- Joined
- Feb 22, 2009
- Messages
- 4,602
I need some logical perspective because I am in a very emotional place.
I have complex PTSD. This is a kind of PTSD that means I have lived through multiple and chronic traumas. It has totally ruined my life. I’m permanently disabled because of it. I don’t lay down and die with it...I fight it really, really hard with 13 years (so far) of therapy, groups, meds, hospitalizations, etc. One of the traumas I’ve lived through is one of my sons nearly dying. Not kind of almost, i thought he would die...the doctors in the hospital were telling me he would most likely die.
So fast forward to now, I have my puppy in training classes and the trainer is kind of a kook. She has no kids, she opted for dogs. She doesn’t seem to relate to people with kids. She has this really strict no cellphones policy and wants them turned off. That will never happen with me when I have my 13 year old son at home alone. Never. I will have my phone on vibrate. So last saturday, of course, my son called....he never calls, only texts. In that moment, i went into a PTSD event. This means my amygdala is hijacked and the graphic images start...i see him dying in the house..blood pouring out of him...burned...dismembered...all in perfect movie images. Meanwhile, the trainer just brought out her dog to do tricks...i can’t get out of the room! So i tuck myself into a corner and answer the phone. My son wanted nothing important...but stumbled over his words, which made my panic stronger because that told my brain that surely he was bleeding out and couldn’t get his words out. When i hung up the phone, the trainer was enraged. ENRAGED. Her face was beet red. She hissed that she has a no cell phone policy. I told her it was my son.
I didn’t absorb another piece of information from the class.... i’ve Been a wreck all week because these episodes last for a week or two.
Now the images are bleeding over to my new german shepherd puppy who is fearful. I’m worried she will bite someone if I don’t get her properly trained. I want to get her into private training and boost her confidence. I tried calling the trainer...on her website she says that she returns calls within a day. She didn’t return my call.
I have puppy class today. Do I explain why I answered my phone? Do I reveal my issues? There is a part of me that feels it will bounce off this individual, not everyone understands mental issues and tends to think it’s excuse making for bad behavior. The thing is, I really need her help with my dog because a fearful german shepherd isn’t a good thing. She’s the best trainer in town.
Thanks if you’ve read this far.
I have complex PTSD. This is a kind of PTSD that means I have lived through multiple and chronic traumas. It has totally ruined my life. I’m permanently disabled because of it. I don’t lay down and die with it...I fight it really, really hard with 13 years (so far) of therapy, groups, meds, hospitalizations, etc. One of the traumas I’ve lived through is one of my sons nearly dying. Not kind of almost, i thought he would die...the doctors in the hospital were telling me he would most likely die.
So fast forward to now, I have my puppy in training classes and the trainer is kind of a kook. She has no kids, she opted for dogs. She doesn’t seem to relate to people with kids. She has this really strict no cellphones policy and wants them turned off. That will never happen with me when I have my 13 year old son at home alone. Never. I will have my phone on vibrate. So last saturday, of course, my son called....he never calls, only texts. In that moment, i went into a PTSD event. This means my amygdala is hijacked and the graphic images start...i see him dying in the house..blood pouring out of him...burned...dismembered...all in perfect movie images. Meanwhile, the trainer just brought out her dog to do tricks...i can’t get out of the room! So i tuck myself into a corner and answer the phone. My son wanted nothing important...but stumbled over his words, which made my panic stronger because that told my brain that surely he was bleeding out and couldn’t get his words out. When i hung up the phone, the trainer was enraged. ENRAGED. Her face was beet red. She hissed that she has a no cell phone policy. I told her it was my son.
I didn’t absorb another piece of information from the class.... i’ve Been a wreck all week because these episodes last for a week or two.
Now the images are bleeding over to my new german shepherd puppy who is fearful. I’m worried she will bite someone if I don’t get her properly trained. I want to get her into private training and boost her confidence. I tried calling the trainer...on her website she says that she returns calls within a day. She didn’t return my call.
I have puppy class today. Do I explain why I answered my phone? Do I reveal my issues? There is a part of me that feels it will bounce off this individual, not everyone understands mental issues and tends to think it’s excuse making for bad behavior. The thing is, I really need her help with my dog because a fearful german shepherd isn’t a good thing. She’s the best trainer in town.
Thanks if you’ve read this far.