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Those that have been with BF for a really long time.....

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NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
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Jan 8, 2009
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690

Anyone who has been with bf for like 5+ years.......have you ever gotten the "look" from people when you tell them how long you've been together?



I feel like people are so judgmental and always have to put their two cents in. Today at work, I was talking to a girl about rings. And I said "well he's had 8.5 years to save so it should be pretty good!" lol. And then this other lady I work with (WHO I WASNT EVEN TALKING TO!!) says "You've been with your bf for 8.5 years?" and I said "Yes" and she said "Dump him". I was like WTF?

So I said to her "We've been together since I was 15, so we are now just at an age where it isnt "creepy" if we get married. What was he gonna do, wait the 'protocol' 2.5 years and propose when I was 17??". I just hate how people have to be so opinionated. Its not like I started dating him at 27, and now I am 35 and I have to worry about my clock ticking. lol. The girl I was talking to originally about the rings goes "just ignore her. You have to look at where the comment is coming from....she is 37, never been married, doesnt have a bf, and lives with her parents. Its just bitterness".
Honestly I dont care what she thinks, but I find that so many people give you the "aww im sorry" look when you say you've been together for a long time. I wouldnt have it any other way. I love that we have shared so much of our lives together and have such a history, and I honestly couldnt marry someone I have only dated for 6months to a year like some people (not knocking it...just know I couldnt do that). Any other 5+ ers experience this? Why do people have to hate on us ladies?? LOL

 

bubbly1126

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 6, 2007
Messages
969
FF and I have been together 6+ years. Yes, I get those looks and told to dump him. I just let it roll off my shoulders. No one can judge my relationship but me and FF.
 

all.of.the.above

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 19, 2009
Messages
73
The way I see it, they are jealous of our long term overly excellent relationships when they can't hold one.


My friend K is just like this. She STILL can't believe I wait around (what she calls it) for him to be ready; she's single and her timeline she had set has never panned out they way SHE wanted it to. Well, if we got married when he wasn't ready I think that could yield disasterious results. We know we will get there, it's just a matter of patience and understanding. We have been together 5 years.

Don't let those others bother you. Chalk it up as admiration.
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
Yes. We''re coming up on our 8th anniversary. I just turned 28, so it is definitely time and he knows that, but it''s taken him until a couple months ago to be ready. I have gotten those comments before, too. It''s more like, "wow, you have been together forever. When are you getting engaged?" or "Wow, I can''t believe you''re not engaged yet." Well, THANKS FOR THAT, random person who knows nothing about our relationship!
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Don't pay any mind.

I've been with my FI for almost 7 years. He just proposed to me in December. Yes I got looks from people, but oh well! In my experience, it's the people who are unhappy with their relationships (maybe their lives), or lack of, that are the MOST judgmental.

I say
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
We are approaching 8 years. The thing I hate the most is when people say, "Eight years? We got engaged after six months, married a year later, he said he just couldn''t wait to ask me." I feel like it''s a punch in th stomach like their partner couldn''t wait longer than a few months whereas MY partner doesn''t want to marry me after 8 years!
It didn''t used to bother me much but now that I am sooooo ready it does hurt a little bit.

The worst thing for me now is that most of my family and friends seem to be obsessed with it- my birthday on Monday was a prime example. My mum rings to ask if any of my presents look like small boxes. Then when I had opened everything my dad rang and said, "Maybe he''s hidden the ring in your Creme Eggs??" Then loads of friends texted me to let them know what I''d had from him. Now, I''ve never had so much interest from people before and I know they were all desperate to find out if he''d proposed. This is probably my fault as everyone knows how much I want it but it does hurt a bit.
 

