Things you wish someone had told you when you were younger.

[Gypsy]

I saw this one on FB and thought, I WISH someone had told me AND all my friends this when I was a NEW teen (Yes, that young, 13! Before highschool!).


"Giving a boy an erection is not an achievement. Don't treat it like one. A gust of wind can do the same thing."

What do you wish someone has said to your younger self? And at what age do you wish someone had told you it?

 

[missy]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Love this topic Gypsy.

Here's a few things I wish I had known when I was younger. I want to add that I had been told most of these things when younger but my problem was I didn't internalize these truths until I was much older. I think that you can be told things when younger but only when you are ready to really listen and open your mind and heart will you "get" it. So you might be told time and again certain things but it doesn't matter till you are mature enough and ready to handle the truth. As we see it.

1. I wish I had realized back then (pre-teen and younger) that no matter what you do there will always be people who won't like you. Once I realized this fact I decided to stop trying to be a people pleaser. And I am much more at peace with myself because of it. I know there are people who don't like me and people I don't like and that's OK. I refuse to have frenemies in my life and other negative energy and influences. There are some things I cannot control but this is one of them and I no longer put up with negativity and people who are toxic to me or my loved ones. Huge and freeing. Wish I had known this when I was a little girl. And the corollary to this that what other people think of you does not matter. To achieve this you have to have the self confidence and peace of mind that comes from within to know it just doesn't matter. That's on them. Not on you.


2. Though I had been told this many times by people I didn't internalize it until I was already much older. And that is that live in the moment. Don't spend time worrying about what was, what will be and instead focus on the here and now and enjoy being young because it all goes so fast. And man does it ever. I am going to be 51 this August and I really cannot fully comprehend how quickly the last 5 decades have flown by. What happened? I was so busy worrying and fretting and studying and working and doing what I thought was the best I could do when life was speeding by so quickly. Living in the moment is (for me) the hardest thing to do but the most rewarding way to experience each day IMO.

I still find this hard because as one gets older generally there are more things to worry about but I work hard on this every day because nothing worthwhile is easy and it is worth the reward of being able to enjoy each moment as it comes.


3. Again I was told this many times growing up. By my dad, my mom, my grandmother, my grandfather. But I just didn't internalize what they were saying at that young age. That no matter how awful things may be at the present time it won't last. Usually. Everything changes. Change is inevitable. Nothing can stop change. So if you are going through a particularly tough and challenging time remember that. It won't last forever and things will get better. Of course the opposite is true too so that brings me back to point 2. Live in the moment and enjoy it while it lasts. Change is hard for me but I am learning that it is OK because sometimes things change for the better sometimes for the worse but always change will continue.


4. I wish someone had told me that going through painful and unhappy experiences in life are necessary to find true joy and happiness. To this day I wish it wasn't so but it is. To achieve peace and happiness you should try to avoid pain and sadness and challenges but learn to live with them and only then will you have the ability to experience true peace and contentment. I didn't do a great job explaining that so I hope it makes sense.


5. Lastly (there's many more things I can share but for now and if you've gotten this far thanks for reading) life is not about being "successful" at work, your career, making money, having material possessions etc. Success is not about things or even accomplishments. It's about achieving inner peace and having close and loving supportive relationships.

Again, I was told this time and again by my loved ones when I was a child but still there was a lot of confusion in my mind because I was also told to work hard in school and do the best I could so I could have a good career when I was an adult and have an "easy" life. So you can see where I might have been a bit confused. My parents did share lots of wisdom with me and one big one was to work hard and do the best I could. They never expected more from me as long as I tried my best. I give them credit for not putting pressure on me to achieve the impossible like some of my friend's parents did to them. They just never expected me to do less than I could and always focused on me achieving my personal best. Any extra pressure I put on myself and was not their fault.

6. OK one more LOL. I was actually including this one with the above thoughts but decided it deserves to have its own listing. And that is that Inner peace and happiness comes from within and not from material possessions or even from other people. YOU are responsible for your happiness and no one else. No matter the external circumstances and outside influences it is up to you to find peace from within. This quote says it best IMO."'The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..."
True dat.



