Teachers or other moms with young kids...May I ask a ?

[SB621]

I have an **almost** 3 year old who is entering a preschool program. He just started yesterday and his teacher commented that my son "R" doesn't know his ABC's or can't count to 10. And apparently that is a problem. He can home and said "Mama I'm stupid." Which of course broke my heart and then made me want to go on a rampage....but I'm digressing. R does know his ABC's and sings them all the time at home. He can typically count to 18 or 19, but skips over 13 pretty much every time without fail. My husband and I are VERY active with our children but it seems like R has a lot of trouble focusing with learning or play through learning when DH or I are doing it with him. And I think he just isn't participating at the new pre-school because he has only been their 1 day!!

As a result we have decided to hire his old nanny who has this summer off. She is an elementary school teacher and he LOVES her. She will come twice a week and just help him with whatever they are "learning" in pre-school. I just want him to build his confidence. She will come when DH and I are home so we can sort of see what she is doing and hopefully carry that over once she starts back for her school year.

Anyhow I told a friend of mine that has a daughter that goes to school with R and she thinks I'm completly over-reacting and trying to force my child to "study" while he is too young. She actually got really heated with me about it. I mean he is MY child after all. And i'm not sure how 20 minutes twice a week of learning through play is considered studying or taking away from him.

So now for whatever reason I'm second guessing myself which never happens. Normally I'm very confident in my decisions but I would love to hear what other moms think or better yet teachers.

TIA!

 

[packrat]

Wow, they're pretty strict there, seems like?? Not quite three and they expect that? Kids here learn that stuff in Kindergarten at age 5. They start learning it in preschool, but it's not required to know it *before* preschool for heavens sakes. it's one thing to work w/a child at home, that's wonderful, and teachers love it when kids know things when they come to school--but they're kids, you know? That's what preschool is for. Learning and interacting w/other kids. I played all kinds of abc and number games w/the kids in preschool this past year, and at the beginning of the year there wasn't a ONE of them that knew every single letter or could count w/out fail clear to 20. Not in the 3 year old program and not in the 4 year old program. Trapper didn't know all his numbers/letters when he started Kindergarten. And he went to preschool, worked on them there and at home.

Give him time at preschool...he has all year to work on learning things.

 

[SB621]

Thanks Packrat!! According to their cirrciculum they want the kids in the 3-5 year old program (aka preschool) to know their ABC's, count to at least 30 and reconize the alphabet before they move on. Which seems to be the norm in this state. His last daycare was like that with similar expectations. We only moved him to be closer to home/ less drive.

I just thought his old nanny would help take some of the pressure off of him to learn it in school. We like to try to find fun ways for him to do things at home that are educational (thank you pinterest!!!), but I'm not a teacher so I'm not sure if there are better methods.

 

[kenny]

Why can't you teach him the ABCs and to count?
I'm not a parent but that seems pretty straight forward.

You said the nanny would take only 20 minutes twice a week.
Can't you find 40 minutes a week to spend with him?
I mean, this isn't advanced mathematics.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I think my question is reasonable.

 

[Boatluvr]

I do know that boys will typically fall a bit behind girls as far as learning at younger ages. They also experience more speaking and language problems. I think your approach is a good one. Frequently children 'listen' better to someone (other than a parent) and are more engaged in the learning process. I say this from experience. My youngest son was frequently compared to his older brothers and that caused him to be very negative about learning in school. I finally had him tested and it turned out he actually had some learning issues - he did not read/comprehend as well as he did when his teachers took the time to 'explain' verbally. After some minor adjustments his schoolwork improved dramatically.

Kenny - frequently it is not an issue of spending 40 minutes with the child - in certain cases children simply are more receptive to a different kind of authority.

IMO these preschools are really asking too much of a three year old. I just found out my niece is 'visiting' a local college this summer - she is being encouraged to start thinking about a major. REALLY! The kid just got out of sixth grade.

 

[Loves Vintage]

What kind or preschool is it? Are you happy with it otherwise? Personally, I do not think the school's expectation is reasonable, or that it really matters whether a young child knows his abcs at that age. And, on the first day of school, pff!

I have a 2.5 year old. I would be spitting mad if a pre-school teacher brought it up in front of my kid, resulting in the reaction that you reported. Breaks my heart a little bit for him too!

