snarky comments from friends

[anyname]

I''ve been wondering about this and I figure people here might have some experience. Anyway, has anyone noticed friends making snarky comments about your things, jewelry, clothes, shoes, handbags, etc? For example, I have a friend who loves "Sex in the City" (which i think feeds into it) and would love to have designer label stuff, but doesn''t have the money for it. I don''t really care about the label, but i do have an expensive eye (which i think many of you can understand)and I have an aunt who gives me her designer hand me downs. Once the girl noticed, from across the room, a jacket i was wearing was Dolce and Gabbana and she started saying things like, "you don''t even care about labels and you''re the one with the coach bags, and Dolce and Gabbana, etc." I don''t even know how to respond to that. I don''t flaunt my things in front of her and i certainly don''t tell her when i get something new. I guess what brought this up is the fact that that my mom bought me a Damier Tate Pm for Christmas, and I''m just imagining her comments. Comments don''t typically bother me, but it upsets me that it seems to make her upset, if that makes sense.

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

If read all of that you deserve a round of applause.

 

[BlueSki231]

Ignore them! If they can''t be happy for you then are they really friends?

Anyone that ever said anything like that to me I definitely would not consider a "friend"...

 

[MonkeyPie]

I''ve had that happen before. Not usually with designer labels, but I have a friend who''s husband actually told me I shouldn''t have bought a bigger diamond than he got his wife because I "don''t even know" what I''m buying. Um, BS! I''ll buy wahtever I want! Excuse me for having better control over my finances than you

 

[Circe]

... sometimes.

With some friends, it comes from a genuine sense of "Awesome!" and we bond over the fact that we love to look for good deals. With other friends, it comes from the same place of, well, jealousy, for lack of a better word. I don''t think being jealous makes a person into a bad friend, just human: I don''t even think that their giving voice to it makes them a bad friend (though, it does make them possessed of sucky impulse control). What makes them a bad friend is if you tell them outright, "Babe, I love you, and I get where you''re coming from intellectually, but you''re making me feel like crap" and they still keep doing it.

I say, tell her that the comments are impinging on your completely innocent joy in your good fortune (your aunt want a godchild?

) and that, while you understand her frustration that the gods of material goods and brand-name labels are not showering her with similar riches, the time has come to put a sock in it.

Or possibly something a tad more diplomatic, but you see what I mean, right?

 

[anyname]

thanks everyone.

Namaste: I''ve had the same thought, but because of something she said about something totally unrelated.

MonkeyPie: I can''t believe that your friend''s husband would say that! (well, yes i can, cause sometimes people say the weirdest things...)

Circe: I think that''s what gets her, that I am fortunate in the materialistic aspect, but in the end i know that none of that matters. But you''re right, i think i need to think of way to convey to her that her comments are not benefiting anyone.

oi...

 

[Gypsy]

If she's really a friend, next time she makes a comment like that tell her: "when you make comments like that it makes me feel uncomfortable." Either she deals with it, or she doesn't. But YOU'VE dealt with it. KWIM?

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 1/7/2009 11:40:29 PM
Author:popcorn
I''ve been wondering about this and I figure people here might have some experience. Anyway, has anyone noticed friends making snarky comments about your things, jewelry, clothes, shoes, handbags, etc? For example, I have a friend who loves ''Sex in the City'' (which i think feeds into it) and would love to have designer label stuff, but doesn''t have the money for it. I don''t really care about the label, but i do have an expensive eye (which i think many of you can understand)and I have an aunt who gives me her designer hand me downs. Once the girl noticed, from across the room, a jacket i was wearing was Dolce and Gabbana and she started saying things like, ''you don''t even care about labels and you''re the one with the coach bags, and Dolce and Gabbana, etc.'' I don''t even know how to respond to that. I don''t flaunt my things in front of her and i certainly don''t tell her when i get something new. I guess what brought this up is the fact that that my mom bought me a Damier Tate Pm for Christmas, and I''m just imagining her comments. Comments don''t typically bother me, but it upsets me that it seems to make her upset, if that makes sense.

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

If read all of that you deserve a round of applause.

my friends are usually excited for my when im able to add to my collection...jewelry or otherwise ....when my sister gifts me with designers like Armoni or D&G then my friends are very complimentry and positive.

