Wedding Someone help me... about to go bridezilla

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 12:37:47 AM
Author: Linda W
Anchor, you are very welcome sweetheart. I had Ovarian Cancer. Please give your mother a hug for me. I will be thinking and praying for her.


Linda

Thank you again. You are a model of courage.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 12:49:40 AM
Author: miraclesrule
anchor, you are not going bridezilla. You have a lot on your shoulders. My heart goes out to you and your Mom.

Don''t give the brassy ''gold'' dress another drop of your precious energy. You will be the radiant bride and she will be...well, who cares.

You still have time to get the rest of your things done. The PS''ers will help you as they always do.

Breathe...Breathe....Look at your e-ring...and then breathe again.

Thank you. I probably should step up, be the bigger person and just stop worrying about it.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 12:57:26 AM
Author: miraclesrule

It''s going to be a beautiful wedding and you are going to look amazing!!

I love your taste.

Haha, thanks. I''ve been going will simple styles and understated colours for the whole wedding, so a gold prom dress? Talk about a sore thumb.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 12:57:56 AM
Author: cincin090
Wow that''s beautiful! Everything is going to look so great together!

Thanks! I LOOOOVE my dress.

 

[Linda W]

Anchor. That dress in GOLD, is going to be hideous looking. Reminds me of a giant Christmas tree ornament

YOUR dress is absolutely STUNNING!! You will look beautiful. I really love your dress and your attendants dresses too. They all are simply gorgeous.

I can''t wait to see your wedding pictures.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:12:06 AM
Author: anchor31

Date: 7/3/2008 12:57:26 AM
Author: miraclesrule

It''s going to be a beautiful wedding and you are going to look amazing!!

I love your taste.

Haha, thanks. I''ve been going will simple styles and understated colours for the whole wedding, so a gold prom dress? Talk about a sore thumb.

Seriously

...and if it makes you feel better, just fantasize about all the 80''s prom dresses you could wear to her wedding.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:15:09 AM
Author: Linda W
Anchor. That dress in GOLD, is going to be hideous looking. Reminds me of a giant Christmas tree ornament

YOUR dress is absolutely STUNNING!! You will look beautiful. I really love your dress and your attendants dresses too. They all are simply gorgeous.

I can''t wait to see your wedding pictures.

lol OK, I actually laughed. I feel better now... Thanks so much. Time to go to bed now.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:16:43 AM
Author: miraclesrule

Date: 7/3/2008 1:12:06 AM
Author: anchor31

Date: 7/3/2008 12:57:26 AM
Author: miraclesrule

It''s going to be a beautiful wedding and you are going to look amazing!!

I love your taste.

Haha, thanks. I''ve been going will simple styles and understated colours for the whole wedding, so a gold prom dress? Talk about a sore thumb.

Seriously

...and if it makes you feel better, just fantasize about all the 80''s prom dresses you could wear to her wedding.

You know what? I''m actually thinking about going with something super classy and trendy... I usually go for classic and (again) understated, but I think I''d like to show her that wedding fashion isn''t HS prom (her BM dresses also look like prom dresses)... Hm, I''ll have to post pics of my dress hunt.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Oh anchor... that is a HORRID DRESS. Hers, I mean. Your dress and your BM and MOH dresses are stunning!

I think Linda had it right with the "christmas tree ornament" description. I think it speaks for itself, honestly, and I wouldn''t give it another moment''s thought. Well, except if you wanted a good giggle now and then. I suppose you ought to keep the picture on hand for that.

I hope you sleep well and feel better in the morning.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 7/3/2008 12:37:47 AM
Author: Linda W
Anchor, you are very welcome sweetheart. I had Ovarian Cancer. Please give your mother a hug for me. I will be thinking and praying for her.



Linda

Just wanted to send some hugs your way as well.

((Hugs)) My favorite Great-Aunt died from Ovarian Cancer.

ETA: It's always nice to see survivors.

Also, Anchor, I think you're on the right track! And everything looks beautiful of course!

 

[allycat0303]

I would be totally surprised if you weren''t freaking out! Ok, starting with the dress. It''s going to be ok. I don''t think anyone is going to look at dresses and compare to see who is fancier. I think that they will just have all their eyes fixed on the bride (although considering your wedding and venue that dress she picked is a little too much, but lets not dwell...) As for FIL, I know you''ve had a lot of problems with her. I think you should enlist your friends to do some bows! Or FH if possible. Obviously FIL is super unreliable. And your mom. Oh honey, there is nothing I can say about that. You must worry, and SHOULD worry. She''s your mom! Some people tolerate the Chemo really well, and some don''t. Here''s to hoping she will get through it like a champ!

