"The One" How''d you know?

[AmberWaves]

Hi girls (and guys)... I asked a friend''s grandma the other day, "How did you know your husband was the one?" She told me, "I didn''t, we were in the Holocaust, we were about to lose our lives. The opportunity came up to leave Poland and come to America, but when the time came, he was the only one left. So I came with him, and since I had no one, I stayed with him. I never regretted it, and I loved him because he was all I had left."

So now, I wonder, what made you realize yours is "the one"? For me, I realized he loved me 9 years ago, when we first dated. He was too good for me, I told him. Which he was. I didn''t deserve him, and I treated him badly. I hate myself now for it, which makes me love him more every day. He never made me feel bad for that. He gave me a second chance 7 years later. I realized he was the one when I was dating someone else a few years ago. This guy was my "tester" a guy who was completely opposite from what I wanted. The guy moved away, without thinking of me at all, it made me think, "Paul would never do this to me" something I thought often during our seperation. Throughout the years, I''d searched for Paul, trying to find him. Finally I did, and I told him- I''ve been looking for you. After that, it was done. He''s my lobster. (I hope you all know that "Friends" episode). He told me a few years ago that he knew we''d be together. Even after we broke up so long ago. He never doubted it!

 

[appletini]

When we first met he was the perfect man that I thought didn''t actually exist. Then we started dating, and for the first time I was completely selfless in the relationship, I was suddenly more focused on the "we", instead of the "me". We bring out the best in each other. I also never wanted to have kids, but I knew that I wanted him to be the father of my children (many years from now).

 

[XChick03]

He was actually my manager, and at first, I hated him. He was a jerk and I''d argue with him every chance I got. A few weeks later, we actually started talking and I fell for him immediately. We just have so much in common and we''re so much alike. Over the next few weeks, we talked and joked. He avoided me sometimes, but I had a feeling he was only doing that because employees weren''t allowed to date. I asked him to a movie once and he declined, to a concert the second time, and I was about to give up when I decided he deserved one more shot. I called him, we talked for a while, and I ended up going over to his place. We sat outside until 4 in the morning talking about absolutely everything and looking at the stars. And I just knew, the first time he kissed me, that he was the man for me. He was everything I wanted that I thought I''d never find. I fell head over heels and I am still crazy in love with him.

 

[SoonIHope]

Awww, cute story Amber! I''d forgotten how similar ours are! We dated for a couple months six years ago, but it freaked me out how much he liked me (we were long distance and saw each other almost every weekend, but I still didn''t think he knew me well enough that he could really like me that much.) So I broke up with him.

I kept hearing for the next year or so from our mutual friend that he would ask after me in a really nice way, but he didn''t try to contact me, so I just didn''t do anything about it. Then, nearly two years after I broke up with him, I got dumped by this guy I had really liked and he was just so unconcerned about me and didn''t bother offering me a reason or anything, which made me do one of those big Evaluating Past Relationships things, and I also thought back to my now-fiance and how he would never have been so cruel because even though I broke up with him he was still just a really nice guy who always treated me well and talked things out with me etc. So I decided to IM him just totally out of the blue, and it was just SO GOOD instantly even though we hadn''t talked in so long! (I recently found where I saved this conversation on my computer; it really is so weird how we managed to have a totally normal great conversation without any awkwardness after all that time.) We then became friends, which continued for about 6 months (in which time I repeatedly told him I did NOT want to date him

and I dated a few other not-at-all-good-for-me guys.) And then finally one day I realized how dumb I was! And after he reassured me that this wouldn''t screw up our new great friendship, and I came to terms with my fear that I might one day break his heart again even though I really really didn''t want to...we started dating again! Literally like 3 days after that I just knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. All the pieces just sort of fell together instantly, after all those years of buildup, so as soon as we got back together we didn''t even need to do the whole "relationship" thing for before it was obvious that it was meant to be. So now, 3.5 years after that point...we''re engaged! YAY!

