Should I reveal my issues?

[House Cat]

I need some logical perspective because I am in a very emotional place.

I have complex PTSD. This is a kind of PTSD that means I have lived through multiple and chronic traumas. It has totally ruined my life. I’m permanently disabled because of it. I don’t lay down and die with it...I fight it really, really hard with 13 years (so far) of therapy, groups, meds, hospitalizations, etc. One of the traumas I’ve lived through is one of my sons nearly dying. Not kind of almost, i thought he would die...the doctors in the hospital were telling me he would most likely die.

So fast forward to now, I have my puppy in training classes and the trainer is kind of a kook. She has no kids, she opted for dogs. She doesn’t seem to relate to people with kids. She has this really strict no cellphones policy and wants them turned off. That will never happen with me when I have my 13 year old son at home alone. Never. I will have my phone on vibrate. So last saturday, of course, my son called....he never calls, only texts. In that moment, i went into a PTSD event. This means my amygdala is hijacked and the graphic images start...i see him dying in the house..blood pouring out of him...burned...dismembered...all in perfect movie images. Meanwhile, the trainer just brought out her dog to do tricks...i can’t get out of the room! So i tuck myself into a corner and answer the phone. My son wanted nothing important...but stumbled over his words, which made my panic stronger because that told my brain that surely he was bleeding out and couldn’t get his words out. When i hung up the phone, the trainer was enraged. ENRAGED. Her face was beet red. She hissed that she has a no cell phone policy. I told her it was my son.

I didn’t absorb another piece of information from the class.... i’ve Been a wreck all week because these episodes last for a week or two.

Now the images are bleeding over to my new german shepherd puppy who is fearful. I’m worried she will bite someone if I don’t get her properly trained. I want to get her into private training and boost her confidence. I tried calling the trainer...on her website she says that she returns calls within a day. She didn’t return my call.

I have puppy class today. Do I explain why I answered my phone? Do I reveal my issues? There is a part of me that feels it will bounce off this individual, not everyone understands mental issues and tends to think it’s excuse making for bad behavior. The thing is, I really need her help with my dog because a fearful german shepherd isn’t a good thing. She’s the best trainer in town.

Thanks if you’ve read this far.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I can’t see how apologizing and explaining could hurt. I think a good apology goes a long way. Something like “I’m sorry I didn’t turn off my phone and was disrespectful of your rules. I really value your time and expertise, however I have a young child and turning my phone completely off is just too scary to me as a parent given some complex health issues. Is there anyway we can still find a way to work together?”

I find that a lot of people don’t apologize “well” in the sense that they start off with excuses and reasons the other person shouldn’t be upset, which sort of invalidates the other persons perspective and makes them more angry.

If the phone thing is a total deal breaker for the trainer is there anyway to have a phone tree in place for when you’re in puppy training? So that your child can call someone who would then call you if it’s truly an emergency? Or have a good friend babysit your phone during that time?

 

[Bonfire]

I’m so sorry for everything you have gone through and are going through. I’m not qualified to give you advice really. Maybe without going into too much detail, simply state that your son has medical conditions that require you to be available to him and if he calls you, you need to answer him. Period. I wouldn’t go into too much detail. Our dog trainer was a little goofy too. Maybe that’s what makes them so good at what they do, but the people angle not so much. You’re facing such challenging situations and I wish you well HC!

Edit to add good advice from making the grade

 

[missy]

Dear @House Cat I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this and think you’re doing an amazing job handling it all with strength and grace.

And yes I’d explain to the trainer. Most conflict in life is imo from miscommunication. Surely if she understands where you’re coming from and the why you had no choice but to answer your phone she’ll have empathy and get it. And if she doesn’t them too bad for her. And at that point you can decide if her class is the right class for you. And you don’t need to go into excruciating detail. Just share what you’re comfortable sharing.