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Achor!

I haven''t yet read all of the responses, so I apologize if I''m repeating others. I have panic attacks occasionally, and they usually manifest in the same way each time but not always. One thing that stuck out to me about your initial post was when you said, "Mom says that if I can''t control them then there''s no point in worrying, but this time I can''t seem to not let them worry me. Things just keep adding up." I know EXACTLY what that''s like. It''s so hard for people who don''t experience panic attacks to understand that you just can''t turn off that panicky feeling like a switch. It just doesn''t work that way.

I don''t keep a journal but it does help put things into perspective to write down how I''m feeling when I those panicky feelings kick in. Then I try to write down a couple of ways I could handle it. Sometimes all it takes is to get it down on paper, and by the time I read it over and brainstorm how to deal with the feelings, I begin to feel a little better. Other times, honestly, it''s much harder to do this.

It helps to have someone to help you through it. I''m not sure how your FI helps you, but mine is wonderful with this. At first he thought he could hug it [panic feelings] out of me, but when I pointed out that it didn''t work that way, he backed off. Now he lets me be, but he is there in whatever way I need him at the moment. From what you''ve said about your FI here, he seems like a very special person -- one who would understand what you need and how to give you support.

I''m not sure if this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that I know what this is like. It does get better.

 

[zoebartlett]

Okay, I just finished reading the thread. I totally agree with everything Kim said. Yeah, the gold prom dress isn''t the most appropriate thing, but as others have noted, your brother''s FI will look silly in her choice of dress, but you will look absolutely beautiful.

I''m sending good thoughts for your mom. In the end, your mom''s health is what truly matters. Colors and materials of other people''s dresses doesn''t. You know that, though... I don''t mean to belittle your concerns at all. Sometimes taking astep back and seeing things in a new perspective helps.

You will have a gorgeous wedding, and I can''t wait to hear all about it afterwards.

 

[bee*]

I''m sorry to hear that you''re stressed. Have a nice hot bath and get a back massage from FI. Your FSIL will look ridiculous in a gold prom dress! I''d have FI ring the non-RSVP''s and I''m sorry to hear that your mom has her chemo the week before the wedding but I''m glad to hear that she''s doing well on it. In a month it will all be over and you''ll be married to the love of you life!

 

[havernell]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:12:06 AM
Author: anchor31

As far as brother's FI goes, again I'd like to look at my pictures and not cringe from her tackiness! We'll see if I can reason wth her.

You SO shouldn't stress about this. Think of it this way... your FSIL will be in, what, two maybe three family portrait photos MAX? Out of hundreds (if not thousands) of photos your photographer will take that day. I promise her dress isn't going to ruin your wedding photos (or won't ruin 99% of them anyway). Besides, you could always ask your photographer to do work some Photoshop magic on the pics she is in...

(just kidding)

And honestly, while I don't like the dress she chose and would never wear it myself, it's not as bad as I pictured it when you were first talking about it. I mean I had visions of this, so really it could have been much worse!

Hope you are feeling less stressed about it all today after a good sleep! Good luck with the rest of the planning!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:33:48 AM
Author: WishfulThinking
Oh anchor... that is a HORRID DRESS. Hers, I mean. Your dress and your BM and MOH dresses are stunning!

I think Linda had it right with the ''christmas tree ornament'' description. I think it speaks for itself, honestly, and I wouldn''t give it another moment''s thought. Well, except if you wanted a good giggle now and then. I suppose you ought to keep the picture on hand for that.

I hope you sleep well and feel better in the morning.