 

[regalada]

I think I knew the first time I looked into his eyes and marveled at the immense kindness I saw in them. My first impression was right and he turned out to be the kindest, gentlest man I ever met.

My suspicions about him being The One were confirmed the first time I saw his legs

.

 

[Lorelei]

It may sound strange but the moment I saw my Hubby I knew I would marry him, he felt the same way, it was like a recognition in our souls... sounds odd but that is the best way I can describe it. I think it can be different for everyone though.

 

[AmberWaves]

Lorelai, I know exactly what you mean. And Albi, wow! We do have a lot in common!! I felt the same, like I might end up hurting him again, and could I DO that? Thank god, the love was there, though.

 

[Lorelei]

Yes its weird but I never doubted for a second that he was " the one." Things happen for a reason and maybe you having a break from Paul was meant to be, so you would realize he was the man for you later when the time was right.

 

[AmberWaves]

That''s funny you should say that, That''s what he says every time I say, "I wish I had saved all the years of trouble, and just stayed with you". He thinks he needed to experience other things and other people to make us appreciate what we truly needed.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 2/8/2006 12:52:36 PM
Author: AmberWaves
That''s funny you should say that, That''s what he says every time I say, ''I wish I had saved all the years of trouble, and just stayed with you''. He thinks he needed to experience other things and other people to make us appreciate what we truly needed.

Yeah, I totally agree with that! Things were really good for us the first time around (until I freaked out) but SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER the second we got back together!

 

[monarch64]

I knew the night I met my husband that I would marry him. I was on a date with another guy and my husband and his friend walked into the bar where we were. We locked eyes across the crowd as he came through the door. Then his friend came up to us and started talking to my date, leaving me with no one to talk to but the man who would later be my husband! We both knew there was an intense interest, but it probably wasn''t the place nor time to get involved. However, I was not from where we were, and we were both afraid we''d never see each other again. Long story short, his friend talked to my date in the men''s room later and let him know there was something between us. My date left and that was all she wrote! I remember the first time he put his arm around me that night. I had such a feeling of belonging next to him, that sense when you''re away from home a long time and come back--you are your most comfortable, at peace self. That''s how it felt, and I knew that he would be my husband. One year and 21 days later, we were married!

 

[roxy7]

Before I met him, I had heard about him because he was a guy who was supposed to be in my study group who I hadn't met. I had heard from a friend of ours that I was going to love him because he was "so laid back" and nice. So anyway, I kept looking around asking people, "Is that him?" until finally someone said yes. He wasn't looking at me when he walked into the room that day, but I remember checking him out and thinking he was pretty cute, hmmm.


A few days later we had our study group and were all talking. I could kind of tell that he was interested in me and just thought he was a really nice guy, one of the coolest people I had met in a long time. One day we happened to leave school at the same time and walked together on the way home. We had the cutest conversation...our first one alone together...he kept trying to come up with stuff to talk about, and one of his questions was, "Do you like cheese?" I responded with resounding enthusiasm (I love cheese, what can I say?) and we talked about our favorite kinds

Then when we said goodbye, it was kind of rushed, and I remember looking into his eyes and feeling this huge tingling sensation.


This was just evidence that I liked him, though. I knew I was in love with him (and am constantly reminded of it) when I see him laying on the couch, acting all cute, after we just had a nice dinner, calling me sweet baby names, and acting like the little boy he was before I ever met him.

 

[Caribou]

Hmmmmm I don't know that I necessarily believe in 'the one'. I've heard one to many people say that about someone they were dating and it ended shortly there after.

However, I do remember when I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my FI. We were at his cousin's wedding. This was the first big family thing I had gone to with him, we had been dating for about 4.5 months at the time. We were sitting watching them take their vows and I was thinking about how comfortable I felt around his family and how I loved him and how luck I was to have him and how good it made me feel to know that he loved me. I thought how different this relationship was from my others, that he respects me, would never hurt me the way they had. That's when I realized I wanted him to be in my life forever.

