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Bayek

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
6,678
Hi AGBF! I am so sorry about your daughter and your Dad... I have brothers and one of them has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals, since he was 28 and he is 58 now, I can tell you that he did become better oriented in life as he aged, he's a veteran (which had nothing to do with his illness). I sincerely and truly hope she comes out of the other side like my brother did... I think that some of his meds made him a zombie, then he was hyped up, then he was a zombie, he's in a good place for the last 10 years... so I think meds are very important. Please know I send you huge hugs, lotsa love and peace.. this is a genetic thing.. I have great aunts and uncles and an uncle who also had mental health issues. If I may call you Deb?: Deb, know that you are supported here on this great forum and in life.. I hope she will get better.. I hope you know that us, people with family members with mental illness especially feel your frustration and pain, and happiness too. Sooo I send you a huge hug, a peace sign, and a belief that as mothers, sisters, brothers, dads, cousins, aunts, uncles, people! we are all here for you. ((DEB))...

peace.

Kate

(one of the verbal 'issues' I had back in the 70s with the 'guys' was that they always called me forniKATE" god I hated it, so I changed it to Kate the GREAT! :) so my sons changed it to Kate NOTSOGREAT! ;-) I have put you in my circle of people that I try every day to send strength to.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
33,957
Dear Deb, just wanted to add my support here for you though you know you have my support offline as well.
Thank you to Kate for starting this thread where you can have the support of all PS.

Sending you more hugs and love and good wishes. Keeping you in my thoughts as always.
Happier and more peaceful times are coming. I know it in my heart. (((HUGS))).
 

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2012
Messages
9,520
Deb, I hope that your father is O.K, your daughter is getting the help and support she needs and most of all I hope that you are O.K too, we are all here for you!!!!
 

chrono

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 22, 2004
Messages
37,367
Wishing you some calmness, strength, and fortitude for the past few rough days.
 

ckrickett

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 26, 2008
Messages
5,348
Hoping you and your family get all the strength, love and support you need! <3
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
4,660
I posted this in the other thread and I will post it here as well. I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time. I hope that everyone can get the help that they need and that things will get better for you and your family.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
7,024
Deb, I'm so sorry to read about what you have been going thru with your daughter and father. You are such a strong woman and your family is so lucky to have you. I wish there was more I could do to help you than just offer my online support. Please know you are in my thoughts and I'm sending truck loads of dust to you. I'm so sorry Deb this is such a difficult time. Love, Callie
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
21,112
momhappy|1469804966|4060573 said:
I posted this in the other thread and I will post it here as well. I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time. I hope that everyone can get the help that they need and that things will get better for you and your family.
I meant to say I was sorry to you in that other thread after reading your last response to me, momhappy, but I didn't know then that this thread existed. Now I do, so I can say it here. I apologize. You were correct that ruby quoted you, but you didn't say anything disparaging to me. I was just off on a toot. Please forgive me. You have always been very gracious when I got snappy before. I will try to hold my temper better. I know that you are a kind and thoughtful poster.

Deb :wavey:
 

ruby59

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 5, 2004
Messages
3,553
I too want you to know that you are in my prayers.

My grandfather and mom went through all 8 rounds with dementia. And now we are going through the same thing with my mother in law.

I wish you peace during this difficult time and know you will come out stronger for it.

Paula
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2004
Messages
29,570
Deb,

I know of your struggles. What ever we can do for you, we are here... I am so sorry for the tough road that you have been on. I wish I lived closer so I could give you a hand, or give you a day off.


You are to be admired because you have handled all with such grace and courage....

YOU ROCK!!!


xoxo
 

minousbijoux

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
12,337
Deb: I feel like I've missed something important that is going on with you and your family. But that said, having read your posts for years, I know you've had a rough (but surprisingly uncomplaining!) road to travel for a while now.

Sign me up as another sending you massive hugs and positive energy, thoughts and prayers.

- Minou
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 1, 2014
Messages
3,758
I haven't seen the other thread but I want you to know that a past post you made about your daughter made a big impression on me for the love and respect with which you wrote about her. I've not forgotten it and I wished my mom might write or think or feel about me that way.

I hate that mental health and neuro-endo issues get 0 help here (the US).

