinced that he understands why it's hard for you to go through with the process and everything, but please take a step back and just look at him. Look at the guy you love and who SO OBVIOUSLY loves you, and realize HE is what matters and HE is what it's all about!!

Have a small ceremony with only 10 people if you want to! It doesn't have to be elaborate or give you hives or anxiety. Just make it happen. Okay..that's my advice, and I really pray that you'll take it to heart. He sounds like a really great guy and the love you two share is bigger than any 'one day party' (because, come on, when it comes right down to it, that's what a wedding is. I personally think we've hyped it up WAAAY too much these days, but that's just my opinion and I digress...LOL)

Big hugs,
Rachel (Rae) <-yep, that's the first time I've used my REAL NAME on ANY PS post...lol.


*Just wanted to say that I know it may sound like "well why are you marrying this guy then?" based on what I've said, but the truth is: no one is perfect and he makes up for those 'little' (and sometimes big) things that annoy me in many other ways. And I love him to pieces and I know he loves me and I think he's just had bad role modeling for showing love to others (not talking about (physical) affection, though his family isn't big on that either, but like "his love language").

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Aww...TLH. I'm so sorry what happened to you!!! That was YOUR wedding and that was so rude and disrespectful of her!! The part where you talk about bring out the emergency kit YOU MADE FOR EVERYONE and patching up HER FEET, you'd think SHE was the bride and you the MOH!!

Honestly? Are you SURE you want to be a friend (or a close one, anyway) with someone like this? And, are you sure you want to be her MOH? (It sounded like you assume she'd ask you to be? Unless maybe she already has) I ask you that because, seeing what she did not at HER WEDDING, i can only imagine the drama when it is HER WEDDING. :'( I just feel so so bad for you and I'm so sorry she was such a jerk. Honestly, even if she thought those things you posted, how can she possibly rationalize that? It was YOUR TIME - regardless of how she was feeling, she should've stepped back and done HER DUTY as your friend.

Sorry to have hijacked the thread...but I just wanted to reply to TLH.

Hugs to both of you girls!

PS Just wanted to say, I've had major regrets about my MOH and thinking I chose the wrong person, etc. In fact, she just moved away TODAY, and on Sunday at her 'going away party' said she'll be back up the week before my wedding. I asked her if she'd come to my bridal shower and she said 'I don't know if I can. I might be working.' I didn't reply to that. What could I say? But, in truth, I mean, she doesn't even have a job yet - she just moved there and is staying with family she's got there - and I think if she DID get a job, couldn't she request that off right away? I mean, usually when you're first hired somewhere, if you say you have plans on certain dates already that you can't change, they are usually very lenient with allowing you to take those days off...whether paid or unpaid. And, it's not like 5 months isn't enough advanced notice, right? *sigh* The thought has crossed my mind that maybe I'm just a bad friend and that's why my friends aren't that great to me. Maybe I push them too much or whatever? I don't know....I just know I would give anything to have a MOH (or even a BM) like you Fiery, or even you TLH. :-\

 

[VRBeauty]

Fiery, it''s totally understandable that your so-called friend''s behavior would leave you with a bad taste when it comes to anything wedding-related. But... you are not her, your FI is not her now-hubby, and your real friends and family are all rooting for you and want you to have a wedding day that''s perfect for you and your FI! Have you and your sweetie sat down and had a talk about what you each want in your wedding lately? Can you have a wedding shopping or planning excursion with your mother? Hopefully you''ll get re-energized once you take that first step...

Good luck!

 

[lliang_chi]

Fiery,

We can help you get excited about getting married again. We''ll start with areas that are fun and not necessarily wedding related, e.g. shoes. Freke''s oh-so-good at getting everyone hot and bothered about shoes (I mean that in the best possible way, Freke. You have stunning taste!).

Your FI sounds like a million bucks, what a keeper!

 

[FrekeChild]

LMAO.

Fiery. Shoes. Shoes are fun. Shoes can make an outfit. Besides, if shoe shopping wasn''t as fun, I probably would have stopped doing it by now...

 

[cammy85]

Fiery,

You gave me such good advice when I was going through a similar situation - though not nearly as shocking as yours - not to mention you give everyone else good advice on anything you respond to. You and I are somewhat in the same boat - I am still having trouble letting go, and getting over it, and mine wasn''t nearly as traumatic as yours was. Every once in a while I think about the wedding and get a little sad because people I always assumed would be there wouldn''t be (2 grandmothers passed away, my "2nd mom" has only been given about 3 months max to live so she won''t have the strength to go, and my best friend of 20 years who I''ve pretty much severed ties with now). There are also some events from my past that really cause me some pause and at times make me feel guilty for being so excited about my wedding.

