Should kids get R&R days?

[MichelleCarmen]

Kids do get school vacations and weekends, but always, there are siblings around for at least part of the day. If one son goes to a friend's house, it'll only be for a few hours, and when we have friends over here, both brothers are together.

Both my kids have impeccable attendance records and neither missed any school until Jan or Feb, and each have only missed two days. So, we're really on-the-ball with this.

But, now I wonder if it may actually be healthy for each child to miss a few days a year to rejuvenate during the eight hours the other child is gone.

Do you guys think it's okay for a child to have an occasional "day off" at home where he/she can enjoy peace and quiet by themself? Would you do this for your child?

 

[iluvcarats]

No. I think it is quite indulgent and teaches a child to be lazy. School is their job and responsibility. JMHO

ETA Not only does it teach your child to be lazy, but when you call and let the school know why your child is absent, you either tell the truth and say s/he is having an R&R day

, or you lie, which teaches them it is ok to lie.

 

[TravelingGal]

Uh, no.

 

[E B]

I''d be hesitant to pull my child(ren) out of school for ''R&R days'' when they could need actual sick days down the line.

Do your children complain about not getting enough alone time? If so, maybe they could have a period of ''alone time'' each evening. They have separate bedrooms, correct?

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Personally (as a non-parent) I think absolutely not.

I think kids need school...they get summer vacation, holidays, weekends, ligit sick days and an assortment of other days off a year...pulling them from structured learning to "chill out" isn''t something that even begins to make sense. Kids need to know that school is a responsibility. I am very close to my neice and nephew...and I am always shocked at how many days they have off.

I can understand wanting to do special things with you child, if you have multiple kids...but arranging them on allowed days off makes more sense. Hiring a babysitter and taking your child to a special movie, lunch and bookstore can easily be done on a scheduled day off.

 

[Burk]

I don''t like this idea either. Is there a time where one goes to a friend''s house and the other can stay home for rest?

 

[TravelingGal]

Honestly, I can''t believe anyone would consider pulling their kids out of school for a R&R day and some "alone" time. I''m still sputtering for an answer other than "uh, no" on this one.

 

[Burk]

Date: 5/13/2009 1:41:22 PM
Author: iluvcarats
No. I think it is quite indulgent and teaches a child to be lazy. School is their job and responsibility. JMHO


ETA Not only does it teach your child to be lazy, but when you call and let the school know why your child is absent, you either tell the truth and say s/he is having an R&R day

, or you lie, which teaches them it is ok to lie.

This reminds me. The other day our attendance secretary called home to check on a student who was absent and the parent said "yea, she''s sick" and our secretary said "what are her symptoms" and the parent replied "she''s sick of school"

Needless to say that child was counted truant for that day since "sick of school" is not an excused absence.

 

[mayachel]

eh..I''m going to base this off on my experience and not as a parent (no kids yet). When I was in high school, if I needed an R & R...(often the day before a paper was due) I would be "sick". Mostly, I just needed a break from school. Not necessarily sibling related.

I definitely missed maybe 5 days a year for what I jokingly told my friends were "mental health" days.

That being said, I was a straight "A" student who was involved in six million things, and likely a little overstretched.

 

[E B]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:06:59 PM
Author: Burk

This reminds me. The other day our attendance secretary called home to check on a student who was absent and the parent said 'yea, she's sick' and our secretary said 'what are her symptoms' and the parent replied 'she's sick of school'

Needless to say that child was counted truant for that day since 'sick of school' is not an excused absence.

The parent actually replied 'sick of school'? Wow.

I can see kids who are knowingly being given R&R days stretching one or two a year into several more through manipulation. Where would you draw the line? "Sorry, honey, you've already had your two R&R days this year." Granted, I'm not yet the parent of a school-aged child, but I can see how a plan like this could easily backfire, especially with younger children.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m not a mother yet but I would say no.

I''m not sure why a child would need alone time.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/13/2009 1:38:14 PM
Author:MC
Kids do get school vacations and weekends, but always, there are siblings around for at least part of the day. If one son goes to a friend''s house, it''ll only be for a few hours, and when we have friends over here, both brothers are together.

Both my kids have impeccable attendance records and neither missed any school until Jan or Feb, and each have only missed two days. So, we''re really on-the-ball with this.

But, now I wonder if it may actually be healthy for each child to miss a few days a year to rejuvenate during the eight hours the other child is gone.

Do you guys think it''s okay for a child to have an occasional ''day off'' at home where he/she can enjoy peace and quiet by themself? Would you do this for your child?