KatM

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2007
Messages
218
Date: 2/5/2009 12:32:02 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
We are approaching 8 years. The thing I hate the most is when people say, ''Eight years? We got engaged after six months, married a year later, he said he just couldn''t wait to ask me.'' I feel like it''s a punch in th stomach like their partner couldn''t wait longer than a few months whereas MY partner doesn''t want to marry me after 8 years!
Only 3.5 years here (and not getting engaged anytime soon), but I do stil get that reaction sometimes. It really does hurt when people say stuff like that, and I imagine that the comments are only going to increase over time. Why do people not realize how hurtful they''re being? It just seems so personal to me, I would never comment on someone else''s relationship like that.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
Umm, if you were dating for 8 years and were older, I''d be on the dump him band wagon... if YOU WANTED to get married the whole time and were WAITING on HIM.

BUT, your situation is different. Being 15 when you start dating and now, 20''s, you are a different person... I think it is good to wait, and grow together, and honestly see if the person you fell in love w/ and you, have GROWN in the SAME directions.

I know my BF when I was 17 and I would be DIVORCED if we married. But that is because we grew in 2 totally different directions. That and he was seriously Pi$$ed at me when I dumped him by saying, "What, I didn''t see myself marrying the guy I lost my virginity to. Did you?" Based on his reaction, I guess he thought that was what he was thinking, and was sad. I guess I was young and watched too much TV. That, and I''ve always had a set of brass ba!!s. I went on to do some comedy, and he is becoming a Rabbi. We would NOT have made it.

Don''t let it bother you. I wouldn''t. See your vent is about, OTHER PEOPLE SUCKING, not your SO. That speaks volumes... and the POV it was coming from, I would side with your friend and think she is correct.

Now your statement about dating people 6mos-1 years and getting married. Well I would agree that is kinda fast. But my opinion on that is, well, once you are older, you are more sure of yourself, what you want out of life, and your partner tends to know themselves more too. Plus when two people who are actively LOOKING for a spouse in all the relationships they start, don''t take as long. It only took me 6 months to know I wanted to marry my DH, and I was the person who just never saw myself getting married. But I wanted to spend more time... to make sure we had something solid. I never changed my mind.

On the other hand, My BFF signed up on Yahoo, met a guy, and she was moving in with him in 4 months, and wanting a ring 2 months later. I felt that was at warp speed. But it worked for them.

Now 5+ years for me, is like an eternity... but, well... I''m a little older than 25...
, that just happens to be the LAST birthday I have ever celebrated... so I''m not getting any older.
I just couldn''t wait that long, because well... for me... when I know what I want, I go for it. It is just, when you are certain, why not be impulsive. ??? That, and, I ALWAYS get what I want.
 

ringless

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
481
Uh, I know exactly the look you''re talking about. I''ve been with my bf for 7 years... sigh.
 

ringless

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
481
Date: 2/5/2009 12:32:02 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
We are approaching 8 years. The thing I hate the most is when people say, ''Eight years? We got engaged after six months, married a year later, he said he just couldn''t wait to ask me.'' I feel like it''s a punch in th stomach like their partner couldn''t wait longer than a few months whereas MY partner doesn''t want to marry me after 8 years!
It didn''t used to bother me much but now that I am sooooo ready it does hurt a little bit.

The worst thing for me now is that most of my family and friends seem to be obsessed with it- my birthday on Monday was a prime example. My mum rings to ask if any of my presents look like small boxes. Then when I had opened everything my dad rang and said, ''Maybe he''s hidden the ring in your Creme Eggs??'' Then loads of friends texted me to let them know what I''d had from him. Now, I''ve never had so much interest from people before and I know they were all desperate to find out if he''d proposed. This is probably my fault as everyone knows how much I want it but it does hurt a bit.
My family and friends hint at holidays and special occassions too.. which only adds to my anxiety about it.
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Grrr!! Just remembered something else! Bumped into an old friend from school before Christmas and noticed she was wearing a ring so I said, "Oooo have you gotten engaged?" And she was like, "Oh yeah. Didn''t want to ask you, noticed your finger, can''t believe he''s not asked you yet!" I sort of laughed it off. THEN after Christmas I saw her again and she was like, "He still hasn''t asked you?! You know how to pick em!"

Grrrrrr!!! I do not get annoyed easily but I did then! Had to just smile and walk away.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I''m with D 10 years this year and we only got engaged about fourteen months ago. We did it when the time was right for us and we definitely got those looks off lots of people. Don''t let them bother you-do what''s right for you and your Fi.
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
We were together for 6 years before he proposed. I got some comments that would actually send me home in tears out of pure embarrassment.

