Should I return the ring?

[jessicap]

My husband brought me a princess ring from Bluenile for my birthday. I was very happy at the beginning, but after the excitement passed, I feel I really want a round diamond with lots of sparkle. My husband did an OK job on the diamond but my pricescope standard is higher than that.

I had the ring for more than 20 days now. Really need to make a decision. My husband is not happy. The ring is beautiful. Maybe I am too picky. Should I return it?

 

[oldmancoyote]

Let me understand - your husband is not happy because 1) he thinks you are too picky, 2) he feels he could have done better, 3) you are not in love with the ring?

Possibily a bit of all 3, but if reason 2 or 3 dominates then it''s pretty easy. Return it and start looking together for a better cut (perhaps smaller or lower colour/clarity) stone. If it''s mostly 1, then it''s tougher - you really need to decide whether you can live with it or risk offending him.

 

[Ellen]

I would just tell him that it''s no ones fault, but you realize you aren''t in love with the shape/sparkle, but terribly in love with the sentiment. And that when you look at the ring, you only want to think of it as the thoughtful gift it was.

Shapes are a very personal thing, and not everyone loves all of them. Explain that to him, and how women love sparkle, and that a rounds dominates that category pretty much over other stones.

And tell him all this with lots of hugs.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 5/29/2009 6:40:51 AM
Author: Ellen
I would just tell him that it''s no ones fault, but you realize you aren''t in love with the shape/sparkle, but terribly in love with the sentiment. And that when you look at the ring, you only want to think of it as the thoughtful gift it was.


Shapes are a very personal thing, and not everyone loves all of them. Explain that to him, and how women love sparkle, and that a rounds dominates that category pretty much over other stones.


And tell him all this with lots of hugs.

ditto...

 

[Ice Scream]

Let me preface this by saying that I have no intention of giving you a hard time. I just think you may want a dissenting opinion from a man''s point of view.

If I were your husband, and you returned the ring; I would definately be upset. If I went out of my way to get my wife a special birthday gift, I would expect her to be pleased. Even if it wasn''t EXACTLY how she would picture the perfect ring. You say that you were excited and happy at first, but then with more thought found that it wasn''t exactly what you would like. Your husband gave you something out of love and although it might not have lived up to your exacting standards, this is part of gift giving and receiving.

In conclusion, I think you should keep the ring and in time I beleive you will love it as much as you did when you first received it. If for no other reason, than because your loving husband gave it to you. I also think you could tell him what your specific and exacting standards are in anticipation of future purchases. Who knows, maybe you can get two pieces out of the deal

.

Again I am not trying to be argumentative or cheuvanistic here. On the contrary, I think at times men need a little encouragement to know they are doing a good job. I think this can be one of those times.

 

[Ryon]

Let me get this right... it was your birthday and your husband got you a diamond ring? Somehow your not happy? I know (being a guy) if I went this far out of my way to do something that nice and got the response "I''d rather have something else" I would feel horrible!

However, I see where your coming from and he probly could have done a ton better, but sometimes the thought is what counts not being the best.

 

[Mrs_Darcy]

Logically, I think it would be foolish to spend such a sizeable amount of money on something you weren''t happy with, especially when you are within the return period.

 

[jet2ks]

Date: 5/29/2009 3:12:14 AM
Author: oldmancoyote
Let me understand - your husband is not happy because 1) he thinks you are too picky, 2) he feels he could have done better, 3) you are not in love with the ring?

Possibily a bit of all 3, but if reason 2 or 3 dominates then it''s pretty easy. Return it and start looking together for a better cut (perhaps smaller or lower colour/clarity) stone. If it''s mostly 1, then it''s tougher - you really need to decide whether you can live with it or risk offending him.

I second this! Princess vs. Round is very much a "personality" question. It is rare to find someone that really loves both. Personally, if I bought my FI a piece of jewelry that she didn''t absolutely love, I would feel awful and want her to return it for something else. If this ends up being the decision, get him involved in picking out the ring with you--turn the whole situation into an opportunity to spend some time together. Hopefully he will learn a little more about your jewelry preferences for future purchases, too.

In man''s terms, it is kind of like muscle car vs. european sports car. There is nothing wrong with either, but they appeal to different types. Cut would be whether the car is a daily driver or fixed up to the level of a show winner

 

[neatfreak]

Guys Think of it this way...what if your SO bought you a vintage Corvette when you are more of an Aston Martin type of guy? Would you sit quietly? Or would you rather your wife have spent the money on the type of car you really like and would REALLY love? Or insert season tickets here: What if you are a Yankees fan and your wife bought you season tickets to the Mets?