ETA: Also, I do think the nanny is a bit of an over-reaction, but only because I would be talking to the director of the pre-school and the teacher about their unreasonable expectations and the potential negative effect of their communications on my child!

Like I said about, my daughter is only 2.5, so I haven't reached this stage yet . . . but I asked about what type of pre-school it is because I wondered whether there are any Montessori or Waldorf type schools in your area. I do not know much about Waldorf yet. Just picked up a book about it yesterday. I could be wrong, but I do not think they would be imposing any expectations like what you have mentioned here in a Waldorf school. Will write more later!

ETA2: One more question -- do you think maybe they think he is starting too early? You said he was almost 3? Was age discussed at all when you enrolled him?

 

[OreoRosies86]

I'd say even if it isn't an urgent priority right now in terms of academic development, it would most definitely make your child happier and more confident to have these skills under his belt for the upcoming year. No one likes feeling as though they are lagging behind their peers.

Any teacher will tell you that learning starts at home. If you feel bringing in a nanny will accomplish that, great. If it were me I would be making up flashcards and setting up class in my kitchen myself. It will go a long way in establishing an academic relationship with your child which is so very important for the duration of their time in school.

 

[kenny]

Kenny - frequently it is not an issue of spending 40 minutes with the child - in certain cases children simply are more receptive to a different kind of authority.

Thank you, that had not occurred to me, though I cannot fathom how a parent cannot teach their own child the ABCs, or to put another way, how a child cannot learn the ABCs from his own parent.
Again, it's not calculus.
If preschools expect this then it must be age-appropriate material.

Clearly there's something huge here regarding parent/child relationships that I just don't get.
My bad.
I'm not criticizing the subjects.
Many things about parenting utterly mystifies and intrigues me.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Kenny - frequently it is not an issue of spending 40 minutes with the child - in certain cases children simply are more receptive to a different kind of authority.

Thank you, that had not occurred to me, though I cannot fathom how a parent cannot teach their own child the ABCs, or to put another way, how a child cannot learn the ABCs from his own parent.
Again, it's not calculus.

Clearly there's something huge here regarding parent/child relationships that I just don't get.
My bad.
I'm not criticizing the subjects.
Many things about parenting utterly mystifies and intrigues me.

Kenny - Actually, there's an entire home-schooling community that would agree entirely with you. Moms can, and do, discuss the topic at length, but it really comes down to each family choosing what they believe is best for them. I do agree with you -- of course, kiddos can and do learn abcs from their parents. In this case, I really believe this pre-school does not have age-appropriate expectations of an almost 3 year old, and/or they have not communicated their expectations appropriately!

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I'm feeling for your son, which is why i do think you are emotionally over-reactng to this first day. No mother wants to hear her child say he dumb. I can't believe the teachers would want a child to think that. So, tomorrow, its time to have a nice chat with the teacher again, and explain that your son does know the alphabet and some numbers, but needs time to adjust to the new environment, and you would appreciate it if they would take this into account so he doesn't come him again EVER saying he's dumb. You do not want your child coming home from a school that makes him feel dumb.

Now, I do think Kenny has a point. I don't think your darling need a tutor at his age. First see how it goes at school, and in the car get him to recite his numbers. The song is ok for a while, but i remember reciting abc with out the song.

i'm not always sympathic on PS, but i know how you feel about your son. He's too little to even think that way.



Annette

 

[madelise]

Preschool is for children to learn the structure of attending school, and to build socialization skills that are important for language development, that effect academic writing and reading skills. He's supposed to be just having fun in preschool. You yourself say he does know his ABCs. He probably couldn't perform under sudden pressure in a new and scary environment. It's alarming that he felt stupid. His "teacher" shouldn't have made him feel like he was less than. I wouldn't want someone having a negative influence on a child that young, that impressionable… What the hell did she say to make him feel stupid? Why the heck would she mess with such a young mind's self esteem?

