Starting to get a little worried...

[robbie3982]

Y''s picked her venues for her rehearsal dinner and her ceremony and reception and I''m starting to get worried that people are going to be comparing our weddings and think hers is nicer

. I know they''ll both be nice in their own right, but with us being first cousins, about half of my guests will be at her wedding and vice versa. Her FI''s family is really small (his mom told her she has less than 10 people she wants to invite) and my FI''s family is large (he''s one of 5 kids and his parents are each one of 7). She said she thinks she''s only going to invite 80 people (we''re up to 190 now on invites though I''m sure not all will come) and I know that her budget is at least twice as much as mine. I know there are lots of factors that come into play like hers is in Westchester, NY (pretty expensive) and mine''s in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA (pretty inexpensive), but I''m still worried that everyone will have how nice her wedding was fresh in their minds when they come to mine just 5 weeks later

.

Any ideas on how to snap myself out of this?

 

[Jaders731]

Robbie...

I think you are having concerns that any normal bride would have.. but what you have to remind yourself is that you have handled yourself with such grace in this entire situation with your cousin.
While I think that we all agree that your cousin has some jealousy issues, its ok for you to be upset that she is in some way stealing your thunder (and honestly, underneath it all, I''m sure she is doing this to spite you!)

Please remember that a wedding is a wedding is a wedding. It is the couple, their love and the committment that you and your family and friends will be celebrating. NOT who has the $100 bottle of champagne and the filet mignon.
Sure.. everyone may be talking about the food and the venue at your cousins wedding. But I assure you, when they leave yours, they will be leaving happy, because they have seen the true face of love in you and your future hubby.

To me, that makes all the difference in the world.
Hope that helps!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Now, I don''t know you or your FI or her or her FI but sometimes I when I go to a wedding it doesn''t matter how much they spend. How pretty the dress is, How good the cake is. What the food taste like. What matters is the couple''s love. I KNOW that sounds so cheesy but I have been to some weddings where you could *feel* how right they are for each other (or how wrong in some cases). I do believe you and your FI are madly in love and that will shine through. I really, really would try not to worry or spend to much time thinking about her wedding. It will drive you crazy! Even if for some people do compare them, it doesn''t matter. What matters is that your marrying your best friend. Just enjoy *that* feeling.

 

[larussel03]

Aw, Robbie, don''t worry about it, I''m sure that your wedding will be just as lovley and it really is about the couple, you know, as Tacori said. As long as everyone has fun, that''s what counts, INCLUDING YOU!

Besides at least everyone LIKES you...they don''t seem to be so wild about her. If any comparison arises, it''ll likely be b/c of her bridezilla antics and how easy you were to deal with

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks ladies!

 

[labbielove]

hi robbie,
first of all, i would be having the same concerns at first.
but i will second everyone else''s great advice and comments.

all i can say is, that i''ve been to weddings where there''s been lobster tail and dom, and i''ve been to weddings where there is a cookout at a state park with a boom box for dancing.
what i take away from each is just that- what was the overall feel? was it genuine? did i have fun and feel comfortable among the other guests?

my fave wedding i''ve been to was at a ukranian club where the women did all the cooking in the back there was plastic ware and styrofoam cups- folding chairs and paper tablecloths- there was a polka band, and i''ve never had so much fun in my life!

so there you go- as long as you stay "real" those who love you will have a fabulous time no matter what
and THAT is what you all will remember.

p.s. do you think any of us could have a wedding celebration like TomKat, or Britney or any star? Nope, and it doesn''t make them any happier than us!!

 

[blushingbride]

Hi Robbie

Last year, I had 2 weddings in one weekend. The first wedding was for a friend of mine from high school. He was just starting out and had bought a house and was going to grad school so, money was tight. The wedding took place in Ardmore, PA (outside of Philadelphia) and the reception was held at an old farmhouse - it was beautiful! It was small (probably less than 100 people) and my FI and I had an amazing time! We thought everything was so perfect despite their limited budget and we really couldn''t stop talking about how much fun we had!

The next night, we had our second wedding and that was for a friend of my FI. The reception was held at the Lighthouse which is very pricey venue at Chelsea Piers in NYC. The venue was stunning - it was right on the Hudson and building had huge terrace along the water which is where they had cocktails. The wedding was greek so, not only was it massive with lots of dancing and eating, but they also made good money so they went all out. I''ve never seen anything like it! They had a band AND a DJ - and interestingly enough, even hired a belly dancer! There were about 7 stations during cocktail hour including a sushi and oyster bar and they had a 6 course meal. It was very over the top and we had a wonderful time!

The point is, after the second wedding was over my FI and I realized that we had an equally great time at both weddings which were drastically different from one another. I honestly couldn''t say one was better than the other and to this day, still talk about how fabulous they both were. So, it''s all about the people you''re with and what you make of it - not the amount of money you spent or where you have it!

 

[Cheekyprincess]

Robbie- with that dress you chose, there is no way she can outshine you on that front! Just enjoy yourself, let the guests enjoy themselves and nothing else matters.

