Spending Holidays Apart from your SO/Spouse

[MissStepcut]

Is it something you're comfortable with? Is is something you've successfully avoided? Would you be okay with spending holidays apart for no reason other than convenience or preference?

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Yep, in fact we are doing it this Thanksgiving. I have traditions with my Dad, including black Friday, that DH would hate to be a part of. DH is also a terrible road tripper and I LOVE LOVE LOVE road trips (it's 7 hours to my dad via car. Airplane isn't worth it as the closest one could get is 2 hours drive away). Aside from Thanksgiving, the 4th of July and Birthdays everything else is just another day. We see each other enough already

 

[shimmer]

We spend almost every holiday apart. Our families live in different parts of the country and we each prefer to spend it with them.

I get a little sad to miss the opportunity to make holiday memories with him, but I figure once/if we have kids we can start spending it with 'our' family.

Our parents will only be around for so much longer and nieces and nephews are growing up so we try to make the most of our time with them while we can.

 

[Haven]

I prefer to spend holidays with my husband.

We're lucky that we're all based in Chicago and we like each other enough that our families spend most holidays together. I'm having all of DH's family and my family over on Thursday for Thanksgiving. DH's family invites my mom to everything, and my mom invites ALL of DH's family to everything she hosts.

It also really helps if you host the biggies, because then everyone comes to you.

 

[Jennifer W]

I stay with J. I don't like anyone else enough to want to spend a holiday with them instead. He's awesome.

 

[missy]

I stay with J. I don't like anyone else enough to want to spend a holiday with them instead. He's awesome.

We are on the same page here (literally and figuratively)! There just is no one else I prefer to spend the holidays with. No way no how. Of course, since he is the one who actually cooks and bakes you can understand where I am coming from...

But seriously, we haven't spent the holidays apart since the first year of dating. After that we always shared the holidays. Usually Hanukkah with my family, Christmas with friends, Easter with his family, Passover with mine and we host Thanksgiving at our home. Works for us but I can totally see how that might not work for everyone.

 

[Jennifer W]

I stay with J. I don't like anyone else enough to want to spend a holiday with them instead. He's awesome.

We are on the same page here (literally and figuratively)! There just is no one else I prefer to spend the holidays with. No way no how. Of course, since he is the one who actually cooks and bakes you can understand where I am coming from...

But seriously, we haven't spent the holidays apart since the first year of dating. After that we always shared the holidays. Usually Hanukkah with my family, Christmas with friends, Easter with his family, Passover with mine and we host Thanksgiving at our home. Works for us but I can totally see how that might not work for everyone.

Thinking about it, I guess I'm very lucky to have that luxury. I think about some of my friends (and of course, some of the folks on PS) who don't have that option and I feel very thankful indeed. People serving overseas with the military come to mind, as well as those whose families are scattered all over and who have to choose who to see each holiday. Not easy, and I didn't mean to sound insensitive. I do like being with J though, and he is awesome.

 

[missy]

I stay with J. I don't like anyone else enough to want to spend a holiday with them instead. He's awesome.

We are on the same page here (literally and figuratively)! There just is no one else I prefer to spend the holidays with. No way no how. Of course, since he is the one who actually cooks and bakes you can understand where I am coming from...

But seriously, we haven't spent the holidays apart since the first year of dating. After that we always shared the holidays. Usually Hanukkah with my family, Christmas with friends, Easter with his family, Passover with mine and we host Thanksgiving at our home. Works for us but I can totally see how that might not work for everyone.

Thinking about it, I guess I'm very lucky to have that luxury. I think about some of my friends (and of course, some of the folks on PS) who don't have that option and I feel very thankful indeed. People serving overseas with the military come to mind, as well as those whose families are scattered all over and who have to choose who to see each holiday. Not easy, and I didn't mean to sound insensitive. I do like being with J though, and he is awesome.

Awww, Jennifer, your post did not come across as insensitive in any way. My heart also goes out to all those who cannot be with their loved ones during the holidays (especially those who are serving in the military!). The holidays are certain a difficult time of year for some.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy holiday!

 

[jlp86]

Usually we don't spend it apart. This year however we moved out of state and haven't seen our families in a while. I decided to fly home for Thanksgiving (in Chicago) while he is still in Boston. I don't like it, I am thinking next year I will stay with him. Also, we have already been talking about Christmas and we are both flying home, however, I am not sure how much time we will be spending together while we are home. At this point he is going to his family and I am going to mine. I hate the feeling, it is not what I want. There isn't much I can do though.

 

[yssie]

We've done it... I don't like it at all, though.

Now that we're on the same coast as all the family and within driving distance of pretty much everyone we'll just do the rounds. DH won't let me do the 4-8hr drives by myself (mostly because I'm perfectly capable of winding up three states over and having no idea how I got there, even with a GPS - my sense of direction is awful)

I feel terribly for families who can't be together for military, or other work-related reasons. When my BIL was in Iraq/Afghanistan I know their loved ones were careful to ensure his wife and their kids were kept busy with other friends and family but... it must have been so difficult for them. They're all together now though!