As for the skipping 13 all the time… "thur" is very hard to say for a kid. You think he's just avoiding saying it? That backward tongue thrust gets avoided by many kids. It could be that he just doesn't like the number 13. I still remember hating the number 5 when I was a kid because writing it was difficult to me. I'd pretend there was no 5 in the number sequence. I'd have no problem saying 5 when speaking the number sequence… but writing was completely different. What's 5? No, there's no 5. If I was forced to write 5, I'd go through the trouble of turning my paper upside down, and write a 2. I just hated 5 for whatever reason, and thought to myself that it was too difficult. Kid thinking is kinda silly and funny

For goodness sake, he's 2. I just want to give him a hug right now for how much his self esteem got shot cus of that "teacher". Breaks my heart to hear that a kid that young felt stupid.

 

[SB621]

Ok just a quick update as I'm running into a meeting. I went to the school today to talk more about it with their director. I guess I shouldn't have posted but it was more to get it off my chest.... Apparently I spoke to a receptionist/ admin person when I called yesterday and not the lead teacher or assistant teachers in his classroom. Anyhow they do have those standards, but that is what R should be reaching for- not expected right away. They think the issue is the other kids in the class are mostly girls and as someone already stated girls tend to pick up these skills faster then boys. Not that R is behind but they feel he is self conscious about what he says -thinking it might be wrong and doesn't participate as actively as he could during stuff like storytime, art etc. This might also because because half the kids are new to him (he goes to school with friends so he does know about half his class). Anyhow hopefully over the next few weeks he will get comfortable in his surroundings and start breaking out of his shell more. I did tell him a friend of ours would be working with him a little at home and they thought that would be a great idea and just help him from a different angle.

Anyhow I feel much better knowing what the expectations are and I finally met his lead teacher (she was on vacation the last 2 weeks) and I really like her. Our friends have always spoken highly of her and I now see why. She really put me at ease about everything going on.

 

[SB621]

Why can't you teach him the ABCs and to count?
I'm not a parent but that seems pretty straight forward.

You said the nanny would take only 20 minutes twice a week.
Can't you find 40 minutes a week to spend with him?
I mean, this isn't advanced mathematics.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I think my question is reasonable.

Kenny call a spade a spade- of course you meant to sound like a jerk. The vast majority of your posts are varying forum of cynicism to others. If you read my post you would know my son can count and does know the ABC's. Please don't comment on a subject you know absolutely nothing about and perceive as either a joke or another form of your online entertainment.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Kenny - frequently it is not an issue of spending 40 minutes with the child - in certain cases children simply are more receptive to a different kind of authority.

Thank you, that had not occurred to me, though I cannot fathom how a parent cannot teach their own child the ABCs, or to put another way, how a child cannot learn the ABCs from his own parent.
Again, it's not calculus.
If preschools expect this then it must be age-appropriate material.

Clearly there's something huge here regarding parent/child relationships that I just don't get.
My bad.
I'm not criticizing the subjects.
Many things about parenting utterly mystifies and intrigues me.

Kenny-FYI many schools (I am especially familiar with public pre-K and elementary standards in NY) are implementing standards that are completely young unreasonable for children, developmentally inappropriate, and several grades beyond what children in previous generations were expected to learn in school. There is a huge bru-ha-ha in New York about this right now (and truthfully across the country with the "Common Core Standards"). Just because a school expects something does not mean that it is age-appropriate material. Education is very different now than when we were children.

SB621-My son has some special challenges that are made much more evident in his class b/c there are 14 girls and 5 boys. He is 4 and there are just huge differences between boys and girls at those ages.

 

[SB621]

Preschool is for children to learn the structure of attending school, and to build socialization skills that are important for language development, that effect academic writing and reading skills. He's supposed to be just having fun in preschool. You yourself say he does know his ABCs. He probably couldn't perform under sudden pressure in a new and scary environment. It's alarming that he felt stupid. His "teacher" shouldn't have made him feel like he was less than. I wouldn't want someone having a negative influence on a child that young, that impressionable… What the hell did she say to make him feel stupid? Why the heck would she mess with such a young mind's self esteem?

As for the skipping 13 all the time… "thur" is very hard to say for a kid. You think he's just avoiding saying it? That backward tongue thrust gets avoided by many kids. It could be that he just doesn't like the number 13. I still remember hating the number 5 when I was a kid because writing it was difficult to me. I'd pretend there was no 5 in the number sequence. I'd have no problem saying 5 when speaking the number sequence… but writing was completely different. What's 5? No, there's no 5. If I was forced to write 5, I'd go through the trouble of turning my paper upside down, and write a 2. I just hated 5 for whatever reason, and thought to myself that it was too difficult. Kid thinking is kinda silly and funny

For goodness sake, he's 2. I just want to give him a hug right now for how much his self esteem got shot cus of that "teacher". Breaks my heart to hear that a kid that young felt stupid.

