So I am feeling bummed about my husbands total lack of jewlery knowledge

[MelissaSue]

Soo.. I got diamond studs for my birthday.. which was a month ago.. And yes.. I know I haven''t posted any pictures of them.. but maybe its because I don''t really feel they are worth posting

I have been begging for studs.. for over a year now.. And he suprised me with them. I definitely was not expecting them.. because I had sort of given up hope of ever getting them.. So for that reason, I like them..and I wear them everyday.. For that reason also.. I can''t tell him that he got ripped off BIG TIME..

He went to "our jeweler".. They set my e-ring (and sold us the setting). that is basically as far as our relationship goes with them as far as I am concerned.. The studs are 1/2 carat total weight.. so 1/4 each. .. Thats all I know.. No Cert.. he didn''t get any stats.. nothing. My eyes are pretty bad at judging color/clarity.. so as far as that goes I have no idea.. but I''m assuming it didn''t say on any paper work we got.. that its not good.. And the cut.. eeeee.. I am not one that studies the stats and percentages on diamond cuts..I normally don''t even recognize the differences.. but these are DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.. And frankly.. they are not all that sparkly.. So whatever.. he got me crappy diamonds.. I would have gotten over that.. if I didn''t know how much he PAID for them.. $860 before tax..

Blue nile''s uncerted diamond studs of the same size are $600.. and then.. i just got an email from ZALES.. yes.. a MAUL store.. and they are selling 1/4 ct studs in WG for $400! Even their supposed "regular price" is only $800..Now.. I know those are PROBABLY lower quality than what I have.. but I dont really have any way of knowing that, do I?

To make matters worse.. my husband was SOOOO proud of himself for NOT going to the mall.. I thought MAYBE just maybe after we bought both of our wedding bands on the internet he''d realize that online shopping wasn''t so bad..(but then he''d have to shop more than 1 day in advance, I guess..).. I must have sent him links to Blue Nile at least a gazillion times.. but it just doesn''t sink in..

Thennn.. to top it all off.. the jeweler sends my husband a THANK YOU NOTE for coming all the way out there to buy the earrings (we probably live about 45 minutes from the jeweler.. but they were the only one in the area willing to special order my setting for me).. which is JUST going to make my husband keep going back there and getting ripped off..

Maybe I need to make a NO SUPRISE JEWLERY rule..

*sigh* .. I''m just venting.. because I really do not want to break the news to my husband.. But I know that I should... maybe its been long enough now that his feelings won''t be as hurt..

 

[MelissaSue]

Okay.. So I took some pictures..

In fairness.. when I take the pics.. they don''t look as bad in comparison to my other jewelery as I think they do in real life.. I don''t know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. And I am OUT of practice taking good diamond shots.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

hi,
i mostly a lurker by the way, but after 19 1/2 years of marriage, my hubby knows the "no surprise jewelry" rule! several years ago, at christmas, i received a very LARGE, matronly diamond pendant with rows and rows and rows of small diamonds-it was NOT my style at all. it went back to the store....
so, although it is highly unromantic to most(even me sometimes), i get to choose what i want. i feel much better about it and frankly, my dh doesn''t like to shop. period. for anything, well, anything that isn''t at lowe''s or circuit city...
two christmas''es ago, i saw stunning flower cluster like earrings in a jeweler''s case. i went home and bragged and bragged to dh, but they were g/h, si1 and i knew i could do better so i went to my best friend''s jeweler, out of state, and had 2.84 ct d/e vs1-vs2 h&a earrings custom made in 18k white gold. they are to die for and well, after this many years, and five kids, i think i deserve them.
hang in there and is there a possibility you could exchange the earrings? or would that offend your hubby too much? i bit the bullet and dh was slightly hurt, but really, in the end, i now own jewelry i will always enjoy wearing and he knows i love it because i picked it out myself! best of luck. (this is a wonderful forum to read late night when kiddies are finally asleep)

 

[MelissaSue]

Another

 

[MelissaSue]

So I have been kind of obsessively comparing the earings to my sidestones on my e-ring. I don''t know why.. I guess beacause they are roughly the same size (side stones are .30) and shape and set in three prongs?