Wow, that was a lot about me. What I''m trying to say is, there are always going to be things that bring you down if you let them. People can''t make the wedding, you see people''s true colors, unexpected things happen. I try so hard to be thankful for the people that CAN make it, and I''m trying to plan it so I''ll have time to visit my ''2nd mom'' all dressed up in my wedding ''gear'' if she is not able to make it to the wedding.

I really hope you can look at it from the perspective of seeing all the people who love you and cannot wait to see how happy you are and wish you well. You do not deserve to be unhappy, and if you let your ex-friend have that sort of impact on your wedding day, then she is still having some control over you (she''d probably be happy you were upset she wasn''t there - from what i know from your story)

In all honestly too, this sounds terrible, but if ''friends'' are going to be jerks and you get to see their true colors, I''d much rather have it happen BEFORE the wedding then after, at least they won''t be in all the wedding pictures reminding you of the fallout.

 

[tlh]

Newsboysgirl- thanks for your concern, it is sweet.

Yes, I was asked to be her MOH, and then asked not to be MOH. Either way I am okay with it, I am a BM and still a good friend. I did not let her shanninigans ruin our wedding day. Our wedding, ROCKED. Plus, I didnt care about the wedding (SHOCK!) I have always cared about the marriage, the wedding was just a kick a$$ party. (Firey, sorry it I threadjacked a little.)

Fiery, this is what I want you to understand... it is the marriage that is AWESOME. It doesn''t really change a lot... but, well in some ways it does. You still have this wonderful partner, but a piece of paper connects you. But it ends up being MORE than just legal documents. It is wonderful. I didn''t think there was any more room in my heart, but there was... and it is great. Newsboysgirl was right. You have a great FI. What a completely wonderful guy. He is a rock, a solid foundation, and I think that is what I would take away from that.

So, I am sure you are probably still reading my last REALLY long post. That was my wedding, now she is planning hers. She has done some things that are very BRIDEZILLAESQUE. Things that make me question if I even KNOW HER. I know when this is all over and done with, I can see... because it seems like weddings brought out a bad color in her. Envy green through mine, and I dont know what color b!tch is. She is not a mean person, which is strange, she is soo sweet and polite, so it is NOT done in a mean way... I just think she is soo wrapped in herself she doesn''t think how it could affect others.

She has asked all the girls to buy bridesmaids dresses. pretty standard right? Well, she gave us the store and the dress model. They Ended up about $280, which wasn''t too bad... but then she DEMANDED that they be purchased before Christmas. (Note her wedding is in October.) Now since we agreed to buy these dresses anyway, it wasn''t that big of a deal... only, a couple of the girls work retail, had their hours slashed, and were only making about $7-9 an hour and working 20 hours a week. This was a terrible surprise to them, right before the holidays. But she didnt call us, she sent a weekly email about the dress every Tuesday. It was very passive aggressive, and it was like even when the girls explained they had to save up, (their ccards were maxed) she would still send the email, do you have the dress yet. It was frustrating because I know she was just trying to follow up, but when someone tells you that hey, You just told me on thanksgiving about the dress, and now you want us to pay for it before christmas! What?

That was not bad. She asked a bridesmaid, once she found out that she would give birth 2 months before the wedding (she lives out of town) to not bring her baby with her to the event. This bridesmaid was shocked. (She has several children and the bride has never once come to visit her or meet ANY of her children.) The bride told her that she did not want to have to wait for her during photos and stuff for her to feed and check on the baby, couldnt she just leave the baby w/ her husband and formula feed or something? She was offended, because she always breast feeds her baby. I told the bride she needed to think about what was important to her, (she didnt want infants at her wedding.) I understood this, as I did not want them either... so we talked. Her FI wants kids at the wedding, and they have the cut off at 3 yr olds. I told her that I think it would be hard to tell people w/ newborns not to bring their children. (because I think it would be hard to split a family like that, but it has been done.) I asked her what is important... (thinking what is a stretch from newborns to three???) and she said she doesnt want babies there. So she called her friend and told her not to be a bridesmaid anymore and to tend to her baby as a guest. Now I have a feeling that she won''t be coming, at all. This was just WEEKS after she got engaged.

I was asked not to cut my hair. I had been growing my hair out for the wedding, and just wanted it gone. (I donated to locks for love.) I had to ask her "permission" and basically as long as it is long enough to get into an updo... we''re good. I am thinking are you just wanting barbies next to you? or your friends? Well I pulled a Demi Moore Ghost, and took it to a full pixie. (I am an obstinate little thing, and donated about 20" of hair.)

