- Oct 27, 2016
If you can't get the perfect ring before the engagement for, whatever reason, is it alright to use any old ring and then swap them afterwards?
It can still be an extraordinary ring because it's coming from you to her If it's going to be for the short term - Maybe a really nice stackable style band so she could keep that & wear it with her final ring set if & when she wanted to.Joel21|1479636311|4100762 said:You are totally right. It would make good sense to get an ordinary ring and then have her pick out something that she actually loves for the permanent one. Thanks for the advice.
I'm late to the party! Hope it's not TOO late!!If you can't get the perfect ring before the engagement for, whatever reason, is it alright to use any old ring and then swap them afterwards?
@alupha I'm so sorry you hate your ering that much.... Coming from an HK background too I know what you mean avout families oohing and ahhing over the shiny. I hope one day you will be able to buy a e-ring or vow renewal ring you will truly love.I am really late to this, but I would like to share my story with you, and as to why what you think of doing makes complete sense to me, which is a much better idea than what my now hubby has done.
I'll be upfront and say I don't like my engagement ring. I got it before I joined PS and I didn't like it then, so PS hasn't really changed how I want my ring to be. However, I grew up in HK, which is a very materialistic place, and general show-offable pieces of engagement rings are typically around 1ct. Now, the thing is, I'm not much of a diamond lover, so unless it is a spectacular stone, it wouldn't even grab my eyes.
I don't have anything to look at when I grow up to give me an impression of what to expect or want as an engagement ring. My mum does not wear a wedding ring/band and she did not have an engagement ring. My parents have a pair of wedding bands which neither of them wear and in the end they were sold back to the jewellery. My mum does not have and does not wear any jewellery in general, fullstop. This is due to a lot of financial background and family background, etc., and I will not go into this. I just come to like jewellery and gemstones and my mum keeps mocking me saying she's glad I turn out to be like a typical woman, and I always hate it when she says that - because she always implies that I wear jewellery like a decorated Christmas tree, when I don't.
Here are some background stats before I actually start my rant per se:
I am fat. I weigh around 13.5 stones with a height of 1.55m. 16" to me is a choker not a necklace, just to give you some idea. I am big-boned and am at least a size N-O on both my ring fingers, that's about 6-7 US size, and anything smaller would not pass through my knuckles on either finger - that's for a typical thin band/ring and of course it goes up with different designs.
So here goes the story. My hubby is generally a very intelligent man and an absolute gentleman. He also seems to have completely no idea when it comes to jewellery AND APPARENTLY HE DID NOT THINK OF RESEARCHING when it comes to the ring. We had been together 2 years by then. He had a very clear idea that I am not particularly fond of diamonds and unless it is an outstanding ring. Yet he must have in his mind that the e-ring has to be diamond. To me, unless I would like to look at every second, I would not wear it everyday, BUT HE NEVER THOUGHT TO ASK WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO WEAR FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. There was no talks of the ring, EVER. No discussions, no 'we'll pick it together', no 'this is just for now', nothing, NADA. By now you probably can feel how disappointed I am about that ring.
So the day came, he was a sucker for romance and picked Christmas Eve to propose. Luckily, he did this in private and nobody else was around, so I only have to hide the disappointment from him when it happened - which was very successful. Now, remember the stats I gave you above, here is the ring: 9k white gold thin band solitaire 0.10 ct diamond in an illusion setting, from Warren James and must have cost about £250 when he bought it. It just disappears when I wear it because I have fat fingers. The reason for the disappearance also comes down to the quality of the diamond itself. It must have been at least I-J and SI2 or might have even been I1. I wouldn't have been so annoyed if he had spent £50 on a Pandora ring as an e-ring! I wouldn't have mined if he had spent £200 on a Swarovski watch to commemorate instead of a ring! An e-something I would love to wear and so would be absolutely happy to show it off. For £250 I could have picked out something far better than that for me to love wearing everyday - or even, he could have picked out something far better SHOULD HE HAVE DONE HIS RESEARCH.
None of the above could be discussed due to the fact that his family would all close ranks on me if this is brought up. He has a close family and anything shared with him would have reached everybody within a few hours (to give you an idea, I recently got offered a new job and the contract won't start in a while. I have explicitly told him I do not want anyone else to know apart from him and my mum, until I nearly start or at least have the contract. What did he do? He 'may have told his dad for the lack of any other excuse to not move to another town', and the next day I got a calls from his aunts in Cupar and Wales congratulating me. I HATED IT). They all hoo-haa'd over him that he picked the ring himself, and kept saying things like 'oh it really suits you' (oh really!?), 'oh it's classic' (no it's not, I can tell you it's not), and 'oh it's just nice and dainty' (yea it disappears, of course it is dainty, but no not nice), nobody would want to listen to what I had to say and wouldn't mind the slightest even if I'm not happy with it (this comes around again when we plan our vow renewal reception - for our real wedding date we only did the register-thing, but let's leave it there as it has nothing to do with this ring - I chose and paid for our wedding bands myself, thank the Gods.). Also, everybody will be behind his back and my mum, who is the only close family member I have now, knows nothing apart from the fact that 'oooh it's a diamond'.
Luckily for me, we got married (register-thing) in just about half a year. That ring got stranded ever since I got my wedding band on. It was only ever worn when I see him and his family even over the half-year period. I never wear it anymore and it just sits in the box in the bedside drawer. I don't even look at it, and of course, unlike some others I never grew to remotely like it. If my hubby isn't so stuck on it, even it is my e-ring I would have sold it in a heartbeat.
So yea, that's my story. Don't make the same mistake. Find something that would pass as an e-ring for the moment of romance, then get her involved. Unless you are 100% confident and an expert, don't leave your lady out of the process of finding the ring.
I am not at home, so no actual pics - yet it would not be fair to not show you why I don't like it. So, this is very similar to my ring, except the diamond on mine is about half the size of this but the illusion setting just as wide around it. You get the idea:
Thank you for letting me rant