It really doesn''t show too much in these pictures.. but my e-ring stones look very "clear" not even clean as far as clarity sake.. just clear.. and the earings look sort of cloudy?

It doesn''t show too much in these pictures though.

 

[MelissaSue]

I did NOT see the giant hair when I was taking this picture.. not until I blew it up til full size on the computer screen.. unfortunately it seems to be the best picture I have of the comparison.. hairy or no..

 

[MelissaSue]

okay.. THIS IS AN AWFUL Picture.. but I was trying to show how deep they are from the profile..
You really can''t see it all.. but I''m attaching anyway..

 

[Mara]

awww Melissa sorry to hear that. don't you hate that?!

greg knows better than to surprise me with anything unless it's something i have specifically asked for AND given him the appropriate link for purchase or store information...hehehee. or if he knows its something i like that is branded since then they cant go wrong buying.

don't really know what to say to help...the stones don't appear to be that sparkly and having had basic jewelry store earrings before i know what you mean about how they look, it's like night and day compared to my ideal stones now.

if you say something, you run the risk of having him freak out and not want to ever buy you anything again and being upset knowing you don't like the earrings. on the other hand he might be open to the thought of you two choosing things together in the future or similar. or maybe you could just tell him WHERE to purchase in the future. hehee. tough call. is there any possibility to return them or definitely not?

does he SEE a difference in cut quality of your e-ring vs your earrings? for greg that was all it took to be like WOW okay i see the difference in an okay or badly cut stone and a nicely cut one. and from then on he listened to me!

 

[decodelighted]

Okay ... I''m gonna suggest something VERY sneaky here ... no flaming!

How ''bout you take the studs back to the jeweler & have a little heart-to-heart. Maybe you could switch them for "better cut" but "smaller" studs -- or even "upgrade" to better but the same size with a little out of pocket contribution of your own. I doubt he would notice the difference.

It doesn''t help the "ripped off" feeling - but I really don''t think there''s anything to do about that now EXCEPT, in the next year ... talk up how many great deals you see other girls getting from ONLINE places.

 

[Dee*Jay]

First of all let me say that I'm sorry you're unhappy with your earrings. No one should be unahppy with any piece of jewelry (IMHO). Now, let me say that at least your husband *tried.* Finally, let me say that if you don't like these today you're never going to like them and they need to somehow go back.

Is there any way you can get your hands on the receipt and take them back without him finding out and then buying the ones you want (also without him finding out)? This all might be a little too "007-y" but I figured I'd throw it out there.

If you can't take them back, can you go to the jeweler and trade them for a different pair that you like better (maybe even paying a little more $ if you have to). Again without your husband knowing?

Or, as much as I hate to even suggest it, could you break it to the hubby that you don't love these earrings? In a way that makes him feel good about the fact that he got them for you, but also in a way that get him to return them?

Seriously, I know this is going to be painful in some way, but it seem obvious to me that you want these earrings like you want poked in the eye with a sharp stick and the problem has to get fixed.

Maybe some of the more clever guys/gals will chime in here with other ideas...

ETA: Look like Deco and Mara and I were all typing at the same time!

 

[mrssalvo]

aww melissasue,
ya know, my hubby did the same thing for Valentine''s day a few years ago. Mine are poorly cut, low color and clarity and he paid $1200 for .50 ctw

. This was way b/f PS and he just went to the estate place that we got my e-ring. He now know''s my addiction to this site and I''m pretty sure he''d never go out on his own b/c I''d kill him

. I still have the earrings he bought me b/c i had wanted a pair forever, he totally surprised me when we really didn''t have the extra money to do it so i''ll always keep them for that reason. I have never told him that he overpaid and the earrings are not well cut. someday I will ask for larger ideal cuts, when the time is right

At some point you might ask what made him decide to ignore all the links you were sending him. When i like something, I show my hubby pics and send links and although it''s not a complete surprise i get what I want and trust him to get it. I even include the sizes and item numbers

.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh Melissa, I know how you feel. My hubby has done that too. I agree taking them to the jeweler and telling the jeweler you''d like a better cut pair of diamond studs is a good idea. Even if you have to add a bit to get what you want seams reasonable. Now hubby leaves the jewelry buying up to me. He knows he doesn''t know a heck of a lot and knows I can get the best possible cut online and save him money in the end. Good luck!!!