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks everyone! I just thought of some plusses too. She''s having a sushi display at her reception which FI and I really wanted but nixed due to cost (and it not being offered at our venue lol), but since we''re going to hers we get to eat it and don''t have to pay for it! Her rehearsal dinner is going to be at Le Chateau which is this gorgeous mansion in upstate (I think?) NY. I went there for my uncle''s bday once. It''s super expensive and super good food, but we''ll still get to eat there and enjoy the atmosphere and food since I''m the flower girl!

 

[sumbride]

I''m willing to bet she''ll have some sort of bridezilla freakout moment the day of the ceremony and that''s all anybody will remember...

Your wedding could be at a McDonalds but between the two, I''d so much rather go to yours! Being a nice person counts for a lot... Karma can be a beautiful thing!

 

[tiffanytwisted]

Robbie,
I don''t think the fact that she has a larger budget is going to mean that her wedding is going to be any better than yours. It is also definitely NOT going to ensure that the guests have any more fun at hers than at yours. I have been to weddings that I know were super expensive and weddings that were put on with a tight budget and enjoyed both. The fact is that her wedding may be fresh in peoples minds when they come to yours but I don''t think they will necessarily be comparing the two.
I think the personalities of the bride and groom really plays an important factor in the ambiance and mood of the wedding, and from what I can gather from your posts you and your FI appear to be fun, easygoing people who are fun to be around. And I believe your guests will have fun when they are around you. ALso, I pretty much have her (your cousin) pegged as a Bridezilla at this point and that could put a damper on things. It makes me think of movies (I can''t think of any names of them) where the bride is locked in the bathroom because she hates her hair or her dress ripped or she spent too much time in the tanning bed!
If you have fun then your guests will have fun, and that''s what they will remember.

 

[blushingbride]

Robbie - my wedding is in Westchester County, NY. Just curious, where is her wedding taking place? I''ve been to a ton of venues in the area and we finally settled on Castle on the Hudson so, I am very familiar with the area.

 

[robbie3982]

She hasn''t put a deposit down or anything yet, but she wants to have it at Fountainhead

 

[snlee]

Date: 12/15/2006 10:41:34 AM
Author: tiffanytwisted
Robbie,
I don''t think the fact that she has a larger budget is going to mean that her wedding is going to be any better than yours. It is also definitely NOT going to ensure that the guests have any more fun at hers than at yours. I have been to weddings that I know were super expensive and weddings that were put on with a tight budget and enjoyed both. The fact is that her wedding may be fresh in peoples minds when they come to yours but I don''t think they will necessarily be comparing the two.
I think the personalities of the bride and groom really plays an important factor in the ambiance and mood of the wedding, and from what I can gather from your posts you and your FI appear to be fun, easygoing people who are fun to be around. And I believe your guests will have fun when they are around you. ALso, I pretty much have her (your cousin) pegged as a Bridezilla at this point and that could put a damper on things. It makes me think of movies (I can''t think of any names of them) where the bride is locked in the bathroom because she hates her hair or her dress ripped or she spent too much time in the tanning bed!
If you have fun then your guests will have fun, and that''s what they will remember.

Ditto to what Tiffany wrote. I totally agree. Just think about that and hopefully you can snap out of it.

 

[havernell]

No matter how lavish their wedding is, all anyone will be talking about is how they were introduced as "Mr. and Mrs. Skywalker" when they entered the reception. No amount of money or sushi will be able to overcome the tackiness of that moment!!

It just seems like based on what you said, your cousin''s has a lot of money but little to no class. Like the above posters have said- its not the money that makes the wedding, its the classiness of the event (i.e. the bride and groom''s good attitude, the fun atmosphere they create, etc). Sounds like you have that kind of class and she doesn''t

Also, didn''t she get engaged like two days ago? How does she have all her venues picked out already? Jeez!

 

[robbie3982]

She got engaged last weekend. She just started a new job today (or was it yesterday?) so she spent the rest of this week planning like crazy so she could get as much done as she could before her days were filled w/ work. Our aunt took her around to look at some places. I think they only went to 3 or something, but the two she chose seem nice. I''ve been to the rehearsal dinner place before, and the other is where our aunt got married (where Y was a flower girl lol).

 

[njc]

I agree 100% with Jaders and Tacori about “feeling the love” counting as well as the others who said that they have had equal fun at high class as small inexpensive soirées.

Last year I was the first 1st cousins to get married in a while. I loved our wedding… we were able to have all the guests we wanted there, had a great band, great buffet (with something for everyone), 2 awesome cakes, open bar with a self-serve daiquiris and margaritas, nice decorations, the flowers I wanted etc, etc, etc.

A month ago a 1st cousin got married. You may remember my thread talking about her throwing the hissy fit at her grandmother for not buying off the registry and making her mother email everyone saying the better buy off the registry. She is a high maintance girl and everyone in the family wonders how long it will last. ANYWAYS… she had a REALLY nice wedding. Gorgeous gown, fantastic venue, photo/video graphers all over the place (to the point I couldn’t take pics because they were always in the way), a nice passed dinner, string quartet, DJ, ridiculous table decorations etc, etc, etc.