Big dust to you and your family.
 

kmarla

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 8, 2013
Messages
684
I also haven't seen the other thread being referred too, but you were very supportive to several of us dealing with loving a family member with mental illness on a different thread. I also am sending lots of dust to you during this challenging time for your family. Please take care!
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
31,540
Deb..a lot of dust to you and your family.
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
21,112
I thank all of you. Ruby, it was very generous of you to be so empathic, given that I was not very feeling to you over other issues. Thank you for being the bigger person. Someone has to be the adult in the room and I guess these past few days it hasn't been me. [Actually someone doesn't have to be the adult in the room, but when no one is, the scene is horrible. I don't think Ella would allow that in a thread here. ;-)]

I have had strange men sleeping in my house in an effort to get coverage for my father round the clock given that I now must leave the house at times to go visit my daughter. There are two agencies involved, one private pay and one-with strictly limited hours-that will pay for physical therapy because of my father's frequent falls-paid for by Medicare. No privacy and large expenses, but some badly needed care. This will only last until Sunday, though. I can't live this way. There is no money to live this way. I just need to get my daughter home so that I can resume being the full-time caretaker with others giving me relief.

The good news is that my daughter seems very happy so far at the hospital. This is unusual. she was a crying, sobbing mess at home. She had been screaming, weeping, demanding, and abusive for two months. Today she looked pretty and seemed calm. I am knocking (figuratively) on some wood!

I thank all of you again.

Deb :wavey:
 

Poodles4me

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 19, 2014
Messages
558
I am so sorry you are going through this. It's hard enough being the filling of what is called the sandwich generation even without adding illness to the mix. My heart goes out to you and all others having to deal with such difficult issues. Hugs to you.
 

katharath

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2013
Messages
2,833
Deb,

We don't really interact much here, but I've loved your posts for the few years I've been hanging about. I have so much respect for you and wish you only the best. Try to care for yourself too as much as you can. Sending you my positive thoughts.
 

LLJsmom

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
9,259
Deb, I am so sorry you have so much on your shoulders. I am sending many hugs and good wishes for you, your daughter and your dad.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Much love and strength to you dear Deb.
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,426
My dear friend, you (and your family) have been in my prayers for a long time now. They continue.

I too wish I was near you, to support you, to help you, and to love you. We don't sign up for our lots in life, and how we handle them says a lot about us. You speak volumes Deb. Bless you for all you do, and the grace with which you do it.

I had been planning to email these very sentiments to you, but then I saw this thread and decided to post them here.

Please take care of you too! And if you ever you need an ear, you know where I am. Any time.

*BIG HUGS*
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
12,188
Deb, I just want to add my good wishes, comfort, and support…so sorry you and your family are going through such a difficult time. You are under a lot of stress right now so please try to take care of yourself as well. I hope your daughter continues doing well and you can return to your normal routine soon. I'm keeping you in my thoughts, I know this is a challenging time (((hugs))).
 

smitcompton

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 11, 2006
Messages
2,605
Hi,

I wish both your problems with your daughter and father are taken care of without a big drain on you. Sometimes, life is a bitch. I wish you and them a full recovery if that is possible. Wishing you well.

Annette
 

isaku5

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
3,296
Kaleigh|1469819152|4060637 said:
Deb,

I know of your struggles. What ever we can do for you, we are here... I am so sorry for the tough road that you have been on. I wish I lived closer so I could give you a hand, or give you a day off.


You are to be admired because you have handled all with such grace and courage....

YOU ROCK!!!


xoxo
Ditto what Kaleigh said, Deb. You are stronger than I could ever hope to be. I'll send you (((((hugs)))) and hopefully some strength to deal with your continuing struggles.

You have always inspired me with your generosity ( the gift cakes ;))) and your wealth of knowledge in so many areas.

There is no fairness in your situation now with both your dad and your daughter. What will help you rise above it all? A miracle?
Then, let's hope for one. ;))
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,005
Deb,

Your daughter is in a safe place. You said she appears in good spirits. This is good! Let her stay there as long as they will allow. Every one of her needs is being met, her meds are being monitored, she is with people who get it, her day is structured, she has emotional support.

This can be a time for you to breathe when it comes to her.

I know you have other things going on with your dad. Maybe you can let this one thing...with your daughter...go, just for the time being?



I always fought going to the hospital with everything I had. After I was admitted (even involuntarily one time,) I always wondered why I fought so hard to stay out of the hospital because the moment I got inside those walls, a huge weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders. I could finally rest and let my demons go and begin the task of healing.

Big love to you lady. You do so much for others. I admire you immensely.
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
21,112
Thank you, Isabel. I actually feel, today, as if a miracle has happened. At least for today. I woke up with a truly terrible headache, but my headache medication has worked. I had a male aide, Derek, here overnight to help with my father so that I could go back to bed and sleep and let it work. I also had time to take a shower before the nurse came to change my father's bandages. (She is deathly afraid of dogs, so I had to be with her while Derek took our Newfie out of the house.) Then I was able to read this thread and I felt incredibly blessed to and supported to receive so many messages of support; so many good wishes; so much dust; so many prayers; and so many personal comments from people. I really knew that each of you was writing to me and not just to any old person person each of you took so much care in what you you wrote, tailored what you wrote to me and my situation.