Madelise- Ugh maybe I wasn't clear in my first post. It was nothing the teacher did. It was that R felt he couldnt' do all the same things his peers were doing. I think his teachers tried to get him to come out of his shell even more which had the opposite affect and he just went into freeze mode for whatever reason. Normally R is very outgoing, perhaps yesterday was an off day. Today after the conference I looked in on him and he was playing duck duck goose with a bunch of other children and seemed much better. I think alot of his feelings had to do with the first day being scarey.

 

[SB621]

I do know that boys will typically fall a bit behind girls as far as learning at younger ages. They also experience more speaking and language problems. I think your approach is a good one. Frequently children 'listen' better to someone (other than a parent) and are more engaged in the learning process. I say this from experience. My youngest son was frequently compared to his older brothers and that caused him to be very negative about learning in school. I finally had him tested and it turned out he actually had some learning issues - he did not read/comprehend as well as he did when his teachers took the time to 'explain' verbally. After some minor adjustments his schoolwork improved dramatically.

Kenny - frequently it is not an issue of spending 40 minutes with the child - in certain cases children simply are more receptive to a different kind of authority.

IMO these preschools are really asking too much of a three year old. I just found out my niece is 'visiting' a local college this summer - she is being encouraged to start thinking about a major. REALLY! The kid just got out of sixth grade.

This exactly!!!! R had his nanny for a few months when we first transitioned here and she still babysits for us when we need her. He for whatever reason has always been on/at his best with her. We do flashcards with R for shapes and colors (he had a lot of trouble with those too) and he always seemed to get frustrated. Then she babysat one night and he knew almost half of them the next day. I think sometimes he just focuses better for others.

 

[AGBF]

SB-

I wish I could reach out of the computer and hug you. I am so, so sorry you are going through this!!! My hairdresser, who has a winsome, charming, extremely handsome, and very intelligent young son is going through something similar (and he is now enrolled in summer school to prepare him for kindergarten!).

The schools have all gone crazy and and parents really don't have much choice than to react to them! Of course there is nothing wrong with your son, and in the long run it will not matter if he practices this summer or not. But this is one of the biggest decisions you are facing in your life now and you want to make the best decision that you can. When I read your posting, I thought, "There but for the grace of God, go I". I was so glad not to be parenting a young child anymore, no matter how difficult it is to parent one who is about to turn 21!!!

Whatever you do, it will be OK. You and your husband are raising children who are loved and nurtured. They are growing up stimulated and educated in ways that other less fortunate children cannot even dream. Trust yourself, but keep posting here, too. Believe me, all the mothers here have been where you are!!!

Love and hugs,
Deb

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think I might have been mad at the teacher more than anything! I am not sure if my son knew those things before he was three. I don't think so. And he is very bright and attends pre-school. If you want to hire a tutor, go for it. I don't think I would have done so in this case. But I can't see the harm.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks Packrat!! According to their cirrciculum they want the kids in the 3-5 year old program (aka preschool) to know their ABC's, count to at least 30 and reconize the alphabet before they move on. Which seems to be the norm in this state. His last daycare was like that with similar expectations. We only moved him to be closer to home/ less drive.

Ummm... so then doesn't that mean he has two more years to learn that stuff? My son is 4 years and 4 months and can do all of those things now as well as more. And he learned it *after* age 3.

Otherwise, I agree with Packrat's post completely!

ETA: Did one of the other kids perhaps call him dumb? If not, then rather than attending to teaching him his ABCs, which he will learn in the next two years, you might want to focus instead on the fact that HE is internalizing and interpreting his experiences as a reflection on his own knowledge and worth. I have spent a lot of time in my son's preschool, and the atmosphere is not really comparative. At least it doesn't seem that way. A child would need to build their own comparisons into the situation. That is a much more important aspect of this scenario on which to focus than knowing his ABCs in my opinion. I would be very upset if my son said that to me, and I would not give a FIG if it was "warranted" (i.e., he actually knew less than peers).