Happy thanksgiving everyone!!

 

[Prana]

We spend them apart in the work sense because we both have jobs that require us to work some holidays. I prefer to spend holidays with him when we can, and we are pretty good at working things out so we can be together. Sometimes the holiday gets moved to accomodate our schedules.

 

[monarch64]

Is it something you're comfortable with? Is is something you've successfully avoided? Would you be okay with spending holidays apart for no reason other than convenience or preference?

I can't imagine a circumstance in which it would be convenient or preferable to spend the holidays apart from my spouse.

 

[mayachel]

I can imagine it being different if our families were different...but for me, I feel like I rarely get "enough" time with my DH. Our work lives are pretty crazy and we rarely have protected time to ourselves. For me, knowing that major holidays are likely to be a 24 chunk of uninterrupted by work time, (for now) he is my priority. Our families very much want us to be with them, but neither side is guilt tripy if we choose to go to one side over the other. It also works out that in general they aren't tied to celebrating a specific day. So for example, DH's parents are divorced...his father's side does official full family/aunts/uncles/grandparents "Thanksgiving" on a different fall weekend each year, depending on schedules. Full turkey/stuffing/pie etc...it just isn't ON Thanksgiving or that weekend. It is also a very productive way to save money and time for those that have to fly or travel a significant distance to not do it during the holiday.

 

[maplefemme]

We have never spent a Christmas day together, every time he's been posted North on a shift rotation and so I always pick up a shift at the hospice on the 25th and try to make it a special day for everyone else.
This year we are going to a resort in the mountains for a few days to unwind and do "our" Christmas, when he returns, not quite the same but will be nice..

Christmas was always a really special time in my family and I have really great memories, however, my Mom died suddenly and my Father remarried the same year and suddenly our Christmas changed dramatically.
My new Step Mother changed everything to her traditions and her two adult Daughters made it a nightmare.
I tried to celebrate with them for three years and just can't bring myself to go anymore, so we are hoping to settle into our own traditions once we get into our new house.

 

[Amys Bling]

Well DH and I lucky to have grown up together since 1st grade. Because of this- our families live a mile from each other- havekown each other for over 20 years and our sisters are good friends. Usually we make the rounds but this year we are doing a combined Thanksgiving.

 

[yssie]

Well DH and I lucky to have grown up together since 1st grade. Because of this- our families live a mile from each other- havekown each other for over 20 years and our sisters are good friends. Usually we make the rounds but this year we are doing a combined Thanksgiving.

Wow - that's amazing Amy! Were you always friends?

These sorts of stories fascinate me - I think (no, I *know*) I'd never be with DH if I'd known him well from say 12-17

 

[chemgirl]

I spend holidays with my spouse. It wouldn't feel right for me to spend it without him, and my parents would find it odd for me spend the holiday with them instead of him. We live about 5 hours away from my family, about 2 from his dad, and his mom is in the UK. We usually make a point of seeing my parents on Christmas because my family is larger and makes a bigger deal of it. We see his dad the day after Christmas and on Thanksgiving day. We talked about rotating holidays, but we decided against it.

When I married, my husband became my primary family. My parents are still important, but he comes first for me now. I can't picture spending a holiday without him.

I know other people have different priorities and I think they should do whatever works best with them.

ETA: I'm lucky that our careers allow us to spend holidays together. Reading this thread reminded me of how fortunate I am!

 

[TristanC]

Sometimes if both parties are extremely close to their families, and the dinners fall on the same night and can't be changed, I can see how some people would travel to their respective families to spend the holidays.

If this isn't a concern, then yeah I imagine that they would mostly be spent together.

 

[jstarfireb]

I didn't spend any holidays with my husband last year, and I won't again this year, unless you count the weekend after Thanksgiving as a holiday. We live 3000 miles apart for the time being, and we can't get the time off to fly in to see each other. Well, scratch that...my husband has time off, which he needed in order to go to his best friend's wedding in China, but I couldn't get the time off. But the holidays don't mean too much to us, outside of the cultural significance. Neither of us are of a religion that celebrates the usual winter holidays. In fact, I'd rather see each other during a random week at some other time, since plane tickets skyrocket around the holidays.

 

[sillyberry]

jstarfireb, I hear ya.

My husband and I are currently living in different cities. We're both staying put over Thanksgiving (he in his hometown near his family, I'm in my new city -- I'm going over to my boss's for Thanksgiving tomorrow!). He's coming to see me next weekend and we're going to do something fun with the $400 we saved in airfare! For the Christmas holiday, I'm taking a week off and I need to go home to help my mom out with a few things while I have vacation (she's disabled). It worked out best for me to fly home first (thus spending Christmas with my mom), then fly to DH to spend the rest of the week and NYE with him. It didn't really make sense for him to fly to where I'm going to be only to have me run errands with my mom for four days.

