Successful Relationships/Marriages

[princessplease]

In your opinion, what are the "ingredients" for establishing/maintaining a healthy and happy marriage or relationship? What is most important?
COMMUNICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Is it better to have more of a "romance" (in the traditional sense- like Nora Roberts novels lol) or more of a "friendship"?
Of course romance is important, but I''m a big believer in "show me you love me everyday" rather than swoon me with flowers and candies. To me, being told I love you everyday is SO romantic.

What have you learned from past relationships or relationships of your family and friends?
Past relationships: Don''t be controlling. I was very controlling with my ex, and that ruined our relationship.

 

[Squirrly]

In your opinion, what are the "ingredients" for establishing/maintaining a healthy and happy marriage or relationship? What is most important?
respect, communication, forgiveness, laughter, trust, being comfortable with the other person enough to have some spontaneity, knowing you can disagree, be upset, and it''s not the end of the world, enjoying being together, at a party or just curled up reading, and still enjoying spending time doing your own thing

Is it better to have more of a "romance" (in the traditional sense- like Nora Roberts novels lol) or more of a "friendship"?
friendship is what makes it last, but without romance, even now and then, it''s just a very good friendship
What have you learned from past relationships or relationships of your family and friends?
i am me, and that is who the boy was attracted to in the first place. if i lose me, i lose the boy too (it just took me a few go arounds to figure that out). it''s not the boy''s job to fix me, though it''s nice if he helps find a couple pieces here or there, but if i put it all on him, it hurts that much more if it doesn''t work (wish i''d learned that after the first couple times). if you love someone and they turn out to be less than stellar, it hurts, but at least you know "what if" and if you don''t let your guard down from time to time, no one has a shot. physical stuff sure can be fun, but eventually you''ll need a personality to go with it (preferably a nice one).

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Marriage isn''t about friendship. It''s about family. You can fall out with a friend and cut ties with them easily, but with family, you have a connection that almost forces you to try super-human things to try and fix that broken bond.

That said, there are plenty of things that make marriages fail, but what makes it work? There is no secret recipe. It''s different for everyone.

 

[missy]

Date: 3/26/2010 8:06:00 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 3/26/2010 8:04:16 PM

Author: HollyS

A successful relationship, regardless of marital status, is about respect. First and foremost. In every little instance, and every big situation. Treat each other with respect every moment of every day.



There is NOTHING more important; it is the foundation upon which the relationship will be built. If you respect each other, treat each other with deference and care, you will find it difficult to be angry, or hurtful, or snide, or mean, or resentful, or touchy, or crabby, or . . . use hundreds of other nasty little emotional land mines that have a tendency to eventually explode. ALWAYS respect each other. If you cannot, you have the wrong partner - - period.



Romance? Are you talking passion? 'Cause it will come and go. Nobody has a soap opera 'super couple' type relationship. N-o-b-o-d-y. And geez, wouldn't that be exhausting, anyway. But if you aren't 'friends' with your SO, the relationship is destined to grow stale.



Real romance is doing small things every day to make the other person feel important, secure, cared for, appreciated, respected. Successful couples don't even have to think about it. They do it.

Holly, spot-on, I totally agree that the 'R' word is key. Great post.

THIS.
I couldn't agree more with Holly's post.
If you don't have this ingredient none of the others matter.

So, respect, communication, genuinely liking the person, being kind to each other, trust, having shared goals and dreams and values and romantic love and passion added in to the mix at times, healthy sense of humor and being a team through life's ups and downs. Being each others soft place to fall when life gets tough.

Blend until frothy, add ice and enjoy

 

[sillyberry]

Date: 3/26/2010 1:48:41 PM
Author: FrekeChild
What have you learned from past relationships or relationships of your family and friends?

Learn to pump your own gas. Being dependent on your husband for gas pumping does now show people how much he loves you, it shows people how you''re incapable of doing anything yourself.

Does anyone not know how to pump their own gas, unless perhaps they''re from New Jersey where you aren''t allowed to? If I let my boyfriend pump the gas, particularly in winter because I hate the cold, is that a bad thing? Does anyone notice who pumps the gas?