 

[SB621]

Thanks Packrat!! According to their cirrciculum they want the kids in the 3-5 year old program (aka preschool) to know their ABC's, count to at least 30 and reconize the alphabet before they move on. Which seems to be the norm in this state. His last daycare was like that with similar expectations. We only moved him to be closer to home/ less drive.

Ummm... so then doesn't that mean he has two more years to learn that stuff? My son is 4 years and 4 months and can do all of those things now as well as more. And he learned it *after* age 3.

Otherwise, I agree with Packrat's post completely!

Hey Dreamer- in one of my follow up posts I corrected that the misunderstanding wasn't that he should know it now, but those should be his goals to achieve while there in that classroom.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks Packrat!! According to their cirrciculum they want the kids in the 3-5 year old program (aka preschool) to know their ABC's, count to at least 30 and reconize the alphabet before they move on. Which seems to be the norm in this state. His last daycare was like that with similar expectations. We only moved him to be closer to home/ less drive.

Ummm... so then doesn't that mean he has two more years to learn that stuff? My son is 4 years and 4 months and can do all of those things now as well as more. And he learned it *after* age 3.

Otherwise, I agree with Packrat's post completely!

Hey Dreamer- in one of my follow up posts I corrected that the misunderstanding wasn't that he should know it now, but those should be his goals to achieve while there in that classroom.

Yes, I saw that and its good to know. I edited my post to ask a follow up and would be interested to hear more about it...

 

[AGBF]

OK...I have finished reading the entire thread. Now I know that you met with the lead teacher. I am glad that you are relieved, SB. But the expectations for young children are very daunting now. I was not expected to learn letters until I was in the first grade, and since I was among the older children in my class, I started first grade at age 6 and 1/2. Compare that to what is expected of young children today! I think the expectations today are bizarre, especially since the children of today are highly unlikely to read or write as much or well as people of my generation did. We didn't have computers to correct our spelling or our grammar when we wrote, after all!

Deb

 

[SB621]

Sorry D I didn't see your new question. So I don't think another child said that to him in his classroom. I asked him if someone said something not nice to him there and he responded no. So I asked him where he learned that word from and he said "I dunno."

I think it really isn't about learning the ABC's (once again he knows them) but it is about building the confidence in him. My feeling was if he felt more comfortable with the information then he would be more confident with himself in class. Does that make sense?

 

[SB621]

SB-

I wish I could reach out of the computer and hug you. I am so, so sorry you are going through this!!! My hairdresser, who has a winsome, charming, extremely handsome, and very intelligent young son is going through something similar (and he is now enrolled in summer school to prepare him for kindergarten!).

The schools have all gone crazy and and parents really don't have much choice than to react to them! Of course there is nothing wrong with your son, and in the long run it will not matter if he practices this summer or not. But this is one of the biggest decisions you are facing in your life now and you want to make the best decision that you can. When I read your posting, I thought, "There but for the grace of God, go I". I was so glad not to be parenting a young child anymore, no matter how difficult it is to parent one who is about to turn 21!!!

Whatever you do, it will be OK. You and your husband are raising children who are loved and nurtured. They are growing up stimulated and educated in ways that other less fortunate children cannot even dream. Trust yourself, but keep posting here, too. Believe me, all the mothers here have been where you are!!!

Love and hugs,
Deb

Thank you Deb! I truly have been blessed with 2 very healthy children so I should really not complain but it seems everything changes so quickly as they leave toddlerhood. All the sudden you need to start preparing them for Kindgergarden and think about summer camp (what?!?!), No BPA, everything must be organic, and hundred million other details. I just want to do the very best for them. And gosh I can't even imagine having a 21 year old. I feel the last 3 years have flown bye. I called my MIL to just talk things over with her. She was a young single mom and I value her opinion as I'm closer to her then my own mother and she pretty much mirrrored exactly what you said. Regardless of whatever R will be loved and we will do what is best for him. He will have confidence in everything he does because to us he will always be the greatest thing (along with his sibling) that ever happened. I'm just going to trust me gut and move forward. If he adjusts and thrives at this daycare then great. If not then we are moving in the winter anyhow so at the next palce/ state I will look for something that is a better fit for him and his needs that he will have then. Thank you again! I truly appreciate the virtual hug!