However until she understands why you had to leave your phone on vibrate and why you had to pick it up you can’t make that determination. Give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she can grasp the importance of why you must leave your phone on vibrate and why you might have to pick it up in the future. Your kids trump her class. Period. It’s not as if you’re picking up the phone for a frivolous reason.

(((Hugs))).

 

[House Cat]

I can’t see how apologizing and explaining could hurt. I think a good apology goes a long way. Something like “I’m sorry I didn’t turn off my phone and was disrespectful of your rules. I really value your time and expertise, however I have a young child and turning my phone completely off is just too scary to me as a parent given some complex health issues. Is there anyway we can still find a way to work together?”

I find that a lot of people don’t apologize “well” in the sense that they start off with excuses and reasons the other person shouldn’t be upset, which sort of invalidates the other persons perspective and makes them more angry.

If the phone thing is a total deal breaker for the trainer is there anyway to have a phone tree in place for when you’re in puppy training? So that your child can call someone who would then call you if it’s truly an emergency? Or have a good friend babysit your phone during that time?

Thank you. I really like your wording for the apology, especially when explaining my issues. I like using the term “complex health issues” rather than going into my whole set of issues.

Sometimes, I like to talk to people about my mental health. I know that being open about this subject helps others to understand on a deeper level. But there are times when I get a feeling about people and I know it’s best to remain private. I’m thinking this lady is one of these people.

 

[facetgirl]

I would approach her - first, tell her something positive about the class or why you decided to entrust her experience to help you and that you are so grateful, for a number of reasons. Then simply pivot and tell her you need to share that to attend class, you need to leave your teen at home, and given past medical history need to be available if and when he calls. I would offer to her that that you interpreted her reaction as being very upset about the situation and yes, I would likely say I was sorry for the disruption.

The bottom line is that you shouldn't apologize for your situation - you do have a situation that means you must be available to your kid in an emergency so a zero phone policy won't work for you (frankly, anyone). Still, you need her help and trust she is the right person for the training. At the end of the day your kid called quite unexpectedly and appeared panicked. It was not a normal situation. Your job then was to be a Mom, not facilitate a calm environment for her training. Well done to you.

@House Cat her response to your situation was questionable in my book. My first reaction would have been- "is everything ok"- and then talk to you - find you- after class to make sure I understood the situation (not the details, but that it was an emergency- which at the time, you thought it was).

 

[House Cat]

I would approach her - first, tell her something positive about the class or why you decided to entrust her experience to help you and that you are so grateful, for a number of reasons. Then simply pivot and tell her you need to share that to attend class, you need to leave your teen at home, and given past medical history need to be available if and when he calls. I would offer to her that that you interpreted her reaction as being very upset about the situation and yes, I would likely say I was sorry for the disruption.

The bottom line is that you shouldn't apologize for your situation - you do have a situation that means you must be available to your kid in an emergency so a zero phone policy won't work for you (frankly, anyone). Still, you need her help and trust she is the right person for the training. At the end of the day your kid called quite unexpectedly and appeared panicked. It was not a normal situation. Your job then was to be a Mom, not facilitate a calm environment for her training. Well done to you.

@House Cat her response to your situation was questionable in my book. My first reaction would have been- "is everything ok"- and then talk to you - find you- after class to make sure I understood the situation (not the details, but that it was an emergency- which at the time, you thought it was).

Thank you. This is a different perspective that is helping me to stop the self blame cycle that I find myself in. You’re right, her reaction was irrational. I guess because she had this zero tolerance phone policy, I felt her beet red enraged face was justified. I felt I deserved it.

I’m going to try and absorb this new perspective for the rest of the morning so that I can stand stronger when I speak to her today. I was being a mom. Which is my first role in this world.

Thank you again.

 

[Bonfire]

You’re a great mom HC. Your son is lucky to have you! Make adjustments if you have to. Maybe having the best dog trainer in town isn’t really that advantageous if the human fit isn’t good. There are other trainers out there. The world isn’t a one size fits all. Hugs to you and your sweet boy!

