Should I keep my second job? Advice please!

[allycat0303]

Hi Everyone,

I need some advice. As many of you know, I'm a cardiothoracic resident. Currently, I am on a mandatory research year. Now for the past 4 years, on research year, the resident's from my program takes a second job with Skyservice (airplane charter company). Bascially it's an air ambulance, you go to pick up sick patients and bring them to a destination. This is not a requirement or anything, it's just something we do. I started in July, and was only recently started to be called to take flights. I left for my first flight October 30th 2011. I am currently writing for Amsterdam waiting for a patient to arrive, and I will be escorting him back to Houston, Texas.

So the problem is this. I am freaking terrified of planes. I only got on my first flight 2 years ago, and was heavily medicated and tried to get off the plane. I've gotten better, to the point where I don't need to be medicated, but getting on the planes gets me anxious, my stomach is in knots, and it's a constant mental battle to do freak out. Basically, it's not torture, but it's really unpleasent. I am on the plane awaiting the crash, the ENTIRE flight.

On the other hand, it's the money. They pay more money then I can earn anywhere else (over 6 figures AFTER taxes) in about 6 months. I currently am recieving a regular resident salary, but it's not much. Obviously, the money earned from this job would allow me to enjoy life a lot. The thing is, we don't really need the money. Our house is almost paid off. We own my car free and clear, but my husband bought a jeep this summer which is not paid off, and it's driving me crazy.

And I was crying via Skype because I missed my husband and my cats so much. We slept with video-skype on the whole night, so we could see each other if we woke up during the night. I get homesick fast.

I should do this because:

a) Money, I want to make a significant contribution to the finances. All this time, my husband has been pulling in the big salary
b) If I'm forced to fly, I will eventually get over my fear
c) It is a chance to travel! Skyservice pays for hotel, food everything, and I've never travelled.
d) The experience of handling critical patients on my own

I should not do this because:

a) The plane scares me so much
b) I get homesick very quickly.

Just some additional information: We travel in a small Lear Jet. The plane needs to stop every 3-4 hours to refuel. So right now I'm in Amsterdam. Basically just to get home, this is the flights:

Amsterdam-----> Iceland (3.5 hours, stop refuel)
Iceland------> Goose Bay Newfoundland (3 hours, stop refuel)
Goose Bay-------> Montreal (2 hours, stop and refuel)
Montreal------> Houston (4 hours, stop, refuel and deliver patient to the hospital)
Houston-----> Montreal (4 hours)

So 16.5 hours on a plane for a girl who is scared of planes. It seems like too much.

I just need to decide once I arrive in Montreal if I'm going to quit! Realistically they can have another flight for me once I land in Montreal. I can decline, or continue (or their might be nothing).

Thanks everyone!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

This is tough. Honestly, if you are really, really miserable, I have to recommend quitting. With the house almost paid off and one car with a balance in a house where both spouses are working and there are no kids, I feel like you should be able to pay them both off without too much stress. Even if you quit this job.

On the other hand, I do think you are learning valuable skills. And I think the fear of flying and home-sickness are things that can be overcome (you're already making progress on the fear of flying!). Obviously money is a big motivating factor to stay, but I feel like your point about learning to handle critical patients on your own is also valuable. So that is making all of this more complicated.

How do you feel now vs. how you felt after you started in July? Are you more miserable? Less miserable? Do you feel like you're learning enough to warrant the sacrifices? If you were to stay in this position, would you be able to pay off the car and house (might be a good goal)?

 

[iheartscience]

If I were in your shoes, I would keep doing it. You absolutely will get over your fear of flying if you keep doing it. It's hard for you to be away from home, but it's a temporary job that will put you and your husband on a great track to have your house and cars completely paid off. Plus it's great training for your career. The benefits just seem to outweigh the negatives.

Try to look at it on a trip by trip basis. This is only your first trip-why not take another and see if it gets easier? And if that one is easier, take another, and so on. If it doesn't get easier (which would surprise me) then consider quitting.

