Amber St. Clare
Brilliant_Rock
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- Dec 15, 2009
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Lots of healing dust for your sister AND your entire family........
Terrified for my sister
- Thread starter allycat0303
- Start date
ame
Super_Ideal_Rock
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- Jul 7, 2004
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- 10,869
God I hope she can get over the baby thing and worry about herself. Life trumps a baby! Feel free to vent! I get it. I got diagnosed with all this at 20, got it "handled" by 23 then had a relapse at 26 that was more of a problem. But they got it all and so far so good.
She really has blinders on!
She really has blinders on!
Aoife
Brilliant_Rock
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- Jun 23, 2010
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Allycat, I'm so sorry your sister and your family are going through this frightening time. Sending dust and best wishes your way, and I'm hoping that the situation is not as dire as it seems to you now. Unless I misread it, it sounds from what Rosetta posted that there might be cause for some optimism?
movie zombie
Super_Ideal_Rock
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i'm sorry that your sister is going through this. i know that you will support her in any and every way you can....including taking care of ourself so that you can be there for her.
innerkitten
Ideal_Rock
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- Aug 1, 2003
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Hi, Hoping you and your sister get some good news soon.
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- Feb 3, 2008
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- 7,950
Ally, I just want you to know that you and your sister and family are in my prayers. I am so glad you could vent here. Many prayers for
a diagnosis that is benign.
a diagnosis that is benign.
Gypsy
Super_Ideal_Rock
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- Aug 8, 2005
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No flames here, I would probably do the same thing in your place. Waiting is a huge risk.
As for freezing embryos. Yikes. I gotta say, if someone had mentioned it to me when I thought I'd need a hysterectomy, and that's me with a husband, I would have balked too. Medicine has come so far, but still has so much farther to go.
Since you mentioned adoption: there are so very many children that need homes. It's heartbreaking. And I'm not talking overseas babies. I'm just talking kids that don't have decent parents for one reason or another. There are options, and when and if it become relevant you can help her explore them.
As for you and your mental health. I don't know what to advise you except... you NEED to make some friends. If you don't know how... join a book club, a knitting circle (I'm serious), a gym. SOMETHING. And work on learning how to broadcast "open to friends" and see if you can get some people in your life who don't demand so much from you and who you can just hang out with.
As for freezing embryos. Yikes. I gotta say, if someone had mentioned it to me when I thought I'd need a hysterectomy, and that's me with a husband, I would have balked too. Medicine has come so far, but still has so much farther to go.
Since you mentioned adoption: there are so very many children that need homes. It's heartbreaking. And I'm not talking overseas babies. I'm just talking kids that don't have decent parents for one reason or another. There are options, and when and if it become relevant you can help her explore them.
As for you and your mental health. I don't know what to advise you except... you NEED to make some friends. If you don't know how... join a book club, a knitting circle (I'm serious), a gym. SOMETHING. And work on learning how to broadcast "open to friends" and see if you can get some people in your life who don't demand so much from you and who you can just hang out with.
Porridge
Ideal_Rock
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- Oct 27, 2008
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- 3,267
Hugs Ally. I can imagine how she must be feeling. I think I remember you saying she struggled with that sounded like self-esteem issues in the past? I can see the worry, especially if she wants babies, that losing that chance would impact her self-esteem. Still, I think you're doing the right thing by getting her to act now. There is no benefit to waiting here. Maybe don't push her directly, but organise the appts etc to get the ball rolling? Then just be there for her instead of nagging her to do it. Does that make sense?
Rosetta - very good of you to provide advice. It sounds reassuring - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for good news.
Rosetta - very good of you to provide advice. It sounds reassuring - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for good news.
allycat0303
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2004
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- 3,450
Hi Everyone,
We went to see the second GYNE, and he actually called the radiologist so they could speak personally. From the side of the conversation I heard, there were subtle signs on the U/S that concerned him. The second GYNE wanted an OR date for this week. The first doctor actually never gave my sister the option of *waiting 3 weeks* that was something she insisted on. She follows cysts in her practice, so she is not ignorant about them. Initially, we got her to book an OR date, just so she would have one. However, she insisted to her doctor that she had not made her mind, and was NOT saying yes. As of yesterday, she is still wants to wait.Rosetta thanks for the clarification on the relative malignancy. There was ascites on the U/S, I'm not sure what that does to the index. Also, she doesn't have any history of endometriosis or PID. I've rarely see her dig in her heels about something like this, so I'm giving her some time to digest. The OR date is Thursday, so she has until Wednesday to cancel it. The way I'm trying to see it is three weeks is not *that* long. I mean its not like 3 months. She would have had surgery in 1 week. When it's all said and done, the delay will total 4 weeks if she waits. I'm trying not to think about number of cell cycles that occur within 1 month. There seems to be a flaw in her logic. Even if the cyst regresses, GYNE wants to remove the ovary anyway because of the size, so I'm not really sure how she sees the benefit in this. I find it strange that she's so focused on the *losing an ovary* and not at all on *it might be cancer*, she does have 2 ovaries, so it's not like we're going to take everything out and she'll be barren.