 

[MissGotRocks]

It would have been nice if the trainer had inquired about your use of the phone rather than jumping to the conclusion that you were just talking to someone randomly and breaking her rules. While I can understand and appreciate that she is perhaps the best at what she does, you are still the paying customer for her services. Seething rage at a customer without considering extenuating circumstances just sits on me wrong.

I would certainly explain to her - and I like the term 'complex medical issues' without completing revealing your son's history or your own - to let her know why and how the phone call happened. If she can't understand that, then she would be less one customer.

Don't feel bad for being human and being a mother. I am sure there none here who wouldn't have done the same thing in your situation. I just wouldn't grovel to her - life is not perfect and people are not all soldiers to her rules - for some really important reasons!

Best of luck - I will cross my fingers that the relationship between yourself and the trainer work out to benefit everyone - especially your new pup. Head high, back straight - off you go!!

 

[cmd2014]

Maybe you also need to speak to your son about not calling you during the class unless it’s truly an emergency. It would help you worry less too.

 

[Maria D]

Housecat, I've only skimmed the other responses and don't have an answer to your question but just wanted to give this input. As a teacher (high school) I also have a no cell phone policy. Makes sense; cell phones are a distraction that can disrupt the learning environment. If I were to become beet-red enraged when one of my students breaks the rule I would be in the wrong profession. That reaction would be FAR more disruptive than the infraction.

I calmly tell offending students to leave the room with their phone to do their communicating elsewhere; consequences to be determined at a later time, in private. The trainer should have done the same.

 

[House Cat]

Maybe you also need to speak to your son about not calling you during the class unless it’s truly an emergency. It would help you worry less too.

We did that on the day it happened. He said he tried to text dad and because we didn’t answer (because of the class), he got worried and called me. Totally our fault for not communicating to him that we couldn’t use our phones.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Oh I totally think the trainer’s reaction was unsympathetic and exaggerated. That being said, it sounds like OP wants her services so apologizing is probably the best bet since trying to convince people they’re wrong when they’re mad at you typically goes poorly. And at the end of the day, it’s her class and her rules, ridiculous and rigid as they might be.

Also, it’s possible to apologize for breaking a rule without feeling the rule is justified. I think it’s ok to say “I need to be able to pick up my phone if my son calls, I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront about that when you let us know the policy. I’m sure it’s super annoying and disruptive to the class when it happens. “

 

[AV_]

The 'no phone' policy is beyond anything I ever encounter. Even if a place has a No Cell policy casual excuses are accepted - I have never had to offer dramatic detail, a roll-eye does it.

How much worse is the second-best dog trainer?

 

[redwood66]

@House Cat you are a strong woman and I admire you. I think MTG's advice is excellent. Non-emergency/unnecessary cell phone usage is so prevalent in all manner of inappropriate locations and maybe you were the 4th person that day or it happens constantly. Your trainer doesn't know your reasons until you tell her and if she is a decent human being she will understand. Good luck with your new puppy! I love GSDs.

She doesn't need all the details either.

 

[House Cat]

@House Cat you are a strong woman and I admire you. I think MTG's advice is excellent. Non-emergency/unnecessary cell phone usage is so prevalent in all manner of inappropriate locations and maybe you were the 4th person that day or it happens constantly. Your trainer doesn't know your reasons until you tell her and if she is a decent human being she will understand. Good luck with your new puppy! I love GSDs.

She doesn't need all the details either.

Thanks red. Coming from you, that means a lot.

 

[Indylady]

Housecat, I've only skimmed the other responses and don't have an answer to your question but just wanted to give this input. As a teacher (high school) I also have a no cell phone policy. Makes sense; cell phones are a distraction that can disrupt the learning environment. If I were to become beet-red enraged when one of my students breaks the rule I would be in the wrong profession. That reaction would be FAR more disruptive than the infraction.