 

[Sundial]

We've all been there Melissa! The whole surprise thing is highly overrated. It would be great if our husbands were mind readers and could surprise us with just the thing we've been dreaming of, but that just isn't how it works. Could you show your hubby the earrings next to ideal cut diamonds so he would understand where you are coming from? My husband was quite impressed when he actually saw ideal cut stones compared to some that were just average in cut.

 

[devientdrow]

Awwww i''m sorry! I know how you feel. My wedding band is from a mall store and now I don''t think I could change it without hurting my DH''s feelings. I agree with the other ladies sentiments of trying to return or upgrade for something a little better. Part of me says you should definatly go to the jeweler and talk to them. If this is the place that your going to keep going for ering services and the place where your hubby may try and shop in the future you should let the store know your not happy with the quality of the product given to your hubby and maybe they will come up with something so they make sure they keep your buisness.

As it is they don''t look HORRENDOUS to me, so keep in mind they are yours and i''m sure you notice every little thing about them but to other people they probably look just fine!

 

[MelissaSue]

Ahhh. Its nice to know that people here know where i am coming from.. I dont'' want to go behind husbands back and change them.. I think i''d be much more likely to just tell him I''m not thrilled with them (and especially for what he paid).. Not sure if I will do that yet.. MAYBE i can tell him that he paid too much. Its gonna be harder to tell him that the quality sucks though..

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 8/31/2006 5:25:45 PM
Author:MelissaSue
Soo.. I got diamond studs for my birthday.. which was a month ago.. And yes.. I know I haven''t posted any pictures of them.. but maybe its because I don''t really feel they are worth posting

awww... My diamond studs aren''t post worthy but I love them for the same reason you love yours... they were a surprise gift from your jewel-ignorant husband! Mine don''t have that incredible sparkle, they don''t have depth, they don''t have rainbows... they''re just white stones that look white and I never thought they were anything but perfect before I came here... now I question them, but not very much... do you suspect you could return those earrings? I might say something if you could... otherwise, I dunno, I guess I''d just start thinking about a bracelet I wanted or something and definitely implant the don''t surprise me rule for the future and just appreciate these studs FOR the surprise more than the diamonds themselves As long as he never did it again!!! lol

 

[devientdrow]

Hey! Who knows maybe he will be happy you told him and more upset at the store for selling him something lower in quality than you not liking them for it!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 8/31/2006 6:16:07 PM
Author: mrssalvo
aww melissasue,
ya know, my hubby did the same thing for Valentine''s day a few years ago. Mine are poorly cut, low color and clarity and he paid $1200 for .50 ctw

. This was way b/f PS and he just went to the estate place that we got my e-ring. He now know''s my addiction to this site and I''m pretty sure he''d never go out on his own b/c I''d kill him

. I still have the earrings he bought me b/c i had wanted a pair forever, he totally surprised me when we really didn''t have the extra money to do it so i''ll always keep them for that reason. I have never told him that he overpaid and the earrings are not well cut. someday I will ask for larger ideal cuts, when the time is right

At some point you might ask what made him decide to ignore all the links you were sending him. When i like something, I show my hubby pics and send links and although it''s not a complete surprise i get what I want and trust him to get it. I even include the sizes and item numbers

.

omg 1200? I''m so sorry... at least my husband was cheap when he bought my crappy studs! lmao!!

 

[Garysax]

You''re upset, they aren''t great diamonds, he got ripped off. Ok. But don''t say anything to him about these--as previous posters have said he will feel like you spit in his face and won''t be motivated to buy you anything in the future if he has any kind of ego at all (most men do; I don''t think you''d want to date a man who didn''t have any ego). It''ll end up being about more than the jewelry, which is presumably all you want to make this about. I don''t think that''s what you want.