I know that whenever I buy my DH a present I would fully expect him to tell me if I got something wrong with it and he'd rather have something similar but a different brand, size, quality, whatever. I HATE to spend money on something he doesn't love-so I would rather he love it!

OP: Because it's already out on the table I also would follow Ellen's advice...if you get something you love now and praise your DH for getting it for you-he'll feel good. If you keep something you don't love AND he knows you don't love it-it'll only have negative feelings for you when you wear it.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:18:18 AM
Author: Ice Scream
Let me preface this by saying that I have no intention of giving you a hard time. I just think you may want a dissenting opinion from a man''s point of view.

If I were your husband, and you returned the ring; I would definately be upset. If I went out of my way to get my wife a special birthday gift, I would expect her to be pleased. Even if it wasn''t EXACTLY how she would picture the perfect ring. You say that you were excited and happy at first, but then with more thought found that it wasn''t exactly what you would like. Your husband gave you something out of love and although it might not have lived up to your exacting standards, this is part of gift giving and receiving.

In conclusion, I think you should keep the ring and in time I beleive you will love it as much as you did when you first received it. If for no other reason, than because your loving husband gave it to you. I also think you could tell him what your specific and exacting standards are in anticipation of future purchases. Who knows, maybe you can get two pieces out of the deal

.

Again I am not trying to be argumentative or cheuvanistic here. On the contrary, I think at times men need a little encouragement to know they are doing a good job. I think this can be one of those times.

The sentiment you express here is laudable, and I think you are spot on about encouraging one''s partner when he or she tries hard.

But I have noticed that men on PS express this type of sentiment all the time when a woman comes on to express her disatisfaction. I think in stems in part from a man not necessarily putting himself in the woman''s shoes by imagining an equivalent situation with him on the receiving end of a gift he didn''t particularly love.

For example, golf is very important to my husband and he is very particular about his clubs. If I went out and thoughtfully picked a golf club as a surprise gift, without consulting him about it, and he later told me that it didn''t feel right in his grip and it felt off when he swung it, then I would certainly not feel bad about him wanting to exchange it for something else! Same argument would apply if I bought him a cigar brand he didn''t like, or a car in a color he didn''t like, etc etc etc.

The idea of "like it or lump it" seems to imply that because something is a gift then one should have no opinions at all about it. I suppose this would be true if it wasn''t shared maritl funds paying for the girt, but it seems wasteful to spend money on something you don''t really love.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:27:31 AM
Author: Ryon
Let me get this right... it was your birthday and your husband got you a diamond ring? Somehow your not happy? I know (being a guy) if I went this far out of my way to do something that nice and got the response ''I''d rather have something else'' I would feel horrible!

However, I see where your coming from and he probly could have done a ton better, but sometimes the thought is what counts not being the best.

You''re right. And if this was a bunch of flowers or a bottle of perfume, I''d say let it go. But it''s not, it''s a rather expensive gift. To let it go, and not like it, is really rather rediculous imho. But, I''ve been married 27 years, and learned a thing or two about gift giving. I pick things out with much thought for my hubby, and I usually get it "right". But a few times I haven''t, and I''ve learned not to take it personally. Him not liking something is no afront to me, it''s just a matter of his taste being different than I thought in certain circumstances. And it''s vice versa with me.

So we both agree that we''d much rather each of us have something we like, and no money wasted, than to act like we like something we don''t.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:35:17 AM
Author: neatfreak
Guys Think of it this way...what if your SO bought you a vintage Corvette when you are more of an Aston Martin type of guy? Would you sit quietly? Or would you rather your wife have spent the money on the type of car you really like and would REALLY love? Or insert season tickets here: What if you are a Yankees fan and your wife bought you season tickets to the Mets?

I know that whenever I buy my DH a present I would fully expect him to tell me if I got something wrong with it and he''d rather have something similar but a different brand, size, quality, whatever. I HATE to spend money on something he doesn''t love-so I would rather he love it!

OP: Because it''s already out on the table I also would follow Ellen''s advice...if you get something you love now and praise your DH for getting it for you-he''ll feel good. If you keep something you don''t love AND he knows you don''t love it-it''ll only have negative feelings for you when you wear it.

Great minds think alike!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:34:41 AM
Author: jet2ks

Date: 5/29/2009 3:12:14 AM
Author: oldmancoyote
Let me understand - your husband is not happy because 1) he thinks you are too picky, 2) he feels he could have done better, 3) you are not in love with the ring?