Another thing to consider-would quitting have negative implications for your career?

 

[ame]

If you can save the money and have a cushion in the event of any unforseen situation, I would do it for that and I'd suck it up and make the flights. It sucks, but maybe you will get better over time. As for the homesickness...that's something that sucks but you need to decide if it's worth.

The pro of all the actual medical field experience frankly is the most favorable seller well beyond money and that experience to me far outweigh the cons. It will help you later, you might need trauma experience and this could give that to you.

 

[jewelerman]

time will tell! i would continue and see if things get better.There are good reasons to continue and you seem to be getting more comfortable with the flying. you can say stop anytime you want so i would give it a good try so you dont regret it in the future. i have traveling issues myself and the more i do it the more comfortable it becomes.

 

[swingirl]

Are you able to function when you are so stressed. Would your patients be receiving the best care? Personally, I'd rather have my physician or care person be the calm one able to think quickly. Only you can assess your value to an already stressful situation.

 

[allycat0303]

Well... For me the medical experience is good in the sense that it makes me used to working without backup. In my program
we have more then enough exposure to cover critically patients. As for whether or not I can function, yes I can. A very sick patient keeps my mind off the anxiety. But patients that are stable allow me to let my thoughts wander. For example, on the way here, I fell asleep briefly. Woke up as we were descending to Newfoundland. The plane was descending rapidly, lots of wind, and I grabbed my head nurse and asked (panicked) tell me the truth Sacha, are we crashing? He laughed and said this was a normal landing. I really, really thought we were in trouble. Would this have happened if I wasn't asleep? No. Basically it goes like this *take care of patient* sit and think.... "oh, what if we have a collision mid air with another aircraft?" the pilot laughed at me.... But I'm still thinking about it.

As you can tell, it's very anxiety experience! I'm writing about it and I have knots.

 

[Jennifer W]

I wouldn't do it, personally. Life is short and precious and if you're miserable, frightened and missing someone you love, there isn't enough money in the world to make up for it. Be nice to yourself and give it up if you don't need that money to live.

Or get some cognitive behavioural therapy maybe, to approach the flying anxiety differently. Constant exposure to a source of fear may or may not help you get over it in the long term, but it doesn't seem to be doing the job for you so far. If you're going to do this, then find ways of making it easier on yourself.

On the 'pros and cons' list you made - travel is not a pro for someone who gets homesick and is afraid of flying, so I'd switch that to the 'cons' side of the list.

The only thing I see there that makes me think it's good for you is the skills development aspect of handling critical patients by yourself - is there another way you could get this experience in a different setting?

Good luck with your decision.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Since it's a temporary job, I'd stick with it. It's only 6 months and a LOT of money. In this economy I think it would be foolish to pass up that kind of cash.

 

[zoebartlett]

Touch choice, but from what you've written, it doesn't sound like something that you'll easily overcome. If the job is that stressful, it wouldn't be worth it to me. You're so busy now as it is, and doing a job that you don't really need is eating into any personal time you may have (I'm assuming). The job sounds really interesting, but it seems like a lot to take on in addition to an already hectic schedule.

However, I do agree with Thing2, the more you fly, the easier it may become. Maybe you could hang onto it for one more month and see how you feel at the end. If that isn't so bad, then try an additional month. Just a thought, but are there other positions with this company you could do that wouldn't require you to fly with patients (behind the scenes types of work)?

Good luck Ally!

 

[kama_s]

To be absolutely honest, I don't think you would be fit to be the physician in charge on the flight. If you're already anxious and not in the right frame of mind, you shouldn't be responsible for another life.

 

[Skippy123]

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I don't think you should keep doing this; you sound very anxious and I agree that doing this sort of thing might help you overcome your fears but you have patients to worry about and not you. I personally would not do it. It sounds like since you don't need the money and are homesick I would quit. I bet you would feel a sense of relief if you no longer did it.