I remember one time at work this former director of ours tells me in front of about 20 other coworkers that she met me when she got back from maternity leave, waited a year, got pregnant, went on maternity leave, came back from maternity leave, and "you are still not engaged"

I was floored. I literally just stood there with my mouth open like I could not believe she just did that.

But here''s a secret: IT NEVER STOPS

Those same coworkers will harrass you about your wedding once you get engaged "when''s the wedding? Why haven''t you booked your venue yet? Why haven''t you bought your dress yet?"

And after the wedding "when are you getting pregnant? Why are you waiting to have kids? Don''t you want kids?"

Nosy, rude coworkers have the title for a reason
 

NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
690
Date: 2/5/2009 1:26:42 PM
Author: fieryred33143
We were together for 6 years before he proposed. I got some comments that would actually send me home in tears out of pure embarrassment.

I remember one time at work this former director of ours tells me in front of about 20 other coworkers that she met me when she got back from maternity leave, waited a year, got pregnant, went on maternity leave, came back from maternity leave, and ''you are still not engaged''

I was floored. I literally just stood there with my mouth open like I could not believe she just did that.

But here''s a secret: IT NEVER STOPS

Those same coworkers will harrass you about your wedding once you get engaged ''when''s the wedding? Why haven''t you booked your venue yet? Why haven''t you bought your dress yet?''

And after the wedding ''when are you getting pregnant? Why are you waiting to have kids? Don''t you want kids?''

Nosy, rude coworkers have the title for a reason
Ahmen to that!
Its so true.

I did want to shut her up and say "actually, im not going dump him considering he bought me a FABULOUS ring already" lol, but I want everyone at work to be suprised. My bf and I shopped/designed together, but no one (not even my mother, which I cant believe i''ve held in!!) knows the ring is coming. Its hard to hold it in though when people are continuously asking!
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Date: 2/5/2009 2:13:29 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Ahmen to that!
Its so true.

I did want to shut her up and say ''actually, im not going dump him considering he bought me a FABULOUS ring already'' lol, but I want everyone at work to be suprised. My bf and I shopped/designed together, but no one (not even my mother, which I cant believe i''ve held in!!) knows the ring is coming. Its hard to hold it in though when people are continuously asking!
Your ring is one I am dying to see!!! Can''t wait!!!
 

NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
690
Date: 2/5/2009 2:15:51 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 2/5/2009 2:13:29 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Ahmen to that!
Its so true.

I did want to shut her up and say ''actually, im not going dump him considering he bought me a FABULOUS ring already'' lol, but I want everyone at work to be suprised. My bf and I shopped/designed together, but no one (not even my mother, which I cant believe i''ve held in!!) knows the ring is coming. Its hard to hold it in though when people are continuously asking!
Your ring is one I am dying to see!!! Can''t wait!!!
Awww thanks Bia!
I cant wait to see the finished product (which wont be until he proposes with it!!). We still have awhile, prob end up March beginning of Aprill. So I''m trying to stay sane till then!
 

LabRatPhD

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 30, 2009
Messages
448
My SO and I have been together for over 6.5 years and we are planning on getting engaged this summer. We have definitely gotten comments from people who do not know us that well. I am 26 and SO is 28 and we are just now feeling we are in the right spot to make the engagement commitment. My mom also really wanted us to wait until we settled down a bit in our careers. Don''t let others bother you because you are fortunate to have a fantastic relationship!
 

VictoriaEremita

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
46
I can really relate to your post and your situation! I''ve dated my bf for a little over 7 years, but I met him when I was 18. If we had gotten engaged within a year of meeting each other people would have judged that just as harshly. And, honestly, while we were just as serious and in love with each other as we are now, we simply were not ready to be married at that time! We both wanted to get through school and accomplish some financial goals so we would have the best possible start in our marriage. Honestly, I think people who have to make snarky comments and "looks" about how long we have been dating are just ruffled up by the idea that there is also a mature and practical side of real love. And, maybe they are in relationships where they took on a huge amount of debt to get engaged and be married or they rushed the marriage process and ended up disappointed in who they selected, who knows, but it is their problem, not yours!
I also hate it when they pass judgment on my bf, like he is commitment-phobic and I''m an idiot for staying. If they only knew just how far off base that idea really is! I think most people just need to mind their own business and keep their mouths and body language shut!
 

