The adoption thread = bit by the baby bug....

[Miss Sparkly]

Which sucks because I know that DH would be a terrible father! Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into by marrying him because I sure as heck closed that door. As time goes on I feel even more strongly about adopting a child but I just can't see it being with DH. He loves me to pieces and he loves his video games to pieces x 1,000,000. Video games = gained weight = no quality time with me = no advance in his job because he's comfortable = no love making *sigh* just feeling a bit sad right now

 

[AGBF]

He loves me to pieces and he loves his video games to pieces x 1,000,000. Video games = gained weight = no quality time with me = no advance in his job because he's comfortable = no love making *sigh* just feeling a bit sad right now

Sparkly Blonde-

I am very open to discussing adoption with you. I have an adopted daughter. Like many women in couples who have adopted children, I was the one who was far more interested in adopting than was my husband. In the statement you made above, there are a lot of concerns that you mention, however. Not all of them are related to adoption. It sounds as if you are having some other issues going on, too. Have you been taking to anyone about them?

Deb/AGBF

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Any possibility that he is depressed? That collection of symptoms points to there being something wrong. Like Deb, I am very pro-adoption, but definitely not when there are marital problems. Thinking along the same lines as Deb, I think you two need counseling.

 

[MonkeyPie]

DH and I had awhile where this was the case for us too, SB. He played World of Warcraft for a ridiculous amount of time every day and when I found out I was pregnant (it was a surprise!), I pointed out that he would have less time for them. And on his own, he weaned himself off the game. Going from playing every night to every Wednesday night for an hour or two. And last night he didn't even play at all, he watched Ultimate Fighter with me instead.

If you want to adopt, you need to discuss it with your DH. In a marriage it requires both of you to be on board. Maybe if he knows you want it badly enough, he will realize things need to change. Sounds to me like he is just comfortable where he is and so he sees no reason to move.

 

[junebug17]

It's possible that your husband may be depressed, but then again, he might just be...well, happy. There's really no way for any of us to know what he is thinking and feeling. Maybe he just likes the way he is living his life right now. The issue is that you don't sound very happy about the way things are in your marriage right now Sparkleyblond, and maybe it would benefit you to talk to someone about it.

There are things you didn't mention in your post. Does your husband have any desire to be a father? When you guys got married, was adopting children someday a possibility? Or was there an understanding that you would remain childless? Some people just don't want to become parents, and that's ok. Your husband would have to make some sacrifices and change his lifestyle in order for you to become parents. Being a parent comes with lots of responsibility, and the child has to be a priority. Only you can really determine if he would be up for the challenge, or even if he wants to be. But your marriage would have to be fairly solid to proceed to adopting.(at least in my opinion!)

Hope I'm not over-stepping here by commenting on your marriage, and I apologize if I am. I'm just not sure if your post is a vent or if you're looking for advice or suggestions. But it sure would be nice if you could be enjoying your marriage a little more, and I hope you can somehow achieve that.

 

[Steel]

Is he self conscious in the bedroom because he put on a bit of weight?

((hugs)))

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Hmmm....I see several different issues here. Would you be open to counseling? Seems you are now regretting/second guessing marrying your husband. Do you want a child more than your marriage? Is this just an excuse b/c you are unhappy with his lack of drive, his weight, his selfishness, his lack of interest in you? What were your motives for starting this thread? Hopefully, this comes off as helpful rather than harsh. I just think this is more than baby fever.