 

[rosetta]

I am a nervous flyer. There is NO WAY I would look after a patient mid air. I have taken over 100 flights, since I was born, and I still hate it. Not all the money in world would make me change my mind. I just wouldn't be in a fit state do my job. Plus, I would be so sad to leave my husband.

Please note though, that I can earn near six figures staying right on the ground, so the money isn't swaying me. If I was earning a pittance, I might just MIGHT change my mind. My husband OTOH loves to fly (and getting a licence) and would do this in a heartbeat.










Ok, that's a lie. I won't change my mind.

 

[Dee*Jay]

I'm sorry to hear that you are so afraid of flying. I personally as so afraid of sharks that I can't go into the ocean AT ALL so I understand a fear like this.

My biggest concern when I read your post though is not not for you, but rather for any patient that might need your care. I did read that working with the patient does occupy your mind in flight, but what if something were to happen (e.g., turbulence for an extended period during a flight) that would divide your attention during the ride and a patient were to be adversely affected because of it. Look at it this way: If your husband or another member of your family were the patient and the person giving the care were of the same mindset as you, how would you feel?

Also, I really applaud your effort overcome your fear of flying (trust me, I'm not going in the ocean voluntarily any time soon!!!) but I just don't think a scenario where you are responsible for another person's life is the right venue in which to do it.

 

[wildcat03]

I'm a PGY3 in emergency medicine, so maybe I have a bit more perspective on this than some others. I choose not to moonlight, despite having the time to do so (if I prioritize it). I'm single, live in a rented apartment, own my own car. Yes, this means that my payments on my student loans are less than they could be, but I'm ok with that if it means that I get more time to spend with friends and family.

If you feel like you have enough time to moonlight, then I think it comes down to 2 things.
1) Do you feel like residency isn't providing you with the experience you need to practice independently? If yes, you should consider continuing to moonlight so that you can work independently.
2) Are you interesting in conquering your fear of flying? (Because exposure will probably help)

If I were you, I'd probably give it at least another trip or two to see if you still hate it. If you do, then stop moonlighting. Life's too short, we've spent too much time on the hamster wheel to hate what we do.

FWIW, I am NOT worried about your ability to take care of patients. Goodness knows, we've all taken care of patients tired, sick, after 24 hours straight of work - I know that should your undivided attention be needed you'll just find yourself in the "zone" when it comes to making clinical decisions. Plus, it's just ONE patient - no distracting cross-coverage, pages, etc - which will probably make it much easier.

 

[mary poppins]

I say continue with the job unless your fear and anxiety interfere with your ability to care for the patient or your concern about work conditions interferes with your life.

ETA: I agree with thing2's points.

 

[missy]

Oh Ally, I am so sorry you are going through this Everyone makes good points but simply put I wouldn't do it despite all the pros. From my perspective it's just not worth it. Life really is too short and precious to be putting yourself through that type of stress. Not to mention missing your dh! No amount of money makes it worth it (IMO).

I get what others are saying about it will help you overcome your fear etc but I don't think that is necessarily true. I used to fly a lot and I still hate it and am still convinced we could crash at any moment (I'm lots of fun to fly with LOL). You have your whole career ahead of you to make lots of money and you aren't suffering financially now in any case. So my vote is for quality of life over quantity of $$$. Sending peaceful vibes your way. Whatever you decide it will be OK. Big hugs!

 

[Lady_Disdain]

If (and this is a big if) you are 100% sure that you can give your patient the best care possible, then I would give it another shot and do a couple more trips. Then, you will be able to see if flying is becoming easier, if spending a few nights away from home is more bearable, etc. As I see it, the first time is often the worst (like the first night at camp, when all you wanted to do was go back home, for example). Quitting is always a possibility but, once you quit, you usually can't go back.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Nope, I say don't continue.

1. You are miserable
2. You don't need the money
3. You will be making plenty of money when your residency is done
4. you feel that you are getting good experience in your residency
5. If you are that stressed you will not be giving your patients the best care (maybe good care, but not the best that you can give)

Why would it be worth it?