(I don''t think that''s what you''re saying, this particular advice just really jumped out at me!)

 

[Miscka]

Date: 3/26/2010 1:58:11 PM
Author: princesss
Okay, I''m just thinking out loud, so don''t mind me if this isn''t coherent.


-Communication. You have to be able to talk about anything - good, bad, and ugly. You have to be able to have respectful conversations even when you have vastly different opinions. If I wasn''t willing to talk to my BF about our sex life, money, our families, pet care, kids, our friends, food, sloth, etc. we''d have had a lot of fights where the underlying cause never would have been addressed. We discuss the deeper issues, and work on them together as well as whatever brings them to the surface.


-Compatible sex drives. Just sayin''.


-Similar attitudes towards spending and debt. If one person thinks you should only pay cash, and the other would rather have the latest whatever than put money towards retirement, you''re going to have problems.


-Willingness to meet in the middle. I give gifts to show affection. BF makes sure that my Chobani is at the front of the fridge so I can get it easily in the morning to show he''s thinking about me. We''ve been giving affection the way we want to receive it - so we''ve been trying to do both, and appreciate what the other person does. I make sure his ginger beer and dark rum stash are easily accessible, and he picks up a movie he knows I like.


-A small amount of butterflies - passion and romance decreases after a while (hopefully it doesn''t totally disappear) and other things become more important. But I like that every now and then I look at him and just get plain giddy. I like that when I haven''t seen him in a few days, I get antsy and get butterflies about seeing him.


-A strong friendship. Even before we were dating, I liked and respected my BF as a friend. As other things take priority, we''ve got a strong friendship - butterflies aside, I genuinely like M as a person. Starting as friends was amazing for us because we already had a strong foundation when serious emotions got involved.


-You need to understand and respect each other''s non-negotiables, no matter what they are.



I guess I think that romance and friendship are equally important, they''re just not equally important at the same time - if there''s no spark, there''s no point trying to make one, and if there''s no friendship it''s going to be hard to get through stressful times. New babies, deaths in the family, job loss...these things have very little (dare I say no?) romance in them, and yet a strong marriage can get through them and use them to get stronger.


Not sure I answered your question or made any sense, but that''s what came to mind.

Wise, wise, wise words

 

[Magpie09]

In your opinion, what are the ''ingredients'' for establishing/maintaining a healthy and happy marriage or relationship? What is most important?

I also think that appreciation is important in relationships because if you don''t appreciate what your partner does for you, and verbalise it or respond in kind, resentments will build.


Is it better to have more of a ''romance'' (in the traditional sense- like Nora Roberts novels lol) or more of a ''friendship''?

I think a mixture of these is required although in saying that i''m a romantic so i need the romance or to be romanced every once in a while But i think friendship is the more important of the two. My SO is my best friend and i am his and i think that glues us together even more than romantic evenings ever could. We can talk about anything and it''s nice to be able to come home with exciting news or to vent and have someone who listens and actually cares about what you have to say.

Other than that i think compatible sex drives are highly important doesn''t matter what your sex drive is as long as your partner shares the same views.

 

[LadyJane83]

Date: 3/28/2010 4:24:58 PM
Author: sillyberry

Date: 3/26/2010 1:48:41 PM
Author: FrekeChild
What have you learned from past relationships or relationships of your family and friends?

Learn to pump your own gas. Being dependent on your husband for gas pumping does now show people how much he loves you, it shows people how you''re incapable of doing anything yourself.

Does anyone not know how to pump their own gas, unless perhaps they''re from New Jersey where you aren''t allowed to? If I let my boyfriend pump the gas, particularly in winter because I hate the cold, is that a bad thing? Does anyone notice who pumps the gas?

(I don''t think that''s what you''re saying, this particular advice just really jumped out at me!)

I don''t think it''s necessarily a bad thing. In relationships (if you are nice) you do things the other person doesn''t want to do and they do things that you do not want to do.

I rarely pump my own gas, but I do know how. In my defense, I am from NJ. Something about pumping my own gas (and making left hand turns) just feels unnatural to me