So, things didn't work out...

[Resonance.Of.Life]

So, despite all the ring shopping... putting a retainer fee for Leon down.. and having JBEG hunt us down a perfect antique stone (we ended up selling the one we originally got to pay for my grandpa's outstanding medical bills)... it didn't work out.

Back in April, I felt like he just wasn't as into eloping (we were planning on eloping this December to Big Sur, California) nor the whole marriage ordeal despite having said he was into it, but he just wanted the "best." He spent less and less time with me and more with his friends (which is good, don't get me wrong) but when he was at home, he rarely spoke to me. He couldn't remember my schedule even after the term was quite over with.. and he didn't want to go hang out with my friends at bbqs or any other group hang outs. I opted to take a break after our 5 year anniversary and he felt like it was a bomb. I explained exactly how I felt and he got angry, but agreed to a break to let me figure things out. I moved out of the apartment we had together and moved back home and focused on my schooling, during the course of the month we were on a break, I saw him twice. He couldn't make the time to see me on the weekends, and rarely spoke to me on the phone or on instant chat. I eventually asked him what he wanted to do and he agreed we would be better off separate, at least for now.

I'm now dating a wonderfully, sweet, intelligent, and caring individual and it's like a breath of fresh air after the stagnation of the previous relationship. Thanks to NEL and other LIWs, I figured I needed to be a stronger individual and just break out of a relationship that was working, but not working well.

So please, take me off the LIW list.

 

[Autumnovember]

ROL---

I'm sorry that things ended with your ex but I am so glad you are now dating someone much better. Remember to keep your own happiness your number one priority. I hope everything works out wonderfully with your new guy. Don't settle for anything but the best

 

[beezygal]

I'm sorry about what happened. However, I'm glad you are happy with your new guy. Good luck to you! DUST!!!!

 

[amc80]

Ugh, so sorry you had to go through all of that! I want to say I really admire your guts. It takes A LOT to decide to leave a 5 year relationship. I stayed in a bad relationship (not abusive or anything, just not good) because I was willing to ignore the problems in order to proceed with my life and my plans. So good for you for doing what you knew you needed to do.

Also, just remember- as long as you're with the wrong person, you can't be with the right person.

 

[kelpie]

It sounds like you are really in control of your own destiny and heading towards a good place.

 

[kagordo4]

I'm glad you're happy now : ) and I hope you continue to become happier and happier everyday.

LOVE your signature, I just reread Le Petit Prince. : )

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

@ Autumnovember : Thank you ! Things have certainly taken an interesting turn.

@ Beezygal: Your kind posts around PS have been a blessing as well.

@ Amc80: It certainly took a lot of mulling over, to decide I wasn't going to waste my life with someone who wasn't as enthusiastic about US as I was. Thank you for your kind and inspiring words, and thank you for reminding me that being with the wrong person means that I am not with the right one.

@ Kelpie: Why thank you !

@ Kagordo4: Oh, so many life's lessons in that little adorable book!

 

[star sparkle]

ROL,

I'm sorry to hear about your ended relationship, but kudos to you for being strong and realizing it wasn't right. I, too, broke off an engagement after being with ex-FI for over 5 years. It wasn't right and it wasn't working, but it's not like he was a horrible person or anything and I don't feel any ill will towards him. Sometimes these things just don't work out and it takes a little longer to realize, and then you break it off and find someone who makes you feel special and wonderful and it kinda validates your thoughts that you deserved so much better than what you had.

Hope things go well with your new guy!

 

[slg47]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I'm glad you had the awareness and presence of mind to leave a situation that wasn't the best for you both. Wishing you much happiness in your future relationship! (and maybe you will get a Leon eventually )

 

[Mashira]

I'm also sorry that it didn't work out. I left a 3 year relationship, and broke off the engagement as well. I found a wonderful man that wants to consistently work on our relationship, and realizes that the 'work' of a relationship is never over. He treats me amazingly, and makes me feel like I'm the only woman alive. I love him, and as of Saturday I am engaged to him.
However, had I not had the sense and the will to leave the relationship that was not working, I would never have known the joy that I was missing out on.
[I wouldn't normally give a personal anecdote, but it seemed fitting in this situation, to let you know that things do, and will, work out for the best!]

 

[Jessie702]

I am so sorry hon, but you have to think about what is best for you. I am so happy things are working out better with the new guy. Best of luck to you

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Honestly its hard but so totally worth it isnt it? I left an 8 year relationship (at crunch time - 1 month before the wedding) that I was not happy at all in, and upon meeting SO I was astounded and overjoyed to find out how amazing it is to be in a relationship where we have shared interests and make time for one another, do many things together, dont scream and shout at each other, have love for one anothers family and each others friends. Its another world. It really makes me love my life

I know you are going to be very happy. All the best to you and your new BF.

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

@ Starsparkle: Thank you for your kind words, they really remind me of why I did this and that I DO deserve more than what I was getting. I find that your experience closely matches with mine, so it's sort of comforting that I'm not the only one who has done this and gives me some sort of piece of mind.

@slg47: hAHA maybe one day, after all, that deposit is still there

@ Mashira: I wonder though, what really gave you the final push to leave? It was hard afterall to leave so much time behind, but I reminded myself that I could be wasting even MORE time staying in a relationship that wasn't necessarily the best thing for either of us.

@Jessie702: Thanks

@ PrincessNatalie: Yes, it was incredibly hard.. and I almost broke down and wanted to get back together with him... but really kept the promise I made to myself to really not settle for anything but the best. I cannot possibly imagine how hard it must've been for you to call off the wedding and after so much time together! You are definitely a strong woman for being able to do that!

 

[Mashira]

The final push for me was a combination of three things:

1. I met current FI while I was with him (no cheating, just realized that there are other, better people out there)

2. My mother and closest friends actually held an 'intervention' to tell me that they thought that since I had been with ex-FI I was less of myself, and more what he wanted me to be. That I didn't seem as happy as I used to, that he was manipulative ect..

3. I realized that I did not want to spend the rest of my life consistently disappointed and dissatisfied.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

ROL, I am so happy for you. I have no doubt that any of this was easy for you. Especially when you're the one initiating the break-up. In those weak moments you start to second-guess your decision, but there is always that underlying feeling of knowing you did the right thing.

I firmly believe that when you extract yourself from a relationship that isn't meeting your needs, you open yourself up to finding a real partner. It's very tough when the relationship is "good", you know? What is that saying? The enemy of "great" isn't "bad". The enemy of "great" is "good". Or something like that, haha. My point is that it can be hard to leave a relationship that is meeting most of your needs, but I'm so glad you realized that something better was out there for you. And you found it.

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

@ Mashira: Sounds like you had a sound mind to realize all of that and really take it to heart! You're a strong woman for having done that!

@ NEL: I'd have to whole-heartedly agree with what you wrote there, it's hard to leave "good" since it still "works" just not necessarily to the extent it could. Reading your past posts on what you did with your particular situation really gave me perspective on what I needed to do. Thank you for that !

 

[princesss]

Honestly, this is probably the best thing that could have happened to you. Why be in a relationship that isn't WOWing you, especially if you were thinking about getting married? (But then, I just broke up with my BF of 5.5 years 2 months ago, so I'm a little biased on this I guess. ) There are lots of sweet, great guys out there that WANT to be commited, and now you're free to find one. Sounds like a good deal to me, even if it is hard at first.