 

[Tuckins1]

I am a special education teacher in an elementary school, and I also have a 2 year old, so I am very familiar with child development and what should be expected at what age. Your son doesn't seem to be out of the norm. Some kids develop that stuff a little quicker than others, but you said that he does sing his abc's and can count. (It's normal for kids to skip numbers) I would give him some more time in his school environment... It's new for him and i'm sure he will absorb all of the new info very quickly. I would like to ask you though, does your son identify letters? For example, if you point to a letter on a sign or in a book, can he name it? Also, does he know any of the letter sounds? Can he name colors? Shapes? (It's not abnormal for a three year old to not do all of these things, i'm just curious for myself...) I would really only be concerned if, after a few months or so in this program, he does NOT make any progress at all. Then I may speak to your pediatrician about the issue. Right now he seems to be a normal kid, like any other 3 year old.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Sorry D I didn't see your new question. So I don't think another child said that to him in his classroom. I asked him if someone said something not nice to him there and he responded no. So I asked him where he learned that word from and he said "I dunno."

I think it really isn't about learning the ABC's (once again he knows them) but it is about building the confidence in him. My feeling was if he felt more comfortable with the information then he would be more confident with himself in class. Does that make sense?

Yes it makes sense. Mastery is always good. The trouble is that is could backfire, especially with a young child, and especially when mastery is not actually the issue. Here is how it can backfire. Child goes to school and feels shy and uncomfortable. He perhaps doesn't feel that he fits in (all normal in a new place). He tries to understand why he feels that way and concludes he is "dumb", which does not mean "unintelligent" to a 3 year old. It means unworthy, small, left out, uncertain. He then says to his parent he feels "dumb". And later on tutoring is brought in to help him gain mastery. Unfortunately, that outcome *could* make him feel that if he gains mastery he will not feel dumb anymore. It is a contingent message about worth: learn more and you will be valued and feel better. And from a self-worth perspective that is not the message you want to convey. Mastery is mastery and worth is worth and they are different things completely. One cannot affect the other. Ideally, his worth as a person will develop to be completely independent of his performance in school. So when you child says he feels dumb, then supportive response is to talk about his feelings and validate his emotions. Reflect to him things like, "Its hard being the new kid, isn't it?" or "sometimes I feel shy when something is new. But in time I feel better. I love you and think you are wonderful." Hear him and listen to his concerns and fears and love him and be his secure base and he will not "feel" dumb over time. I am sure you do all of these things already, but keep doing it, especially right now as he is anxious about a transition. As you said, its not an issue of knowing his ABCs at all. Now, if one day he comes home with Ds in spelling, you work on the spelling. There are many ways of encouraging mastery and efficacy, and that is just as important as instilling feelings of worth. But in this case, when it is likely about *feelings* -- because in fact he knows the information in question -- you don't work on the mastery aspects. Does that makes sense?

(In case it seems I am just paraphrasing Oprah or something, I say all this as a self-esteem psychologist and researcher )

 

[SB621]

I am a special education teacher in an elementary school, and I also have a 2 year old, so I am very familiar with child development and what should be expected at what age. Your son doesn't seem to be out of the norm. Some kids develop that stuff a little quicker than others, but you said that he does sing his abc's and can count. (It's normal for kids to skip numbers) I would give him some more time in his school environment... It's new for him and i'm sure he will absorb all of the new info very quickly. I would like to ask you though, does your son identify letters? For example, if you point to a letter on a sign or in a book, can he name it? Also, does he know any of the letter sounds? Can he name colors? Shapes? (It's not abnormal for a three year old to not do all of these things, i'm just curious for myself...) I would really only be concerned if, after a few months or so in this program, he does NOT make any progress at all. Then I may speak to your pediatrician about the issue. Right now he seems to be a normal kid, like any other 3 year old.

Hi Tunkins- he does not identify letters at all. Except he does say that "O" is a circle And he doesn't really know the sounds of letters except for R and L.
Yes he can name colors and shapes but it took him a very very long time. His nanny/ babysitter came in one night with him and he took to it like fish to water. He just responds to her for whatever reason. He had very little problems after that except for hard shapes like hexagon etc.

