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emilina22

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so anyways the other day i was one myspace(yea i have one) and i was on a friends page when i was browsin through her pics and i noticed what seemed to look like an engagement ring in one of her pics...i know she has a boyfriend but shes 17 so i was like in a joking way are you guys engaged and shes like " not yet but now the race between me and you is on" isnt that a bit rude im like 3 years older than this girl and shes trying to race me to the alter! i was like im sorry im not rushing i know one day hell ask and i dont have to doubt it...i sorta took it offensively wouldnt you? whats your opinions?
 

musey

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Was this through myspace messaging? Or over the phone? Or in-person? Things can be very misinterpreted, especially through email.

My immediate instinct is to say that she was probably joking. I don't know if I know a single person who would say that seriously. Except, I suppose... a 17-year-old?

If she were serious, I would probably feel offended for about 2.64 seconds and then laugh at how ridiculous the thought of a 17-year-old "racing" me to the alter is. Or anyone racing anyone to the alter, for that matter. Or really, anyone caring how and when anyone else gets engaged/married other than to be happy for their happiness...
 

emilina22

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it was in person and i was lile haha yea well we''ll see....what ever i just thought id your guyss opinion....i was a bi t ticked off
 

musey

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Date: 3/5/2007 12:51:00 AM
Author:emilina22
i know she has a boyfriend but shes 17 so i was like in a joking way are you guys engaged and shes like '' not yet but now the race between me and you is on'' isnt that a bit rude im like 3 years older than this girl and shes trying to race me to the alter! i was like im sorry im not rushing i know one day hell ask and i dont have to doubt it...i sorta took it offensively wouldnt you? whats your opinions?
If you genuinely feel this way, then a teenager declaring a "race" to the alter (joking or otherwise) shouldn''t bother you. Take a step back from the situation and look at it for what it is, you''ll probably realize it''s silly to let it get to you!
 

cherry_vanilla

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Nov 28, 2006
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Honestly, I wouldn''t put too much stock into it. Most (heck, every) teenage girl I knew who was all starry-eyed over getting engaged.... either never wound up getting the proposal she was banking on or it fell apart long before the wedding date. They tend to focus on the ring showing how "grown up" they are, or getting to prove how wonderful their relationship is or going out wedding dress shopping, and not the scary reality behind that "forever."


And viewing engagement as a "race?" I admit I do feel a pang of jealousy when I watch friends of mine get engaged to guys they''ve been dating for less than half the time I''ve been dating my boyfriend, but I remind myself that what OTHER PEOPLE do has absolutely no bearing on MY relationship. My boyfriend and I are working at setting the foundation to a healthy relationship so we don''t wind up in an unhappy marriage or another divorce statistic, even if it means I''m going to be "slower" than my friends to getting a ring. I think that''s really the best way to approach the situation, because let''s face it it does and will come up.
 

MustangFan

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Feb 27, 2006
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I''d say why are you even bothering with talking to a 17 year old?
I was 17 when I first got engaged, but I was no where near the norm of how a 17 year old acts.
Don''t worry about what she''s doing, it''s most likely their relationship will fall apart anyway
 

emilina22

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the reason i was talkin to her is cause shes my cousin in laws sister and my cousin like my big brother so we all talk so yea...i get what you guys are all saying it all makes total sense...sometimes i feel dumb just bringing this stuff up....

and cherry vanilla- my boyfriends the same way and i too get jealous when friends get engaged but then i snap into reality and realize that things will be ok for me and i just need ot be patient my guy knows what hes doing
 

cherry_vanilla

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Nov 28, 2006
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Heh, I sometimes feel dumb on the fact I care enough to even be posting on a LIW forum! I think it's better to vent here than to friends who aren't in a similar position (risk getting the brush off with either "you're just jealous, be happy for her!" or "yeah why HASN'T he popped the question yet that's so weird!" which are both uncomfortable) or your boyfriend (while I don't think the SO should be completely in the dark about you wanting to get married one day, I also don't think one should be bringing up the "why aren't we engaged yet???" issue daily, either directly or in underhanded remarkes like "oh did you see so-and-so just got engaged and she's only 17!" or anything like that)

I'd be lying if I wasn't wondering what timeline my boyfriend is working on (that's actually the subject of a post to come, stay tuned!) but I know in the long run, I'd rather wait until I knew we BOTH were ready for engagement/marriage for the right reasons (and I wish I could tell my friends that "I'm almost done with college and that's just what people do when they've been dating someone for a year or two and going to graduate!!" and "I want to move in with him without my parents disowning me for living in sin so we have to get engaged quickly!" are NOT terribly solid reasons when you're on the younger side of things...) than to rush to keep up with our friends.
 

MustangFan

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Feb 27, 2006
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you could sink to here level with a come back like well we''re waiting on marriage, so we''ll be much more financial set... (hint hint unlike you)
sorry im in a weird feverish mood, I''d never think quick enough to have a come back. Anyway don''t feel stupid, and it''s not like you have no commitment, you have a b/f that upgrades your promise ring and I think that it was very thoughtful, intuitive person!!
 

Haven

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Joined
Feb 15, 2007
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13,166
My students are 17 years old, and they would DEFINITELY say something like this and mean it. Like everyone else said, I wouldn''t take it to heart. Teenagers say things before they get a chance to think about them. She''ll probably say something else tomorrow that you''ll find even more offensive! It''s just the nature of that age group, I think.

As a side note, I''m 26 and my (17 year old) students think it is CRAZY that my boyfriend and I aren''t engaged yet. Their worlds are so small, and apparently there''s a show on MTV about young people getting married, so who knows what is influencing the way they view marriage.
 

emilina22

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i posted a thread on that show....i know it shouldnt get to me but it was rude and what ever someone else is bound to say something else tomorrow but it pisses me off a bit ya know

i am young and so is my bf im 20 and hes 22 marrige is in our future but after school and we are hoping to be engaged by next summer and when that day comes itll be well worth the wait and there is no race sometimes those who come in first arent the best.....i know theres another saying but i cant remeber it....

another this is that people in my culture get married young and to have been with my boyfriend for 5 years people expected us to get engaged about a year ago and its like theyre waiting for it to happen and like in our relationship were way past that pressure weve learned how to handle it and now i guess the older ones know that itll happen and there are good reason why were waiting and that my guy has teh best intentions and he knows what hes doing its the younger couples who are like why are you waiting whats taking him so long..ima beat you to the alter....but yea this is a great place to vent
 

MustangFan

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I am 24 and find it weird at times that we''re probably going to be married by next summer. It doesn''t seem like that far away. I sometimes have one of those moments where I feel like oh my gosh! I''m too young to get married still. I always thought I''d be the first one to get married being engaged in high school, but it seems like it''s turning into the opposite. I''m glad that I waited this long though. At 17,18 there''s no way my parents would have wanted to financial provide me for a wedding, and if this girls parents are willing to do so then I think they have way too much money than they know what to do with. In my area you can''t pay under $80 a head for a wedding and the norm is more like $100, that''s $8,000 just to feed everyone! My mom said to me you better get platinum because this is going to be a looong engagement! lol
 
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