Things you wish you knew in your 30s and 40s?

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

What are some things you wish you knew in your 30s and 40s? What would you do differently? Do you have any advice for someone in their 30s?

For better or worse, I'm trying to "optimize" my life so I can live my best life, and would love to hear people's thoughts!

 

[scouty]

Great topic - I'm interested in this as well! Recently entered my 30s and reflected on everything I learned in my 20s. Hoping that my 30s can be the best decade yet!

 

[winnietucker]

Yes indeed. I’ll be 30 soon and will take all the advice I can get please. Life is rough. It’d be nice to get some pointers from some wiser people.

 

[Niffler75]

Hmmm good question! Not to be concerned about what others think about you or judgements they may make. I used to take things very personally! Also to focus on quality of friendships rather than number of friends and popularity.

 

[Begonia]

Hmmmm. I'm mid 50's so here goes.

Cherish your people but esp. elders. Once they're gone, they stay gone. Ask them all the things you think you'll want to know later. Hug, hold hands, create memories to sustain you when they're gone.

Be authentic. Speak up, say no.

Figure out your boundaries and stick to them. They will change over time, but have them.

Stay active. Don't neglect you bones.

Save money.

Travel if you can.

Enjoy this time cuz change is a-comin'. Perimenopause and menopause.

 

[Niffler75]

@Begonia Soooooo not looking forward to the menopause!

 

[Gussie]

I learned a lot in my 30s and early 40s. I'm mid 40s now.

External things or people cannot make me happy; serenity comes from within. Lots of self searching led me to know that serenity is the most important thing in my life.

To achieve and keep it:

1. Stay in today.
2. I have no need to be right.
3. What others think of me is not my business.
4. Let go of ego. Humility is the key for me.
5. Kindness and service to others (including myself) will always be worthwhile. It is mandatory for me.
6. Gratitude. Period.

It's sometimes hard to adhere to this but oh so worth it!

 

[missy]

Great topic @MRBXXXFVVS1.

1. Most importantly believe in yourself.

2. Don't worry what other people think of you.

3. Don't be afraid to stand up and stand out.

4. Money is not the most important thing.

5. Today is what is important. Pay attention to what is happening now. Yesterday is over and tomorrow isn't here yet.
Let it go. Don't let it eat away at you. What is done is done. You cannot change it so don't obsess and ruminate. Don't waste your precious energy on anger or disappointment or regret. Move forward.

6. Let the little things roll off you. Don't sweat the small stuff and most of it is small stuff.

7. Look for the good in everything and count your blessings. Be grateful and appreciative and thankful for each and every day and for your loved ones.

8. Be kind to everyone you meet. You have no idea what they are going through and what a little kindness can do.

9. I would rather be happy than right. See the "Let it go" advice above.

 

[Gussie]

Great topic @MRBXXXFVVS1.

1. Most importantly believe in yourself.

2. Don't worry what other people think of you.

3. Don't be afraid to stand up and stand out.

4. Money is not the most important thing.

5. Today is what is important. Pay attention to what is happening now. Yesterday is over and tomorrow isn't here yet.
Let it go. Don't let it eat away at you. What is done is done. You cannot change it so don't obsess and ruminate. Don't waste your precious energy on anger or disappointment or regret. Move forward.

6. Let the little things roll off you. Don't sweat the small stuff and most of it is small stuff.

7. Look for the good in everything and count your blessings. Be grateful and appreciative and thankful for each and every day and for your loved ones.

8. Be kind to everyone you meet. You have no idea what they are going through and what a little kindness can do.

9. I would rather be happy than right. See the "Let it go" advice above.

We must go to the same school!

 

[missy]

Hmmmm. I'm mid 50's so here goes.

Cherish your people but esp. elders. Once they're gone, they stay gone. Ask them all the things you think you'll want to know later. Hug, hold hands, create memories to sustain you when they're gone.

Be authentic. Speak up, say no.

Figure out your boundaries and stick to them. They will change over time, but have them.

Stay active. Don't neglect you bones.

Save money.

Travel if you can.

Enjoy this time cuz change is a-comin'. Perimenopause and menopause.

I’m loving menopause. It’s freeing not having my period. Though if I had to do all over again I’d try HRT for my bones.

So adding that as another piece of advice. Consider HRT when you get to that age to save your bones. If it’s safe for you to do.

 

[missy]

We must go to the same school!

Haha yasssss.

 

[missy]

@Begonia Soooooo not looking forward to the menopause!

@Niffler75 see my above post. There’s a lot of good in menopause.

I think every decade has something wonderful to offer.