I woke up this morning completely overwhelmed, by life. Gypsy, I think this is why I don't maintain friendships, it's because I don't make time to nurture them. Sometimes, my life gets so freaking out of control. I'm sitting here, and my mind is racing over what to do next. I feel like I'm drowning.
a) I forgot that I had a conference this week and need to scramble to get a presentation together (Thursday).
b) I mistakenly scheduled 2 doctor appointments for myself during the conference, and I don't know when to reschedule.
c) There's a mini crisis on my service about residents fighting over the call schedule (which I'm responsible for), and I haven't solved. Ongoing since last week.
d) I'm supposed to attend 2 cocktail parties associated with the conference (Wednesday and Thursday night) which I said YES to because it's an obligation. I don't have appropriate attire.
e) Friday is my only friend's going-away party
f) Saturday is a colleague's bachelorette party.
g) My supervisor needs an abstract by tonight
h) I'm on call Tuesday and Friday night
i) I have 2 experiments to run on Monday and Tuesday
Writing that down was supposed to help me organize my thoughts, but now I wondering how I'm going to get through this week. I think I have an inability to prioritize properly. These are the things I've committed to this week. I need to learn how to say NO. And the most important thing right now is to be there for my sister and my parents. My Mom is really taking this badly. Since we told her, she's in this nervous, emotional state. She's always been fragile, and since my Dad has been sick, she's gotten even worst.
Ame: Jeez. I didn't know you were going through such horrible things. My heart dropped when I read your post. You're much too young to be dealing with any of that. Please keep us in the loop.
Enerchi: In our family, we've always had this rule that near exams nothing disrupts from the process. I don't think he'll be angry. The only issue is that he's a good resource to go to (here I'm relying on Rosetta). My brother wouldn't be able to change her mind though.
Yennyfire, LadyDisdain, Clueless, AmberSaintClaire, Aoife, Lulu, Karl_K, Movie_Zombie, JuneBug, ImDanny, slg47, luv2sprakle, Dee*Jay, Porridge
We went to see the second GYNE, and he actually called the radiologist so they could speak personally. From the side of the conversation I heard, there were subtle signs on the U/S that concerned him. The second GYNE wanted an OR date for this week. The first doctor actually never gave my sister the option of *waiting 3 weeks* that was something she insisted on. She follows cysts in her practice, so she is not ignorant about them. Initially, we got her to book an OR date, just so she would have one. However, she insisted to her doctor that she had not made her mind, and was NOT saying yes. As of yesterday, she is still wants to wait.Rosetta thanks for the clarification on the relative malignancy. There was ascites on the U/S, I'm not sure what that does to the index. Also, she doesn't have any history of endometriosis or PID. I've rarely see her dig in her heels about something like this, so I'm giving her some time to digest. The OR date is Thursday, so she has until Wednesday to cancel it. The way I'm trying to see it is three weeks is not *that* long. I mean its not like 3 months. She would have had surgery in 1 week. When it's all said and done, the delay will total 4 weeks if she waits. I'm trying not to think about number of cell cycles that occur within 1 month. There seems to be a flaw in her logic. Even if the cyst regresses, GYNE wants to remove the ovary anyway because of the size, so I'm not really sure how she sees the benefit in this. I find it strange that she's so focused on the *losing an ovary* and not at all on *it might be cancer*, she does have 2 ovaries, so it's not like we're going to take everything out and she'll be barren.