I''m still laughing over all this. "Rejuvenate?" Like that kid is going to tell you at the end of the day "ah...thanks for that, I feel so refreshed to have this alone time?" He''s just going to be happy he didn''t have to go to school and learn.

What''s healthy for kids is boundaries. You are the kid. You go to school. None of this, "aww...you''re feeling overwhelmed? How about a R&R day?"

And if I haven''t made myself clear yet, I would not (and could confidently say NEVER) do this for my child. I''d save those days from school for when she is really sick. If she needed a break from the other, I''d tell Dad to take one and I''ll have a day with the other. If they each had their own rooms and needed a break from one another, I''d banish them to their rooms.

R&R day? I''m dying here.

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 5/13/2009 1:48:37 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Uh, no.

What she said.

 

[Kaleigh]

For alone time, nah, wouldn''t do it. I do remember letting DD stay home for a mental health day, she was very stressed junior year with AP courses and just needed a day to sleep and chill. But that only happened once.

 

[Lilac]

I think in elementary school it might teach a child to be lazy or irresponsible. I was never allowed to stay home from elementary school unless I was sick (usually with fever or very bad symptoms). Same for 9th grade and 10th grade. I think this was for the best, and I learned the importance of school and being responsible and showing up to class when I was expected there.

However, by junior year and senior year of high school my mom started being a little more relaxed about it because she saw that I was an extremely hard worker and I would never decide not to go to school unless I knew I wouldn''t be missing anything important. So towards the end of high school, when I was feeling overwhelmed with my work and papers and just life in general, I would occasionally stay home from school when I had a really short day or when I only had one or two classes.

I don''t think it''s ok to let younger children stay home "just because," but I think once they''re older it really depends on the type of students they are. If I knew my child was generally someone who slacked off and didn''t do that well and didn''t try too hard I would never let him/her stay home unless they were sick, but if I knew he/she was a straight-A student who worked hard no matter what and wouldn''t choose to stay home even if they could unless they weren''t missing anything, then I might be more inclined to allow it once every few months.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:28:24 PM
Author: Kaleigh
For alone time, nah, wouldn''t do it. I do remember letting DD stay home for a mental health day, she was very stressed junior year with AP courses and just needed a day to sleep and chill. But that only happened once.

That makes more sense to me. HS students can get easily burnt out.

 

[lucyandroger]

Well, I''m going to jump in here and say that it depends on the child. My SO and I are both ivy league educated attorneys - so we made it through the school thing just fine and each of us were allowed R&R days (a couple a year - after a big paper was due or to recover from jet lag). I do not think it teaches a child to be lazy. Afterall, don''t most jobs allow a few personal days a year?

That being said, you have to know the reason behind wanting the day off. Honesty is key because you don''t want the child purposely trying to skip a test or if something is wrong at school, you want to know. Our moms much preferred us saying "hey, can I have the day off today because I''m just mentally exhausted" rather than **cough, cough** "I''m sick."

However, there are definitely children for whom this would be a BAD idea. You have to know your child.

 

[iluvcarats]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:39:21 PM
Author: lucyandroger
Well, I'm going to jump in here and say that it depends on the child. My SO and I are both ivy league educated attorneys - so we made it through the school thing just fine and each of us were allowed R&R days (a couple a year - after a big paper was due or to recover from jet lag). I do not think it teaches a child to be lazy. Afterall, don't most jobs allow a few personal days a year?


That being said, you have to know the reason behind wanting the day off. Honesty is key because you don't want the child purposely trying to skip a test or if something is wrong at school, you want to know. Our moms much preferred us saying 'hey, can I have the day off today because I'm just mentally exhausted' rather than **cough, cough** 'I'm sick.'


However, there are definitely children for whom this would be a BAD idea. You have to know your child.

I think there is a big difference between high school and elementary school. I think it is a very bad habit to establish this in elementary school. High school is different.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:42:38 PM
Author: iluvcarats

Date: 5/13/2009 2:39:21 PM
Author: lucyandroger
Well, I''m going to jump in here and say that it depends on the child. My SO and I are both ivy league educated attorneys - so we made it through the school thing just fine and each of us were allowed R&R days (a couple a year - after a big paper was due or to recover from jet lag). I do not think it teaches a child to be lazy. Afterall, don''t most jobs allow a few personal days a year?


That being said, you have to know the reason behind wanting the day off. Honesty is key because you don''t want the child purposely trying to skip a test or if something is wrong at school, you want to know. Our moms much preferred us saying ''hey, can I have the day off today because I''m just mentally exhausted'' rather than **cough, cough** ''I''m sick.''