Thank you for your compliments on my dress and the girls''. It too think brother''s FI''s dress is horrid. I admit that I''m not the most fashion-forward person, but at least I know what''s appropriate to wear where and when... And you don''t wear a prom dress (especially not in gold) at anyone''s wedding, even if the person you''re going with is an usher in military uniform. You know, I''ve been thinking, and this isn''t even the first time I''ve had this type of discussion with my brother... At first he wanted to wear his dress whites to my wedding. We had one tiny little problem with this (except the fact that it''s sort of overdressed): FI will be wearing a white tux. That''s something he''s ALWAYS wanted to do. So I had to tell my brother sorry, but you''re not upstaging the groom. I suggested he wear a civilian tux (as he''s an usher), but he insisted on wearing his black uniform. He''ll probably be very warm in his winter uniform in the middle of summer, but I said whatever and let it go. I didn''t realize his FI was going to end up in a prom dress "so she doesn''t look underdressed next to him" in gold "so she doesn''t clash with his uniform''s buttons" (yes he said that).

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 5:55:13 AM
Author: allycat0303
I would be totally surprised if you weren''t freaking out! Ok, starting with the dress. It''s going to be ok. I don''t think anyone is going to look at dresses and compare to see who is fancier. I think that they will just have all their eyes fixed on the bride (although considering your wedding and venue that dress she picked is a little too much, but lets not dwell...) As for FIL, I know you''ve had a lot of problems with her. I think you should enlist your friends to do some bows! Or FH if possible. Obviously FIL is super unreliable. And your mom. Oh honey, there is nothing I can say about that. You must worry, and SHOULD worry. She''s your mom! Some people tolerate the Chemo really well, and some don''t. Here''s to hoping she will get through it like a champ!

That''s why I''m upset (about the chemo). They pump her full of meds so she doesn''t get sick, but she''s still sick for 4 days following the treatments. We don''t tolerate meds very well in my family. Thanks, ally.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 6:17:45 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett

Hi Achor!

I haven''t yet read all of the responses, so I apologize if I''m repeating others. I have panic attacks occasionally, and they usually manifest in the same way each time but not always. One thing that stuck out to me about your initial post was when you said, ''Mom says that if I can''t control them then there''s no point in worrying, but this time I can''t seem to not let them worry me. Things just keep adding up.'' I know EXACTLY what that''s like. It''s so hard for people who don''t experience panic attacks to understand that you just can''t turn off that panicky feeling like a switch. It just doesn''t work that way.

I don''t keep a journal but it does help put things into perspective to write down how I''m feeling when I those panicky feelings kick in. Then I try to write down a couple of ways I could handle it. Sometimes all it takes is to get it down on paper, and by the time I read it over and brainstorm how to deal with the feelings, I begin to feel a little better. Other times, honestly, it''s much harder to do this.

It helps to have someone to help you through it. I''m not sure how your FI helps you, but mine is wonderful with this. At first he thought he could hug it [panic feelings] out of me, but when I pointed out that it didn''t work that way, he backed off. Now he lets me be, but he is there in whatever way I need him at the moment. From what you''ve said about your FI here, he seems like a very special person -- one who would understand what you need and how to give you support.

I''m not sure if this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that I know what this is like. It does get better.

THANK YOU Zoe. It''s wonderful to feel that someone understand that feeling - like you can''t breathe and it just doesn''t go away. You just can''t stop thinking about it. Thanks for the advice, I''ll have to try that. FI wasn''t too happy with the gold dress either, I''ll have to talk to him about this.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 6:35:45 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Okay, I just finished reading the thread. I totally agree with everything Kim said. Yeah, the gold prom dress isn''t the most appropriate thing, but as others have noted, your brother''s FI will look silly in her choice of dress, but you will look absolutely beautiful.

I''m sending good thoughts for your mom. In the end, your mom''s health is what truly matters. Colors and materials of other people''s dresses doesn''t. You know that, though... I don''t mean to belittle your concerns at all. Sometimes taking astep back and seeing things in a new perspective helps.

You will have a gorgeous wedding, and I can''t wait to hear all about it afterwards.

Thanks, dear. I can''t wait to hear about your wedding either.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 6:48:27 AM
Author: bee*
I''m sorry to hear that you''re stressed. Have a nice hot bath and get a back massage from FI. Your FSIL will look ridiculous in a gold prom dress! I''d have FI ring the non-RSVP''s and I''m sorry to hear that your mom has her chemo the week before the wedding but I''m glad to hear that she''s doing well on it. In a month it will all be over and you''ll be married to the love of you life!

Thanks. I try to remind myself of that every day.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 7:21:12 AM
Author: havernell

Date: 7/3/2008 1:12:06 AM
Author: anchor31

As far as brother''s FI goes, again I''d like to look at my pictures and not cringe from her tackiness! We''ll see if I can reason wth her.

