Siblings and sleeping arrangements

[NewEnglandLady]

Would love advice/experience from PS mamas with multiple kiddos.

I have a two year old who has always been a great sleeper. She slept in our bedroom until she was about 3 months, now has her own room. She wakes up and cries maybe once every two weeks (bad dream, not feeling well, etc.)

We also have a 2.5 month old who is currently in our bedroom, but has been STTN (8pm - 8am) with either no wakeups or a brief (<2 min.) wakeup for a couple of weeks.

Our toddler's room far enough from our room that if she wakes up, the infant can't hear it. And vice versa. So right now they can't wake each other up.

I feel like it's time to transition our infant into her nursery, but her nursery is close to our toddler's room. You see where this is going...I'm worried that when I transition the infant, then any sleep regression is going to wake our toddler. The transition will have to happen sometime, I just hate to rock the boat when everybody sleeps so well right now.

Curious what others have done. Is it a non issue? Should I maybe start with naps (the infant naps in her nursery unless the nap overlaps with the toddler's nap--then I put the infant in our bedroom). I'm also curious about sleep training down the road. Our toddler never needed much training, but I did let her CIO of she had regressions. I'm worried I'll be more prone to pick up our infant when she's crying so as not to wake the toddler.

Love to hear from the BTDT moms or moms who have a plan when it comes to sleeping arrangements for future additions!

 

[soxfan]

my kids are 18 months apart. I put my son IN my daughters room (they shared a room for 7 years) when he was like 6 months old. She NEVER woke up when he cried or woke up. If your oldest is a sound sleeper, I bet you will be just fine.

 

[amc80]

I'm obviously not BTDT, but I'm so jealous that you have a newborn sleeping for 12 hours at a time. OMG.

We will be in the same situation once we finally have #2. B has an air purifier in his room that creates a fairly decent white noise, so I think that will help. Also, one of our cats likes to howl very loudly, and that never wakes up him.

 

[soxfan]

Yes, my kids have always had white noise too.

 

[soxfan]

I'm obviously not BTDT, but I'm so jealous that you have a newborn sleeping for 12 hours at a time. OMG.

We will be in the same situation once we finally have #2. B has an air purifier in his room that creates a fairly decent white noise, so I think that will help. Also, one of our cats likes to howl very loudly, and that never wakes up him.

My son was sleeping through the night at 2 1/2 weeks old. AND he was breastfed! I told the doctor I felt like I should wake him up to feed. He said I was nuts. It was awful, though- because I was SO engorged for a while. Then I adjusted. He was RAVENOUS in the morning....

 

[NewEnglandLady]

My sister has a 15 month old who has always been a bad sleeper...plus she's pregnant. She's asked me a few times how bad the sleep deprivation is with two and I genuinely feel bad telling her that my kids don't keep me up, but my snoring husband does. I will say that while Cora is a great sleeper, she pretty much eats constantly from 5/6pm to 8pm (she takes a break for her 7pm bath), so that can make dinner time and the bedtime routine challenging.

Soxfan, good to know your toddler didn't wake. I really hope that is the case in our house, too.

 

[Puppmom]

NEL, our boys are 2.5 years apart. I worried about the same exact thing. N1 is not and has never been a great overnighter sleeper (he’s a nap champion though!) so I was worried the baby would wake him. N2 woke round the clock every 2-3 hours until he was about 7 months old when we let him CIO (DH took N1 away for the weekend and it worked!). The boys’ rooms share a wall and our upstairs lacks a true hallway so sound really travels. I was so sure this would be a problem but never has been. Well, except when DD comes home at midnight and acts like it’s 2pm. That kid could wake the entire house!

Now, we’re trying to figure out when we can bunk them up to save on space. Their bedtimes are different and their routines are too. Fingers crossed that this time next year they’re sharing a room and we have an office again!

PS – so happy those kids are letting you get some sleep!

 

[packrat]

The kids each sleep in their own room, they never slept w/us. (well, I should clarify that, they slept w/us if they were sick or it was storming, or I slept w/them) When they were little, I had a cd play thru the night in the room. Now London sleeps w/a big fan on, just like we do. The (small) bathroom is between their rooms. There's never been a problem w/the kids waking each other up. If anything, Trapper would wake to the sound of the toilet flushing or that horrible noise the metal shower hooks make on the metal rod when I'd be in there in the mornings.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Thanks for the white noise suggestions--both of them sleep with white noise machines and I do think that will help.

Pupp, good luck with your transition. It will be nice to have an office again. I sometimes wonder if my girls will want to share a room at some point. I wouldn't mind since that means more space for their toys.