However, there are definitely children for whom this would be a BAD idea. You have to know your child.

I think there is a big difference between high school and elementary school. I think it is a very bad habit to establish this in elementary school. High school is different.

That''s true. Elementary is different from high school.

I have to say that I would still hear my child out and see if they had a valid reason for wanting to stay home. Although my guess is that if they''re asking for R&R from elementary school, there is something wrong (bullying, teacher issues, etc.) that needs to be addressed.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:39:21 PM
Author: lucyandroger
Well, I''m going to jump in here and say that it depends on the child. My SO and I are both ivy league educated attorneys - so we made it through the school thing just fine and each of us were allowed R&R days (a couple a year - after a big paper was due or to recover from jet lag). I do not think it teaches a child to be lazy. Afterall, don''t most jobs allow a few personal days a year?

That being said, you have to know the reason behind wanting the day off. Honesty is key because you don''t want the child purposely trying to skip a test or if something is wrong at school, you want to know. Our moms much preferred us saying ''hey, can I have the day off today because I''m just mentally exhausted'' rather than **cough, cough** ''I''m sick.''

However, there are definitely children for whom this would be a BAD idea. You have to know your child.

I think there is a big difference between taking a day off in high school and one in elementary school.

High school is a different world. You have college prep classes, extracurricular activities, and sometimes work. But in elementary school, what is there to be "stressed over"?

In high school, esspecially senior year, I actually think it''s important to let teenagers have mild control over their choices. College is all about freedom and independence. I''d rather a teen be able to learn the importance of showing up and being mature in highschool--and suffering the consquences if they don''t...then getting to college and considering that a free-for-all. But, in elementary, you''re laying the ground work to show how important an education is...you''re helping your child under than school is a priority.

 

[iluvcarats]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:52:32 PM
Author: lucyandroger

Date: 5/13/2009 2:42:38 PM

Author: iluvcarats

Date: 5/13/2009 2:39:21 PM

Author: lucyandroger

Well, I''m going to jump in here and say that it depends on the child. My SO and I are both ivy league educated attorneys - so we made it through the school thing just fine and each of us were allowed R&R days (a couple a year - after a big paper was due or to recover from jet lag). I do not think it teaches a child to be lazy. Afterall, don''t most jobs allow a few personal days a year?




That being said, you have to know the reason behind wanting the day off. Honesty is key because you don''t want the child purposely trying to skip a test or if something is wrong at school, you want to know. Our moms much preferred us saying ''hey, can I have the day off today because I''m just mentally exhausted'' rather than **cough, cough** ''I''m sick.''



However, there are definitely children for whom this would be a BAD idea. You have to know your child.

I think there is a big difference between high school and elementary school. I think it is a very bad habit to establish this in elementary school. High school is different.

That''s true. Elementary is different from high school.


I have to say that I would still hear my child out and see if they had a valid reason for wanting to stay home. Although my guess is that if they''re asking for R&R from elementary school, there is something wrong (bullying, teacher issues, etc.) that needs to be addressed.

I think the OP was asking whether or not you would go out of your way to give your child a day of "peace and quiet". I wasn''t under the impression that the child was asking. Maybe I misunderstood the OP

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:58:36 PM
Author: iluvcarats

Date: 5/13/2009 2:52:32 PM
Author: lucyandroger

Date: 5/13/2009 2:42:38 PM

Author: iluvcarats

Date: 5/13/2009 2:39:21 PM

Author: lucyandroger

Well, I''m going to jump in here and say that it depends on the child. My SO and I are both ivy league educated attorneys - so we made it through the school thing just fine and each of us were allowed R&R days (a couple a year - after a big paper was due or to recover from jet lag). I do not think it teaches a child to be lazy. Afterall, don''t most jobs allow a few personal days a year?




That being said, you have to know the reason behind wanting the day off. Honesty is key because you don''t want the child purposely trying to skip a test or if something is wrong at school, you want to know. Our moms much preferred us saying ''hey, can I have the day off today because I''m just mentally exhausted'' rather than **cough, cough** ''I''m sick.''



However, there are definitely children for whom this would be a BAD idea. You have to know your child.

I think there is a big difference between high school and elementary school. I think it is a very bad habit to establish this in elementary school. High school is different.

That''s true. Elementary is different from high school.


I have to say that I would still hear my child out and see if they had a valid reason for wanting to stay home. Although my guess is that if they''re asking for R&R from elementary school, there is something wrong (bullying, teacher issues, etc.) that needs to be addressed.

