Smoking dilemma

[megumic]

Our neighbor is a smoker and often smokes on her back stoop. Since the weather is mild, we have our windows open. Our infant sons room is on the side of the house closest to her rear stoop and I know when she goes out to smoke, the smoke filters into his bedroom. I know this because it filters into our windows on the complete other side of our house as well. fWIW it's a small capecod and our homes are close together.

Can we ask her to stop smoking on her back stoop after 7pm when he is asleep with windows open or do we have to close our windows?

 

[tammy77]

I think it's really okay for you to ask her nicely in passing. Second hand smoke is real and hey, she doesn't want it in her own house so she can't exactly say its not a big deal! We live in a condo and I've had to call down to ask neighbors to move along while smoking outside our bedroom window, I have no problem with it. They never get upset and always apologize.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think it is fair to politely ask! Of course, she might not comply and then you would need to just find another solution.

ETA: never mind. Hopefully she will just move! I would not want the stink or the potential danger in my home.

 

[GreenBling]

When I was a smoker I made sure I didn't smoke where there were children so I wouldn't mind a bit if my neighbor asked me that. Do you know each other well? Think it would be easier for you to ask (and harder for her to turn you down) if you are already friendly neighbors, so I'd suggest that if you don't know each yet, perhaps you can chit chat a little, introduce your babies etc. before you bring up the issue. If you already know each other, then yeah, why not?

 

[sonnyjane]

I agree that you CAN ask, but she is not obligated in any way to comply so as another poster said, it helps if you already have a friendly relationship.

 

[kgizo]

Would it help to put a fan in his window? My personal experience is that smokers are fairly defensive about where they can smoke.

 

[Circe]

I don't see anything wrong with asking her - I'm a former smoker, too, and I would have been happy to move to, say, my front stoop, my terrace, whatever.

Where it might get complicated is where you say the smoke permeates the whole house - will it even make a difference if she smokes on the other side of the building? Or are you more hoping that she just won't smoke outside then?

P.S. - FWIW, I doubt she minds the smell in her house ... smokers don't really notice it. Or I didn't, anyway, and I was mortified once I quit and realized how easy it was to ID smokers in the general population once I had my sense of smell back. That said, what I miss most about the smoking isn't the nicotine rush - it's the impaired sense of smell! It is a stinky, stinky world, and no amount of French perfume or fresh-cut grass or whatever can make up for the multiplicity of stenches that are all around us. Odds might simply be that she's enjoying the evening air ... the question is whether she can separate her enjoyment of that from the enjoyment of having the ciggy from the enjoyment of having it on her convenient stoop ...

 

[junebug17]

It's worth a try - hopefully she'll be cooperative, but as others have said, she doesn't have to comply. I'm so cynical about people these days - I hope she doesn't get defensive and is willing to work with you on this. Sorry you are dealing with this

 

[iLander]

I smoked for many years, and I can honestly say I'd tell you to go jump.

This is how I would have seen it: No matter how nicely you said it, I'd see through that and get mad. You see, I'm already smoking outside, which is uncomfortable. I'd prefer to puff away on my couch. This is keeping the smoke from getting into the walls and possibly into your unit. So I'm already doing you a favor. And smokers are pretty defensive as it is, since they see their right to use a legal product being frowned upon.

Plus, you're pointing out a problem and not providing a clear solution. In any situation, this is not the best approach. You need to have an acceptable solution before you even start.

I suggest putting a lawn chair outside, somewhere shady, with an ashtray next to it. I'm not sure you even have to say anything at all if you do that.

It's a minefield, and I'm wondering if it's worth it. Maybe get a fan?

 

[babs23r]

I am also sorry that you are dealing with this. As a nurse, as well as a mom of an asthmatic, I would definitely ask your neighbor to smoke in another location. Your health comes first. If she refuses, then you will just have to keep your windows closed, and put on the air.
Why doesn't she smoke in HER house? Probably because she doesn't want a smelly smoke filled house. Second hand smoke is deadly. Stand up for your right to breathe fresh air.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I actually don't find smokers to be that defensive at all. When smokers come in my house, they never take a cigarette out. They ask to go outside to smoke. If your neighbor goes outside to smoke and she has small children, this probably is the reason she does go outside, she will understand your concern as she has the same concern. Just approach is nicely, be prepared to be rejected, and , i take it she has a backyard, so suggest a chair deeper into the yard, further away from your son's window.

