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Should Women Wear Engagement Rings to Interviews?

Lottie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
701
I think anyone that wears a diamond to an interview for a non profit making job that deals in helping people with the effects of non conflict diamonds doesn't deserve the job. Regardless of the stones origin. Other than that I would have thought it depends on the job you are being interviewed for.

The question at what point is a ring considered big is interesting. Pre Pricescope I would have thought anything over 0.80cts was big but now that I have been exposed to the collections here I am jaded by anything under 1.5cts - including my own rings (much less than 1.5 ct) which seem to be shrinking when I'm not looking!! ;-)
 

Alistra

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2000
Messages
425
Lottie, I agree that the example woman from the article was making quite a stupid choice! Of course you should always consider your audience.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jul 7, 2004
Messages
10,763
I hadn't had an interview in a decade until last year when I finally grew a spine and walked out of the agency I was a parnter of. I went on a few interviews and my mom actually commented that not wearing my e-ring would be smart. Just to wear a plain band. I didn't listen for the first interview and it was a job I REALLY wanted, and would have rocked at, and was asking a lot of money to do. They didn't hire me, and they told me I was "too expensive", and I actually honestly thought "how would they possibly consider me too expensive, I was asking less than they were planning to pay me?" So I think it's the ring. I wore just a plain band to the rest and was offered all the jobs that I didn't wear any bling to.

I don't really know if that's coincidence, but I do think it's a good idea to not show off the money unless you are interviewing for a job regarding bling or handling high value stuff.
 

JulieN

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Jul 25, 2005
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The most conservative, accepted etiquette is this: you may always wear your bridal set. Any other diamonds or colored stones are not appropriate, especially not on your wristwatch. And... once you think you look perfect, remove one piece.
 

kenny

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Apr 30, 2005
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Not if you are interviewing new fiances.
 

Alistra

Shiny_Rock
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Nov 20, 2000
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425
Kenny, LOL But then how will they know what what my expectations are? :naughty:

Ame, thanks for sharing your experience!

I hope to start interviewing for web development internships. I am in my 30's (returning to school for a career change). I also I worked in the jewelry industry for several years (which of course they will see on my resume). Although my rings are nice, they are pretty average by PS standards :D Still, I would hate to lose out because someone thought that I "didn't need" the job. That line of thinking is silly though - I would hire someone because they were a good fit, and they genuinely wanted the job.
 

wannaBMrsH

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Joined
Sep 27, 2008
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1,049
I work in HR and I can absolutely say that this is never explicitly talked about, but it has a huge bearing on how the candidates are viewed by the interviewer. We once had a candidate that might have been a great fit, but she came to the interview wearing Christian Louboutin shoes, carrying a Louis Vuitton bag and a very big engagement ring (I honestly don't know what size, but I have a 1.5 and hers was WAY bigger than mine!) The hiring manager stated that she seemed "high maintenance" and wanted to find someone who was more down to earth. We asked for explanation such as did she say something or did a reference say that and he said no, it was just an impression he got.

Keep in mind, I know the designers because I appreciate beautiful things, the hiring manager did not know name brands, it was just the way he perceived her during that fleeting first impression. I have CLs and I wear them to work, I have nice handbags (Chloe, Marc Jacobs, etc.) and I carry them to work and I wear my ER, but he KNOWS me and he doesn't know the brands. I didn't wear my ER or anything "flashy" to my interview just because that has always been the advice: "Don't wear anything that distracts from you, your answers and your accomplishments."

There will always be time to wear the pretty and shiny things later, once I have the job.
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
I never ever wear my ring to any interview.

Yesterday, I had a court deposition where I was the plaintiff...I didn't wear it to that either.
 
Joined
Mar 23, 2008
Messages
5,384
I think it depends. It SHOULDN'T matter, but EVERYWHERE I go people get distracted by my rings, necklaces, and earrings. Even if I'm wearing them with grubby clothes ;-) I was in sephora once and an SA made a beeline for me from the exact opposite of the store and wanted to talk diamonds when I had questions about products. Every time I get a hair cut, I get comments on the earrings or ring (even if I wear pearls). It has crossed small talk almost every single time too (and being polite). "How much did that cost" and "WOW what else do you own" are just things I hear too much. I even make a point not to wear certain jewelry items if I want to be taken seriously and I haven't before (ahm, obgyn ... we need to talk ovaries, not diamonds =) )

For me, I would want them to focus on me and my talents, not the diamonds so I wouldn't wear them.

