I am so, so sad right now and don''t know what to do

[fieryred33143]

Tomorrow is my friend''s wedding. Today was the rehearsal. When we got there I can tell that she was a little annoyed but figured it was due to the stuff she has left to do. I spoke to her mother who asked if I was going to help put centerpieces together after dinner and I said of course.

So we finish the rehearsal and everyone was going back to the hotels to freshen up. I turned to her and asked if she or anyone else needed a ride since I was driving and they were walking. She completely ignored me. I asked 3 more times and she said nothing.

Fine.

So we get to the restaurant and she walks in, sits across from me and says "How has your afternoon been?" I said "good, how about you" She says "not good." And so I, jokingly said "It''s one more day! It''ll all be worth it tomorrow"

And right there in front of everyone (about 30 people) she yells "NO I''m pissed at YOU but this is a party and I''m not about to cry in front of people who actually care about me so we''ll talk about it later."

I''m sitting there going WTF just happened, I turned to my FI who has the WTF look on his face too and I could just feel my face getting completely hot and red as the entire table/party gets quiet and not really knows what to say. A few minutes later I get up to go to the bathroom to cry because I just couldn''t hold it in anymore. I had no idea why she was upset with me or why she felt the need to embarrass me that way. But I wasn''t about to cry in front of everyone and it''s her party, her moment so I didn''t want her to get upset even more so than she apparently already was.

While in the bathroom, her sister comes in and tells me that she''s upset because she feels I haven''t helped her at all. Me. Haven''t helped her. At all.

I told her I couldn''t understand how she could say that. I''ve spent the last 7 months planning this wedding with her, helping her, taking her places, being her support and because I didn''t help her today all of a sudden I haven''t helped her at all.

Then my FI comes into the bathroom...yes the woman''s bathroom...and says "we''re leaving NOW." Apparently when I went into the restroom she decided to let everyone know that I''m the worst MOH ever, I''m supposed to help her with everything and haven''t done anything, that both my FI and I are so lazy we just left instead of asking if they needed help, and some other stuff I can''t recall right now.

I''ve spent the last hour crying. I cannot believe she did that to me in front of everyone. I cannot believe after everything she says that I''ve done nothing. And now I''m sitting here with my FI trying to pack up our stuff because he wants to go home tonight and I have no idea whether she wants me there tomorrow or not.

If you made it this far, thank you. I''m just feeling so, so, sad and so, so embarrassed right now.

 

[shimmer]

Wow, I am so sorry ((((Hugs))))

ETA: I would wanna leave too.

 

[neatfreak]

Oh geez honey, the more I hear about this bride the more I don''t want to know. She just sounds like she''s crazy, please try not to take it to heart. She just sounds like she''s a few crayons short of a full box.

BIG HUGS!

 

[Sharon101]

Only you know if your `friend` is prone to being such a bi-ch normally.

She is definately in the wrong and at the very least she should have spoken to you in private. It seems that she feels that you are at her beck and call and that she owns you. She is really misguided in her expectations.

Im sure that she would be the type to not have done half as much if the roles were reversed, but to also underplay what anyone does for her.

I think its best to cut ties now as you dont need people like her in your life. eg toxic , ungrateful and forever draining. Lucky for you that your FI is the type to not let anyone walk all over you. hHe sounds like a real keeper.

And, I am sorry for what you are going through because you obviously invested alot into this friendship and your friends wedding. This must seem really insane!!!!

 

[Elmorton]

There are NO WORDS for her behavior. None. I can''t imagine how you feel - you have every right to be hurt and angry.

I''d like to say that you should bail. But, I really don''t think that''s good advice. This is what I would do - I would show up tomorrow - and act as you would have if she hadn''t turned into a psycho6itch tonight. Don''t even mention tonight, and take your cues from her. If she''s silent to you, be silent. If she explodes at you and tells you to leave, then leave. Whenever I think of things I don''t want to do, I think "Can I survive six hours of _____?" - It may be an awful freaking day, but can you survive it? Probably. Will the situation be worse if you don''t go or call her on her behavior right now? Definitely. BTW, thank goodness for your saint FI. He completely did the right thing tonight.

I will say that the night before my wedding, I had really jumbled emotions. My DH''s friends from college invited another friend to our rehearsal and I was POed - yes, it was a minor flaw in the plan because we had limited seating already and it was a little rude for guests to invite for guests, but she IS a friend of ours and it made sense that she was there. My reaction wasn''t really warranted. It certainly wouldn''t have bugged me on any other day, and I was so embarrassed later when I thought back on how I reacted (luckily, it was in private and only in front of my DH and MoH). The point of all of this is to express that it''s understandable for a bride (or groom for that matter) to be frustrated or have confused emotions the night before - but how she treated you is not understandable. Her treatment of you is NOT normal, is NOT ok, and really bad.