 

[Circe]

Also, here''s the thing I forgot to add: it''s not like you''re flaunting your good fortune. You''re not bragging. You''re not hopping up and down, screaming about your D&G. You''re just wearing your stuff, and she''s bringing attention to it in a way that''s guaranteed to make you both uncomfortable. In her head, it may be a funny thing (I have a friend who does this with, of all things, my figure - though, in her defense, she stopped when I told her it made me feel off), but if she''s crossing a line, let her know. If it''s at the point where you''re uncomfortable to wear a gift from your mom, it''s *over* the line. She''ll probably feel chagrined when she realizes she''s been making you uncomfortable.

 

[diamondfan]

I would change the subject if it is not a close friend. Why get into a contest about material things? Or I might just laugh it off like, yeah, funny, it was a gift...and let it go at that.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

In the past, yes. I''ve had friends say rude things to me about my handbags which was really frustrating. I just ignored it. Honestly, like you, I have an expensive eye..so for me it''s not so much about the label. It is a little bit I admit, but not totally. I won''t buy just anything with a label if that makes sense. But I do tend to gravitate toward expensive things and it''s just what I like and if it''s well-made I''ll buy it. Just be yourself and don''t let them get under your skin and if it''s too bad then it''s time for some new friends. My friends got over it eventually.

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 1/7/2009 11:40:29 PM
Author:popcorn
I''ve been wondering about this and I figure people here might have some experience. Anyway, has anyone noticed friends making snarky comments about your things, jewelry, clothes, shoes, handbags, etc? For example, I have a friend who loves ''Sex in the City'' (which i think feeds into it) and would love to have designer label stuff, but doesn''t have the money for it. I don''t really care about the label, but i do have an expensive eye (which i think many of you can understand)and I have an aunt who gives me her designer hand me downs. Once the girl noticed, from across the room, a jacket i was wearing was Dolce and Gabbana and she started saying things like, ''you don''t even care about labels and you''re the one with the coach bags, and Dolce and Gabbana, etc.'' I don''t even know how to respond to that. I don''t flaunt my things in front of her and i certainly don''t tell her when i get something new. I guess what brought this up is the fact that that my mom bought me a Damier Tate Pm for Christmas, and I''m just imagining her comments. Comments don''t typically bother me, but it upsets me that it seems to make her upset, if that makes sense.

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

If read all of that you deserve a round of applause.

What do I do? Just smile........

 

[Madam Bijoux]

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

I always say "Eat your heart out", which nips behaviour like that in the bud.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 1/8/2009 9:16:56 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

I always say ''Eat your heart out'', which nips behaviour like that in the bud.

HAHAHAHA that is hilarious I wish I had the guts to say something like that

.

 

[Thomperchik]

There are always people out there that want bigger and better than what you have. Even if you don''t intend to flaunt it, or you just happen to have it, they won''t be happy for you. I don''t know if this applies, but I think it''s kind of like a Napoleon complex! I also think everyone has one of those friends/acquaintances, no matter how hard you try not to surround yourself around those individuals.

 

[CNOS128]

I think it''s funny that you don''t care about labels and yet you mentioned at least 3 "names" in your post!

Most of my friends wear ''designer'' clothes and handbags (which I think is just a part of living in NYC) and the ones who don''t tend not to care about them and probably wouldn''t comment.
A distant relative of mine commented on my handbag last year and I just smiled at her and didn''t say anything.

If your friend comments on your gift from your mother, you can always say, "Thank you, it was a gift." And let her know you didn''t spend the money or choose it.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 1/8/2009 9:31:43 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 1/8/2009 9:16:56 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

I always say ''Eat your heart out'', which nips behaviour like that in the bud.

HAHAHAHA that is hilarious I wish I had the guts to say something like that

.

ahahahah me too!

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 1/8/2009 9:16:56 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

I always say ''Eat your heart out'', which nips behaviour like that in the bud.

LOL! That''s fabulous Madame!

Isn''t Coach considered a label??

Snarky "friends" aren''t true friends. I would just ignore it and distance yourself from her.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 1/8/2009 12:22:58 AM
Author: Circe
... sometimes.


With some friends, it comes from a genuine sense of ''Awesome!'' and we bond over the fact that we love to look for good deals. With other friends, it comes from the same place of, well, jealousy, for lack of a better word. I don''t think being jealous makes a person into a bad friend, just human: I don''t even think that their giving voice to it makes them a bad friend (though, it does make them possessed of sucky impulse control). What makes them a bad friend is if you tell them outright, ''Babe, I love you, and I get where you''re coming from intellectually, but you''re making me feel like crap'' and they still keep doing it.