Unless, I was interviewing for a jewelry store or something and wanted to discuss what I know already- my pieces would be a good starting point. That will NEVER happen, so I'm not worried ;-)


ETA: sorry for rambling :|
 

Lottie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
701
Alistra|1313701545|2993677 said:
Kenny, LOL But then how will they know what what my expectations are? :naughty:

Ame, thanks for sharing your experience!

I hope to start interviewing for web development internships. I am in my 30's (returning to school for a career change). I also I worked in the jewelry industry for several years (which of course they will see on my resume). Although my rings are nice, they are pretty average by PS standards :D Still, I would hate to lose out because someone thought that I "didn't need" the job. That line of thinking is silly though - I would hire someone because they were a good fit, and they genuinely wanted the job.
I agree and I think its a shame but If just wearing a plain band instead of the engagement ring could be a deciding factor in me getting a job I really wanted, then I would err on the side of caution and just wear the band. I guess sometimes its better to blend in.

Good luck in the interviews.
 

MustangGal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2004
Messages
2,029
I don't wear my e-ring to interviews, just a simple pave wedding band. Like others have stated, I don't want to look like I don't need the job, or am high maintenance. I also work in HR, and first impressions at interviews can count more than you'd think!
 

Alistra

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2000
Messages
425
wannaBMrsH, thank you for the "insider" perspective! I have had a few informational interviews (two with people who work at my target organization), and one of them pointed out my rings to her colleague. This is someone I know personally, so she knows about my thing for diamonds. Still, I could see how that could be a disadvantage. I want to be smart, and not do anything to remove myself from consideration for positions.

Thanks Lottie! :D
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
I do think it's good to consider your audience, as you said, Alistra. I've never been in a situation where I would choose not to wear my engagement ring though.
 

Circe

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Trade
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Apr 26, 2007
Messages
8,087
I think it's a pity that men's status symbols are seen as a sign of their success, and women's are seen as a sign of their lack of seriousness because, undoubtedly, some man provided them. Has anybody ever seen a man counseled not to wear his Rolex to an interview, much less his wedding band? Nope, because the former indicates that he deserves every dollar that he's asking for, and the latter that he will in all probability not be distracted from his job by the minutia of day-to-day life. It's like a microcosm of gender bias.

That said, I tone my look down for interviews as far as it will go, in full knowledge of the above. You've got to get to a certain level of the game before you can start changing the rules.
 

Alistra

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2000
Messages
425
Astute observations Circe. *sigh* It is sad, but I agree that many people think that way. Those are such dumb assumptions too. My husband and I, like many modern couples, purchased my jewelry together with our joint money. Also, just because my husband enjoys a fairly successful career, that does not make me devoid of my own ambitions. Arrg! :((
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
Wow. Before reading this thread I never would have thought twice about wearing my ERing to an interview!!! Now in the future I k ow better...
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2004
Messages
10,763
bean|1313701969|2993690 said:
I think it depends. It SHOULDN'T matter
For me, I would want them to focus on me and my talents,
This is what I glommed onto in your post...and it's beyond jewelry that I feel like these are major. When I was in college and interviewing for my first graphics jobs I had blood red hair, a TON of piercings and still some visible ink. My parents were trying to beat into my head that I could not work in the real world like that. I still did get some jobs but not the agency stuff. When I took the metal out of my face, and toned the hair down to a more "realistic" red shade, I DID get the agency gigs. I did put the metal back in, and a little brighter back in the hair but when I started working in the wedding industry, that same mentality existed. Yes, people expect artists to look eccentric and weird. But you aren't taken as seriously by the corporate world, or by the wedding industry, and especially not the country club sect that at least half of my work comes from. They appreciate quirky but they don't want to be seen with it ;-) So I have DEFINITELY learned a lot about that with experience despite desperately wanting to look as much the freak as I am.
 