ETA: I think before our 2nd date (6 months after the first) we would talk periodically...about a month before we started dating again I would have thoughts of 'We'll I always have FI'. So I think I knew then that we were going to be together one day...when was the question.

 

[firebirdgold]

This is a long story, sorry.
The first time I laid eyes on him my heart jumped, but I was too clueless to realize what it meant then. He''d met one of my best friends through match.com and they''d become friends. So the three of us met up for dinner and an evening playing pool. She cleverly made herself scarce early on in the evening for a few hours. I barely even noticed she was gone that long! But I kept telling myself "friend" over and over. (first signs of panic). I''d just given up on dating and sworn off men. And my mother always did say ''when you stop looking...''!

He''d gone geocaching with my friend several times before and that night they invited me along for the next adventure. I told him sure but only if I could bring my dog along. (he doesn''t really like dogs)
I was already planning ahead to at least being good friends, as my dog is a bit of a monster and needs to meet new friends out of his territory. Other than family, there were only two close girlfriends who could pet him and come into my house while he''s off leash. (Beau-monster is this super vigilant 80lb chow-shepherd mix who looks like a plush stieff toy.) I was hoping that with some exposure and a lot of treats, this new guy would be able to come over without constant growling!

So the day dawns and we have a nice hike while geocaching, have a great time talking, and Beau is super-happy with this neat outing. Afterwards we drive to this laidback little town and have lunch at a cute outdoor cafe where Beau can lie under the table. I spent pretty much the entire time marveling over my future bf''s green eyes and how they change color with his moods.

And I''m still in denial I''m attracted to him! Silly girl. Eventually we''re getting ready to go and I need to use the restroom, but lo and behold my girlfriend has disappeared! So I have no choice but to leave this nice guy holding monster dog''s leash. Of course I worry the whole time that something dreadful will happen. I hurry back, round the corner, and almost faint.... Bf is leaning over my dog scrunching up his ears and talking baby talk while my monster attempts to lick his face!

And that, ladies, is the precise second I knew he was the One!
My poor bf, I spent two weeks panicking before I could bring myself to go out with him, and he was convinced I disliked him.

I just had trouble facing that my life would never be the same again..

 

[anchor31]

An enormous factor that had convinced me he is the one for me is the fact that he never tried to hold me back when I decided to go study 300 miles away, and has not tried to influence my decision to transfer or not, a decision I am still struggling with. I knew we could spend the rest of our lives and go through anything together after a huge fight we had with each other about a year and a half ago, actually.

We were going through a tough phase because we are long distance and were both being too selfish to be a little more flexible. I ended up getting angry at him, and he said very hurtful things. I was so shocked and hurt I hung up on him and wasn''t planning on calling him back. I was seriously considering leaving him. He emailed me every day for the following days and I didn''t answer, and he ended up calling me, crying. He was ready to take the one-hour drive to come up to see me after work at 9 PM (he was studying full-time and working part-time) because he really, really wanted us to work things out. I said I was still too angry to talk that night, but I had Friday off at school, so if he could come, I''d be home. He skipped two hours of class to be there early.

We talked about how we felt about the situation and about the fight and realized that both of us had been acting selfishly. We decided to work for a compromise. I ended up having to ask for an apology for his hurtful words, but he understood then how much it was important to apologize. I also made sure he understood that I am not the kind of person to take crap from anyone. There are ways to say things and solve problems, and he''d have to work on that.

I think that this fight made me see how much we were willing to give for each other and how much we were ready to do for each other. I hadn''t realized before then how much I was important to him, and that I had been holding back to defend myself in case he didn''t care for me as much as I cared for him. Since then, we have always been very open to each other and we''ve both learned to take into consideration the other''s feelings and needs much more then we had before. Our relationship brings out the best in both of us and it helps us grow and become better people. We love each other, understand each other, and respect each other.