You SO shouldn''t stress about this. Think of it this way... your FSIL will be in, what, two maybe three family portrait photos MAX? Out of hundreds (if not thousands) of photos your photographer will take that day. I promise her dress isn''t going to ruin your wedding photos (or won''t ruin 99% of them anyway). Besides, you could always ask your photographer to do work some Photoshop magic on the pics she is in...

(just kidding)

And honestly, while I don''t like the dress she chose and would never wear it myself, it''s not as bad as I pictured it when you were first talking about it. I mean I had visions of this, so really it could have been much worse!

Hope you are feeling less stressed about it all today after a good sleep! Good luck with the rest of the planning!

Yeah, I hope she isn''t in too many pictures. Why couldn''t she just pick a classy plain black dress?? Ugh.

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 7/3/2008 7:48:21 AM
Author: anchor31

Yeah, I hope she isn''t in too many pictures. Why couldn''t she just pick a classy plain black dress?? Ugh.

Because she wants to be the center of attention - only she''s going to look a mess.

You will have a beautiful wedding and you will be absolutely gorgeous! A good night''s rest is easy to recommend but harder to get it seems. As a few other''s have said, at the end of the day, no matter what happens, you will still be married!

 

[Cleopatra]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:05:14 AM
Author: anchor31
My brother''s FI''s dress (in gold, of course):

No way! Yes, I agree with IG - your FSIL will look very silly - and overdressed.

Anchor, you''re a darling and I''m so sorry that you''re stressed like this! As I said in the other thread, I''ll be thinking of you and your mom and praying for her strength the week leading up to the wedding - it will be a joyous occasion and the fact that your family will be there to celebrate in any way is a blessing.

I think that in everyone''s planning experiences, the month leading up to the big day is the most stressful - things that wouldn''t have bugged you at month three are suddenly a big deal at 1 month out! Things have a way of working themselves out - maybe not necessarily in the easiest and least-stressful way, but the end result is still the same - you marrying the love of your life - how much more PERFECT can it get???!

And don''t worry about FSIL - no one can outshine you on your wedding day - you''ll look radiant in that beautiful dress!

Looking forward to our big day!

 

[robbie3982]

Awe, I'm sorry you're so stressed out! I can definitely see why you're upset. I think everyone gets to a point eventually where they say "Screw it! I don't care!" I know I definitely did and I felt so much more relaxed after that. Like others have said already, in the end all that will matter is that you and your FI will be married.

PS - I agree that your FSIL's dress is yuck

. And you should check out this dress from Target to wear to your brother's wedding. I wore it to a wedding and got tons of compliments.

 

[purrfectpear]

Your mom is right, other than the RSVP issue (which some phone calls will take care of) the rest isn''t worth stressing over.

It will all be OK. Just keep repeating that. It will all be OK.

 

[gwendolyn]

anchor, honey, I just wanted to offer you a virtual hug and let you know that I know exactly how frustrating it is being stressed when you are telling yourself not to stress over them! And I know other people have commented on it as well, but your brother''s FI is going to look like a sore loser. I think it''s in exceedingly bad taste to look like you''re trying to steal attention away from the bride at her wedding (dressing to look good and dressing to outdo are two VERY different things), and I find it disappointing that your brother would add to your stress by informing you that his woman is going to show you up. In your place, that would''ve hurt, so I can understand how you might let it get to you, my dear. But in all honesty, she doesn''t mean anything, and if she does end up in a few photos, she might just look laughably out of place--she certainly isn''t going to affect how radiantly beautiful you will be along with your lovely bridesmaids in their elegant, classy dresses.

All the best for your mom to feel healthy and strong on the big day, and I hope you and your FI enlist some folks to help you with the calling (maid of honour and best man, maybe?). Soon, it will be over and you will be married to the love of your life, which, after all, is what all these headaches are all about.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/3/2008 12:14:39 AM
Author: anchor31

Thank you. I needed to hear that, really. You''re right, except for my mom''s chemo, none of this really matters. As for my mom''s chemo, there''s nothing I can do about it except pray that she will be feeling well the day of my wedding, and even that will not stop her from being there.