 

[kimmels]

You poor thing. I can''t imagine anything that would justify that kind of behavior. You deserve a better friend! IMHO, I think that brides cannot "expect" or demand that their attendants to do anything - isn''t it enough that you are giving your time and money for travel, gifts, dress, etc? If they want more, they can ask politely, but being the MOH doesn''t make you a slave, and it sounds like you''ve been doing plenty! I would be honored and grateful to have someone like you to take me places and work on centerpieces and whatever else you''ve been doing!

 

[*Danielle*]

Sweetie, don''t listen to her. I am glad your FI took control and got you out of there. I know this won''t make you feel better but I am sure you were an AWESOME MOH.

 

[BeachRunner]

First, I am so sorry your friend put you in this situation! How awful of her to do that. Secondly, your FI sounds like a wonderful person, and it was awesome to hear how well he stood up for you!

I have not been through the stressors of a wedding, but I''m sure your "friend" is going through a lot, she''s getting married tomorrow! That does not give her the right to treat anyone how she treated you! I agree with the last poster; you are NOT her slave, but someone who will help out whenever ASKED. It''s beyond me how she could tell you that you have done nothing, when it sounds like you''ve done as much as humanly possible.

Now, I''m a firm believer of being the bigger person. It''s a HARD thing to do sometimes, but people respect you for it in the end. Sometimes it''s a lot easier to yell and walk away, then to say nothing at all. I think you should go and carry out your responsibilities to your "friend", and give her her day, that is, unless she asks you to leave.

Good Luck with your decision and the wedding. Just think about all the positive people in your life and that will get you through this hard time!

 

[KimberlyH]

I think your fiance is 100% correct in leaving. Her behavior is unacceptable and allowing her to continue to treat you poorly will not solve anything (the old adage we teach people how to treat us is so true). It''s time for you to let go of this friendship as it is one sided and harmful to you. I''m so sorry, fiery.

 

[blondebunny]

Aww I am so sorry fiery! this friend has been AWFUL to you!!

I think you should leave and just forget about it.. you are pregnant (right?) and i think the LAST thing you need it to be stressed out with this crazy woman... seriously you should go home and just forget about it... getting stressed and all worked up with doing nothing good for your health..

focus on yourself now and forget about this crazy chic...

 

[decodelighted]

Ei yi yi ... there''s NO excuse for her behavior! I can''t remember if you ever told her you''re expecting or how that played out re: her devastation over her recent hysterectomy ... possibly some envy or anger or something is slipping out?? Or maybe she needs some target for all her mixed feelings before the ceremony & you were just the unlucky target??

OOOOOOFFFFF. I don''t know what you should do. Perhaps call her sister later tonight - after things cool down & ask if the bride still wants you to participate in the ceremony itself? Would totally understand not doing ANYTHING unless you get a big fat apology. Just pondering what you''ll WISH you did in the long run.... if this really was just a momentary crazy outburst.

SORRY!

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks ladies for the support.

When we were in the restroom her sister went out to get her to talk and I told her not to because knowing her she won't want to come over. And sure enough she apparently said (I heard all of this from my FI after) that she doesn't feel like being the "bigger person." And as she saying all of this, my FI just got up and told her 'you know you are wrong right now, she's always been there for you but I guess you must have forgotten' then grabbed my purse and came into the bathroom to get me. He had been trying to get her to go talk to me too but she wasn't having it.

I really don't know what to do. FI wants to leave. He went downstairs to find out how much we would be charged and brought up a key lime pie (because I love Key West key lime pie)

.

I keep thinking that if I do stay and show up tomorrow, I'm just going to feel like such a fool standing up there after what 80%?? of the guests saw/heard everything. And I can't even imagine all of the things she must have been saying behind my back because when her sister was talking to me, she was talking as if she thought I was the scum of the earth too.

I'm going to wait an hour to call her and just ask if she still wants me there tomorrow. It wouldn't surprise me if she says no.

Decoded-I haven't told her yet. I was waiting until after the wedding, possibly next week to mention something. And I'm pretty sure she hasn't found out because none of her friends *know and the people that do know (i.e. my family) don't talk to her...I don't even know if they know her.