Hey, my neighbors asked me if I would stop using chemicals on my grass because their young children played between the houses and I did not have a fence around my yard, so her kids came in there. Whats a few weeds and good looking grass compared to healthy children, I complied. They moved, back with the chemicals. no kids next door. I have a fence now.


Annette

 

[House Cat]

Is the smoke infiltrating your home when your windows are closed? If so, I would have a contractor out there so fast to seal things up in any way possible.

 

[junebug17]

The more I think about this, since there's a baby involved I think she'll be willing to smoke somewhere else. She might inwardly be ticked, but I don't think she'll have the nerve to give the impression she doesn't care about a baby's health. Good luck with this and let us know how you make out.

 

[minousbijoux]

I would first take whatever steps you can to solve the problem yourselves, so you can tell her that you've made efforts to avoid having to disturb her. The fan sounds like a great idea and perhaps an air filter? I guess that might defeat the purpose of having the windows open, lol, but at least it shows that you have been thinking creatively about how to solve it...

 

[kenny]

Sorry you have to deal with this.
It's a tough one, people's rights to do what they want on their property, a baby's health and yours, the uncontrollability of wind direction and all.

I would not get a fan.
If the prevailing wind is sending the smoke to that window, the fan would have to be one of those exhaust fans that perfectly fit the window for a tight seal.
Obviously it has to be designed to push air OUT of the house, not suck it in.

Even then the design would have to have only a round opening no larger than the the rotating blades.
The four corners between the blades and the window frame cannot be open, metal or plastic must fill that space or the wind will bring smoke into the room there.
It's a physics thing that air just outside the blades is sucked in the opposite direction of the air the fan is pushing.
IOW, if the fan is sucking air out of the room any openings around the blades will allow outside air to be sucked INTO the room, defeating the whole purpose of this fan.

Plus, you could just close the window any time you'd want to use the fan.
Closing the window is free, uses no electricity and is not a security risk for burglars.

 

[momhappy]

I'm surprised by many of the responses. I can't imagine asking someone not to smoke in their own home, nor do I think it's appropriate. I don't smoke (can't stand it actually), but I would never ask a neighbor not to smoke on their own property. I would simply close the windows.
Also, I would consider it a significant safety risk to allow the baby to sleep with a window open. Even in my middle/upper class neighborhood (in what I would consider a fairly "safe" town), break-ins occur. A young woman was even murdered a few years back after she left her windows open while she was up late one night studying for a college exam.

 

[amc80]

We had a similar issue in our condo. The neighbors would smoke in their garage and we were above the garage. It was very obvious when they were smoking since it would filter into our unit. I didn't feel right asking them to smoke elsewhere- they were doing everything within their rights. We would just close the windows when they would smoke. It would only be a few minutes (10?) and then we could open them back up. Of course, I tend to be the non-confrontational type, so take that for what it's worth.

 

[kenny]

I'm surprised by many of the responses. I can't imagine asking someone not to smoke in their own home, nor do I think it's appropriate.

The smoker is not smoking in her own home.
She's smoking outside, and happens to be near the baby's window, and the houses are very close together.

I think this is little different and more of a threat to the baby than if she was smoking in her house.

 

[momhappy]

^My point was that from what I understood, the smoker is smoking on her own property (on her back porch). My response is still the same - I wouldn't ask someone not to smoke on their own stoop. If she gets along with the neighbor, I guess there would be no harm in asking her not to smoke there and just see how the neighbor responds.
Having said that, if we're talking about threats to the baby, I consider it a safety threat to sleep with the windows open...

 

[monarch64]

I'm not really sure what the right answer is here. We have people over frequently, some of whom are smokers, and we all sit on the back patio and usually have the grill going, a few smokers smoking, and later we build a fire in the fire pit. We haven't had any complaints from neighbors with small children so far, but then again we aren't right on top of anyone who has them. Our baby's room is on the opposite side of our house but we don't leave her window open, mainly because the neighbor's dogs bark constantly and that or kids yelling on the street sometimes wakes her. If anyone ever came to us and asked us nicely to curtail our activities after a certain time, I know we would at least be open to a conversation and some sort of compromise. As neighbors, that's just what you do, ya know?

