The Best Book

[~*Alexis*~]

What is the best book to read to get over a really bad break up? What are some that you have read? What ones would you reccommend???

 

[Becky P]

He''s Just Not That Into You is a great read! Sorry about all the craziness you''ve been having lately Alexis! You deserve so much better than the way this guy has been treating you.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I know he is a dirt bag..

I actually have that book. Its a good book....

 

[robbie3982]

I really like the book Forever by Judy Bloom. It''s about high schoolers and I read it when I was in high school, so maybe it''s not quite as good as I remember, but it''s about this girl and her first serious relationship.

 

[Butterflies]

He''s Scared She''s Scared

 

[KimberlyH]

Alexis,

I always found it to be empowering to read novels and poetry by women. Books such as Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson, an extremely powerful and feminist novel, were great reminders of my strength when I was feeling down. Books by Brendan O''Carroll, who wrote a series in tribute to his mother, such as The Mammy and The Young Wan reminded me to laugh, and are, again stories about powerful women. Poems by authors such as Maya Angelou also provided me with strength. I also just finished On Beauty by Zadie Smith, a brilliantly written novel about infidelity and the strength of a woman.

While the following poem was written about slavery and oppression, there is a powerful message to be found in it for any woman (or man for that matter) seeking strength:

ANd Still I Rise
by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I''ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
''Cause I walk like I''ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I''ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don''t you take it awful hard
''Cause I laugh like I''ve got gold mines
Diggin'' in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I''ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I''ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history''s shame
I rise
Up from a past that''s rooted in pain
I rise
I''m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that''s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

I have found that I always felt better when I focused less on the person who hurt me and more on what I could learn from the experience had and what I needed to do to make myself better and stronger. I highly recommend, once you''ve spent some time grieving over all that''s gone on, that you focus on you and away from him, it gives him too much power.

 

[Mandarine]

huh?????

I must have really missed something!. Did I miss a thread? what happenned to our list keeper?

I hope you are ok. Big virtual hugs!!

M~

 

[~*Alexis*~]

look in the trouble thread in the family section....bad bad bad bad bad BOY..not man.....DIRT BAG!!!! sorry needed to vent.........

 

[marvel]

This is right up my alley...I''ve read them all! These are my favs:

Don''t Call That Man by Rhonda Findling
Getting to ''I Do'' by Pat Allen
Mars and Venus on a Date by John Gray

And I hate to admit it...but, I think this is a great book for setting up boundaries:
The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

Good luck, Alexis...I think these self-help books are a great start.

 

[Mandarine]

Here are my emotions as I read throguh your thread....

So sorry I missed this thread!....so sorry you have to go through it

Big hugs for you and I''m glad you came to a decision that you were ok with....sorry it didn''t go well....there is no much to say and I think all the wonderful ladies gave you great support (sorry again I didn''t see it!) but big hugs!!

Sorry you feel sad....but you really deserve so much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what kind of a "friend" does that to another friend??? she''s worthless.

what a son of a B$tch!!!!! (sorry)....OMG! he IS just a dirt bag.

We are here for you girl....

come vent, laugh, cry, whatever. I think PS is a great community and have given you a lot of the support you''ve been needing.

Now it''s time to concentrate on you. Some therapy might not be a bad idea considering what you went through, but mainly I think you need to get out with your friends. Throw out all the stuff that reminds you of him...cleanse your stuff and your spirit. You deserve so much better and I have no doubt you will get it.

Hugs!!!

M~

 

[firebirdgold]

Yeah that s.o.b. has a lot of women thinking very violent thoughts towards him right now!

Anyway, on to more productive matters:
I was given this to read during my last breakup and it really helped: The Girl''s Guide to Surviving a Break-Up. (Asked me to marry him w/ no ring, I bought a new house for the two of us, after a happy day of furniture shopping together he goes off for a couple hours to work and then shows up at my place asking for his stuff and saying he needed space but he loves me and wants to marry me, dead silence for more than a week, emails me a dear jane letter which crosses with my what-the-f-is-going-on email, he then sends me a 6 page email viciously detailing everything that''s wrong with me including how bad I am in bed!

He also shared this email with our friends btw) Not nearly as emotionally rough as this experience has been for you, but I still really needed something a bit more helpful than icecream with that breakup!

I also shared that book with a friend who caught her husband in bed with another guy, and she thought it was helpful as well. Probably would have been even more helpful if she''d let herself be more angry with the jerk, but it sounds like you have that part off to a good start!

 

[marvel]

Date: 11/6/2006 6:36:43 PM
Author: IndieJones
Yeah that s.o.b. has a lot of women thinking very violent thoughts towards him right now!

Anyway, on to more productive matters:
I was given this to read during my last breakup and it really helped: The Girl''s Guide to Surviving a Break-Up. (Asked me to marry him w/ no ring, I bought a new house for the two of us, after a happy day of furniture shopping together he goes off for a couple hours to work and then shows up at my place asking for his stuff and saying he needed space but he loves me and wants to marry me, dead silence for more than a week, emails me a dear jane letter which crosses with my what-the-f-is-going-on email, he then sends me a 6 page email viciously detailing everything that''s wrong with me including how bad I am in bed!

