Not meaning to downplay this serious issue, but let's look on the bright side, shall we? Background: I haven't spent Christmas with these toxic family members since 2000, but they have nice kids now, so I decided to accept.
Oh, man! I'll spare you the details of what ensued.
By looking on the bright side, I mean that said toxic family members can actually be very funny in that they are SO predictable, I could feed them their lines - they're like nasty puppets because you know exactly what they're going to say and do. I could write a play of them at Christmas before it's happened. Rewind 17 years and all is the same: Toxic Member One volunteering to host and then making clear how much they hate hosting. Toxic Member Two clearly fighting a tremendous inner struggle between giving in to the urge to bully the family member with the seasonal bug, and trying not to let rip. And purposely ignoring the sick member, to the extent of never checking on him once the entire day/night he was in bed or offering anything, even a glass of water. I guess even someone with a seasonal bug sets off the urge to bully in some particularly sick folk. Even after all these years, they haven't changed.
Good Things:
1. Being reminded why I never go there for Christmas.
2. Having it confirmed that never going there for Christmas was one of the best things I've done for myself during the last 17 years.
3. Amusement at how awful they are.
4. A feeling of weightless happiness at returning to my own home.
5. Thanking the universe that I am nothing like them.
6. Knowing it isn't personal.
7. A feeling of gratitude that I don't have to live with them.
8. Watching an interesting marital dynamic - extremely nice, considerate, but completely passive spouses being dominated and bossed about by the Toxic Ones. Toxic people rarely leave spouses they can control, so it all looks very stable from the outside, but the controller/controllee dynamic isn't love and isn't a partnership. I'd rather be alone for a million years than live inside a marriage with a domineering bully.
9. Knowing that Christmas has not been ruined but has imbued me with a sense of such gratitude for a life away from these people.
10. Knowing you can laugh at them inside and walk away (unless you have to live with them, which is a totally different situation.) I mean, I literally laugh to myself at how awful they are, because I don't understand such a total lack of self-awareness. It's as if they're condemned to walk around with the personality equivalent of their skirt tucked into their underpants their whole lives, and they don't even know!
11. Their puffy little superiority complexes, insulting people on the TV screen and bitching about their friends, while hardly being the world's most slim, good-looking, fab-personality types themselves!
12. Being happy is the best revenge!
If you have spent Christmas with toxic relatives, just rise above it, laugh at them inwardly, and walk away...far away!
Oh, man! I'll spare you the details of what ensued.
By looking on the bright side, I mean that said toxic family members can actually be very funny in that they are SO predictable, I could feed them their lines - they're like nasty puppets because you know exactly what they're going to say and do. I could write a play of them at Christmas before it's happened. Rewind 17 years and all is the same: Toxic Member One volunteering to host and then making clear how much they hate hosting. Toxic Member Two clearly fighting a tremendous inner struggle between giving in to the urge to bully the family member with the seasonal bug, and trying not to let rip. And purposely ignoring the sick member, to the extent of never checking on him once the entire day/night he was in bed or offering anything, even a glass of water. I guess even someone with a seasonal bug sets off the urge to bully in some particularly sick folk. Even after all these years, they haven't changed.
Good Things:
1. Being reminded why I never go there for Christmas.
2. Having it confirmed that never going there for Christmas was one of the best things I've done for myself during the last 17 years.
3. Amusement at how awful they are.
4. A feeling of weightless happiness at returning to my own home.
5. Thanking the universe that I am nothing like them.
6. Knowing it isn't personal.
7. A feeling of gratitude that I don't have to live with them.
8. Watching an interesting marital dynamic - extremely nice, considerate, but completely passive spouses being dominated and bossed about by the Toxic Ones. Toxic people rarely leave spouses they can control, so it all looks very stable from the outside, but the controller/controllee dynamic isn't love and isn't a partnership. I'd rather be alone for a million years than live inside a marriage with a domineering bully.
9. Knowing that Christmas has not been ruined but has imbued me with a sense of such gratitude for a life away from these people.
10. Knowing you can laugh at them inside and walk away (unless you have to live with them, which is a totally different situation.) I mean, I literally laugh to myself at how awful they are, because I don't understand such a total lack of self-awareness. It's as if they're condemned to walk around with the personality equivalent of their skirt tucked into their underpants their whole lives, and they don't even know!
11. Their puffy little superiority complexes, insulting people on the TV screen and bitching about their friends, while hardly being the world's most slim, good-looking, fab-personality types themselves!
12. Being happy is the best revenge!
If you have spent Christmas with toxic relatives, just rise above it, laugh at them inwardly, and walk away...far away!
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