I think if it were us in your situation, I would just close the baby's window. But, we have ceiling fans that keep all the rooms pretty cool even when it's hot outside. There has to be a compromise here somewhere that you and your neighbor can work out. Here's hoping, anyway!

 

[tammy77]

^My point was that from what I understood, the smoker is smoking on her own property (on her back porch). My response is still the same - I wouldn't ask someone not to smoke on their own stoop. If she gets along with the neighbor, I guess there would be no harm in asking her not to smoke there and just see how the neighbor responds.
Having said that, if we're talking about threats to the baby, I consider it a safety threat to sleep with the windows open...

The threat of a burglar is a fear based on very rare situations and more than likely never something that would be encountered in her neighborhood. The purpose of her post was to ask whether or not it would be okay to ask her neighbor to choose a different location to smoke, not to question her parenting because she keeps a window open in the evening.

The issue of second hand smoke is such a proven danger that people can't smoke in restaurants and in California at least, many other places. It's not even remotely possible to say that second hand smoke is harmless. It isn't.

While yes, the neighbor is within her rights to refuse, I would truly be surprised if she did since this involves a baby AND she's only asking for certain hours in the evening while she's cooling off the baby's room.

 

[momhappy]

^My point was that from what I understood, the smoker is smoking on her own property (on her back porch). My response is still the same - I wouldn't ask someone not to smoke on their own stoop. If she gets along with the neighbor, I guess there would be no harm in asking her not to smoke there and just see how the neighbor responds.
Having said that, if we're talking about threats to the baby, I consider it a safety threat to sleep with the windows open...

The threat of a burglar is a fear based on very rare situations and more than likely never something that would be encountered in her neighborhood. The purpose of her post was to ask whether or not it would be okay to ask her neighbor to choose a different location to smoke, not to question her parenting because she keeps a window open in the evening.

The issue of second hand smoke is such a proven danger that people can't smoke in restaurants and in California at least, many other places. It's not even remotely possible to say that second hand smoke is harmless. It isn't.

While yes, the neighbor is within her rights to refuse, I would truly be surprised if she did since this involves a baby AND she's only asking for certain hours in the evening while she's cooling off the baby's room.

Burglary/home invasion occurs everywhere and I do not consider it a fear-based threat. Like I said before, I live in what most people consider a very safe town. My neighborhood is middle/upper class and has had several burglaries/break-ins over the past 10 years. Many of them have occurred while my neighbors were home and asleep in their beds. We also had a college student that was pulled from her home late at night (she left her home unsecured while she was studying), taken to the bank and forced to withdraw money, and then returned only to be shot dead in the street. You may not consider it a real threat or a proven danger, but I do. I only brought it up because I thought it was sort of ironic to be discussing health/safety issues when a baby's room is left unsecured each night at bed time.
I happen to completely agree with you about second hand smoke - I despise smoking and I have never said that second hand smoke is harmless (on the contrary, I believe it to be quite harmful). I just don't think it's feasible to expect that a homeowner not smoke on their own porch. No harm in asking, but compliance is another issue all together.

 

[megumic]

As to the smoke, my husband and I are considering talking to the neighbor. We don't have a great rapport, as after Sandy her tree fell in our yard and it created issues. We will likely approach her though, since most seem to think it is reasonable.

As to the safety of open windows overnight in the nursery, it is on the second floor and about 10 feet from our bedroom. Also FWIW we live directly across from the local police dept.

The smoke is an absolute threat that 100% undoubtedly poses a risk. The windows open may or may not, but significantly less so. Plus the benefits of fresh air at night outweigh the risks of a potential burglar.

 

[hlmr]

Since she is probably smoking outside because she doesn't want the smoke in her home, she should/might be receptive to changing spots when having a puff, if she is made aware that it is coming right into your baby's window.