This is a girl I have been really good friends with for YEARS. Basically I am just giving her some space. I dont want to be in a warpath, and I think that she has just dreamed of the perfect wedding for soo long, it is what she is fixated on... not the feelings of the ones she loves. I only bring all this up, just to show you that you aren''t alone. Some brides are crazy!!!! Just wait till the aftermath.

Now I was thinking about why you aren''t in the mood... is it because you are afraid of becoming that crazy bride? You don''t have to be. Yes I was stressed, and yes things went wrong at my wedding. It was sorta the poster for Murphey''s law... but my man was there, the priest was there, and we got hitched... adn are enjoying being married. Every minute of it. But ask me if I would want to change anything, and I''d say... YES! I''d go off and have the wedding he and I wanted, not what everyone else wanted. But, it was beautiful none-the-less, and I have a great album to look at and remember. (I picked the happiest shots!

)

So hugs.... the spirit is easy to catch! Just start talking... start small... what was your and your FI''s vision before?

 

[cbs102]

Fiery,
Do you miss this friend? Could that be why?? even though she was rotten to the core..are you a little sad that she is not going to be at your wedding??


Also- on a side note..does she know that you are preggo?

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/4/2009 9:26:27 AM
Author: cbs102
Fiery,
Do you miss this friend? Could that be why?? even though she was rotten to the core..are you a little sad that she is not going to be at your wedding??


Also- on a side note..does she know that you are preggo?

OMG! You''re pregnant! Congrats! Wow, those hormonal changes in your body could maybe be an explanation to a lot of these feelings. I am soooo happy for you!

 

[Bia]

Date: 2/4/2009 9:26:27 AM
Author: cbs102
Fiery,
Do you miss this friend? Could that be why?? even though she was rotten to the core..are you a little sad that she is not going to be at your wedding??


Also- on a side note..does she know that you are preggo?

Tell me you don''t miss her girl...

That girl is crazy. I would not continue being friends with someone who hurt me that much. Forgive? Yea, no problem. But BFF again? Hell no.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 2/4/2009 9:38:08 AM
Author: Bia

Date: 2/4/2009 9:26:27 AM
Author: cbs102
Fiery,
Do you miss this friend? Could that be why?? even though she was rotten to the core..are you a little sad that she is not going to be at your wedding??


Also- on a side note..does she know that you are preggo?

Tell me you don''t miss her girl...

That girl is crazy. I would not continue being friends with someone who hurt me that much. Forgive? Yea, no problem. But BFF again? Hell no.

its always hard to say goodbye to a friendship no matter how big of a b!tch she was. they do have history.

 

[Shoopy]

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

Gypsy-Thanks for the offer, especially from someone whose wedding was so beautiful!

Violet-That’s how I feel. I can’t even think about it without getting so upset. Thanks!

Honey-Thanks! He feels the same way. He keeps saying that we’re letting her bring in her negativity as she always did.

Amber-Thanks. That’s what I need to do…happy thoughts, happy thoughts LOL

Tlh: I’m so glad you’re a member here. You always have such great insight and advice. And for your situation with your BM, I would have felt the same, honestly. She acted horribly. Did she ask you to be a MOH or BM by chance? I can’t believe she asked you not to cut your hair LOL. Craziness. Our vision before was simple: close family/friends maybe 60 people tops, in this place that we both loved that was more of a tent behind someone’s house but it was gorgeous.

Newsboygrl-LOL FI is my ‘patience.’ Whenever I’m flipping out or about to flip out, he saves the day. Honestly, I was surprised he didn’t say/do more because he does not like her. He has never really liked her. I didn’t think ‘why are you marrying this guy’ everyone has their thing. While he saves my day, in social situations he’s pretty much a wall…doesn’t say anything, barely looks people in the eye, etc. I guess everyone has a little ‘eh’ side to them. Sorry about your friend. Weddings just bring out the crazy in people.

VR-We haven’t talked about details lately. He’ll just ask every once in a while what the plans are. He has offered solutions because he knows that I’m sensitive to the topic. He mentioned maybe getting married in court and having a dinner with family at his mother’s house (they have a huge backyard and his aunt is a party planner so she has a lot of supplies…tents, chairs, etc.). I may look into shopping with my mom. She’s visiting in a few days. Thanks for the tip!

Lliang-LOL. Freke does have good taste.