Alistra

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2000
Messages
425
ame|1313704921|2993737 said:
bean|1313701969|2993690 said:
I think it depends. It SHOULDN'T matter
For me, I would want them to focus on me and my talents,
This is what I glommed onto in your post...and it's beyond jewelry that I feel like these are major. When I was in college and interviewing for my first graphics jobs I had blood red hair, a TON of piercings and still some visible ink. My parents were trying to beat into my head that I could not work in the real world like that. I still did get some jobs but not the agency stuff. When I took the metal out of my face, and toned the hair down to a more "realistic" red shade, I DID get the agency gigs. I did put the metal back in, and a little brighter back in the hair but when I started working in the wedding industry, that same mentality existed. Yes, people expect artists to look eccentric and weird. But you aren't taken as seriously by the corporate world, or by the wedding industry, and especially not the country club sect that at least half of my work comes from. They appreciate quirky but they don't want to be seen with it ;-) So I have DEFINITELY learned a lot about that with experience despite desperately wanting to look as much the freak as I am.
Ame, that is a really good way of putting it! I wish to direct focus towards my talents, portfolio and sparkling personality. :D Distracting from that really does not make any sense.
 

AmeliaG

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2011
Messages
880
Yeah, its an unsettling perception that if a man wears a Rolex, HE paid for it and if a woman wears a 2 ct diamond HE paid for it.

But, that being said, TBH, I haven't bought myself a diamond and I don't know a woman in my circle of friends who has either so there may be some truth in the perception.

ETA: Sometimes I think the diamond industry needs an ad campaign similar to the one the gold industry did awhile back showing women buying themselves nice gold jewelry. It definitely planted the seed. I know a lot of women who buy themselves gold and when I was growing up, it was almost unheard of.
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,611
I feel like it's kind of silly (and possibly insulting to my hub) to have to leave my e-ring at home for a job interview. Why should it matter? I get that first impressions count, but I never thought an e-ring would make an impression one way or the other, unless it's like a 5 carat rock. If I'm not mistaken, I believe the average e-ring size in the US is something like .50 ct? So I don't think most people are wearing super flashy rings to interviews.
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
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AmeliaG|1313705382|2993744 said:
Yeah, its an unsettling perception that if a man wears a Rolex, HE paid for it and if a woman wears a 2 ct diamond HE paid for it.

But, that being said, TBH, I haven't bought myself a diamond and I don't know a woman in my circle of friends who has either so there may be some truth in the perception.

ETA: Sometimes I think the diamond industry needs an ad campaign similar to the one the gold industry did awhile back showing women buying themselves nice gold jewelry. It definitely planted the seed. I know a lot of women who buy themselves gold and when I was growing up, it was almost unheard of.
I think that's what De Beers was trying to do with the whole "Left hand rocks the cradle, right hand rules the world ...." ad campaign, but all it succeeded in doing was introducing the rather obnoxious term "right hand ring" into the common vernacular.

I guess it depends on how we define buying a diamond for oneself. I mean ... I got engaged to my husband the same year I finished my Ph.D., meaning that prior to that? I was living off a poverty-level grad stipend in one of the most expensive cities in the world. No diamonds, alas.

Since then, most of my jewelry has been given for a gift-giving occasion ... but at the end of the day, our money goes into a common pot, and we decide on budgets together, so that's more a perspective than a fact. We certainly get better things all around because of his plus-side-of-the-wage-gap-salary in a male-dominated field, but ... if I was a single lady in the humanities, I'd still be buying bling for myself! It'd probably just be, a) smaller, and, b) still assumed to have been a gift.

I do feel like women are discouraged from buying status symbols for themselves that are status symbols qua status symbols, and redirected into buying things that are employed in the pursuit of attracting a mate (who can then buy us status symbols which will reflect well on him). Every couple of months, here or on one of the other accessory forums, I see a "Should I buy myself a ring?" thread, and the advice is almost always, no, don't discourage potential suitors: buy yourself a pendant (the better to decorate your secondary sex characteristics, my dear!), or a pair of sexy designer shoes, or a spa weekend, or what-have-you.

Of course, even then, we can still be seen as "high maintenance," as per WannaBMrsH's post. Drab like the peahen (or rather, adhering to the standards set for men, whether it's in terms of appearance or work-life balance) appears to be the way for us to go ....

ETA: Thanks, Alistra! Ex-ACT-ly.
 

iheartscience

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Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
I never wear my e-ring to job interviews. I usually don't wear my wedding band either, because married women are viewed as less stable than unmarried women (i.e. they'll get knocked up and quit). Plus I don't think my marital status is an interviewer's business.