I woke up this morning completely overwhelmed, by life. Gypsy, I think this is why I don't maintain friendships, it's because I don't make time to nurture them. Sometimes, my life gets so freaking out of control. I'm sitting here, and my mind is racing over what to do next. I feel like I'm drowning.
a) I forgot that I had a conference this week and need to scramble to get a presentation together (Thursday).
b) I mistakenly scheduled 2 doctor appointments for myself during the conference, and I don't know when to reschedule.
c) There's a mini crisis on my service about residents fighting over the call schedule (which I'm responsible for), and I haven't solved. Ongoing since last week.
d) I'm supposed to attend 2 cocktail parties associated with the conference (Wednesday and Thursday night) which I said YES to because it's an obligation. I don't have appropriate attire.
e) Friday is my only friend's going-away party
f) Saturday is a colleague's bachelorette party.
g) My supervisor needs an abstract by tonight
h) I'm on call Tuesday and Friday night
i) I have 2 experiments to run on Monday and Tuesday
Writing that down was supposed to help me organize my thoughts, but now I wondering how I'm going to get through this week. I think I have an inability to prioritize properly. These are the things I've committed to this week. I need to learn how to say NO. And the most important thing right now is to be there for my sister and my parents. My Mom is really taking this badly. Since we told her, she's in this nervous, emotional state. She's always been fragile, and since my Dad has been sick, she's gotten even worst.
Ame: Jeez. I didn't know you were going through such horrible things. My heart dropped when I read your post. You're much too young to be dealing with any of that. Please keep us in the loop.
Enerchi: In our family, we've always had this rule that near exams nothing disrupts from the process. I don't think he'll be angry. The only issue is that he's a good resource to go to (here I'm relying on Rosetta). My brother wouldn't be able to change her mind though.
Yennyfire, LadyDisdain, Clueless, AmberSaintClaire, Aoife, Lulu, Karl_K, Movie_Zombie, JuneBug, ImDanny, slg47, luv2sprakle, Dee*Jay, Porridge
justginger
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 11, 2009
- Messages
- 3,712
Oh no, Ally - just reading through your list of obligations made my heart start racing. I, too, tend to over commit. I hate to say it, but I think your friend obligations are going to have to go, for this week at least. The going away party...how long is she going away for? A couple of weeks? Skip it. 6 months? You'll have to make time to go. The bachelorette party would definitely be off my list. You need to SLEEP some time! Unfortunately in your career, the job obligations seem to be non-negotiable. I can see how you find it difficult to find the time to maintain close friendships. 
I hope you can find a few moments for yourself to relax. Have a hot bath, read a few chapters of a non-medical book or journal, go for a walk through the park, SOMETHING for yourself. You need to destress or your health and mental well-being are going to suffer. I am sending lots of positive dust.
I hope you can find a few moments for yourself to relax. Have a hot bath, read a few chapters of a non-medical book or journal, go for a walk through the park, SOMETHING for yourself. You need to destress or your health and mental well-being are going to suffer. I am sending lots of positive dust.
ame
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2004
- Messages
- 10,869
I do wish obviously that I never had, but that's why I am pushing SO HARD for her to GROW UP and DO WHAT IS BEST FOR HERSELF. Shes' so focused on something so trivial in the grand scheme. It also makes me wonder if she KNOWS it's cancer, and that this was actually something she withheld longer than just the last few weeks, but her focusing on ONE ovary vs ALL OF IT, and yknow HER LIFE....baffling. She's being absolutely idiotic, and if she's also a doctor then there's no excuse for these games. IF this person in her life is THE ONE, he'll remain by her side, and be THE ONE all along. I wonder how much of this is about that? She's embarrassed that he's around for this or whatever? There is something else going on that is eclipsing her ability to use logic and reason. I hope that you can get through YOUR week without much worry about her, but I really hope she keeps that surgical appt.
allycat0303
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2004
- Messages
- 3,450
Justginger: Just being able to vent makes me feel empowered. There's actually more on the list then that, but those were the pressing concerns. The going away party, she's leaving FOREVER! She is moving back to Austrailia. It was someone who we were beginning to have a real friendship. It really hurts me that she's leaving. Bachelorette party I'm not going to. I went to Bridal shower. She's a colleague, but again, someone who I was cultivating a friendship with. I was so happy to be included in wedding festivities. It's the first wedding I've EVER been invited to (ie a friend of mine). My husband was thrilled for me, because he knows how hard it is for me to make friends. But I'm going to cancel, and send a present (which I still have to buy).....
In addition Skyserive needs me to fly to Cuba sometime this week to pick up a 36 year old patient that had a heart attack and bring him home. I would usually have said no but it's a colleague of my husband. He had the heart attack last week on vacation!!! It should only be a 24 hour trip, but I'm not sure how I'm going to find time for this!!!!!
I did reschedule 1 appointment though. And I'm running an expiriment and writng on PS for sanity. If I make it through the next 7 days, it will be a miricle.
In addition Skyserive needs me to fly to Cuba sometime this week to pick up a 36 year old patient that had a heart attack and bring him home. I would usually have said no but it's a colleague of my husband. He had the heart attack last week on vacation!!! It should only be a 24 hour trip, but I'm not sure how I'm going to find time for this!!!!!