 

[October2008bride]

Fiery that sounds AWFUL!! I''m sure you have been a wonderful friend throughout this process and honestly, even if you haven''t been, that was definitely NOT the place to air her grievances.

I would also be so upset and feel like not going to the wedding. Ugh. What a pickle.

I hope the phone call goes well - maybe she can explain herself and you can do the same. If she has been a good friend in the past, it is probably worth having this talk so that hopefully tomorrow will be okay. No real excuses for her behaviour, but I''m just hoping this can get sorted out so that she can have a wonderful wedding and have her friend stand beside her.

On the bright side, it is nice to know your FI supported you and stuck up for you!! And a key lime pie to boot...you have caught a good one!!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

oh hun - ur friend sounds incredibly immature and egocentric. i would NEVER expect my MOH to be at my beck and call... jeez. she sounds like someone you really don't need in your life right now... i am sorry she upset you but at least you know now what type of friend she is.... a real friend would NEVER embarass you like that even if she were upset with you.

sounds like she is totally overwhelmed by her wedding and is taking it out on you... if i were you i would just leave. what a B*I*T*C*H.

 

[JerseyGrl81]

What a biach! What a tough decision you have to make now. I assume since you are her MOH you two are close to each other and you know her very well. If you choose to go home and not attend the wedding then you probably will be ending your relationship with her. If you choose to stand up beside her you are showing her that you are at her side through thick and thin (this being a very thin time

If I went with the latter I would make sure to give a speech and include very sweet words about how you have been through a lot together and no matter how tough times have been you continued to be friends and support her, just as you are showing your support today... Good luck with this tough decision

 

[DearBuddha]

You poor thing. That''s just insane of her to have done, regardless of pre-wedding jitters or concerns. You sound like you really stepped up to the plate, and she''s being really ungrateful and spiteful.

You have every right to be upset. I''m sending big hugs your way and I hope it all works out.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oooh I feel so bad for you. She''s just awful. I don''t know how it will play out. I love your FF, he sounds like a stand up kind of guy. Wishing you the best of luck, with whatever you decide.....

 

[VRBeauty]

Fiery -- I'm so sorry you're going through this, and so glad your fiance was there to help you through it.

I think the most important thing for you to do right now is to respect yourself... and really, you know far better than I do how you can best respect yourself (and your relationship) in this situation. I'm all for being the bigger person, but my gut reaction was no way in *** should you be there for her tomorrow. I mean, it would be one thing if this was a one-time outburst, but this "friend" has been trampling on you from the outset.

Maybe the best approach is to ask yourself what advice you would give someone you loved if she were being treated like this... a younger sister or niece, maybe. Would you advise her to tough it out, or to walk? Or maybe you can imagine your baby as a 10-year old watching her mother being treated like this. What example would you want that young mother to set for her daughter?

Best wishes... I hope your friend is just "going through something" as opposed to being an incredibly self-centered jerk, but... it's you I'm concerned about here.

 

[pocahontas]

Oh Fiery, I''m so sorry you''re going through this right now (((((HUGS)))) I''m so angry for you. Honestly, this woman has a lot of nerve to speak to you like this and to make the comments she''s made. You''ve gone above and beyond to help out...argh, I''m pissed for you

I''m so happy FI was there for you. I''m with him, I''d want to leave too!

 

[Gwyn]

Wow that sounds harsh. Obviously I dont know the whole story and cant recall any of your posts off hand so I have no idea what you have done for her, but even if you did absolutely nothing, her behavior is out of line and completely inappropriate considering the forum she chose to vent.

I dont know what I would do in your shoes. How mayn people are going to be at the wedding, if its close to the same 30 people that were at the dinner, I might be inclined to want to bail and save myself additional embarassment. Though, leaving might confirm her accusations for those people who have only heard her side of this debackle.

I would have a serious talk with her and if she wants you there she better come up with a way to make this up to you. Her day or not. Im sure she can work into her own thank you speech what a %#@# she was to you and how it was not justified. Or just something along the lines of how you are there for her.

Anyway, you man sounds like he handled things well and totally stuck up for you and your honor. Kudos!

ETA:

Is this the same friend as the one in the story about renting a car for a trip to the keys found here:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/if-youre-a-passenger-on-a-road-trip-do-you-fall-asleep.96254/


If so, it seems like you have done some stuff for her. And also, this is the one that bought all the other girls dresses and the boys $200 shirts or something like that...

 

[beebrisk]

Wow...Talk about a bridezilla! This one takes the cake.