We also want the same things out of life, which is very important in a romantic relationship and future marriage!

 

[squeaksluv]

Even though I''m not engaged yet, can I play?

I met my bf ages ago while visiting a mutual friend in Miami. We hit it off but since I was only there for a week I went home in the end not thinking I''d ever see him again. I''m not even sure I wanted to at that point since I was in the process of getting out of a serious relationship. A few years later I was out drinking with some friends and we went bar/lounge hopping. I walked into the Bubble Lounge and immediately locked eyes with this cute guy across the room, who looked sorta familar but I didn''t think anything of it. The entire night I was aware of him watching me but as I was there with a date I didn''t do anything. A few hours later my date went to the bathroom and this guy immediately walked over to me and said ''you don''t remember me do you''. At first I thought it was a pickup line but as I looked at him I realized he really was someone I knew. We started talking and he gave me hints until I remembered who he was. What was so incredible is that there was this energy between us, almost like an intense connection...was it the 5 glasses of champagne or true love??!!

At this point I felt I would of followed him to the moon..yeah, must of been the champagne LOL! We both knew we were on ''borrowed time'' as my date could appear at any moment so he gave me his business card and told me to call. My date came back and we left to go to another bar but I couldn''t stop thinking about him! The next day I debated as to when I should call and decided I''d wait a few days. That night I get a call and it was him! He had called up our mutual friend in Miami and got my number! He later said He said he was afraid he''d lose me again which is why he got my number from Katy. We went out to a romantic restaurant called Chez Esada and as soon as I walked in and saw him standing there it hit me like a ton of bricks, I knew he was the one!

 

[Nifergirl7997]

I knew fairly quickly that Paul was different than anyone else I''ve dated... He has a wonderful spirit, a heart for God, and patience that was evident very early on in our friendship. Taking the steps toward a relationship is always scary for me, and I''m prone to "freak out" moments. He dealt with them so well, and later told me he''d been praying all along that he''d know just how to treat me and talk to me to show his intentions were nothing other than pure sweetness.

He has the funniest quirks, and I love them! He''s crazy about maps and every trip we take (even if it''s less than 50 miles away) involves him searching out a map and looking for routes never taken by him before. A portion of my birthday present from him was a hand-drawn map of all the places we''d been in 2005, with the bubble out enlargements of our two counties, one in N.C. and one in G.A. He called it his "scrapbook in map form" since I scrapbook almost everything we do together, so I''ll have those memories for the rest of forever.

He''s precious and he takes time to find out what matters to me. That''s how I knew he had a special heart that would match well with me. He showed it from the start! I cannot hardly wait to marry this man!!!

 

[Shay]

I''ve known my fiance since I was 14 years old. We know each others history, tragedies and triumphs. When something happens he has always been the first person I want to tell. He has been the man that I have compared all other men in my life to and I can''t believe it took me 8 years to claim him as my own. Every day is incredible, even the mundane ones, because I get to come home to him.

We will be married in 6 months, it took 10 years to get us there but I have loved every second of the voyage.

 

[princessv]

Ok so I''m not exactly a LIW but I wanted to add hehe! (I frequent this forum so much more than BWW)

Well before I met T. I had gotten out of a really bad relationship about a year before. It left me so burned and disillusioned, I was focusing on having fun and definitely nothing serious! As cliche as it sounds, I knew that he was ''the one'' when we first kissed and it was like nothing I had ever experienced. And I knew it wasn''t just lust because I wanted a relationship from him. We both knew that it had to be ''all or nothing'' as I was moving up north for school and that eventually, one of us had to move to be with each other. Two months after we first started dating, I told him I''d move back down South and he wanted me to live with him. I told him that I wouldn''t live with someone unless we had a major commitment and that''s when we first started talking ''engagement.'' That whole talk just reinforced my feelings of him being ''the one'' for me even more.