Anchor,

I don''t know if this will help or not, but I thought of you when talking to a friend/neighbor last night. A few weeks ago, at 2:45 a.m., two days before her brothers'' wedding, she recieved a phone call that her brother, his fiance, her mother, and her father were in a car accident. Her mom was in surgery, her dad and FSIL were both admited to the hospital for broken bones and bruising and her brother was in the ICU with two punctured lungs and a variety of other injuries. Her father and FSIL were both released from the hospital the following morning; her brother underwent surgery at noon the day of the rehearsal dinner and was released to attend, her mom didn''t make it to the rehearsal but did make it to the wedding the next day, in a wheelchair, imobilized. They got married, and more importantly everyone is doing okay now, but it''s just an example of how things sometimes just don''t work out as we plan, but they do work out how they''re supposed to.

The hardest part of illness is that sometimes there is nothing we can do, and we want to fix. It stinks. I''ll send my good thoughts about her feeling well the day of, and the days surrounding your wedding (along with every day during this difficult time).

Take care of yourself, and take lots of deep breaths. You''re getting married to the love of your life, you lucky lady.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 7/3/2008 2:31:43 AM
Author: SarahLovesJS

Date: 7/3/2008 12:37:47 AM

Author: Linda W

Anchor, you are very welcome sweetheart. I had Ovarian Cancer. Please give your mother a hug for me. I will be thinking and praying for her.




Linda

Just wanted to send some hugs your way as well.

((Hugs)) My favorite Great-Aunt died from Ovarian Cancer.

ETA: It''s always nice to see survivors.

Also, Anchor, I think you''re on the right track! And everything looks beautiful of course!

Sarah: I am so sorry about your Great Aunt. I was very lucky and I am giving you a hug right back!!!


Linda

 

[Linda W]

Date: 7/3/2008 7:41:14 AM
Author: anchor31

Date: 7/3/2008 5:55:13 AM

Author: allycat0303

I would be totally surprised if you weren''t freaking out! Ok, starting with the dress. It''s going to be ok. I don''t think anyone is going to look at dresses and compare to see who is fancier. I think that they will just have all their eyes fixed on the bride (although considering your wedding and venue that dress she picked is a little too much, but lets not dwell...) As for FIL, I know you''ve had a lot of problems with her. I think you should enlist your friends to do some bows! Or FH if possible. Obviously FIL is super unreliable. And your mom. Oh honey, there is nothing I can say about that. You must worry, and SHOULD worry. She''s your mom! Some people tolerate the Chemo really well, and some don''t. Here''s to hoping she will get through it like a champ!

That''s why I''m upset (about the chemo). They pump her full of meds so she doesn''t get sick, but she''s still sick for 4 days following the treatments. We don''t tolerate meds very well in my family. Thanks, ally.

Anchor: This is just an idea: Do you think they can postpone your mother''s last treatment until after your wedding? I used to get sick for 4 days after my chemo also. At the time it was my grandparents anniversary and I wanted to be at their party and not be sick from the chemo. My Dr. said I could have chemo the following week.

It is just an idea and I am not sure if your mother''s doctor would suggest it or not.


Linda

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/3/2008 8:16:54 AM
Author: Stephanie

Date: 7/3/2008 7:48:21 AM
Author: anchor31

Yeah, I hope she isn''t in too many pictures. Why couldn''t she just pick a classy plain black dress?? Ugh.

Because she wants to be the center of attention - only she''s going to look a mess.

You will have a beautiful wedding and you will be absolutely gorgeous! A good night''s rest is easy to recommend but harder to get it seems. As a few other''s have said, at the end of the day, no matter what happens, you will still be married!

I guess the reason this boggles me so much is that I don''t understand how someone would want to be the center of attention at someone else''s wedding. Although I think she and my brother are just completely clueless about etiquette; they wanted to charge people to go at their wedding''s after all (they ended up changing their minds though! I was so outraged). She probably saw the dress, liked it and bought it, end of story. I would''ve preferred my brother didn''t wear his black uniform, but I didn''t push it because I thought it was already good that he didn''t make a fuss about not wearing his dress whites, but maybe I should have. I dunno.

My mother says I come from a long line of controlling women. I admit I have my moments. But I didn''t want to be a controlling bride. I wanted to just let people wear what they wanted, I trusted their judgements. I guess some people''s judgements are less trustworthy than others. I think my mom''s right, and one''s wedding day is the time where you realize the most that you just can''t control everything, and it''s the ultimate test of "letting go".