Possibily a bit of all 3, but if reason 2 or 3 dominates then it''s pretty easy. Return it and start looking together for a better cut (perhaps smaller or lower colour/clarity) stone. If it''s mostly 1, then it''s tougher - you really need to decide whether you can live with it or risk offending him.

I second this! Princess vs. Round is very much a ''personality'' question. It is rare to find someone that really loves both. Personally, if I bought my FI a piece of jewelry that she didn''t absolutely love, I would feel awful and want her to return it for something else. If this ends up being the decision, get him involved in picking out the ring with you--turn the whole situation into an opportunity to spend some time together. Hopefully he will learn a little more about your jewelry preferences for future purchases, too.

In man''s terms, it is kind of like muscle car vs. european sports car. There is nothing wrong with either, but they appeal to different types. Cut would be whether the car is a daily driver or fixed up to the level of a show winner

And again with the car metaphor! LOL! We are so predictable here on PS.

 

[Ryon]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:35:17 AM
Author: neatfreak
Guys Think of it this way...what if your SO bought you a vintage Corvette when you are more of an Aston Martin type of guy? Would you sit quietly? Or would you rather your wife have spent the money on the type of car you really like and would REALLY love? Or insert season tickets here: What if you are a Yankees fan and your wife bought you season tickets to the Mets?

I know that whenever I buy my DH a present I would fully expect him to tell me if I got something wrong with it and he''d rather have something similar but a different brand, size, quality, whatever. I HATE to spend money on something he doesn''t love-so I would rather he love it!

OP: Because it''s already out on the table I also would follow Ellen''s advice...if you get something you love now and praise your DH for getting it for you-he''ll feel good. If you keep something you don''t love AND he knows you don''t love it-it''ll only have negative feelings for you when you wear it.

I am not materialistic haha and I don''t like baseball, but I see your point.

I understand fully, but he is going to feel bad. If it bothers her that much she should talk to him. It seems like he already feels bad about it so I really don''t know where to go from here.

If anything the best suggestion was to use it as an opportunity to work together which will help with future gifts.

 

[jet2ks]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:38:47 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

And again with the car metaphor! LOL! We are so predictable here on PS.

Gotta put it in terms us men can understand!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:42:07 AM
Author: jet2ks

Date: 5/29/2009 9:38:47 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

And again with the car metaphor! LOL! We are so predictable here on PS.

Gotta put it in terms us men can understand!

Televisions?

 

[Ryon]

Lol, I could care less about a car, but sports.. no way! I could spend 100k or 20k on a car, but in the end the only thing that matters is if it gets me from point A to point B. A ring is a lot pickier I could see.

I think I go to all the games regardless, but if I hate the team I cheer against them

I am easy to make happy

 

[Ryon]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:48:20 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/29/2009 9:42:07 AM
Author: jet2ks

Date: 5/29/2009 9:38:47 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

And again with the car metaphor! LOL! We are so predictable here on PS.

Gotta put it in terms us men can understand!

Televisions?

The 40inch Samsung!!! I guess all guys do think alike haha!
Now I have to admit that is something really important, but I could live without it.... possibly, okay I am going to have to get one eventually.

 

[bgray]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:31:03 AM
Author: summertime
Logically, I think it would be foolish to spend such a sizeable amount of money on something you weren''t happy with, especially when you are within the return period.

agreed--any man who buys a woman an expensive piece of jewelry (unless you have scads of expensive jewelry and in that case its quite different) is being silly. I have few pieces of jewelry--if my husband was going to spend a lot i want some input...

 

[jet2ks]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:48:20 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/29/2009 9:42:07 AM
Author: jet2ks

Date: 5/29/2009 9:38:47 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

And again with the car metaphor! LOL! We are so predictable here on PS.

Gotta put it in terms us men can understand!

Televisions?

You got one with a V-8?

 

[Ice Scream]

Alright...Alright. You guys are beginning to sway me. I would say though that if my wife ever bought me season tickets to the YANKEES knowing I hate them and have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with the METS, I might consider a divorce

!!

I would say though that if my she bought me either a vintage Vette or Autstin Martin, I would graciously accept either. But she better know to get me manual instead of automatic.

I guess this is kind of the point. I make sure my SO know what my specific tastes are for just about anything, regardless of if I ever expect her to get me anything related. I want her to learn whatever she can about me in order to know me better.

I really hope the OP uses this opportunity to communicate her tastes in jewelry and other matters.

