Some advice needed from the ladies...

[bfready]

I hope it''s kosher for a guy to seek advice here. If not, feel free to give me the boot...

For about the past 2 months or so, I''ve given more and more thought about engagement, found PS, and my diamond and setting are paid for. The proposal is going to be a surprise. My ultimatum for the timing was before Feb. 13, 2008. I''ll be lucky if I can hold out until the end of April. But my gf has been getting mad that I''ve been talking about going ring shopping and says I''m just teasing her. It''s really just to throw her off. I don''t want her to think that I''ve been obsessing over this ring all this time, and I certainly don''t want her to know that it''s been ordered. Am I making a mistake? Should I just stop talking about it? I thought all you girls liked going into jewelry stores to look at rings. My gf gets uncomfortable when I lead salespeople on and then tell them I''m not ready to buy.

I''m also looking for any thoughts on my proposal ideas over in the forum of the same name.

 

[neatfreak]

Sounds like the classic case of engagement fever to me. She doesn''t want to be led on because she has convinced herself that you aren''t serious. So do it semi-soon and try not to take her into any more stores, or it **could** result in tears, a fight, or you having to reveal your big secret!!!

Whatever you do for the proposal, just make it thoughtful, not over the top, and in PRIVATE (unless you know she wants a public proposal).

Good Luck

 

[cherry_vanilla]

I haven''t read your other posts, but was there any reason why you had a deadline almost a year away (school, moving, etc or just a random date?) Does she know about (or set!) the deadline, and how long have you been taking her "to look" in stores? I would definitely stop bringing her to check out rings especially if it''s been multiple times over the course of months and now you''re just crying wolf over the ring intentionally to throw her off.. that I think is worse than just saying you already have plans in store for her or something,

 

[bfready]

Setting the date was just sort of an arbitrary thing. We just moved in together, and that was delayed about a year from when we planned to do it. On the day before Valentines Day this year, we talked about how we should decide when we''re gonna get engaged, and we agreed that we should do it within a year. So any time we have talked about it in the past month, she says she expects it on Feb 13, 2008. I only took her to the store once, and that wasn''t to tease. It was to see what size stone she really likes. I''ve just talked about how I wanted to go in and look at rings when we''ve been at the mall or driven by a b&m.

 

[shinythings]

I guess I wouldn''t bring it up or go to jewelry stores just to throw her off. If she is really concerned or impatient, or if she brings it up, you could say something like, don''t worry it will be sooner that you think, or i won''t make you wait the whole year.

it''s great that you''re putting so much thought and effort into it-she''s a lucky girl!

i tried on rings in about 15 different stores and didn''t feel bad about not being ready to buy at all! I finally found my dream setting at tiffany''s, but we''re not buying from them either!

good luck!

 

[bfready]

I like the Tiffany setting myself, but I came on here and decided to save my money. My gf''s only real requirement about the ring (besides getting it soon) is that the stone it not too big. I have leeway with everything else. I bought a .76 H VS2 ACA from WF and it''s being set in Mark Morrell''s Flame setting. It won''t be here until around April 9. Her b-day is April 6. I want to get her something else for her b-day, then about a month later propose.

 

[diamondfan]

Is there a significant date for you guys in May? It may not even be bad to take her out for her birthday on the actual night or the weekend immediately near it, and get her a nice gift...and the, later that next week when the ring comes in, as you propose, say, well, this is really what I wanted to give you on your birthday...and propose then!

 

[bee*]

I''d try not to bring it up and dont take her into any more jewellery shops. But I think that''s a great idea to do it in May. Maybe you could go on a date night and suprise her later in the night, or go for a nice walk someone and propose to her somewhere nice with a view

 

[bfready]

I''m actually glad the ring won''t be ready until after her birthday. I don''t want it to seem like a bday present. My proposal plan was to get a room at a b&b that''s about 2 hours from here. She comes from a strong Irish heritage, and the b&b is designed to look like an Irish castle with Celtic decor. I''m not Irish and don''t always get her family''s traditions, so anytime I show interest, she gets really excited. There are vineyards, gardens, parks, etc. in the area, and I''ll do a little more research and find the right place to propse. I''ll talk to the b&b people and see if they can help me out finding a nice place for proposal, dinner, etc.

But now she''s implied that she''d like a public proposal. She says it''s always so cute when we see people get engaged at sporting events and places like that. I said it''s cute when you see it done, but not cute to do it. She not a big sports fan or anything, and I think going on stage at some event (like an Irish dance competition) would just make some people uncomfortable. I don''t want to disappoint her or make her think I''m embarrassed to propose in public. I just think it should be a private (or semi-private) event.

 

[bee*]

hehe, its probably out of your budget but come propose in Ireland!! If its feasible, just ask me and I can tell you where to stay etc. There are some fabulous places over here where you can pop the question!

 

[bfready]

I thought about that, but it is totally out of my budget. I''m living on student loans now - paid with the ring out of savings - so a trip anywhere would break me. I think a trip to the Irish b&b would be a good way of promising a trip to Ireland when we have the funds in the future.

 

[bee*]

It definitely would. It''s a really good idea and Im sure that she''ll love it. You''ll have to come over here in the future though!

 

[bfready]

I appreciate the invite. When we have more money and time, we''ll be heading out there.

 

[anchor31]

I agree with everyone. Stop talking about it and don''t take her shopping again, it would only frustrate her. At least, it frustrated me when my then-BF did it!

Good luck!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

bfready,
I''m just an old married lady, tell me to go away and mind my own, but...

You love her? You want to marry her? You have the ring nearly ready? Ok, if it was me, I''d just ask her to marry me. Oh, just ask her. Just do it! Wherever and however you do it will be precious and special, because the man she loves is asking her to be his wife. It does not get better than that.

Then come back immediately and post handshots!

Good luck. As I said, ignore me if I''m outa line here.

Jen

 

[bfready]

I don''t think any response is out of line. That''s why I came over to the secret world of LIW. I knew I''d get honest answers in this forum. I think people are often too reserved in their opinions on here sometimes.

I''m ready to do it. I just have to get the ring, but I want to make the day special. I think for the next month or so we''ll both be busy with things at home or school, and I will try to avoid any talk of rings or enagement so she doesn''t think it''s coming.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Then I admire your patience, since I couldn''t wait an extra minute!

You might want to keep that ring handy at all times though, just incase you get a ''do it now'' moment. Whatever you do and however you ask her, it will be special.

Am all excited for you - keep us posted!

Jen