Honestly, trying to put myself in your shoes, I think I would leave now (as much as it would break my heart).

I just wouldn''t let anyone speak to me like that, especially in front of others. There''s not a single excuse for such behavior.

Okay, let''s play devil''s advocate here and say she was right about all this and you didn''t do anything to help her. Nothing. At all. It STILL doesn''t excuse what she did!! You are her MOH, and presumably a really good and close friend. You are not her assistant or co-worker, for crying out loud!

Granted, she''s stressed, her emotions are high and she might even kick herself when it''s all over...But in the meantime she hurt you and she needs to face up to her actions. I know that might sound harsh, but at this point she doesn''t deserve your presence. If it was me, I''m not sure how I could return the next morning to "honor" and "celebrate" her big day after being treated this way. It would feel odd and fake. I guess I wouldn''t give her another opportunity to embarrass me.

I''m sorry this happened to you.

 

[pjean]

Oh, no. What a nightmare! The closest thing to a silver lining is your FI''s behavior. (Well, and the pie.)

Whatever you decide to do, we''re pulling for you.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Oh, Fiery, I don''t know what to say. I''m just really sorry. Your FI sounds so supportive and I''m really glad you can lean on him right now. I can''t believe she''s acting like this...the night before her wedding?? What is she THINKING?! I''m just so sorry.

 

[wyndham]

Hi Fiery,
I''m so sorry about what happened to you tonight--it really hurts to be on the receiving end of treatment like that! I guess my advice would be to consider both the history and the future of the friendship before making your decision re: whether to stay or go tonight. Has this friend been a good friend in the past, and maybe she''s just gone a little Bridezilla in the last year (sounds like it from your previous posts!)? Or has this always been a one-sided friendship (because that''s how it reads to me)? Your answers to those questions will probably help you answer the next question--what role do you see her playing in your future? Is she capable of being a good friend to you in the year(s) ahead? If you truly don''t see any possibility of a future friendship with this girl, I think you should go ahead and head home with your FI. However, if you think it''s salvageable and you would still want her in your life (after a proper apology and some time), I think you should attend the wedding tomorrow and do the best acting job of your life.

I think considering these questions will help you figure out what to do tonight. Best of luck to you, and I''m sorry again that this happened.

 

[decodelighted]

If it is the same friend with the rental car snafu & the buying dresses/shirts for everyone BUT you ... she is not treating you like a "friend" ... she''s treating you like her punching bag ... her stress-release ... her SLAVE.

Its a shame it has to come to a head the night before her wedding but ultimately you have to be YOUR OWN best friend.

 

[JSM]

Fiery, I''ve been following your story because I feel SO bad for you. She has USED you, and is not your friend. You seem like a great, supportive person, and I don''t think you deserve this at all. I''m glad your fiance got you out of there!

If you don''t show up tomorrow (and I wouldn''t blame you either way), it''s the end of your "friendship". For better or for worse, and only you can decide which of those options it is. Good luck hun, I''m sorry you had to go through this.

 

[princesss]

Screw her.

Sorry to be blunt, but I''m with your FI. This girl has repeatedly treated you like you are her slave, she''s completely ignored everything you''ve done to help her. You''ve put your feelings aside for her, trying to save the friendship.

Well, if it were me, I''d sign the DNR on that friendship and leave. So what if you''ve spent the last six months on this. That''s a small price to pay to realize how toxic this person is before you really need her.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 12/5/2008 11:13:07 PM
Author: princesss
Screw her.

Sorry to be blunt, but I''m with your FI. This girl has repeatedly treated you like you are her slave, she''s completely ignored everything you''ve done to help her. You''ve put your feelings aside for her, trying to save the friendship.

Well, if it were me, I''d sign the DNR on that friendship and leave. So what if you''ve spent the last six months on this. That''s a small price to pay to realize how toxic this person is before you really need her.

Yep. I have to agree. It would definitely be bye-bye for me.

If she''s pissed now, just wait until you don''t show tomorrow!!!

 

[MishB]

That''s appalling. Personally if I was in that situation, I would give her one chance to apologise humbly and completely. Then even if I did go through with the ceremony, I would take a big step back from this ''friendship''. You don''t need or deserve this. Best of luck.

 

[oobiecoo]

She has definitely been using you. She doesn''t seem to contribute anything positive to your friendship so I say "screw it"... cut your ties now before it gets any worse (if thats even possible). You are definitely being a BIG person right now... I would have told her off right then and there and let everyone know how she''s jerked you around and been ungrateful.