 

[Elizabeth35]

Take care of your body. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
Provide yourself good nutrition, exercise frequently, get enough sleep and reduce stress. You don’t want to be in your 50’s and beyond with a body damaged by obesity, poor nutrition, smoking or lack of cardiac exercise. You can’t take back years of abuse of your body.

Only keep people in your life if they treat you well. Avoid toxic, negative people.

Be kind to others and make sure that you do something to help others. Giving makes you happier, and it’s the right thing to do.

It’s more important to listen carefully than it is to be “right”.

Model good habits and behavior for your children. They are watching and absorbing everything you do. Make sure you look at your children and engage with them more than your phone.

 

[oodlesofpoodles]

All wonderful advice ladies.

I'm just in my early 40's now but I've had some recent life experience in the that I think would be helpful. I personally feel almost everyone could benefit from some good therapy at some point and if you need it, get it. I had bad therapy in my early 20's and if left me with a poor impression of the whole profession. That was an unfair assessment and it took having really good therapy to know the difference. It does no one any good to hold onto past hurts. Trauma is part of life folks - nobody gets out of here unscathed. Anything that is holding you back, causing you pain, or keeping you from living your best life - stare into that darkness - shine the light in there and talk about it until it no longer makes you cry or feel ashamed or holds power over you. Your acceptance that you can not change the past will give you peace.

1) If you want to change something about your life it requires action on your part. Change is a verb.

2) You are not in control of anyone but yourself - if you think you are in control you are fooling yourself

3) You can not make anyone do anything AND you can not stop anyone from doing what they want to

4) You can live through your worst fear even if you think you can't

5) Bad things do happen to good people and vice versa

6) Making the decision to be grateful can change your whole attitude

7) What you water grows, water good things

Take that chance to do that thing that you want to do - make a big career change or move, start your own business, go back to school- it will never get easier-the time is now

 

[Elizabeth35]

@Niffler75 see my above post. There’s a lot of good in menopause.

I think every decade has something wonderful to offer.

Don’t fear menopause! It is just another phase of life.
Any minor physical symptoms can be managed with good self-care and a good Dr.

 

[Ally T]

I turned 46 (blimey, how did THAT happen??!) last Sunday, and I wish I'd asked this question in my 20's!

For me, all of the above. But especially:

Look after your friendships. As above, let go of the popularity & quantity, settle for quality. I have a few dear friends all over the world that I haven't seen in years, but I would hop on a plane for any of them in a heartbeat.

Look after your health, both physically & mentally. Exercise & contemplate. Make peace & let go.

Don't give a toss about what others think of you. Be the best version of yourself & be happy. You don't have to justify your actions if they were the right ones to make.

Follow your moral compass. Your conscience & your children will thank you for it.

Spend as much time as you can with those you love. I lost my father suddenly when I was 27 & I cannot TELL you how glad I am in hindsight, that I spent so much time with him. We were & continue to be a very strong, tight family. We have so many memories & often end up peeing our pants reminiscing!

Save & plan, but travel & explore where possible. The world is an AMAZING & wondrous place to discover! Apart from that long-drop toilet I had to use in a remote part of New Zealand. Not amazing or wondrous

 

[eapj]

About to enter late 40s - yikes

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff is so true
2. Perspective is helpful when one feels sorry for themselves
3. If you have good parents, aunts, etc. spend time with them. I spent a lot of time with my parents over my life and miss them so much. Life hasn’t been the same and I can’t imagine how much worse it would feel if I had regrets.
4. Worry less about what other people think of you but that doesn’t mean you can be a jerk.
5. If you can afford to do something or buy something the would make you happy, do it.
6. Take care of your body in a reasonable way.
7.Define your worth from the inside.

I actually love getting older.

 

[marymm]

wear sunscreen every single day

do the right thing / hew to your moral code / ethics matter

be kind, to others and to yourself

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

-Hug and kiss your teenagers and adult children. Tell them you love them. Sometime we forget cuz they are older....KWIM?
-Know that sincerity is one of the most valuable traits. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
-Don't make promises you can't keep.
-Take care of your physical and mental health
-Kindness and empathy go A LONG WAY
--That I should have bought a lot more Tiffany jewellery!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Dee*Jay]

Your job title is not your identity.

 

[1ofakind]

Don't hold a grudge. Learn to forgive. Those are not the same thing.

Look at your feet. If you happen to have crazy high arches you'll want arch supports before it's too late.

Be yourself. If you don't like that person work on it until you do.

Accept people for who they are...the good, the bad and the ugly. Don't limit your friends to only people who look like you, live like you, think like you, believe like you.

Count your blessings.

Think of others and get your hands a little dirty in the process. It's great to write a check to support a cause....its another thing to give of yourself.