That said, take these as a loss, wear them very occasionally and suck it up is my advice. HOWEVER, as someone else suggested, institute the no surprise jewelry rule and make it clear. Don''t make it about these earrings--that''s a losing battle IMHO. Make it about the fact you love to shop for jewelry and design stuff. Or say something about wanting to shop together for stuff. Then this won''t happen again.

 

[aljdewey]

I''d wear them for a year or two, and then I''d tell hubby you want to add a little more money to the stones and upgrade them a bit. He''ll just figure it''s size, and you can just improve the cut.

From my perspective, it''s not an e-ring. It''s just a pair of earrings, and some are better than none. While I can understand wanting better ones, I don''t think that it''s worth possibly hurting his feelings or demotivating him.

Institute the no-surprise jewelry rule anyway, but I''d keep this under your hat for a while and then upgrade them later.....when they aren''t as new.

 

[reader]

Evil thought: could one get lost? Then replacement studs should have a screw back, and just to let you pick them?

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 8/31/2006 8:14:04 PM
Author: reader
Evil thought: could one get lost? Then replacement studs should have a screw back, and just to let you pick them?

i think either her hubby or the insurance company would be suspicious so i''d throw out that idea.

and I HATE my screwbacks...if i ever reset or when I buy a new pair that is the big rule...NO screwbacks

 

[Rod]

OK....I''m a guy and a sensitive guy at that. And maybe since I''m not a guy married to a woman, my opinion doesn''t really matter. But do you ladies think we guys are really that fragile? Do you think when we buy gifts we wouldn''t be able to handle the reality that we missed the mark? Now, I couldn''t possibly understand the dynamics of your marriage or your man. But tell me, what would happen if say, your husband was big time into golf and he wanted a new putter and you bought him a really crappy putter. Would he wax enhusiastically about a crap putter, or would he tell you how much he loved the fact that you bought him something he truly wanted, but wasn''t exactly the one he wanted?

I would hope that your marriage could handle the fact that you have become knowledgeable enough to recognize and appreciate and even want the "better putter."

OK, ladies......shoot holes right through me. I can take it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I can totally relate. FI gave me a pair of surprise earrings on our wedding day and they are not my style at all. BUT it is the thought that counts and seeing how it is the second pair of earrings he bought me for our wedding (The first I LOVE, but I did pick them out, and he gave them to me at x-mas time and I wore them for our wedding) I can''t really complain. I am pretty sure he did not spend too much on them so I never did (and never will) say anything. Later I did casually suggest for high ticket items he never surprises me. I think picking out your jewelry is WAY more fun than being surprised. He seemed to agree (until he forgets that is). It is a tricky situation since you probably told him you wanted studs to wear daily and it will be obvious when you never wear them. Also I agree it will hurt his feelings. Maybe the "upgrade" route is the best way. In the end he probably just wants you happy so maybe confessing is the best way. Is this something that is REALLY, REALLY going to bother you?

 

[davidgelb]

Hey all,
Like Rod, I am a fairly sensitive guy also...BUT, I would always prefer that my soon to be fiancee would come to me if I got her something she hated and we could go get her something she likes better. I am that way (if someone gets me something I hate or can''t use, I exchange it) and I would hope those I love would do the same. I bought her a watch one time (an inexpensive Fossil watch), but there was one she liked better. I am SO glad she exchanged it!!! I was even willing to pay the slight difference so it still felt like a complete gift to her.

Yes, it might sting a little at first if the reason she didn''t like it was because I bought a crappy quality gift, but trust me, I would get over that sting MUCH more than if I found out later that she didn''t wear it often because I bought a crappy gift! I bought her a bracelet that she never really wears...not sure if it''s just because she is not used to wearing bracelets or if she doesn''t love it. Again, not an expensive gift, but I always think about it...and wonder if she likes it.

My honest opinion is tell him! Tell him you feel that if you go back to the jewelry store with him, you are sure you can get something you like better....Let him go with you and help...maybe he will learn a little bit. After he knows the truth, point him to this forum...let us help him for future purchases!