I say, tell her that the comments are impinging on your completely innocent joy in your good fortune (your aunt want a godchild?

) and that, while you understand her frustration that the gods of material goods and brand-name labels are not showering her with similar riches, the time has come to put a sock in it.


Or possibly something a tad more diplomatic, but you see what I mean, right?

Totally agree w/ circe here - the jealousy is natural, though I have to say that I personally try to just not give voice to it, but I get that sometimes you can''t help yourself...

 

[steph72276]

I would also just downplay it and say thanks, it was a gift. If it continues, I would just mention that it makes you uncomfortable when she says things like that.

 

[JoangA]

I take it for what it''s worth. She''s obviously jealous, and not able to contain that. I sometimes feel jealous over something someone else has, I catch myself and remember what I do have, that helps.

I might sympathize with her and comment that life isn''t always fair, feel comfortable with what you have, especially that it''s not important to you!

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/7/2009 11:40:29 PM
Author:popcorn
To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

Find new friends. Really.

My friends know me by now and if they feel able to make any comments which I consider to be snide, they better have brought their own car, because they will be walking home.

 

[anyname]

thanks, i love the "eat your heart out" comment. Hilarious. And i realize the irony of name dropping labels while saying i don''t care about them; but its hard to get my point across any other way. At least for me. SarahLovesJS- I understand completely about not being into the label per se, but the "feel" or look of an item. Anyway, thanks again, and hopefully next time she says something i don''t be as tongue tied or exasperated with her.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 1/8/2009 8:51:06 AM
Author: gemgirl

Date: 1/7/2009 11:40:29 PM
Author:popcorn
I''ve been wondering about this and I figure people here might have some experience. Anyway, has anyone noticed friends making snarky comments about your things, jewelry, clothes, shoes, handbags, etc? For example, I have a friend who loves ''Sex in the City'' (which i think feeds into it) and would love to have designer label stuff, but doesn''t have the money for it. I don''t really care about the label, but i do have an expensive eye (which i think many of you can understand)and I have an aunt who gives me her designer hand me downs. Once the girl noticed, from across the room, a jacket i was wearing was Dolce and Gabbana and she started saying things like, ''you don''t even care about labels and you''re the one with the coach bags, and Dolce and Gabbana, etc.'' I don''t even know how to respond to that. I don''t flaunt my things in front of her and i certainly don''t tell her when i get something new. I guess what brought this up is the fact that that my mom bought me a Damier Tate Pm for Christmas, and I''m just imagining her comments. Comments don''t typically bother me, but it upsets me that it seems to make her upset, if that makes sense.

To summarize, what do you do if and when your friends make little comments about your purchases or possessions?

If read all of that you deserve a round of applause.

What do I do? Just smile........

Same here. DH and I had to deal with this over the holiday season. We got ourselves a new flat-screen and his siblings and my parents were all like "I thought you were saving for a house....." We just smiled and changed the subject. We had a fund, people! We saved for a year and finally decided to get it. The only real designer thing I''m into is Coach, and I''m only allowed one Coach bag and matching wallet per year. I choose very carefully and don''t usually get snarky comments about that.

 

[Elmorton]

I've grown up with snarky comments...I'm an only child and I think it's just a given that people (not only my friends, but even their parents when I was younger) feel like it's OK to say things like "you're so spoiled" or what not. I just shrug and change the topic. How or why I own what I do is no one's business but my own and there is no point in discussing it further.

 

[aliceinwonderland]

I have had comments make comments about things like that when I was in university. I worked a number of part time jobs but my parents paid my tuition and this was not the case for most of my friends so they did not have the same disposable income I did. They were understandably jealous of my opportunity since their parents in many cases were easily able to help them financially. When they made those comments I would just say, I work hard and truely appreciate the opportunity that I have been given.

In your case I would make a comment along the the lines of "Yes, I''m lucky to have an aunt with such great fashion sense who sends things my way occasonially." That way you acknowledge that you appreciate what you have and let them know that it''s not your own personal choice. But whether you want to give that much information about the situation plays into your response too!

Best of luck!
Alice