You'll have plenty of money to travel on your own in the next few years, you'll have more time in the next few years, you can conquer flying fears on your own and without such long-intense-multileg flights with the responsibility of caring for a patient...

 

[swimmer]

Have you considered trying some CBT as suggested earlier? A fear of flying can be overcome, you just have to really want to overcome it. Right now you have the chance to travel while earning money, which is pretty much most young people's dream. If there is a reason for your fear that is well grounded (like a parent died mid-flight), well, then I still suggest getting CBT, having your stomach in knots over anything isn't really healthy.

You have an awesome opp to get a nest egg saved up before you have kids. What if a child of yours decides to move down to Florida or to New Zealand. Would you just never visit? Don't you want to take that future teenager to Europe (with that nest egg?)

It seems like you have a fork in the road here. You can take this amazing opportunity to both face down your fear (and do know that all of us are a little alarmed at flying) and get a chunk of change to do whatever you want to with it. Perhaps a tennis bracelet would distract you from your terrors?

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

You have been a long time member of PS. In your many travails, you have "overcome".

I suspect all of the people in your care will not have the same choice. This isn't about you.

kind regards--Sharon

 

[junebug17]

I don't think you should keep doing it - your stress and anxiety over flying sound pretty severe and I don't think you're going to get over it in a few more flights. And I'm not sure it's a good idea to be responsible for someone's care when you're so anxious and upset. You sound miserable, and I just don't think it's worth the money.

 

[swimmer]

Ally, I thought of you last night. So for years I had been dreading visiting Auschwitz, my parents and in-laws lost many relatives there and I had felt like I should go since I teach about the Holocaust, but I just didn't feel as though I could do it. Then I got a job writing a book about teaching the Holocaust and had to go. I hung out in Poland for a few days dreading the trip, going to other sites, just trying to get my courage together. Then I met some women a little younger than me from Australia and Sweden who knew nothing about the Holocaust and wanted to go. So I went with them as their sort of guide. I was able to do my job and focus on teaching them, encouraging them to ask questions and interact with the artifacts I was there to photograph, rather than be overwhelmed by my emotions. They thanked me profusely at the end, but I was really in debt to them, they made it possible for me to move past my emotional baggage and experience something really meaningful.

Your patients can give you this gift as well if you want to let them.

 

[joflier]

I have been prone to getting anxiety attacks (not flying, but other situations) so I know what a powerful and gripping panic you can feel. The hardest part is being an educated and rational person and not being able to rationalize and logic your mind's way out of it. Or the way your body reacts. I've sat with the sweaty palms, legs shaking, and my heart racing, and at the same time thinking to myself, "why can't I make this stop? This is ridiculous". If you feel like your strong enough to go through with this and overcome - more power to you! Not to say you can't quit tomorrow or next week. But just take it one day at a time. One flight at time. You always have the backup of quitting if it gets to be too much. But right now, I don't think it is. I think your really open to giving this your best, and I think the benefits are worth trying for.
And I disagree with the others that posted concern about your patient care. I know how it is when your mind gets focused, the background blurs away. I'm sure you do just fine with that. Patients come first, and fear takes a backseat. I think with the more stabalized patients where there's not as much to do, you need to spend more time still occupying your mind with their condition and care, status, bp - ANYTHING. Count respiration rates - anything to stop your mind from wandering off to the crash scenario! Or even counting floor tiles or stitches in the seats. Really making a concscious effort to get your mind on other things will really help you.
The biggest negative right now that I see is spending too much time away from home and your husband. Just work really hard at skyping and doing as much as you can to still maintain closeness while your apart. Because if your relationship loses some of that closeness and togetherness, all the money and experience in the world won't make up for it. Good luck Ally!