I calmly tell offending students to leave the room with their phone to do their communicating elsewhere; consequences to be determined at a later time, in private. The trainer should have done the same.

+1. HouseCat, I’m sorry this has been so stressful. I think MTG’s advice is great. If there was an option to find another trainer, I’d do that, personally—it’s her class and her rules and that’s fair, but there’s something a little off about that kind of over reaction and immediate jump in blood pressure, and I’d find that stressful. It’s unprofessional.

 

[marymm]

House Cat, I feel for you and your situation. Still, you were aware the trainer had a strict no-phone policy. And you also knew you would not heed it. Deciding that you did not need to follow the no-phone policy was counter-productive. In my book, at the very beginning you should have communicated to the trainer your circumstances and your need for phone access. If you and the trainer were unable to come to an agreeable arrangement, then you should have found another trainer.

In this situation, you were at fault (and deliberately, intentionally at fault) by not abiding by her policy. You've decided you get a free pass to do what you want due to your own circumstances, while at the same time deciding the trainer's reaction is an overreaction ... how do you know? Maybe something terrible happened in a training class when someone's phone went off. Maybe her policy is a safety measure. Maybe she just wants to make sure everyone in the class is able to get full value of the session without interruption.

For sure you owe the trainer an apology. You should tell her that you realize now you should have approached her immediately upon learning of the no-phone policy. And that you are sorry for contravening her policy during class time, and sorry for disrupting the class for the other participants. And then further explain why your complex medical situation does demand you have your phone accessible at all times, and ask if there is any possibility of your continuing in the class on this basis.

Just my 2 cents.

Good luck.

 

[House Cat]

House Cat, I feel for you and your situation. Still, you were aware the trainer had a strict no-phone policy. And you also knew you would not heed it. Deciding that you did not need to follow the no-phone policy was counter-productive. In my book, at the very beginning you should have communicated to the trainer your circumstances and your need for phone access. If you and the trainer were unable to come to an agreeable arrangement, then you should have found another trainer.

In this situation, you were at fault (and deliberately, intentionally at fault) by not abiding by her policy. You've decided you get a free pass to do what you want due to your own circumstances, while at the same time deciding the trainer's reaction is an overreaction ... how do you know? Maybe something terrible happened in a training class when someone's phone went off. Maybe her policy is a safety measure. Maybe she just wants to make sure everyone in the class is able to get full value of the session without interruption.

For sure you owe the trainer an apology. You should tell her that you realize now you should have approached her immediately upon learning of the no-phone policy. And that you are sorry for contravening her policy during class time, and sorry for disrupting the class for the other participants. And then further explain why your complex medical situation does demand you have your phone accessible at all times, and ask if there is any possibility of your continuing in the class on this basis.

Just my 2 cents.

Good luck.

There was nothing intentional about my actions. I didn’t intentionally set out to disrespect anyone’s rules or get a free pass due to my issues. The truth is, I never expected my kid to call me. He never does. The only arrogance on my part was the thinking that everything would run smoothly.

 

[marymm]

^ sorry to disagree, but by not turning off your phone, you intentionally disrespected her rules.

 

[Bonfire]

This is a situation where two individuals are coming from deeply entrenched viewpoints and experiences. Not everyone meshes. If it were me in your shoes HC, I would first apologize for my transgression and explain why I did (without going into too much detail). Maybe there will be a compromise maybe not, but that would be a good place to start. Reach out Your son’s wellbeing comes first of course, but the trainer feels disrespected.

 

[House Cat]

^ sorry to disagree, but by not turning off your phone, you intentionally disrespected her rules.

Ok. Thanks. I will know my intentions from here on out. I intentionally broke her rules. I didn’t intend her any harm. I am comfortable with my reasons.