It's not ideal and tonight on the phone we were saying how we hope this isn't the case in the future. But for now, we're trying to not get too worked up about holidays that aren't all that meaningful to us anyway.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I wouldn't want to be apart. With an exception when I met some lovely PS ladies for the weekend, I don't plan trips without him unless he's already traveling. So we see one family for Thanksgiving (his) and one for Christmas (mine). My brother and sister alternate between the two, but DH's parents are divorced and his brothers never come for Christmas so it's just easier to go see my mom then and hang with whichever sibling(s) are there.

That said, my sister is spending this Christmas with her in-laws and going to see my mom the day after, so she suggested Claire and I stay a few days extra. We probably will, but part of me is like, but how can we spend two days apart???? But then I was just up at my mom's last week because DH needed to study for a professional exam, and it was glorious. Somebody else did the cooking and cleaning and waking up with DD, and I just stayed up late in my own giant bed playing on the internet. Sigh. But still, after a little separation I'm always super glad to be home and together as a family.

 

[bobbin]

We have spent every holidays together since we started dating. Actually, we spent the first Christmas and New Years apart, but that was a week and two weeks after we started dating, so that was reasonable! I was actually just thinking about this the other day, and now that we have a baby on the way, I am making a firm policy that we are not separated as a family for Christmas.

Other holidays such as Easter I am not so fussed about really.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

One of my BF's few faults is that he doesn't care about holidays at all and doesn't get why anyone would make a fuss. I love the holidays and preparing elaborate meals, setting a pretty table, decorating a Christmas tree, etc. So, to me, it is important to spend them with my family, who does celebrate. If I have to choose between spending them alone with BF or alone with my family, I will go to my family. Otherwise, I will drive him crazy trying to do some festive things and I will resent him for not being active in holiday traditions. He won't care if he is alone at the holidays, I will miss him like mad but it would still be better.

 

[zoebartlett]

I briefly considered doing this but decided against it. For Christmas, my parents are going to visit my sister who lives across the country from us. My husband and I talked about going but he can't take time off from work. He suggested that I go with my parents. I know he'd be okay with it but I wouldn't like it, so I decided not to.

 

[rosetta]

No way, no how.

We are very busy (I'm on call as I write) so any free time is spent together.

He too is awesome

 

[violet3]

My DH and I spent most holidays apart until we were married - I prefer to have a traveling companion, so I like to go places with DH. Plus, he's a lot of fun to spend time with. I would be okay if we had to spend holidays apart, but i really don't love to travel alone (my drive is always long to get to and from holiday events).

 

[bee*]

We spend all our holidays together but our families only live about 2 miles apart so if we had to go to our own parents for dinner it wouldn't bother me. My family are big into the holidays whereas DH isn't so my family can be more fun on the day On Christmas Day we usually go to both families for a bit and have dinner with my parents.

 

[LJL]

We have spent almost every Christmas and Thanksgiving apart up until now- I just spent Thanksgiving with SO's family for the first time.

Convenience = I am from Florida, he is from the Midwest - we are 1.5 hours from his family and 15+ from mine by car. I try to make the holidays home but sometimes it doesnt make sense for him to spend $400-$500 RT for the plane tickets to go see my family for a few days especially with the way school works. We are alright with being apart - we literally spend 24/7 with each other so its a change of pace - but its not tough. There are times when I wish we were making those memories but we will be together every holiday soon enough. I will be going home for this Christmas without him but we have plans to go together next year.
Its also incredibly hard to say "lets do this holiday with yours and that one with mine" because my parents are divorced and have already divided up the holidays. I think we have decided on alternating years - of course this might end up meaning we dont see parts of my family for 2 years at a time. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

In the 12 years D and I have been together, we've never spent a Christmas together. And won't this year, either.

I'm from the Midwest. He's an only child whose family is here in New England. I feel strongly he should stay with his parents, however I'm not willing to give up Christmas Eve with my family, so I travel home on my own. I'd love to spend the holiday with him, but it doesn't make me sad because I see him the rest of the year and I'd rather just separate than alternate holidays.

I'm not sure what we'll do when the baby comes along--I think we might spend Christmas Eve with my family, then fly back to New England on Christmas Day and spend that evening in New England. Lordy, I may just leave the child with him and take a vacation on my own!

 

[Amys Bling]

Well DH and I lucky to have grown up together since 1st grade. Because of this- our families live a mile from each other- havekown each other for over 20 years and our sisters are good friends. Usually we make the rounds but this year we are doing a combined Thanksgiving.

Wow - that's amazing Amy! Were you always friends?

These sorts of stories fascinate me - I think (no, I *know*) I'd never be with DH if I'd known him well from say 12-17

We were always friends! Started dating at age 14