Gypsy, thanks for a thought provoking thread. LOVE it. Might be back with more thoughts later if it's OK. Looking forward to hearing other perspectives and thoughts on this.

Happy Mother's Day to all!

 

[MMtwo]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Some men have a broken character. It's not their fault, but like stripes on a tiger, it's their inherent nature.
You can't fix or repair a man (or relationship) that is broken at a core level because of character flaws. Everyone has issues, but core character problems seldom get better. Certain key problems are almost sure to bring misery. A man who lies, cheats (ignore the rationalizations he makes to you or himself, he is like a car without one of the wheels), and abuses your trust has GOT TO GO.

You write every chapter in your book. You may not be in control of the plot lines, but the reactions, tenacity and strength are all yours to write.

Years ago I went through an abusive relationship. I allowed myself to live in an abusive situation because I really didn't know what else to do. I was so broken in spirit that I had to pull myself up by my bootstraps by making my own hero in my head. My old personal view of myself was that of a battered woman (incapable and weak - victim). I had this voice telling me I was ugly, stupid, slow, useless (you get the point). That girl was non-functioning after nine abusive years. However, I had an idea to pretend my life to that point (sitting in a shelter) was a book. And what if I could write my own happy ending? I imagined that hero me (a wiser and tougher version) would know what to do. It was my Tara/potato moment. I(she, the strong one) took stock and realized there was a need for a better financial future and signed me up for college in my 30's and brought me out of poverty.

This was one of the most life altering concepts for me. I took stock in my life and realized that victimhood status robbed me of my voice. Instead of "He did this to me" my life became "I do this for me". I reject being anyone's victim.

 

[dk168]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

PMSL at Gypsy's post, so true!

DK

 

[missy]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Moneymeister I am sorry you went through that and I agree completely with your thoughts. Never accept less. You deserve the best and deserve a worthy partner. One who will treat you with love, respect, kindness, compassion and tenderness. And you are in control of that.

 

[missy]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

PMSL at Gypsy's post, so true!

DK

LOL I have learned another abbreviation, thanks DK. For those who don't know (I googled to find the answer) PMSL stands for
"pissing myself laughing"

 

[missy]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Typo in point 4 of my first post. The word ****not**** was mistakenly left out. Totally different meaning without it so just clarifying.

To achieve peace and happiness you should ****not**** try to avoid pain and sadness and challenges but learn to live with them and only then will you have the ability to experience true peace and contentment

Because pain and suffering is necessary for there to be peace and happiness. You have to realize and accept that and live with the bad to appreciate and enjoy the good.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Sometimes I think it's not so much wishing someone had told me things - I'm sure they did along the way. It is more a point of finally maturing enough emotionally, intellectually and spiritually to really believe the things told to you that would have made your life better. Unfortunately, life isn't lived this way and we must learn these things for ourselves through our own experiences. Otherwise, our kids would all believe us from jump when told these things and would live a much better life than we did. I now realize that I can tell them things all day but they have to live and experience life for themselves to fully believe it!

 

[MMtwo]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Moneymeister I am sorry you went through that and I agree completely with your thoughts. Never accept less. You deserve the best and deserve a worthy partner. One who will treat you with love, respect, kindness, compassion and tenderness. And you are in control of that.

Missy, thank you. The epilogue to the above story is I am getting married in two weeks to the most supportive, loving and nurturing family man I have ever met. He comes home and always looks at us (me and my grown children) and says, "I love my family" and means every word of it with every breath in his body. We are all better for having him in our lives.

Your response to the OP post was graceful and thoughtful as always, Missy. So much truth in your post. The point about youth being so fleeting is something I have noticed lately. I have been digging into ancestry.com and following my roots back to the 1500's. There is a pattern of birth, youth, middle age and ending. One, two, three, one two, three. There is a rhythm to the universe. We are all on a timer, and i think it speeds up, you know?

