Such an awful thing :-(

[chocolatefudge]

Hi Ladies,

Haven''t been on for a few days but have received some terrible news. Last July my best friend''s mum found out that she had pancreatic cancer and was gien approx 6 years to live. Naturally my friend was devastated but has been very strong. My best friend lives in the Uk, but her parents live in Spain.
Anyway, my friend has been with her boyfriend for about 13 years now- could be more! They were never really bothered about getting married but over the last year my friend has decided she would like to and they have discussed this. She really got her hopes up for a Christmas proposal and was quite disappointed when it didn''t come. We met up over Christmas and she said, "I think he might be waiting for my birthday (March) but I don''t want to wait too long. Obviously, I want to hurry things, the worst thing I can think of is getting married and my mum not being there. My mum has been upset saying she wants to go wedding dress shopping with me."
Her mum and dad were over in the UK for Christmas and had a great time, however when they went back home to Spain her mum was constantly feeling unwell. She had lots of stomach aches and was spending all day in bed. The doctor eventually diagnosed a blocked intestine and said it could be treated and she would feel better. My friend flew out to Spain on Tuesday to see her as her dad has been struggling by himself and has been getting upset. I received a phonecall on Wednesday to say that her mum was now seriously ill and it would only be a matter of hours until they lost her. The cancer had spread all over her body and there is nothing that can be done. I received another phonecall tonight to say that her mum is on Morphine and is fighting until the end but is out of it right now.

I feel so so sad for my friend and her family, it is such a terible thing to happen. I think everyone was working on the notion of 6 years to experience final things and now she will be gone. I don''t think it has properly sunk in yet.
My friend''s words keep haunting me about not having her mum at her wedding and her mum wanting to shop for wedding dresses.

It''s so hard to know what to say to her

I didn''t know whether to post this on here but it is helping me to write it down and I don''t feel like talking to anyone about it as I keep crying and need to stay strong for my friend.

 

[Winks_Elf]

I am so, so sorry.

Pancreatic cancer stole my ex-FIL just 9 months and two weeks before our first child together was born...he never got to know his only child was going to be a dad. He was diagnosed with PC in March, and died in July. It''s a horrible, viciously fast killer.

 

[Still_Waiting]

I''m so sorry!

 

[jcarlylew82]

I am so sorry. I am just glad to see that your friend has someone else to talk to, and that you obviously care for her.

 

[purrfectpear]

What a sad loss.

When I first read your post I thought "6 yrs to live with pancreatic cancer? must be a typo - 6 months". I''m sorry you feel blindsided by the sudden progress of your friend''s mum''s illness, but I don''t know what the doctor was thinking when he said 6 years. That would be almost miraculous for pancreatic cancer

I''m sure her family are reeling with this. There isn''t much you can say, but just that you are there for her - to talk, or just listen.

 

[Bia]

So sorry to read this.

I can''t even fathom losing one of my parents at this point in my life...


You''re a great friend chocolatefudge. She''s is blessed to have your friendship, that''s for sure.

My thoughts are with you and your friend (((hugs)))

 

[FrekeChild]

To put it mildly, I know exactly what your friend will be going through in likely a very short time.

Link to my thread

My FI proposed exactly 15 days after my mom passed away. And he had done everything he could to propose before she passed, but the ring just wasn''t ready.

I am so grateful that I had sent her pictures of what was to be my engagement ring stone and talked to her about what I wanted in a wedding. I had even sent her pictures of wedding dresses I liked, and she chose the Badgley Mischka. Lol.

Those memories are what helps me through every day. If your friend can, I think she might benefit from picking up a bridal magazine or two and taking them to her mom, and talking about what she wants. I wish I had had more conversations with her about that stuff, and it would have been so much fun to go through some of them with her.

I''m so sorry that she is going through this.

 

[Deelight]

I am so sorry for your friend

.

Sometimes there aren''t the right words to say but being there and offering support and listening can offer a world of difference.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I am so sorry...

 

[Kaleigh]

It''s so sad. All you can do is be the shoulder for her to lean upon. Be there for her, and listen to her. HUGS.

 

[mrscushion]

I''m really, really sorry.

 

[bee*]

That''s really sad. I''m so sorry to hear that.

 

[Tuckins1]

So sorry to hear that. Cancer, especially pancreatic cancer, is devastating. I hate to sound crass, but hopefully she will not linger too long and just pass on quickly. My mother was a hospice nurse for many years, and she always talked about cancer/bone pain, and how morphine just does nothing to help when it gets bad. I hope that poor woman doesn''t have to suffer for long.

*DUST* for your friend and her mother!

 

[tlh]

My heart breaks for your friend and her family, and this loss. I don''t think there is much to say to someone when a loved on passes.... I just like to offer many, many hugs, and let them know that I am there. I also find with some people it helps to remember their loved one during happy times. However this is usually after they''ve had some time in the grieving process.

I would tell her how much this does sadden you, and let her know you''re there. Then give lots of hugs, and send flowers.

 

[ckrickett]

My heart goes out to your friend and her family.

That would devestate me.
I think that''s my greatest fear in this whole mess, that my father/mother/sister wouldn''t be at my wedding, and just the thought if it is heart breaking.
You will be strong for your friend! Good luck!

 

[misskitty]

I''m so sorry, hun.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 1/23/2009 8:57:26 PM
Author: purrfectpear
What a sad loss.

When I first read your post I thought ''6 yrs to live with pancreatic cancer? must be a typo - 6 months''. I''m sorry you feel blindsided by the sudden progress of your friend''s mum''s illness, but I don''t know what the doctor was thinking when he said 6 years. That would be almost miraculous for pancreatic cancer

I''m sure her family are reeling with this. There isn''t much you can say, but just that you are there for her - to talk, or just listen.

Ditto, I''m so sorry for your friend, but they were led badly astray by their doctor..

I''ve seen 4 colleagues with pancreatic cancer in the last 3 years and none of them made it to 6 months. It is one of the most fast-acting of cancers.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Aww, poor thing. Pancreatic cancer is one of the really bad ones, and very difficult to treat, unfortunately.

I can imagine you''re having a hard time knowing what to say to her- it''s such a tough time.

Not that my family members are near death, but I''ve wondered in the past what I woud do if they didn''t make it to my wedding (especially my dad). I like the idea of having a slide show at a wedding (to the music of a happier song) with pictures of me & the one that I lost, just to make them feel more "there". Of course, some time would need to pass to be able to do that and not have the entire room sobbing.

I''m so sorry to hear!

 

[SparkleSparkle]

I''m so sorry to hear that - pancreatic cancer is a nasty thing. Difficult to diagnose and when it is it''s often too late

My brother had it and died at age 53 - he was diagnosed on Christmas Eve 2003 and died on January 13, 2004. 3 weeks. Smoking and diabetes just don''t go together.

Hugs to you and your friend...

 

[chocolatefudge]

She phoned me last night to say that her mum has gone. I did not have a clue what to say to her, what can you say?! It is really so horrible and I am so sad for her. Not much else to say really. Thank you for your messages and I''m sorry to all of you who have experienced this yourself.