 

[cmd2014]

I have a no-phone policy in my workplace as well (healthcare). As does every hospital and clinic where I live. For a bunch of reasons, including privacy concerns, the fact that calls and texts are disruptive, and that they take away from everyone's ability to provide quality care. Despite this, I am shocked at how many people decide to take clearly non-essential calls during appointments and waste my time (and make me run late and eat into other people's time because they expect to get the same amount of time regardless of how much of it they have used up on non-essential calls). We ask everyone to turn off their phones. In fact, every health care clinic where I live has prominent signs asking everyone to turn off their phones (for all the same reasons). A surprising number push back claiming that it's 'necessary' for emergency situations (mostly involving healthy, normal kids) - but to be honest, none of the calls that come through are emergencies. There are also a million other ways to have things in place so that if that one in a billion emergency situation comes up, your son has someone he can reach to provide assistance, and you have a way to be reached that doesn't involve answering your phone for the small amount of time that you are in a place that asks for the respect of turning off the phone. We all managed just fine in getting a hold of people in the days before cell phones.

I don't want to be harsh, but I agree with Marymm. You did decide not to turn off your phone even though you knew that you had been asked to do so as part of agreeing to take the class. If you were not comfortable with that on principal, you could have chosen another class to take. Or an individual puppy training class. You also decided to take the call (I know there are reasons why, but you did still decide to take the call), and the call was not an emergency (because 99.99999% of them are not - in fact, in the 20+ years I have been working in health care, not a single one of the calls that has come through for all of the thousands of people I have seen has ever been an emergency). Plus, if it *is* an emergency, I would hope that most people have the sense to call 911 rather than mom or dad or friends (so if your son was bleeding, my real hope is that he would call 911 and get help rather than calling you and delaying getting help in a way that if it were a true emergency could be the difference between life and death). Most of the kinds of things that result in these kinds of calls can wait an hour. Plus, you would probably feel a whole lot less anxious by being able to slowly trust that things will be ok without you there....which can only happen if you let yourself not be on call 24/7 (this is even more important given the things that you are struggling with - the more safety behavior you engage in, the more you are feeding the anxiety that is running your life - I am NOT saying that it is easy...I'm just saying that in the long run the hard path will make things better).

I think rather than bash the instructor who has to take into account the needs of *everyone* in the class AND the dogs (and it could very well be a safety issue, because lets be honest, if you are talking on your phone you are not watching your dog, and you'd be pretty upset if another distracted owner let their dog bite someone or another dog), it would probably be good to accept that she does have the right to set the rules in her business and that if you don't want to (or can't) abide by them, then it would be best to seek services elsewhere. I don't think it is reasonable to say that because of your anxiety it's ok to disrupt her and everyone else and assume you know the reasons why she has that rule, decide that it is unreasonable, and that it is ok to break it. That isn't ok. I would say that if you want to stay in the class, you will need to apologize (maybe with a brief explanation, maybe not), and follow her rules going forward. If that's a no-go, then it's a no-go.

 

[Indylady]

I have a no-phone policy in my workplace as well (healthcare). As does every hospital and clinic where I live. For a bunch of reasons, including privacy concerns, the fact that calls and texts are disruptive, and that they take away from everyone's ability to provide quality care. Despite this, I am shocked at how many people decide to take clearly non-essential calls during appointments and waste my time (and make me run late and eat into other people's time because they expect to get the same amount of time regardless of how much of it they have used up on non-essential calls). We ask everyone to turn off their phones. In fact, every health care clinic where I live has prominent signs asking everyone to turn off their phones (for all the same reasons). A surprising number push back claiming that it's 'necessary' for emergency situations (mostly involving healthy, normal kids) - but to be honest, none of the calls that come through are emergencies. There are also a million other ways to have things in place so that if that one in a billion emergency situation comes up, your son has someone he can reach to provide assistance, and you have a way to be reached that doesn't involve answering your phone for the small amount of time that you are in a place that asks for the respect of turning off the phone. We all managed just fine in getting a hold of people in the days before cell phones.