Pack rat, our house is set up the same way. A bathroom is what separates the two rooms. The toddler isn't potty trained, so the good news is that she won't be flushing the toilet in the middle of the night.

DH isn't ready to move the infant yet, but we agreed the transition should happen before I go back to work. I'm already starting to wake her up when I shower in the mornings.

 

[mia1181]

my kids are 18 months apart. I put my son IN my daughters room (they shared a room for 7 years) when he was like 6 months old. She NEVER woke up when he cried or woke up. If your oldest is a sound sleeper, I bet you will be just fine.

This is our plan. DD will be 19months when DS arrives and we will keep him in our room until he is STTN (probably about 4 months because we sleep train) and then he will share with DD. I did a lot of research on this because we have leased our small, two bedroom house for another 1.5 years. I've read that it is possible to CIO (our chosen method of sleep training) with two in one room. I've also read that having them go to bed at the same time means any crying and fussing is happening at the same time, so that might help.

I think you should absolutely be fine with two separate rooms especially if there is a bathroom between. Our guest bathroom shares the same wall as my daughter's crib and we've never been shy about using the toilet when she is sleeping.

 

[momhappy]

My kids are all very close in age and I was very careful with sleeping arrangements. Each child had a white noise machine in their rooms and I also purchased these "draft guard" style contraptions that fit under the door and help to block out noise. I purchased mine from Etsy and had someone custom make them. There are lots of sellers who make them, but here's just one example:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/109368788/custom-door-dual-draft-guard-usa-made?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=double+draft+guard&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery
I believe that you can also buy them on places like Amazon, etc. and they just slip right under the door.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Our older son was 2.5 when our younger son was born. The baby was in our room for the first 6 months of his life -- he took a long time to transition into his own bed and sleeping on his own. Then we moved him into his own room right next to his big brother -- just a thin wall in between. Amazingly, our older son has rarely woken up when the younger screams! I had no idea he was such a sound sleeper. Just a few months ago we transitioned the boys to sleep in the same room -- older is 5 and younger is almost 3 -- and even now the older boy rarely wakes up unless the younger really screams bloody murder. They share a room so we have a spare room again for our frequent family guests, and because the older son tends to be scared at night and has nightmares and he is no longer scared since he shares a room with his brother. I was pretty scared of the transition to sharing a room, but it was very easy. The older one already knew he could not get out of bed until his "sun" came up on his clock, and when they started sharing, we added the rule that he was not allowed to wake his brother up either until his sun came up (the older is an earlier riser than the younger).

So my point is this -- is your older child a sound sleeper? Can you go into her room without waking her? If yes, then don't worry about it!

My second point is this -- it won't be as bad as you fear!

But my general rule of parenting is "let sleeping dogs and babies lie". I would not move your younger one unless you really need to. If things are working now, leave them be until there is a concrete reason to change things.

 

[airdancer]

I want to second the white noise machine. My oldest has been using my version of a white noise machine - an ipod with a white noise app - since he was an infant. When his newborn sister was moved into his room , he was only 15 months old. She did wake him up occassionally when she starts to wail. I try to get to her before she starts to wail. That usually works.

She's now 1 and he's now 2. They go to bed at the same time. So far, no crying at bed time. It is lullabies, white noise, bottle and zzzzz. They wake each other up on occassion. We will bring the child who did the waking over to our room (sick, teething, etc). Let the other child go back to sleep.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

We made the move two weeks ago, so I thought I'd come back and update. You were all right--there was really no issue at all. We tuck Cora in first, then put Katie to bed and I think Katie likes that Cora is in the next room. They both have noise machines, so if Cora cries a little before falling asleep, it doesn't bother Katie at all. Katie gets up first, but Cora doesn't cry when I go in Katie's room. I'm sure there will be tough nights ahead, but so far, so good!

And it's SO NICE to have my bedroom back!!!!!

 

[ponder]

We made the move two weeks ago, so I thought I'd come back and update. You were all right--there was really no issue at all. We tuck Cora in first, then put Katie to bed and I think Katie likes that Cora is in the next room. They both have noise machines, so if Cora cries a little before falling asleep, it doesn't bother Katie at all. Katie gets up first, but Cora doesn't cry when I go in Katie's room. I'm sure there will be tough nights ahead, but so far, so good!

And it's SO NICE to have my bedroom back!!!!!

I'm a little late to the party, but just wanted to say that I'm glad everything went so smoothly. I have 3 little ones, ages 5, 3.5, and 2. We have found that most things that my DH and I worry about with the kids go a lot easier than we ever imagined (getting our girls to share a room, getting our son out of our bed, getting rid of pacifiers, extensive travel, etc.). I think as adults we tend to over think things.