I think the OP was asking whether or not you would go out of your way to give your child a day of ''peace and quiet''. I wasn''t under the impression that the child was asking. Maybe I misunderstood the OP

hmmm...okay. Yeah, I wouldn''t go out of the way to give them an R&R day if they didn''t bring it up themselves. If they''re happy and healthy...just let them be!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/13/2009 1:38:14 PM
Author:MC
I wonder if it may actually be healthy for each child to miss a few days a year to rejuvenate during the eight hours the other child is gone. Do you guys think it's okay for a child to have an occasional 'day off' at home where he/she can enjoy peace and quiet by themself?

This is possibly the most flagrant case of projection I've ever seen on PS. What KID craves "peace & quiet"?? Or needs to "rejuvenate" for that matter.

Projection explained.

So, my answer is NO! Besides, every kid in the world knows how to feign illness if they "need" a day off.

I certainly did.

And the useless trips to the doctor were at least good for a Slupree on the way home.

 

[Camille]

Big no:
* Siblings should try to be alone w/friend, Moms can make that happen.
* Great to hear about their school attendance

but:
* Where we live it costs $134 tax dollars a head per DAY.....your kid's school will be loosing that because of play/quiet time?
* Private schooling costs ABOUT the same but FAR more homework/teacher will have to find time next day to make up for your child's
play time.
* It is healthy for siblings to re-connect After school, ie spending time together fixing a snack?
* It's absolutely NOT okay to teach my children to be lazy, their job is to go to school, socialize, learn and do well.
* A trip to the library could be quiet, great time for Mom/child to enjoy while creating a great sample, can be done at home w/o
TV/Games/phone, my kids still love origami, even make their own diagramas.
* I'm gladly paying for My kid's Edu. I owe them that, therefore no IF/BUTS.

 

[Lauren8211]

Ditto to all those who said absolutely not.

Younger students have absolutely no need for an R&R day.

Upper level high school students on rare occassion may need a day to relax and catch up on work, and I think my mom have let me have a couple here and there. If she didn't, I just skipped class when I needed a break.

 

[Snicklefritz]

Date: 5/13/2009 2:28:24 PM
Author: Kaleigh
For alone time, nah, wouldn''t do it. I do remember letting DD stay home for a mental health day, she was very stressed junior year with AP courses and just needed a day to sleep and chill. But that only happened once.

My parents usually let me have one mental health day per school year. But it was usually on a day where my mom was off work, and we didn''t really relax. It was more of a bonding day. We would got to lunch or shopping or the zoo or something fun like that. It never did me any harm, but I was rarely missed a day of school due to illness, and I was a pretty good student. Plus, my school had the fewest vacation days of any school around.

I can''t remember ever needing serious R&R in grade school, though. In the later years of HS, sure, but not grade school. Are your kids incredibly active?

 

[neatfreak]

I also wonder what the heck elementary school kids have to be stressed over at school. Most kids LOVE elementary school!

Now as they get older and if you have a straight A student who needs a mental health day in high school I would be more willing to oblige.

But my general answer is a big NO.

 

[purrfectpear]

They already have tons more "days off" than we did when I went to school. I was surprised at the number of "in service" days that teachers had where my son had no school in the 90''s. WTH? Sure kept those day care centers in business

 

[fieryred33143]

MC-have your boys complained about being around each other too much?

My brothers are 15 months apart. When they were younger, they *loved* being around each other. It wasn''t until maybe 15/16 that they got on each other''s nerves. That lasted until they both went off to college and now they are best friends again.

If you really want to give them a day to themselves, then I would maybe dedicate a Saturday. You can take them to do their favorite thing without the other sibling. But I wouldn''t pull them away from school. What wold they do during their R&R day anyway? Play videogames? Watch TV? Sleep in all day? Not very productive. And even if they do get to just go outside, most kids don''t like to play outside alone.

 

[KimberlyH]

Not a chance. School is a child's job, and unless they are sick they need to be present every day. Sometimes, when I hear things like this, I think we're devolving as a society. We all need time to work and time to play, it's pretty simple, for kids work is school M-F and homework, play time is the weekend and when after school when homework is done. Kids need structure, love, and discipline far more than they need time to "rejuvinate."

An aside, that pertains to why I feel so strongly about this: I teach students that struggle and my students had a large report due to their teachers yesterday; one of my kids actually looked me in the eye and said he didn't complete the report (that he had been recieving extra help on in school for three weeks) because he went to Disneyland on Monday, instead of school, and didn't have time to finish it. I am devestated that his parents felt a trip to Disneyland was more important than him finishing the largest classroom assignment of the year.