I don't want to be harsh, but I agree with Marymm. You did decide not to turn off your phone even though you knew that you had been asked to do so as part of agreeing to take the class. If you were not comfortable with that on principal, you could have chosen another class to take. Or an individual puppy training class. You also decided to take the call (I know there are reasons why, but you did still decide to take the call), and the call was not an emergency (because 99.99999% of them are not - in fact, in the 20+ years I have been working in health care, not a single one of the calls that has come through for all of the thousands of people I have seen has ever been an emergency). Plus, if it *is* an emergency, I would hope that most people have the sense to call 911 rather than mom or dad or friends (so if your son was bleeding, my real hope is that he would call 911 and get help rather than calling you and delaying getting help in a way that if it were a true emergency could be the difference between life and death). Most of the kinds of things that result in these kinds of calls can wait an hour. Plus, you would probably feel a whole lot less anxious by being able to slowly trust that things will be ok without you there....which can only happen if you let yourself not be on call 24/7 (this is even more important given the things that you are struggling with - the more safety behavior you engage in, the more you are feeding the anxiety that is running your life - I am NOT saying that it is easy...I'm just saying that in the long run the hard path will make things better).

I think rather than bash the instructor who has to take into account the needs of *everyone* in the class AND the dogs (and it could very well be a safety issue, because lets be honest, if you are talking on your phone you are not watching your dog, and you'd be pretty upset if another distracted owner let their dog bite someone or another dog), it would probably be good to accept that she does have the right to set the rules in her business and that if you don't want to (or can't) abide by them, then it would be best to seek services elsewhere. I don't think it is reasonable to say that because of your anxiety it's ok to disrupt her and everyone else and assume you know the reasons why she has that rule, decide that it is unreasonable, and that it is ok to break it. That isn't ok. I would say that if you want to stay in the class, you will need to apologize (maybe with a brief explanation, maybe not), and follow her rules going forward. If that's a no-go, then it's a no-go.

I think you have great intentions but PTSD is complex and sometimes debilitating, and not the same as turning off generalized anxieties of living in a modern world. They are just not comparable.

 

[OreoRosies86]

BIG hugs. Honesty is always the way to go. If people aren't nice about it, they're not your people.

 

[House Cat]

I have a no-phone policy in my workplace as well (healthcare). As does every hospital and clinic where I live. For a bunch of reasons, including privacy concerns, the fact that calls and texts are disruptive, and that they take away from everyone's ability to provide quality care. Despite this, I am shocked at how many people decide to take clearly non-essential calls during appointments and waste my time (and make me run late and eat into other people's time because they expect to get the same amount of time regardless of how much of it they have used up on non-essential calls). We ask everyone to turn off their phones. In fact, every health care clinic where I live has prominent signs asking everyone to turn off their phones (for all the same reasons). A surprising number push back claiming that it's 'necessary' for emergency situations (mostly involving healthy, normal kids) - but to be honest, none of the calls that come through are emergencies. There are also a million other ways to have things in place so that if that one in a billion emergency situation comes up, your son has someone he can reach to provide assistance, and you have a way to be reached that doesn't involve answering your phone for the small amount of time that you are in a place that asks for the respect of turning off the phone. We all managed just fine in getting a hold of people in the days before cell phones.

I don't want to be harsh, but I agree with Marymm. You did decide not to turn off your phone even though you knew that you had been asked to do so as part of agreeing to take the class. If you were not comfortable with that on principal, you could have chosen another class to take. Or an individual puppy training class. You also decided to take the call (I know there are reasons why, but you did still decide to take the call), and the call was not an emergency (because 99.99999% of them are not - in fact, in the 20+ years I have been working in health care, not a single one of the calls that has come through for all of the thousands of people I have seen has ever been an emergency). Plus, if it *is* an emergency, I would hope that most people have the sense to call 911 rather than mom or dad or friends (so if your son was bleeding, my real hope is that he would call 911 and get help rather than calling you and delaying getting help in a way that if it were a true emergency could be the difference between life and death). Most of the kinds of things that result in these kinds of calls can wait an hour. Plus, you would probably feel a whole lot less anxious by being able to slowly trust that things will be ok without you there....which can only happen if you let yourself not be on call 24/7 (this is even more important given the things that you are struggling with - the more safety behavior you engage in, the more you are feeding the anxiety that is running your life - I am NOT saying that it is easy...I'm just saying that in the long run the hard path will make things better).

