So, this is my first time writing on a site like this...but I was really hoping to get some impartial opinions here.
I have been dating this great guy for just about 2 years now. It's going really well, and I can totally see myself being happy for the rest of my life with him. The only doubt is regarding kids. He has 2 kids (3 1/2 and 7) and they are so sweet. They love me and I love them too. My bf has shared custody of his kids so we do get to see them quite often. Before he got divorced he had a vasectomy at the request of his wife. We have talked about "the idea" of having kids, but he truly does not want to have the surgery reversed, and I have to respect him for being honest with me about that. Personally I don't really want to adopt or have a donor because as much as I contemplate being a mom, if it's not "ours" then I feel like being a step-mom is probably enough. After talking to my doctor the only choice we are really left with is IVF, and I dont know if it's worth $10,000.
I know my family is concerned for me because they don't want me to have to give up on anything I want. But...I am 30 and also divorced. I was in a marriage where I could've had kids, but chose not to because the relationship was not right. Now I am in an amazingly wonderful relationship that I never thought possible, but potentially can't have kids. The up side is that I am part of a family. My BF and I have had very open conversations and I've told him that if he didn't have kids, and we didn't have that family dynamic I would most likely breakup and move on.
If I could be pregnant right now, I wouldn't be. I am enjoying my relationship, we are both very active, we love to just pick up and go on adventures on the weekend that are completely unplanned! I know that having kids would change all of that, and I'm not ready for that change. By having the kids half the time we are really able to have a good blend of family time and couple time. I have seen other relationships strain when there isn't couple time.
I know I really don't want kids past the age of 35, and I don't have that desire at the moment. I feel like I can't say right now that I am 100% about not having kids, but the idea of leaving this relationship seems out of the question. I am just way too happy. I know that growing up I wanted to get married and have kids. But then again no 16 year old thinks "hey, maybe I'll get married, then I'll get divorced, and then I'll meet a really wonderful guy who already has kids!" I also realize that I could leave my BF, maybe even find a perfect guy, and find out that we have fertility issues. (then again I could always regret leaving my current relationship.)
I guess I'm just looking for opinions or food for thought. Feel free to try to push me. Because you're not my family (who love me, but can't be objective) I am really interested in stories, support, and thinking points.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read all this and process with me.
Lola
I have been dating this great guy for just about 2 years now. It's going really well, and I can totally see myself being happy for the rest of my life with him. The only doubt is regarding kids. He has 2 kids (3 1/2 and 7) and they are so sweet. They love me and I love them too. My bf has shared custody of his kids so we do get to see them quite often. Before he got divorced he had a vasectomy at the request of his wife. We have talked about "the idea" of having kids, but he truly does not want to have the surgery reversed, and I have to respect him for being honest with me about that. Personally I don't really want to adopt or have a donor because as much as I contemplate being a mom, if it's not "ours" then I feel like being a step-mom is probably enough. After talking to my doctor the only choice we are really left with is IVF, and I dont know if it's worth $10,000.
I know my family is concerned for me because they don't want me to have to give up on anything I want. But...I am 30 and also divorced. I was in a marriage where I could've had kids, but chose not to because the relationship was not right. Now I am in an amazingly wonderful relationship that I never thought possible, but potentially can't have kids. The up side is that I am part of a family. My BF and I have had very open conversations and I've told him that if he didn't have kids, and we didn't have that family dynamic I would most likely breakup and move on.
If I could be pregnant right now, I wouldn't be. I am enjoying my relationship, we are both very active, we love to just pick up and go on adventures on the weekend that are completely unplanned! I know that having kids would change all of that, and I'm not ready for that change. By having the kids half the time we are really able to have a good blend of family time and couple time. I have seen other relationships strain when there isn't couple time.
I know I really don't want kids past the age of 35, and I don't have that desire at the moment. I feel like I can't say right now that I am 100% about not having kids, but the idea of leaving this relationship seems out of the question. I am just way too happy. I know that growing up I wanted to get married and have kids. But then again no 16 year old thinks "hey, maybe I'll get married, then I'll get divorced, and then I'll meet a really wonderful guy who already has kids!" I also realize that I could leave my BF, maybe even find a perfect guy, and find out that we have fertility issues. (then again I could always regret leaving my current relationship.)
I guess I'm just looking for opinions or food for thought. Feel free to try to push me. Because you're not my family (who love me, but can't be objective) I am really interested in stories, support, and thinking points.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read all this and process with me.
Lola