My mom was unable to go so the next day I was telling her about it and how nice it was and how expensive I thought it was. A great uncle and aunt stopped by and couldn’t stop raving about how FABULOUS it was and my uncle mentioned the filet dinner several times. I admit I was a little jealous, but honestly, they never mentioned what a cute couple they made… or how happy the looked… or that they were just made for each other. All they could see was the money that was spent on the accessories if you will. We had just the opposite said about our day and I know that I am happy and that I truly love DH and he loves me.

I’ve written this kinda quick, so I hope it makes sense and helps you.

 

[robbie3982]

It definitely does. Thank you.

 

[Blenheim]

Robbie, you (or your online persona, at least) are so fun that I''m sure everyone will love your wedding. And in addition to what the other girls have said about class and the couple''s love, there are a lot of things that you can do that people will notice and remember that don''t cost any money. My parents came back from one wedding recently talking about how happy the couple looked, plus their choice of readings -- they hadn''t heard a Pablo Neruda read at a wedding before. There are a lot of readings, some well-known and some more unusual, here, in case that''s something you''d be interested in. I''m sure that the other girls can suggest other cheap or free yet meaningful things. I was looking through that thread last night, so that''s just on my mind.

 

[gail013]

The people that are at your wedding will make it fun, and whatever you do, it will be YOU, and it will be so much fun. The money spent is no guarantee that anyone will have a better time. Don''t even worrry about it. I will still be surprised if she actually gets married, or if this guy wants to go thru with it.

 

[diamondfan]

Robbie, I just do not see nice people who are there to share your joy being that small...hopefully they will focus on the love and happiness and enjoy being part of it with you and on your cousin''s day too...and that will be what matters. Please don''t fret the small stuff and do not let anything detract from your sense of things...do not let her get to you that way, then she wins on a certain level...

 

[VRBeauty]

Robbie: Am I right in assuming that you''ll be dealing with more financial constraints as you plan your wedding than your cousin will be in planning hers? If so (and even if this is not the case -- but more if it is) there will be so many opportunities in the next few months for you to worry about people comparing, or her wedding being better than yours. Which is perfectly natural. It''s also a good way to add a lot of unnecessary stress to your nupital planning. Just keep focused on your wedding and if you have to, keep reminding yourself that this is not a competition.

 

[ljmorgan]

Well Robbie, I will just be jealous and immature FOR you since you''re being the bigger person!

I really feel like she''s been jealous of all of your wedding talk, pushed her bf into engagement, and now is trying to show you up. UGH. But your wedding will be better because you''re not a hateful you know what...

I think the whole situation is really sucky. I think you''re handling it beautifully -- I know that your wedding will be lovely. She''ll probably be a drama queen throughout all of her planning and the wedding, which will probably turn people off anyway.

 

[pyramid]

Just wanted to say I read about you going to the rehearsal dinner as you said, well after all I am the flowergirl and I thought WHAT? then I thought oh you must be a florist or into flower arranging and are doing their flowers. I have just read the other thread now and YOU REALLY ARE THE FLOWER GIRL

 

[clammer]

I hardly ever look at this board, but I thought I would check it out since I am way to lazy to get up and walk away from the computer. I got married 3 weeks after my best friend who comes from a family with a lot of money. I was worried that all of our friends would compare the two and wonder why I was trying to pull off a classy yet fun wedding on a budget, but I ended up having exactly what I wanted for a lot less money than she did (of course we didn''t get to have a six course meal, but I''m still ok with that)

We still get compliments on our ceremony. Our pastor was very charismatic and tailored the ceremony to us. I think this is so important. Originally, I wanted my childhood pastor, but he said that he would only do the ceremony he uses every time so we found someone else.

I''m not sure what all you have planned yet, but some of the ways we saved money and still had an awesome wedding were:

- did our own invites, I would have loved to have fancy ones but it wasn''t a priority
- we knew we wanted to have a more journalistic style of pictures so we hired one of the photographers from the Detroit News. We got awesome pictures and we just paid for his time. He edited the pictures then gave us the disk. We got to print what we wanted.
- I desperately wanted orchids, but they were way over budget. I found a florist that would arrange flowers that I ordered over the internet. I spend $500 on flowers that would have cost me $3000 if I would have got them through her. I spent a totally of $1600 for all centerpieces, bouquets, boutonnières (sp), flower girl petals, and renting the vases.
- we had a fake cake. I wasn''t even going to have a cake because dessert was included in our package, but my mom had a fit so we had a styrofoam (sp) cake. We cut out a section and put in a real section so we could "cut" it. No one ever knew and we saved a ton of money. For favors we boxed up pieces of cake bought from Sam''s. Everyone thought it was our [fake] cake.

I know there were other things we did, but that is all that I can think of now. Like everyone else said, everyone will remember your wedding because you seem to enjoy life. I really wanted everyone to enjoy my wedding but first and foremost I wanted my DH and I to have fun, after all it was the first day of the rest of our lives. I think if you remember that, everyone will see what a good time you are having which will make them want to have fun.