I always enjoy your writing. Such a fan of your kindness and thoughful replies, as well as your wisdom.
Success is not about things or even accomplishments. It's about achieving inner peace and having close and loving supportive relationships.

and this The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..." are also very deep truths that resonate as well.

 

[smitcompton]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Hi,

I wish someone would have emphasized that "people vary". I grew up in a community of shared values and was surprised when I went out into the world and found people who didn't agree with me on things I thought everyone agreed on. In my family, there was a right way and a wrong way.

I'll give a different view than Missy. I wish someone had told me that you have to get along with those above you and those below you at work. People do have to generally like you.

Don't follow the crowd. Think for yourself. The crowd has little imagination and stays stagnant.

Annette

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Don't marry a woman who loves diamonds, b/c you will end up in a poor farm...

 

[monarch64]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Sometimes I think it's not so much wishing someone had told me things - I'm sure they did along the way. It is more a point of finally maturing enough emotionally, intellectually and spiritually to really believe the things told to you that would have made your life better. Unfortunately, life isn't lived this way and we must learn these things for ourselves through our own experiences. Otherwise, our kids would all believe us from jump when told these things and would live a much better life than we did. I now realize that I can tell them things all day but they have to live and experience life for themselves to fully believe it!

This resonates. I have always had to learn things for myself, the hard way, through experience. I don't wish anyone had told me anything. Because that's all my parents did; tell me what NOT to do. Great concept, didn't work. I had to learn and grow on my own, not based on others' opinions and unsolicited "advice."

 

[CJ2008]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Wear sunscreen.

Protect your skin - it will be one of the first things that shows ageing.

If you have a passion, pursue it - but if you're not sure, train for jobs that pay well and don't worry about loving them. Being paid well is nice. And most jobs end up being just jobs anyway.

Don't be afraid to admit who you are - to yourself and to others - just because it's more acceptable in society to be outgoing and social it's OK if you're more of a hermit. Don't feel guilty about it. Balance the social with as much solitude as you need.

That said - it is important that people generally like you (like smithcompton said). Both at work and in social circles and situations. Be strategic. Go out for drinks once in a while. Attend a function once in a while. Say things with a smile instead of a frown and don't be afraid to sugarcoat a little bit - 100% straightforward is not as appreciated as you think it is.

 

[packrat]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

I don't know that we aren't actually really told most of this stuff when we're younger. We just don't listen. You know? I'd lay odds that everything we list in this thread, we've been told. Rufus can give us the telephone booth and we can dial ourselves back to whatever year we want, but our other selves at the Circle K might just shrug and say whatever, you can't tell me what to do...which is kinda what we probably did when others gave us advice for the future. What we need is to be able to take our younger self to the future to see consequences of our choices and actions. Maybe seeing the outcome would knock some sense into our heads. More than likely, it wouldn't, but it would have a better shot, I'd wager.

 

[stracci2000]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

I wish someone would have talked me out of rushing into marriage and babies.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

PMSL at Gypsy's post, so true!

DK

me too!

 

[kenny]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

 

[Jambalaya]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Great thread!

Well, I'm sure we could all write a novel on this topic.

I wish someone had told me that sex doesn't necessarily mean he loves you, and as a clueless girl in a family mostly of women, I wish someone had explained to me in my late teens about male desire and that no matter what he says, at that young age he almost certainly isn't planning on marrying you, but is horny as hell and just wants to get you into bed. I was an extreme romantic and a reality check would have made a huge difference in terms of getting taken advantage of. On the same topic, when around 17, I wish someone had taught me some techniques about how to handle unwanted male attention firmly and effectively.

I wish that someone had told me if someone seems like a frenemy, they probably are.

I wish someone had told me, at a young age, to share a lot less with people who I didn't know hugely well and may not have had my best interests at heart. Also, to share almost nothing at work. I wish someone had taught me how to present a more together and more impenetrable face to the world. It would have protected me a lot, I think.