I feel-as I said-as if i were blessed with a miracle. Thank you. Thank you! And Tekate, Kate, thank you for starting the thread that began all of this.

I am so grateful. I am going to be going to go visit my daughter soon with fuchsia yoga pants and blue power aid.

Deb :wavey:
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
21,112
And thank you, House Cat!! I appreciate your advice and know you know what you are talking about.

(((House Cat)))
Deb
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jun 6, 2010
Messages
6,473
Deb, I too missed whatever post prompted this one, but I get the general gist that you're going through a really tough time with both your Dad and your daughter. I've always valued you kind, thoughtful, humorous posts, especially about Griffin. I'm so sorry your having to deal with all of this.

Sending hugs and support your way. Praying that things improve soon.
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
21,112
This is a little off-topic, I guess. I was feeling a little self-congratulatory today, thinking I must be a sensitive and wonderful person (I'll tell you why in a moment.) ;)) (Perhaps it your fault. You all praised me so much that you set me up in my own conceit.!) Then another explanation (a more plausible one) occurred to me.

Here is the back story.

People have been crying to me yesterday and today. Strangers. And none of them knew I was a social worker/therapist in the past, either. They were all people whom I was hiring as health care workers.

The people had nothing in common in terms of sex, age, income level, religion, or race. Two were men; one was a woman. One owned a business; one was a high level health care professional; one was a low-level health care worker. One was born outside of the United States and two were born inside the United States. One was African-American; two were white. The cause of the crying-not the cause, the occasion of the crying-was different in each case. In one case the person recounted the recent the loss of a dog. In one case the person recounted the loss (not to death, but to someone else) of a patient to whom he was sincerely attached. In one case the person told of a patient's stories of World War II.

As I said, at first I just handed out tissues and listened and reassure the men (for the first two to cry were men) that there was nothing wrong in their crying. And I started to think I must be a great listener. Then after the third person broke down at my kitchen table today, I started to realize that it is not me, it is them.

It is the profession.

Even though one of them is "only" an owner of a business, not a healthcare worker, I think that he is also affected by the nature of the profession. It is the care giving.

We have a thread on it here. Some of us go through stages of our life when we are "stuck" with it. But these people, all with visiting nurse services, do it all the time. And they do not do it in a group setting like a hospital where they can enjoy camaraderie and support from others. They work alone. They are isolated with their patients, feeling the pain of their patients (if they are feeling people as these three people clearly were).

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Anyone?

Deb
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jun 6, 2010
Messages
6,473
AGBF|1469929963|4060991 said:
This is a little off-topic, I guess. I was feeling a little self-congratulatory today, thinking I must be a sensitive and wonderful person (I'll tell you why in a moment.) ;)) (Perhaps it your fault. You all praised me so much that you set me up in my own conceit.!) Then another explanation (a more plausible one) occurred to me.

Here is the back story.

People have been crying to me yesterday and today. Strangers. And none of them knew I was a social worker/therapist in the past, either. They were all people whom I was hiring as health care workers.

The people had nothing in common in terms of sex, age, income level, religion, or race. Two were men; one was a woman. One owned a business; one was a high level health care professional; one was a low-level health care worker. One was born outside of the United States and two were born inside the United States. One was African-American; two were white. The cause of the crying-not the cause, the occasion of the crying-was different in each case. In one case the person recounted the recent the loss of a dog. In one case the person recounted the loss (not to death, but to someone else) of a patient to whom he was sincerely attached. In one case the person told of a patient's stories of World War II.

As I said, at first I just handed out tissues and listened and reassure the men (for the first two to cry were men) that there was nothing wrong in their crying. And I started to think I must be a great listener. Then after the third person broke down at my kitchen table today, I started to realize that it is not me, it is them.

It is the profession.

Even though one of them is "only" an owner of a business, not a healthcare worker, I think that he is also affected by the nature of the profession. It is the care giving.

We have a thread on it here. Some of us go through stages of our life when we are "stuck" with it. But these people, all with visiting nurse services, do it all the time. And they do not do it in a group setting like a hospital where they can enjoy camaraderie and support from others. They work alone. They are isolated with their patients, feeling the pain of their patients (if they are feeling people as these three people clearly were).

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Anyone?


Deb
First, apologies for the poor grammar in my last reply. Not sure what happened...

I think you're absolutely right. Being a caregiver is extremely isolating and I'm sure that many of them become emotionally worn out, as they probably become attached to their patients. It's a really tough calling to have I think, especially when the outcomes may not be positive. People who chose to do this should certainly be commended!
 
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