Porridge

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
3,269
Those reactions are so weird. If someone told me they''d been with their SO for many years, the first words out of my mouth would be "kudos for keeping the relationship going!". Any long and healthy relationship deserves respect, married, engaged, committed, friends...whatever.
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
Date: 2/5/2009 3:37:27 PM
Author: Porridge
Those reactions are so weird. If someone told me they''d been with their SO for many years, the first words out of my mouth would be ''kudos for keeping the relationship going!''. Any long and healthy relationship deserves respect, married, engaged, committed, friends...whatever.
I totally agree!

The only time I would ever say "dump him" would be if:
1) I knew you and the details of your relationship really, really well
2) You asked for my opinion of the situation
3) Your BF was still humming and hawing after 8 years about whether or not he wants to marry you

Otherwise, if I overheard your conversation, I''d probably say ''Wow! 8 years...That''s amazing!!!''
 

MaggieB

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
646
I rushed into marriage the first time a couple of months after turning 23. I thought that it was what I was supposed to do. I realized after a couple of years that we were not compatible, but stuck it out because I didn''t want to fail at my marriage.

The second time I dated him for about five and a half years. I got a LOT of when are you going to get married/or dump him comments. However, a lot of the people who made those comments started dating, married, and divorced during my five and a half years of dating! I tried to be smart the second time around and really make sure we were ready to do the work and make a lifetime commitment to one another.

To all of you who are taking your time, I commend you. You can feel a lot of pressure to rush things.
 

adhesive

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2008
Messages
177
I can absolutely relate to this situation. FF and I have been together since I was 14 (he was 18)... which was not creepy at all in our situation as I was extremely mature for my age (due to accelerated hormone growth - long story) and he was fairly immature for his (hate to say it but at the time it was true), but MAN did we get some looks (and even some rude or suggestive comments!) People have mellowed out now, but we still get the sideways glance every now and then when people find out how old we were when we got together.

We''ve been together 5 years now. He''s been ready to get married for a while, but he''s been waiting for me to get out of school. We''re now both at a point where it would be okay to get married, so it''s coming soon (I hope.)

The best thing I can tell you is that you''ve just got to have faith in your own relationship and be confident that it is none of anybody else''s business. You are an adult and can make your own decisions. You couldn''t legally make your own decisions when you got together, but it was your parents job to make decisions for you - and they obviously allowed you to go out with this guy. So even at that point, it was nobody else''s business... it was between you and your BF and both of your parents.

I have a tendency to tell people "how it is" too often for my own good, so I''m pretty fond of just letting nosy people know outright that it is none of their business and that they should keep their concerns to themselves (but in the sweetest of voices, with a lovely smile on my face.) It would be hard for them not to get the message that way :)
 

Dreamgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 25, 2008
Messages
5,070
I guess I missed this thread because I've been so busy at work today.......I can completely relate to this situation!!! I've been with my guy for just over 10.5 years. And I get those comments and ugly grimacing faces often when people find out how long we have been togehter. Funny thing is, when we were together for 2 years, I would love saying it......but now that it's 10.5 years, everyone reacts like they just had a bad burrito from Taco Bell and need to make it to a toilet asap before they BURST! Makes me think: "WTF is your problem??"


We met young as well. Both 16 turning 17. So pretty much, we were 17. We were still in high school and the first year of our relationship was long distance. After that first year, he moved to be near me. Then before he could go to college, he decided to establish residency in the state so he could pay state tuition, that took him a year while I finished my Sr. year in high school. Then there was college (which took a long time because he supports himself, so he worked full time and went to school part time until he started an accelerated program at another college. Long relationship story short, I've been here and there trying to get my career started- and now I'm in a good place. He is trying to find a better job himself but so far, no luck. Which brings us to today...yeah it took 10 years to get to where we are and yeah, we aren't engaged yet but we are on our way. It will happen when the time is right!!!