He also shared this email with our friends btw) Not nearly as emotionally rough as this experience has been for you, but I still really needed something a bit more helpful than icecream with that breakup!

I also shared that book with a friend who caught her husband in bed with another guy, and she thought it was helpful as well. Probably would have been even more helpful if she''d let herself be more angry with the jerk, but it sounds like you have that part off to a good start!

ouch!

 

[ladykemma]

melody beatty''s Codependent No More

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Thanks guys. I think I will be going to boarders after work today and seeing what they have and look at the ones everyone has suggested.

I will look into everything...

thanks guys...I like reading. So now I can actually get back to doing that...

 

[cdt1101]

"It''s Called a Break Up Because it''s Broken" It''s the same writer from He''s Just not that into You. Really good book!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Date: 11/7/2006 8:45:45 AM
Author: cdt1101
''It''s Called a Break Up Because it''s Broken'' It''s the same writer from He''s Just not that into You. Really good book!

Never heard of that one but I will check it out today....he''s a good writer...

 

[cdt1101]

I went thru a pretty bad break up this past summer. The booked really helped. His style of writing is good because he manages to keep it light and funny (eventhough the subject matter is serious!).

I''m a lurker mostly here, but I have followed your thread and I wish you the best of luck! I''m so sorry you had to go thru this. Speaking from experience, you will not only get thru this difficult time, but you will come out stronger then you ever thought possible!

 

[sumbride]

Self-help: Mars and Venus on a Date, Don't Call that Man, In the Meantime

Poetry: The hell with love (takes you through the stages of grief using poems) is AWESOME

novel: Open House by Elizabeth Berg, Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner

I read a lot to get over my last nasty breakup, and I went to counseling and it all helped, but time is the most important thing. There is no substitute for time. Allow yourself to grieve EVERYTHING you are going through. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

(edited to add links)

 

[Christa]

Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up their Lives by Dr. Laura . . . yeah, she can be annoying on the radio, but she has *great* insights into relationships and emotions.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

These titles actually made me laugh...thats a good thing. I needed that.

I will definitely get a look at these and pick a few to read. I am actually looking forward to my healing process.

Thanks all

 

[bee*]

Oh my god how did I miss this thread

Alexis, I hope that you are doing ok. I cant believe the way he''s treated you. What a b******! Take time to get over this and take care of yourself

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Date: 11/7/2006 6:10:36 PM
Author: bee*
Oh my god how did I miss this thread

Alexis, I hope that you are doing ok. I cant believe the way he''s treated you. What a b******! Take time to get over this and take care of yourself

Yeah your telling me!!

I went out and bought 2 books yesterday. One called How to Heal a Broken heart in 30 days and
Its Called a breakup because its Broken...I started this one. Its really good so far.

 

[Mara]

random addition, i am not a book reader about things like relationships...but i do love music.

in the past two female artists that were wonderful for women empowerment aka i'm gonna wash that man outta my hair kinda thing were Angie Stone (Mahogany Soul CD) and Sunshine Anderson (Your Woman CD). also i love Alicia Keys as she has a few songs like that too. oh and the best song ever...i'm trying to remember this gals name...but it's about how she kicks him out for cheating, goes to the store and shops all day with his cc, and she sells all his stuff, very waiting to exhale. haha it's the funniest song ever and of course while you don't actually DO that stuff, it's funny to hear about others in a similar situation, and i found it kind of let off some mental steam to belt the lyrics out while driving or something. i will have to find that CD tomorrow and post the artist. above and beyond the few songs that deal with that kind of breakup/he cheated on me/he sucks/whatever else kind of thing, these gals are just wonderful music artists anyway and i still listen to the cd's today.

oh and beyonce's irreplaceable is a great song too.. 'everything you own in the box to the left'. hahaha

ETA...the artist that i mentioned up above is Blu Cantrell and her song was 'hit em up style'...it was on the top charts..basically like whey they mess up, you gotta 'hit em up' aka make them pay. the lyrics are hilarious. i highly recommend it. here's a snippet:

All of the dreams you sold
Left me out in the cold
What happened to the days when we used to trust each other
And all of the things I sold
Will take you until you get old
To get 'em back without me
Revenge is better than money, you'll see

 

[Tigerbear]

I went through a very difficult break-up several years ago and nothing helped me grieve like "Mars & Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One" by John Gray. I recommended the same book to a male friend after a broken engagement and he too thought it was extremely helpful. Dr. Gray definitely holds some gender stereotypes that I don't buy but otherwise I found the book to be a lifesaver.

(((((HUGS))))

 

[Julian]

I echo some of the good books on this thread. How about some books by the Dalai Lama or on Zen Buddhism? You could even turn to the Bible in rough times. Sometimes faith can help you through!

Faith + marathon talk/cry sessions with your mom/best girlfriend + time + good books + working out = a new you!
Still you, only much deeper, more compassionate, stronger & more beautiful.

Hope things are getting better for you, Alexis! (((hugs)))