Have a relationship with your kids that will be able to transition to friendship when they are grown.

Try new things.

Don't take yourself or others too seriously.

Love is an action word not just a feeling.

Don't let your emotions rule you....they sometimes lie.

Save for tomorrow but also enjoy today. Don't take either for granted.

 

[SallyB]

Don’t wear high heels, they may ruin your feet.
Floss regularly.
Travel as much as you can, while you can.
Be very, very picky when choosing a spouse.
Don’t get pregnant by the wrong man.
If either you or your spouse aren’t sure about having kids, don’t.

 

[caf]

A couple of more to Add:

1. Exercise throughout your life - walking, biking, yoga, swimming;
2. It’s a small world - be nice;
3. Boundaries are important;
4. Be brave;
5. Ask for what you want and need. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

 

[Buttercookies]

I turned 46 (blimey, how did THAT happen??!) last Sunday, and I wish I'd asked this question in my 20's!

For me, all of the above. But especially:

Look after your friendships. As above, let go of the popularity & quantity, settle for quality. I have a few dear friends all over the world that I haven't seen in years, but I would hop on a plane for any of them in a heartbeat.

Look after your health, both physically & mentally. Exercise & contemplate. Make peace & let go.

Don't give a toss about what others think of you. Be the best version of yourself & be happy. You don't have to justify your actions if they were the right ones to make.

Follow your moral compass. Your conscience & your children will thank you for it.

Spend as much time as you can with those you love. I lost my father suddenly when I was 27 & I cannot TELL you how glad I am in hindsight, that I spent so much time with him. We were & continue to be a very strong, tight family. We have so many memories & often end up peeing our pants reminiscing!

Save & plan, but travel & explore where possible. The world is an AMAZING & wondrous place to discover! Apart from that long-drop toilet I had to use in a remote part of New Zealand. Not amazing or wondrous

Such an amazing advice. I have plenty of acquaintances but very few deep friendship that I continue to grow.

Another one, I know is not very popular, is to go deep religiously to understand what life all means. I’m Catholic and go to church nearly everyday before I had my second baby. I still look forward to go back to Church when she’s older.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Fantastic advice ladies!

I'm intrigued by the exercise comments.

I sometimes feel like I waste so much time exercising but I do it anyway and often wonder if it's worth it so I'm really glad to see so many of you reiterate its importance.

 

[kenny]

I would have sold everything (and a kidney) and bought apple stock at its $22 IPO price.

 

[Elizabeth35]

Fantastic advice ladies!

I'm intrigued by the exercise comments.

I sometimes feel like I waste so much time exercising but I do it anyway and often wonder if it's worth it so I'm really glad to see so many of you reiterate its importance.

It is not a waste--it is part of taking care of your body, which is going to transport you through your life.
And exercise is not just about how you make your body look, it is more about keeping your heart healthy, maintaining healthy joints, flexibility, etc. It helps you reduce stress and sleep better.
You will not regret it.

General advice is 30 minutes of vigorous exercise 5X per week. I view it as a prescription from my doc, same as meds to control my blood pressure and eating a healthy diet and maintaining a healthy weight.
You only get one body!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

X1000 on exercise. It isn't a lifestyle, it is your life.
Be a mentor. Pays dividends for everyone.
Smile all the time and when you ask someone how they are, be interested.
AND don't gossip. And excuse yourself when someone is gossiping.

cheers--Sharon

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

Thanks for all of the wisdom, please keep it coming! I feel like I've grown so much over the last few years and learned:

• Health and happiness are #1 priority, you can't buy health or create more of it. Treat your body as the only car you'll ever have, maintain it well, keep it clean, and take care of it. Eat clean, don't drink (too much), exercise (not just to look good, but to stay healthy), and get quality sleep.
• Spend as much time with family as possible, especially parents and grandparents, they won't be around forever.
• Love yourself, be kind to yourself. Find happiness and peace within yourself.
• Be picky, less is more. Quality over quantity. Applies to friends, how you spend your time, etc.
• Accept 80/20, chasing perfection isn't worth it.
• Keep moving forward, don't have sunk cost bias, everyday is a chance for a new beginning.
• Focus on gratitude and be positive as much as you can, realizing sometimes it's not possible and emotions are healthy too. Be content with and thankful for your situation and what you have. Comparison is the thief of joy.
• Give back, help others in need, forgive, be kind to others.

 

[1ofakind]

I'll add one more.
Don't gossip. Don't entertain gossip. It is cruel.

ETA...I see now Sharon already covered gossip. I went for a walk with DH and that one was bothering me because it is high on the list for me.