 

[wildcat03]

I really wish everybody would stop talking about how she won't provide the best care for the patient. First, do you think YOUR doctor walks into work fresh off 8-9 hours of sleep, having eaten a full nutritious breakfast and with NO life stress every morning? Answer: no. Second, much of residency is learning how to provide care under adverse circumstances. I was thinking about times I've provided care when I was less than 100% and came up with the following:
1) On 30 hour call when I couldn't sleep the night before (so was up for 48 hours total and providing care for the first 9 hours and then the last 30).
2) With a stomach bug in the medical ICU. I avoided patient rooms as best I could, but had to wait it out until my replacement got there.
3) For almost 24 hours while in the pediatric ICU, after learning that one of my best friends took her own life. There was no one to replace me, so I had to stay. It was a hard night and I never want to relive it, but I know I was able to put aside my own grief and give excellent care the whole night.

 

[movie zombie]

Your patients can give you this gift as well if you want to let them.

says it all.......

 

[tina sparkle]

It seems like you already know the answer. Just because the other residents all did this, doesn't mean it's right for you. Life is too short to be miserable. Give your notice when you land in Montreal.

 

[junebug17]

Ally, I thought of you last night. So for years I had been dreading visiting Auschwitz, my parents and in-laws lost many relatives there and I had felt like I should go since I teach about the Holocaust, but I just didn't feel as though I could do it. Then I got a job writing a book about teaching the Holocaust and had to go. I hung out in Poland for a few days dreading the trip, going to other sites, just trying to get my courage together. Then I met some women a little younger than me from Australia and Sweden who knew nothing about the Holocaust and wanted to go. So I went with them as their sort of guide. I was able to do my job and focus on teaching them, encouraging them to ask questions and interact with the artifacts I was there to photograph, rather than be overwhelmed by my emotions. They thanked me profusely at the end, but I was really in debt to them, they made it possible for me to move past my emotional baggage and experience something really meaningful.

Your patients can give you this gift as well if you want to let them.

Idk, to me these two situations are a little different. Ally is gripped with anxiety on these flights and experiences physical as well as emotional duress. She's literally afraid she's going to die on these flights. And she's responsible for a critically ill patient on top of it.

As someone who experiences extreme anxiety, once you're gripped with panic it's very difficult to stop it. It's very hard to distract yourself from it because you have physical as well as emotional reactions to the stress.

But ally herself has stated that she feels she is able to give good care on these flights in spite of her intense fear, so maybe I'm off-base.

 

[iLander]

I used to be afraid of flying. Then this thought occurred to me; why would it be me? There are millions of passengers in the air at any one time, why would I fall out of the sky? What made me so special?

For some reason, this thought worked well for me. I check airline safety records, but it doesn't really bother me now . . .

 

[Porridge]

I would keep trying. As long as it doesn't affect your marriage, I think it will be good for you. But I say that easily, I love flying, I'm not much of a home-bird, and I haven't experienced any real anxiety.

iLander that's a good point. It might help to watch some planes landing and taking off at the airport, because after a while you start to realise the sheer volume of planes in the air, and it all seems much more routine and less frightening. Also, a friend of mine went through I think it was CBT for her fear of flying, and one thing she said really worked for her was the thought "what's the point"? I'm sure there was more to it than that, but eventually she made herself aware that her anxiety and thoughts of crashing were totally pointless thoughts. Worrying about it won't prevent it from happening. What else... oh, one reason I think I feel so safe in planes is because my parents fly for a hobby, and my dad's a total fanatic, so I grew up knowing everything about flight and planes. Maybe it would help if you understood how the thing flies, the rigourous testing it goes through (seriously, you think turbulence is bad? They shake that thing around like a ragdoll during testing, the worst turbulence you've ever felt isn't a patch on it, it's built like a brick lavatory), and the incredibly low chances of anything even happening, it might help with the anxiety. You know, rationalising it away. I fly a lot and I still get excited by it, I think flying is amazing, it would be good to face down that fear if you can. The experience and money definitely don't hurt either!