Even now after all our ups and downs and almost two years of being together, I still get butterflies when I''m around him even though we''re completely comfortable around each other.

 

[larussel03]

I actually knew within days of meeting my FI. We were washing dishes at the dining hall at our college, and I thought he was so great--smart, athletic, muscular, cute--everything I''d ever wanted in my fantasy guy! We ended up getting along so great. A couple weeks after I met him, I told my roommate, "I met this guy, and I think we''re going to be together for a really long time, I can''t explain it, I just do" Now, 4.5 years later, we engaged and still completely in love.

I guess I just knew : )

 

[rainbowtrout]

Well, I always hoped it would happen, thought maybe it would--but when you''re dating at 13-14 those sorts of thoughts are mostly idle daydreams. I do remember vividly crying at 17 on the phone, asking why God had to make us meet so young, if we were older and had the major life steps out of the way we could just be together and college/career would be no problem....heh. OTOH, I wouldn''t have given up being able to know him like noone else. I think when you start so young maybe you change each other more than you would otherwise. We have been very lucky in that we grew with each other and not away from each other.

I decided he was formally ''the one'' last year. I''m not sure how to describe it. I basically sat down and thought about life and what I wanted, and what staying with him might entail (putting off grad school, moving, not getting a job I might want in my 20s, being married to a surgeon--that one still scares me--etc) And I decided that no matter what, this is it. I think that sometimes there is no "one," there is just someone you love and you make the decision to be there with them through the hard bits and the nicer bits, whatever it costs you.

There are a lot of younger people on this forum which has been really reassuring for me; at my school it is really rare for people my age to even have a steady (more than random hookup) relationship, let alone be engaged. I''ve had people tell me multiple times that I am ruining my life, career, getting an M.R.S. degree...you name it. I have a friend who was madly in love with her "One" and decided she couldn''t be with him bc she was afraid of being committed in her 20s and what it would mean for career. She says he is her "future husband" and is "in storage like a good coat" ...

...I love her and I''ve tried to explain that *someone* will buy the damn coat, but she just response "But they can''t, its in storage!" Oi.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 2/14/2006 12:16:28 AM
Author: rainbowtrout
There are a lot of younger people on this forum which has been really reassuring for me; at my school it is really rare for people my age to even have a steady (more than random hookup) relationship, let alone be engaged. I''ve had people tell me multiple times that I am ruining my life, career, getting an M.R.S. degree...you name it. I have a friend who was madly in love with her ''One'' and decided she couldn''t be with him bc she was afraid of being committed in her 20s and what it would mean for career. She says he is her ''future husband'' and is ''in storage like a good coat'' ...

...I love her and I''ve tried to explain that *someone* will buy the damn coat, but she just response ''But they can''t, its in storage!'' Oi.

I know how that feels... You wouldn''t believe how many people told me that our realtionship wouldn''t work when I started university... Well, it''s been over a year since I left and we''re still going stronger and stronger! Better yet, we''re getting engaged!!

My sister told me she was concerned that my getting engaged would interfere with my school, but I never have let my relationships influence my choices. If I had, I wouldn''t have left 300 miles away. I truly believe that it is possible to find a balance between your relationships and your career.

And I think your friend is... slightly misguided. No offense. I don''t see why she couldn''t pursue this relationship and get engaged later when she''s ready... Well, to each his own, I suppose, but I do the someone might buy that coat before she comes around, storage or not.

 

[Layne]

During our college Christmas break we both went to see our families, seperatly. He picked me up at the gate we hugged and kissed. It was as if my heart said, "oh! its you!"

 

[AmberWaves]

Happy Valentine''s Day for everyone and their "Ones" or "Right Persons"....

 

[~*Alexis*~]

We had been together for a few months and then one day it just hit me. It was strange. He was picking me up from the airport and when I saw him he was sooooo cute and he looked goooood... LOL but all I kept thinking about was him, I just knew.