 

[Ryon]

3.8 liter V6

I did love cars along time ago, had one with rims, new exhaust, intake then it got totaled at a red light lol...
Ever since I refuse to care about cars...

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/29/2009 10:20:51 AM
Author: Ice Scream
Alright...Alright. You guys are beginning to sway me. I would say though that if my wife ever bought me season tickets to the YANKEES knowing I hate them and have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with the METS, I might consider a divorce

!!

I would say though that if my she bought me either a vintage Vette or Autstin Martin, I would graciously accept either. But she better know to get me manual instead of automatic.

I guess this is kind of the point. I make sure my SO know what my specific tastes are for just about anything, regardless of if I ever expect her to get me anything related. I want her to learn whatever she can about me in order to know me better.

I really hope the OP uses this opportunity to communicate her tastes in jewelry and other matters.

AH HA! Changes the whole driving experience doesn''t it? Kind of like how the cut on a diamond drives the whole light return, sparkle thingy.....

 

[JABacchetta]

Another guy''s perspective...

Would I be disappointed? Yes.

Would my feelings be hurt? Would I be angry? No, and no.

Sure, you want your future wife to be 100% happy with what you chose, but if I didn''t hit the mark, I would much rather her say so, and return the ring. She''s going to wear it for life. Let her wear something she loves.

Then again, it depends on your husband''s personality. I''m pretty laid back about such things.

 

[Ryon]

Date: 5/29/2009 10:36:40 AM
Author: JABacchetta
Another guy''s perspective...

Would I be disappointed? Yes.

Would my feelings be hurt? Would I be angry? No, and no.

Sure, you want your future wife to be 100% happy with what you chose, but if I didn''t hit the mark, I would much rather her say so, and return the ring. She''s going to wear it for life. Let her wear something she loves.

Then again, it depends on your husband''s personality. I''m pretty laid back about such things.

I completely agree.. I think it does depend on his personality, it could end up in a huge arguement and go really wrong as well..

In the end, he got it to make you happy, so you should make sure it does (get something a little cheaper, but in the shape you want). Saving money and finding whats right for you is a winner.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Jessicap, how much was the ring? Was it $1K or $5K? If it was a less expensive ring, then just live with it. If he spent a fortune, then explain to him the truth. I think your DH was trudging dangerous waters by picking a ring out without your input and then expecting you not to state your opinion. I would be *mad at my husband* if he spent $ on a ring and then attached strings to the deal. Luckily my DH never does that. He always just hands me the CC and has me pick out my own diamonds (and I like it that way!). (I think he'd be scared to buy me any jewelry at this point since I know diamonds too well!)

 

[bowral1]

A lot of good points are made but I agree if you are going to spend that much money on something . . . . . the girl should LOVE it not just like it (or live with it).

I think men should check out the blog below . . . .

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/the-ring-or-the-sentiment.114600/

 

[diamondseeker2006]

What a funny thread!!! The example for us would be if I bought my hubby anything other than a Porsche! (Although I have no jewelry that expensive!)

Absolutely do as Ellen suggested, lovingly tell him how much you love him giving you a diamond, but you think a round will be more timeless...etc. If this stone was from a vendor with an upgrade policy, it wouldn''t be as critical, but since it is from Blue Nile, you need to return it asap!!! Then just start over and enjoy the search! (And tell him you''ll give him a list of suggestions the next time he wants to surprise you with jewelry!!!!)

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/29/2009 9:54:04 AM
Author: jet2ks

Date: 5/29/2009 9:48:20 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/29/2009 9:42:07 AM
Author: jet2ks

Date: 5/29/2009 9:38:47 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

And again with the car metaphor! LOL! We are so predictable here on PS.

Gotta put it in terms us men can understand!

Televisions?

You got one with a V-8?

No but you can borrow my V6.....

 

[phoenixgirl]

Expecting my husband to pick jewelry out for me is like expecting me to pick out the mountain bike he wants . . . He can buy me pendants and earrings here and there, and I can buy him a bottom bracket that he pointed out in a case or a trainer or a wheel set, but we''re both lacking the knowledge to pick out the big ticket stuff for each other. And half the fun is getting to do that yourself!

It took an argument for us to reach this place because at first DH felt the way your husband seems to--that a gift is a gift and I should be happy with it--but once I explained how much fun the research and planning and everything was, he realized that this was a hobby to me and didn''t mean that I didn''t appreciate the sentiment of his gift, just that I loved diamonds and wanted what I wanted.