How is your wedding planning going BTW?
.
Cammy-Hope you are feeling better hun! I thought the same about wedding photos, although I’m sure she’s probably not to happy with me in her wedding photos either. Luckily I stayed away from the photographer throughout the event LOL

CBS-I don’t know if I do miss her to be honest. I think I miss having the history with someone. She and I were friends before FI and I got together and then we lived together for 4 years so a lot of my early memories with FI also involved her. She just changed a lot. She had always been “all about me” but before it was funny. When she got together with her DH, although I adore him because I think he’s great, she just changed her whole attitude. She became even more selfish. He has a close circle of friends that are all wealthy business owners and that made her feel insecure so she tried to keep up with them. And in turn, she became snobby. I guess I miss the old person I knew before.

She does know that I’m pregnant. When she and I exchanged emails about the whole situation, she was convinced that I told everyone at the reception that I was having a baby so that the attention was off of her and on me. I was floored when she said that. I told her that I understood she was upset with me (for her own stupid reasons but still her reasons) but that she needed a reality check and really needed to ask herself “is that something Fiery would really do?”
Thanks for all the advice ladies. I appreciate it!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 2/4/2009 9:50:30 AM
Author: fieryred33143


CBS-I don’t know if I do miss her to be honest. I think I miss having the history with someone. She and I were friends before FI and I got together and then we lived together for 4 years so a lot of my early memories with FI also involved her. She just changed a lot. She had always been “all about me” but before it was funny. When she got together with her DH, although I adore him because I think he’s great, she just changed her whole attitude. She became even more selfish. He has a close circle of friends that are all wealthy business owners and that made her feel insecure so she tried to keep up with them. And in turn, she became snobby. I guess I miss the old person I knew before.

She does know that I’m pregnant. When she and I exchanged emails about the whole situation, she was convinced that I told everyone at the reception that I was having a baby so that the attention was off of her and on me. I was floored when she said that. I told her that I understood she was upset with me (for her own stupid reasons but still her reasons) but that she needed a reality check and really needed to ask herself “is that something Fiery would really do?”

Thanks for all the advice ladies. I appreciate it!

ok- so she is simply crazy. how selfish can one person be???

anyway, your Fi is amazing..and you are having a baby..and you DO want to marry him. do as the others have said. start small...focus on small little bits of happiness. i am sure that the excitement will follow. and if it never gets you excited to have a wedding..then go to the courthouse!!

 

[dcgator]

My dear fiery,

Please don''t ever feel like you have to apologize for sharing your feelings and giving advice. I must say I think your advice is great and have benefited from it a time or two

.

As for the stupid friend, I know that past personas and memories can make us try to hold when we shouldn''t, but your fiance is right. Don''t let yourself hold on to the negativity that she brings. You are a fabulous person and a way too good friend.

Going forward, look at all the joy and love the surrounds you. You have a wonderful man, a wee little manisfesion of you love brewing in your belly, and a celebration of that love to get moving on! Don''t stress about what could be bad or why the last wedding was wretched...cough...eveil ex-bf...cough... but instead look forward to sharing with your family and freinds just how wonderful the love between you and Mr. Fiery is.

I send you lots of love and look forward to planning your big day b/c us Florida wedding girls gotta stick together! Just remember to have fun and enjoy YOUR (you and FI) day!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Awwwww everything is just fine fiery!!! Just forget about her and that disaster of a wedding. Be happy!!! You are gettin married lady and your man loves you!!! We love you too!!!!!!!!

 

[annadragon]

No apologies necessary, Fiery. We are all the products of our experiences. You probably tend to internalize a great deal, which is now manifest in planning your wedding, as opposed to in the advice you give others regarding theirs. And you probably fear (way deep down inside) that you will behave in a similar fashion or that by planning your big day that you might trample on someone else''s feeling without realizing it. You are too smart and too cognizant to do that. Besides from what I understand of your FI he''d set you straight because he loves you and knows who the woman is that he loves.

A brief anecdote. Several years ago, my now-ex best friend planned a wedding in less than 5 months. I threw her shower, I planned her bachelorette party, I arranged ''spa day'' for the BMs, picked up guests from the airport, found crash space for people and the weekend of her wedding she says to me, "V is going to be my MoH, I''ve known her longer, it would just be the right thing to do". Note: her wedding was pretty informal. At the time I took it in stride. Fast-forward years later she is giving me the "I''m sorry I''ve been a bad friend" spiel. When part of her apology contained "V didn''t even include me in her wedding party and it made me realize you should have been my MoH.", I realized how much her perception of reality differed from mine.

Some people choose all the wrong colors when they paint their reality. Just because you were friends does not mean you have to use her palette or her paintbrush when painting yours

P.S. I''m a lurker and don''t tend to post much. I hope you don''t find this intrusive.