I did reschedule 1 appointment though. And I'm running an expiriment and writng on PS for sanity. If I make it through the next 7 days, it will be a miricle.
movie zombie
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2005
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- 11,879
ally, please do not skip the wedding and send a present.
you need to do this for yourself.
you are not not responsible for your sister's decisions.
you do need to maintain a budding friendship.
i know you are busy and worried sick.
but in the end it is your sister's life and her decision.
please do not lose sight of that.
if you really cannot bring yourself to go to the wedding, deliver the present in person and explain to your new friend everything this going on right now. do it before the wedding. otherwise, it appears as an after thought. having a gift delivered is also very impersonal.
again, please take care of ourself.
you need to do this for yourself.
you are not not responsible for your sister's decisions.
you do need to maintain a budding friendship.
i know you are busy and worried sick.
but in the end it is your sister's life and her decision.
please do not lose sight of that.
if you really cannot bring yourself to go to the wedding, deliver the present in person and explain to your new friend everything this going on right now. do it before the wedding. otherwise, it appears as an after thought. having a gift delivered is also very impersonal.
again, please take care of ourself.
allycat0303
Ideal_Rock
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- Nov 19, 2004
- Messages
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Ame,
I find her reaction a but weird. It's like denial, in a way. Her boyfriend would definitely stay with her. He was the first one to say "operation NOW!" I think it's some internal thing she's going through. I always thought that her fear of infertility (even at 23 years old) was pretty extreme. Even if there was no reason to worry. Also even when she made the decision to get the IUD, she took 10-11 home pregnancy tests and had a BHCG done. She was terrified that she was somehow pregnant without knowing it and would harm the baby by having the IUD put in. I think it's an extreme phobia / irrational fear that people have. Kind of like my fear of planes. She's usually not so stubborn, but during the course of our conversations I got this feeling like "I'm not changing my mind" she's adult, a physician. She is capable of deciding for herself. I'm accepting that she does have that right. And maybe it's benign right?
I find her reaction a but weird. It's like denial, in a way. Her boyfriend would definitely stay with her. He was the first one to say "operation NOW!" I think it's some internal thing she's going through. I always thought that her fear of infertility (even at 23 years old) was pretty extreme. Even if there was no reason to worry. Also even when she made the decision to get the IUD, she took 10-11 home pregnancy tests and had a BHCG done. She was terrified that she was somehow pregnant without knowing it and would harm the baby by having the IUD put in. I think it's an extreme phobia / irrational fear that people have. Kind of like my fear of planes. She's usually not so stubborn, but during the course of our conversations I got this feeling like "I'm not changing my mind" she's adult, a physician. She is capable of deciding for herself. I'm accepting that she does have that right. And maybe it's benign right?
ame
Super_Ideal_Rock
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- Jul 7, 2004
- Messages
- 10,869
She won't know what it really is til she does it. She's had however long now to "deny". It's not going away. The least she can do is let them remove them and biopsy. She's getting herself worked up about possible kids that she isn't even trying presently to conceive but if she doesn't do this, and it IS cancer, not only may she never conceive, she might not live to try. The chances of this spreading...metasticizing..who knows. She has got to get past the denial and get to the action. I LOVE knowing that her manfriend said that. I remmeber when mine came back DH was the same way. Do it! NOW! I raelly do feel for her, I do. But as someone who did NOT wait and made it out the other end, TWICE, I am giving this advice from actual life experience and it's not worth the risk!
As long as you are supportive and try to "push" her gently towards doing the right thing...that's all you can do. You have a lot on your plate right now to also have this on there taking over like gravy on its way to your jello salad. But you're being there for her. I really hope she keeps that OR appt.
As long as you are supportive and try to "push" her gently towards doing the right thing...that's all you can do. You have a lot on your plate right now to also have this on there taking over like gravy on its way to your jello salad. But you're being there for her. I really hope she keeps that OR appt.
rosetta
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2010
- Messages
- 3,417
Ah. Ascites is not a good sign. Plus it sounds like the rescan was not her doctors preferred course of action, but her own.
The balance is tipped. She needs an operation now.
There's nothing you can do if someone is in denial. It can be a very strong, overwhelming emotion. She's made her choice, she's competent to do so and she's waiting.
I'm sorry you're going through this Ally.
The balance is tipped. She needs an operation now.
There's nothing you can do if someone is in denial. It can be a very strong, overwhelming emotion. She's made her choice, she's competent to do so and she's waiting.
I'm sorry you're going through this Ally.
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