 

[charleston1]

Oh I feel for you, almost the same thing happened to my son. The first day of J.K he came home from school and said "I'm quitting school, I hate it". I asked him why and he replied "because B.W. can read chapter books and I can't". I tried to reason with him "but there are 18 kids in the class, how many can read chapter books?" (not just read, but read Chapter books). It did not matter to my son that only ONE kid out of 18 could read Chapter books no matter how many different ways I tried to get this point across.
He still felt he wanted to quit, because it was "hopeless". A week later I spoke with B.W.'s mom and told her what my son said, she spoke with my son and said "the only reason B.W. can read chapter books is because he is an only child and spends all with his Grandparents...you will be reading them in no time".

He didn't even up quitting school (obviously) and as the weeks went on, he realized it wasn't the end of the world and became good friends with B.W. He is now 24 years old and has graduated from University. At the lunch after his Convocation I told him this story and he had a good laugh but actually did remember it.

I guess my point is that I feel your pain and understand your concern, it is heartbreaking to hear your son or daughter so discouraged and heartbroken. I think the first day testing is done in front of other kids and it brings out the insecurity in kids, some more than others depending on their personality. I wish it was done maybe not right away and maybe not in front of the other kids as some kids really take it to heart.

It is so true about girls also being (usually) ahead of boys, so I actually am glad that she is the younger child so I didn't have her milestones to compare him to!

Just be positive with your son and honestly I think right now the tutor is unnecessary but certainly do it if you want, especially it is someone he knows and likes.

All the best!

 

[AGBF]

I am a special education teacher in an elementary school, and I also have a 2 year old, so I am very familiar with child development and what should be expected at what age. Your son doesn't seem to be out of the norm. Some kids develop that stuff a little quicker than others, but you said that he does sing his abc's and can count. (It's normal for kids to skip numbers) I would give him some more time in his school environment... It's new for him and i'm sure he will absorb all of the new info very quickly. I would like to ask you though, does your son identify letters? For example, if you point to a letter on a sign or in a book, can he name it? Also, does he know any of the letter sounds? Can he name colors? Shapes? (It's not abnormal for a three year old to not do all of these things, i'm just curious for myself...) I would really only be concerned if, after a few months or so in this program, he does NOT make any progress at all. Then I may speak to your pediatrician about the issue. Right now he seems to be a normal kid, like any other 3 year old.

Hi Tunkins- he does not identify letters at all. Except he does say that "O" is a circle And he doesn't really know the sounds of letters except for R and L.

Yes he can name colors and shapes but it took him a very very long time. His nanny/ babysitter came in one night with him and he took to it like fish to water. He just responds to her for whatever reason. He had very little problems after that except for hard shapes like hexagon etc.

O was the first letter my daughter learned, too. She picked it out on a shopping bag and my mother noticed. I had been singing the "abc's" from inside some Dr. Seuss book to her every time I read it to her and had no idea she was taking it in.

Deb

 

[yennyfire]

I don't have anything helpful to add, but wanted to send hugs to you. Public education these days is a far cry from what it was when we went to school. Don't get me started on core curriculum....we don't even have textbooks, forcing parents online to figure out how to explain/reinforce what their kids are being taught in school (and this is kindergarten and 2nd grade!!). Let's not forget the newly popular "STEM" initiative sweeping the educational landscape (emphasis on science, technology, engineering and math)...it is crazy all of the new things we expect our teachers to learn on the fly and then teach to our kids.

Sorry for my tangent. The point of my post is that the standards these days are ridiculous and as a parent, you have to use common sense about your expectations of your child. Supposedly, one of the kids in my daughter's kindergarten class were reading Harry Potter....ummm....really? Upon a conversation with the teacher I learned that this child had no business reading Harry Potter, both because of the content and because of the complexity of the material (he should have been reading "Spot" books). Bottom line is that you will find a whole continuum out there...parents whose kids never went to preschool and kids who can read when they enter kindergarten. Supposedly, it all evens out by the end of second grade ( we shall see this year I guess!)...you have to do what's right for YOUR kid....that is all that matters. Make him feel smart...make a game of teaching his sister the letters....he will feel like a big kid and learn a lot in the process....

Hugs to you and R!!!