I think that is the best way to handle this and he won''t always second guess his gift to you.

Hope this helps a little! And good luck with whatever you choose!!!!!! Let us know.

-David

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree with all the posters who said to just wear them for a year or so and then "happen" to find a GREAT deal on a larger, better cut pair online! Send him the link and all the order information. Be specific that these are THE ones you want. Save the old pair in case you have daughters! Think of it this way, at least he only spent $800! It could have been a lot worse!

 

[maxspinel]

Date: 8/31/2006 11:20:35 PM
Author: Rod
OK....I''m a guy and a sensitive guy at that. And maybe since I''m not a guy married to a woman, my opinion doesn''t really matter. But do you ladies think we guys are really that fragile? Do you think when we buy gifts we wouldn''t be able to handle the reality that we missed the mark? Now, I couldn''t possibly understand the dynamics of your marriage or your man. But tell me, what would happen if say, your husband was big time into golf and he wanted a new putter and you bought him a really crappy putter. Would he wax enhusiastically about a crap putter, or would he tell you how much he loved the fact that you bought him something he truly wanted, but wasn''t exactly the one he wanted?

I would hope that your marriage could handle the fact that you have become knowledgeable enough to recognize and appreciate and even want the ''better putter.''

OK, ladies......shoot holes right through me. I can take it.

Well, my hubby loves tennis and I bought him a state of the art Prince racket one year for his birthday. He immediately complained that he did not like Prince, did not like the gold color and did not like the feel. He took it back to the sport shop to exchange it into a Yonex.

He did kindly explained to me that he appreciated my gift but it was not the right racket for him. Rationally, I could see his point and I even agreed with him but emotionally, I was hurt. For someone like me who doesn''t play tennis, one racket is just as good as another. I have never bought him any gift ever since. Whenever he needs something, we just go out to shop together.

 

[Mara]

Rod I love your analogy...I would never try to buy Greg something for his car or his music...instead I just give him gift certs to his fave catalogs or online stores or whatever and then I buy him physical gifts on things I *know* he needs or will love. If I'm not sure then I just wait and give him a gift cert or something. That way he can buy what he wants. For his birthday this year...I know he needed a new messenger portfolio for work...he's had his old one for 10+ years and it's shot. Through my work, I can get great deals on high quality retail brand leather goods, so I grabbed some catalogs at work and on his birthday I said I want to get you a new bag but I don't want to choose it for you because YOU have to wear it, so lets look through the catalogs together. He was jazzed because he totally needs a new bag. So we found something he loves and I ordered it for him. He's happy and I'm happy. And he doesn't have to pretend he likes something or vice versa.

Melissa you have some great advice here...you know your relationship and marriage better than anyone here...so I say let your heart guide you on what the best thing to do is...and how your hubby will respond...you know best. Maybe you keep these earrings but lay down the no more surprises guideline and then in a few years get some new studs and do something else with these. There's always options for diamonds!!

 

[Christa]

Mellissa, you are in the best position to judge what telling your husband the truth would do to him, of course, but I really think Rod and davidgelb are in the minority when it comes to men--most would be crushed to find out that they got their wife a crappy gift, especially since you said he was so proud of himself.

I''d say wear them for now--it''s not like they make you puke, right?--and slowly institute the no-surprise rule in a way that won''t be connected in his mind to this gift he''s so proud of. Then eventually go for the upgrade. He already knows you''re a diamond nut, I''m sure, so upgrading your studs shouldn''t surprise him.

To answer Rod''s rhetorical question--yeah, I do think most men are surprisingly fragile, particularly when it comes to approval from the women in their lives, so wearing mediocre diamonds for a while is a small price to pay for an un-crushed hubby.

 

[nimmerfroh]

I say tell him but find an example (if you can) of something you got him in the past that he returned even though he appreciated the thought. Then he could relate to the situation and you can get something you really like. Of course I''m a guy and it seems to be the standard advice to tell him and exchange it but it''s only fair if he''s done that in the past with something you bought him. If that never happened, well then I''d still do it but that''s just me being selfish and wanting to be happy.

Fred