I think rather than bash the instructor who has to take into account the needs of *everyone* in the class AND the dogs (and it could very well be a safety issue, because lets be honest, if you are talking on your phone you are not watching your dog, and you'd be pretty upset if another distracted owner let their dog bite someone or another dog), it would probably be good to accept that she does have the right to set the rules in her business and that if you don't want to (or can't) abide by them, then it would be best to seek services elsewhere. I don't think it is reasonable to say that because of your anxiety it's ok to disrupt her and everyone else and assume you know the reasons why she has that rule, decide that it is unreasonable, and that it is ok to break it. That isn't ok. I would say that if you want to stay in the class, you will need to apologize (maybe with a brief explanation, maybe not), and follow her rules going forward. If that's a no-go, then it's a no-go.

You’re a healthcare provider. Do you have any understanding of PTSD? I understand it is misunderstood by many. PTSD made that phone call from my son a 100% emergency. In my reality, he was dying. There was no way I was going to let it ring and let him die without trying to save him.

PTSD does exactly that.

I’m not a normal person. I have a severe condition that affects the way I think and behave. This is my reality. I am not saying this for pity. This is just a fact.

Normal people who choose to leave their phones on and take superfluous calls from their kids are one thing. I am not that.

I should have spoken to her after her introductory class but it isn’t the easiest thing to reveal your mental illness and ask for understanding. I like to avoid that conversation if at all possible, for obvious reasons.

I don’t feel I should have to give up my personal privacy for a personal pet peeve.

 

[Bonfire]

Dust and hugs HC! I can only imagine the torment of being a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.

 

[Indylady]

Sending ya lots of hugs HC. I think she over reacted, it’s puppy training (and yes, there are safety issues, I get that) but not open heart surgery. You might have said something to her at the beginning of the class....but she also might have made a similar point at the beginning of class by saying that she can not tolerate any phones. I don’t know if there’s much of a point in declaring a right or wrong party, I think the issue is that this event was pretty triggering and stressful and that the trainers reaction was additionally triggering after the surprise call. We all hate uncomfortable interactions especially when someone is mad at us, especially when we are already in a panic—it doesn’t take experience with PTSD or anything in particular to get that. Sending you more hugs and I hope you can partake in something you enjoy or something that is soothing to put some of this out of your mind.

 

[AGBF]

At one point I was a certified school social worker. I never had the chance to practice in a school setting (I worked in clinical settings), but I did all the work for certification, which included making plans for students who needed special accommodations so that they could learn. I think that you need a puppy training program that will make accommodations for your PTSD, House Cat, because you have special needs. I feel very bad that you have endured the life experiences that you have and that you now have had them triggered by your experiences in this class.

It has been, I know, painful. I think that some posters who have not been in your situation have come across as a bit judgmental, but I see you as being on a learning curve. You attempted to take a regular class, not knowing what would occur. When you had a problem you came here and asked for advice. I think that is a humble and very open way for you to look at your own situation.

My advice if for you just to treat this as part of a learning curve (and good for you for being able to grow from a painful series of experiences!). I think now it is time to look for a program that will accommodate your need to be able to use a phone!

I admire you!

Big hugs,
(((House Cat)))
Deb

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I just skimmed and saw some great answers! I concur with apologizing and emphasizing a 13 year old with serious medical issues home alone and you have to answer if he calls. But you are telling him not to call between x and x time unless it is a real emergency. He needs to text you, really, if there is something urgent but not exactly an emergency. Your other issues are none of her business, in my opinion.