It's not fair and it's not right, but it exists, and I want to get hired and get paid as much as I possibly can, so I play the game!

On a related note, my first "professional" job was in academia and there was a very lax dress code. I partook in the lax dress code and wore jeans and nice but casual tops, just like my 2 direct supervisors. However, I think dressing casually harmed my credibility with some of the higher ups in the department. The job was miserable anyway, so I got out as soon as I could, but I've been strictly business/business casual at my jobs since. I don't even wear jeans on Friday.

I now also go by my full name and not the nickname that all my friends and family call me. My nickname sounds less professional than my full name, IMO. Gotta play the game!
 

LGK

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 27, 2007
Messages
2,975
I've never looked at interviewee's rings when I interview people. However, for the type of job I hire people for (customer service at an antique mall) a woman who is just working for fun and doesn't really need the money is an absolute perfect fit. So if I ran across someone who had a great ring, I'd probably think it was a point in their favor for fitting the profile of the best types of employees we've had over the years. So it really, *really* depends on the audience!

On the other hand, when we've done things like meeting the board of equalization at the court house? I take my jewelry off. Didn't stop the board from speaking directly to my chest, but whatever... I can't leave those at home! :rolleyes:
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
I wore my original wedding set when I was on the interview circuit a year and a half ago, and I got a job in a very competitive field. It didn't seem to hinder me at all. If I find myself interviewing again in the future, I'll wear my new set to interviews.
 

Dancing Fire

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32,399
IMO...you should wear your Ering to interviews,in fact you should walk in looking like you just robbed Tiff & Co to show that you are "high maintenance" then they'll offer you a higher salary.. ;))
 

Alistra

Shiny_Rock
Joined
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Messages
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thing2of2|1313706533|2993754 said:
I never wear my e-ring to job interviews. I usually don't wear my wedding band either, because married women are viewed as less stable than unmarried women (i.e. they'll get knocked up and quit). Plus I don't think my marital status is an interviewer's business.

It's not fair and it's not right, but it exists, and I want to get hired and get paid as much as I possibly can, so I play the game!

On a related note, my first "professional" job was in academia and there was a very lax dress code. I partook in the lax dress code and wore jeans and nice but casual tops, just like my 2 direct supervisors. However, I think dressing casually harmed my credibility with some of the higher ups in the department. The job was miserable anyway, so I got out as soon as I could, but I've been strictly business/business casual at my jobs since. I don't even wear jeans on Friday.

I now also go by my full name and not the nickname that all my friends and family call me. My nickname sounds less professional than my full name, IMO. Gotta play the game!
Thing2of2, yes you are right that sometimes we have to play the game - especially if we hope to win! My husband actually works at my target organization, so leaving my wedding band off probably would not make sense. Although it is a large place, there is a reasonable chance that the interviewer(s) would know him. For the most part, I think this is an advantage because he is well-liked/respected. :bigsmile:
 

maplefemme

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May 12, 2011
Messages
874
wannaBMrsH|1313701727|2993683 said:
"Don't wear anything that distracts from you, your answers and your accomplishments."
I find this works best, the rest is "garnish". Most inverviewers want to see competency in a well put together package, anything extra can make for assumptions.
 

AmeliaG

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Jan 8, 2011
Messages
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Circe|1313706427|2993753 said:
AmeliaG|1313705382|2993744 said:
I do feel like women are discouraged from buying status symbols for themselves that are status symbols qua status symbols, and redirected into buying things that are employed in the pursuit of attracting a mate (who can then buy us status symbols which will reflect well on him). Every couple of months, here or on one of the other accessory forums, I see a "Should I buy myself a ring?" thread, and the advice is almost always, no, don't discourage potential suitors: buy yourself a pendant (the better to decorate your secondary sex characteristics, my dear!), or a pair of sexy designer shoes, or a spa weekend, or what-have-you.
Now that's really sick! It's like a woman is not permitted to give herself status, only a man can give her status.

In all fairness though, men do face some of the same preconceptions during interviews with male status symbols like designer suits and expensive watches. Wearing a suit or watch that looks overbudget for the salary of the job a man is interviewing for is considered an enormous interviewing faux pas for men. Interviewers can and do make the judgement that he can't manage money wisely and if he's interviewing for a position with considerable budgetary responsibilities, it can be a serious black mark.
 
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