I just get tired of the ignorant comments and questions when it comes to my relationship. We are very madly in love with each other and I always feel like I need to justify my relationship to the nosy people who have to butt into my life. And really, I don't need to justify myself to anyone....
Just kinda makes me want to lash out and say "Well, F you! Why the F does anything happen in YOUR life the way it F'ing' does?!?! HUH? Answer me that dumb a$$" lol (I'm not really like that, I just sometimes feel that way!!!) lol

I bet even after being engaged I'll still get the same stupidity......"What took him so long? Are you sure he really wants to marry you?"
Yeah, why in God's name did YOU have to rush your freaking life??? Yeah, that's what I thought. That's why baby daddy is gone, that's why your divorced!"


Wow, that kinda turned into a vent. Sorry about that!
 

HappyCat

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 18, 2008
Messages
82
FF and I will have been together for 7 years this April. We actually haven''t gotten any "why aren''t you married yet" comments from our families, but a couple of weeks ago we were at our favorite sushi bar that we''ve frequented for years, and the sushi chef(!) asked us why we weren''t married yet! FF''s jaw dropped and I stood there laughing hysterically about it. I take it as a sign that I''ve got my LIWitis under control that I find that funny.
 

Carbonlove

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 6, 2008
Messages
57
11.5 years here. Usually I have to pick their jaw up off of the floor. I think the only people that make those comments don't know the situation. Obviously, she doesn't have much experience. Just ignore her!
 

Dreamgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 25, 2008
Messages
5,070
It''s always nice to see others that have had long term relationships...
 

Definitely. Maybe

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Messages
582
BF and I have been together for 5.5 years and starting dating at 16. I think we are just now getting out of the "creepy" stage too so we haven''t had anyone ask when we are getting married. I guess I should feel lucky about that because I don''t know what I would say to them. We''ll get engaged/ married when the time is right for us and only us though, so I''m not too concerned with what others will say. :)
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
3,881
We hit 5.5 years next month. Everyone else kind of freaks out about it, but most of the time, it makes me really proud.
And we are both still growing and changing. SO will be 27 next month, and I'd love to get married in a few years (29/30ish), but I wouldn't mind a long engagement. On the converse, we have been Long Distance most of the time, and if we hadn't we probably would at least be engaged by now.

Oh well. We'll get there eventually. I'm really not in a big rush. My friends and family are pretty good about it, but his co-workers are the worst! They are the type to grab your hand and ask where your ring is!
I smile and try to be gracious, but HOW RUDE! And when we were at his brother's wedding last year, everyone was looking at us like we had lost our minds, and were telling us the "when I met my wife, I just knew, and we were engaged in less than a year," stories. His family is really anxious for us to get married, they think I am great and call me family.


So yeah, I can relate. We met at 17/18, but we started dating at 20/21. I never wanted to marry young (sub 25), so it was necessarily going to be a while for us. He already has the ring, and is looking to get a house at the end of this year. I think that's when marriage fever is going to REALLY hit, because I really want a house and to have a life TOGETHER!

(sorry for the rambling...)
 

Purelife

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2009
Messages
1
12 years with my partner and we have 2 kids together. Talked about marriage from time to time but never followed through. What bothers me the most is people asking Why? after all these yrs. I would love committment but it may never actually happen.
 

purselover

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 20, 2008
Messages
2,066
I really don''t get any negative comments about why I''m not married from people, idk maybe it''s because I''m so young. People are surprised when they hear we''ve been together almost 8 years, (but again I think it''s b/c we''re young) I just get a lot of "wow that''s really great" and "it''s great you''re in no rush to get married", and if anything people tell me to wait until he''s done with school. I guess I''m lucky no one ever tells me to dump my SO, in fact they tell me to hold on to him once they find out he''s in law school ....and cooks
 
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