She is on her own property, but the smoke is breaching yours. Hopefully she will be receptive and move to a different spot. I would ask if it were me, and my baby. I probably wouldn't ask if it was just for myself.

Good Luck! Hope it works out.

 

[marymm]

If your neighbor also lives directly across from the police dept. I understand why she chooses to smoke out on her back porch rather than her front porch. Is it even possible that smoking on her front porch will resolve the issue? If you can smell her cigarette smoke from her back porch from your baby's room and then way over in your room, then it is likely there is no place on her property she can smoke without it being detectable in your baby's room.

Like others have said, she is entirely within her rights to smoke on her own property. If your concern with her smoking arises at 7pm when you put your baby asleep, then I am assuming the room gets fresh air during the daytime hours, and using a fan or air conditioner a few hours each evening in your baby's room is more reasonable in my mind than asking your neighbor to stop smoking at 7pm each night.

 

[LAJennifer]

I would just close the window until she is done smoking for the evening.

 

[megumic]

If your neighbor also lives directly across from the police dept. I understand why she chooses to smoke out on her back porch rather than her front porch. Is it even possible that smoking on her front porch will resolve the issue? If you can smell her cigarette smoke from her back porch from your baby's room and then way over in your room, then it is likely there is no place on her property she can smoke without it being detectable in your baby's room.

Like others have said, she is entirely within her rights to smoke on her own property. If your concern with her smoking arises at 7pm when you put your baby asleep, then I am assuming the room gets fresh air during the daytime hours, and using a fan or air conditioner a few hours each evening in your baby's room is more reasonable in my mind than asking your neighbor to stop smoking at 7pm each night.

Yeah, this is our thought. A PP suggested we come up with solutions before presenting the problem and I think because the baby's room has windows in the front AND back, then it's lose lose for us. Maybe we will just keep rear windows closed where she smokes and front ones open. Well, in any event, this thread has helped us further explore this issue in advance of approaching her. Thanks everyone!

 

[partgypsy]

Well I'm a nonsmoker, and a couple members of my family are smokers. They know when they are visiting either me or my brother, to go on the back stoop to smoke. Most likely your neighbor is probably complying with the requests of other nonsmokers, ones who either live with them or visit, to smoke outside, rather than the convenient thing which is to smoke inside. Believe me smokers do not smell the smoking residue so avoiding smoking up the interior is NOT the reason. It's either because of some other nonsmoker request, or they simply enjoy being outdoors and enjoying a smoke at the same time.
Also, my smoking family members are always telling me about the latest restrictions on smoking, whether it is restaurants, bars, and at work.

So just to give you a perspective, this person is probably already doing something they perceive as inconvenient. They are doing it on their own property, one of the few places left they can legally smoke. And now you are going to ask them to not do that as well.

Just like someone firing up a grill or burning wood in a fire pit, sure you may ask your neighbors not to do that on their property, but they are well within their right to refuse.

I think a fan not in the window itself but in the room directed towards the windows should help with ventilation.

 

[hlmr]

Well I'm a nonsmoker, and a couple members of my family are smokers. They know when they are visiting either me or my brother, to go on the back stoop to smoke. Most likely your neighbor is probably complying with the requests of other nonsmokers, ones who either live with them or visit, to smoke outside, rather than the convenient thing which is to smoke inside. Believe me smokers do not smell the smoking residue so avoiding smoking up the interior is NOT the reason. It's either because of some other nonsmoker request, or they simply enjoy being outdoors and enjoying a smoke at the same time.
Also, my smoking family members are always telling me about the latest restrictions on smoking, whether it is restaurants, bars, and at work.

So just to give you a perspective, this person is probably already doing something they perceive as inconvenient. They are doing it on their own property, one of the few places left they can legally smoke. And now you are going to ask them to not do that as well.

Just like someone firing up a grill or burning wood in a fire pit, sure you may ask your neighbors not to do that on their property, but they are well within their right to refuse.

I think a fan not in the window itself but in the room directed towards the windows should help with ventilation.

If you are a non-smoker, I do not understand how you can be so certain about this statement.

 

[Laila619]

I'd just shut the windows. Put a fan in his room or turn on the AC. I don't think it's worth it to get into a possible confrontation with the neighbor.