I wish someone had told me that if a person seems to be of bad or low character, no amount of friendliness or being good to them can change that. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, and it's not about you - it's them. No matter how well you treat a sow's ear, it will never try to be a silk purse for you. I wish I had learned that lesson many years ago.

I'm sure there are more, but those are the key ones.

Edit: I wish someone had told me that in bed, if a man starts acting as if you're in a **** film, to shut that down. Right away.

 

[Jambalaya]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

Very funny! I needed to learn both of these. I can't decide which I needed to know more, though!

 

[CJ2008]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

I have another one.

That parents are people. They're not perfect. And that they won't always advise you objectively, and based on what would truly be in your best interests. Sometimes they will advise you based on wanting to protect you - or themselves. And that listening to them blindly, because you trust them, can seriously change the course of your life, so make sure at the end of the day you still take the risks you want to take. Make sure you have at least one person you can count on to be objective even when they want you to play things "safe."

 

[pricescopenewbie]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Wear sunscreen.

Protect your skin - it will be one of the first things that shows ageing.

If you have a passion, pursue it - but if you're not sure, train for jobs that pay well and don't worry about loving them. Being paid well is nice. And most jobs end up being just jobs anyway.

Don't be afraid to admit who you are - to yourself and to others - just because it's more acceptable in society to be outgoing and social it's OK if you're more of a hermit. Don't feel guilty about it. Balance the social with as much solitude as you need.

That said - it is important that people generally like you (like smithcompton said). Both at work and in social circles and situations. Be strategic. Go out for drinks once in a while. Attend a function once in a while. Say things with a smile instead of a frown and don't be afraid to sugarcoat a little bit - 100% straightforward is not as appreciated as you think it is.

I agree on every word of this post. CJ2008 you are very wise.

if I could add one, i wish someone had taught me lessons of making financial plans as early as possible. it is Time that makes your investment money.

 

[arkieb1]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

You can't change other people you can only change the way you react to them....

 

[kenny]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

Very funny! I needed to learn both of these. I can't decide which I needed to know more, though!

Well actually, that's petty so don't sweat it.

 

[Jambalaya]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

Very funny! I needed to learn both of these. I can't decide which I needed to know more, though!

Well actually, that's petty so don't sweat it.

Thanks to you, Kenny, I'm experiencing flashbacks to all the sweaty stuff I've petted! I think I'll go back to sweating the petty stuff. It's more sanitary.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

I'm learning good lessons from all your posts. I really am. Apparently I am finally at a age where I don't have to do things the hard way. I can just take advice.

 

[Trekkie]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

It's not your fault. Speak up. Press charges.

LIVE! Take a chance!

You are not responsible for L - he's your sibling, not your child.

It's ok to be different.

 

[missy]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

I just asked my dh this question and he said the number 1 thing he wishes someone had told him when he was younger is

You are smarter than most adults or most adults are generally stupid...

(With the exception of PSers of course. )


Moneymeister congratulations on finding the love of your life who is a wonderful man and for your upcoming wedding!
So happy for you!!!

 

[momhappy]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

I wish someone would have told me how damaging the sun can be to my skin.
I take good care of my skin now and ALWAYS wear sunscreen, but it's too little, too late

Oh, and it would have been nice to know that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for when I was younger.

 

[JaneSmith]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

 

[iLander]

Re: Things you wish someone had told you when you were young

I wish someone had said

"Don't waste money on "collector's items". They will never be "worth" anything. You will never sell them to another collector. You are the "collector"."

"Your dad is a complete idiot. Dogs are smarter. Ignore him."

"You may not be beautiful, but you are interesting. When everyone else gets old and fat, you will still be interesting."

"Don't spend so much on the kids' private school. It really doesn't seem to make much difference."

"Buy more diamonds and top quality gems. They hold their value in the long run."

"Put all your money in the stock market. Keep it there, don't sell it. Just keep it there. Remember when you were a kid and the Dow was at 700? And you didn't buy anything? You idiot."

"Don't plant that tree so close to the house."