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Should I change my Tiffany e-ring???

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Kelli

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Wow. You have an AMAZING fiance. Do NOT trade in that ring. You''d be crazy to do so, considering the love he put into getting that for you. Save up for a bigger RHR if you must, but a 1.41 Tiffany ring with that amount of sentiment behind it would be a terrible thing to waste!
 

Balaban

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Hi, I don't post on Pricescope a lot but I wanted to respond to this topic. I hope I'm not beating a dead horse, but this is important to me because I so hate the idea of anyone feeling out of place or, heaven forbid, inadequate because of her background.

First of all, like some of the other posters on this thread, I went to an ivy league undergrad and an ivy league law school. I also grew up in circumstances most people would consider pretty affluent on the east coast, but my extended family lives in much more modest circumstances, and I think sometimes my cousins (with whom I am close) feel out of place at their schools and jobs, precisely because they have been so successful, but come from a different place than many of their fellow students and co-workers.

Some of the women I have known who own the largest e-rings (and I'm talking so many carats I have no idea how to even estimate their weight) opt to wear simple gold bands for every day. I have a friend who just married into incredible wealth, and she turned down an heirloom e-ring in her now-husband's family, because she wanted to wear her e-ring every day and she didn't feel like she needed anything that large. Which just goes to show that you never know, and that it's not always the norm among those who have wealth to wear large(r) e-rings.

However, I have many high school, college, law school, and work friends (I work at a pretty high-end corporate law firm in NYC) who wear e-rings that have diamonds that are smaller than 1.41 carats. I would guess that the average among female attorneys at my law firm is 1.25-1.5 carats -- and these are women whose starting salaries are well into the 6 figures (not to mention their SO's salaries). In some cases, this is because they got engaged before they had this kind of income, but the same if true when they have already accumulated some wealth.

The reason that I am sharing all of this is that, like others have said, I don't think you should in any way feel like a 1.41 carat e-ring is "small" for an ivy league b-school. Of couse some people will wear larger stones, and if it makes them happy and works with their lifestyle and their finances, that is great. But I genuinely do not think that e-rings so much bigger than 1.41 -- enough bigger that they would dwarf it in a comparison -- are the majority at either ivy business schools or in midtown/wall street banks and firms. The same is true for women on the (wealthy) Upper East Side of Manhattan -- some wear really large diamonds, some don't. It's a matter of choice and personal style as much as -- and in some cases more than -- wealth/education/what have you.

But most importantly, you should feel really, really great about the fact that you are going to such a wonderful b-school, especially in what was an extremely competitive admissions year. You got in, which means that you are just as smart and just as qualified to be there as any of the other students. And honestly if you don't come from the same undergrad schools or the same part of the country as the bulk of them, if means you're going to bring something new and valuable to the table in your classes.

I hope this wasn't too long-winded or preachy. I echo what everyone else said re: your finace, etc, and know that whatever decision the two of you reach will be what is best for you as a couple, and as individuals.

Good luck at school next fall!
 

purrfectpear

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Let this be a lesson to the Tiffany supporters who encourage everyone to "buy Tiffany".
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There are many women who would much prefer a larger stone for the same money. Think about that next time a guy says "what should I do".
 

vespergirl

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No! Your ring is perfect!
 

Octavia

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Date: 4/17/2009 3:05:07 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Let this be a lesson to the Tiffany supporters who encourage everyone to ''buy Tiffany''.
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There are many women who would much prefer a larger stone for the same money. Think about that next time a guy says ''what should I do''.

I''m not a Tiffany supporter or a detractor -- I think it''s got its place, and like anything else in life, there are some people who love Tiffany and some who don''t, and there are some pros and cons to buying there or anywhere else. If anything, though, this should be a lesson to guys about to propose, that they should get input from their girlfriend on what she wants before making a final decision, because it''s as emotional for her as it is for him. Letting the person who will be wearing it for the rest of her life have a say in it gives the best chance of both people being happy with the finished product. This could easily have been a thread that went the other way if the OP had gotten the bigger ring but wanted the Tiffany brand. You''re absolutely right that there are many women who prefer a larger stone for the same money, but there''s no need to bash people for preferring one company over another.
 

sammyj

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Date: 4/17/2009 4:13:07 PM
Author: Octavia

Date: 4/17/2009 3:05:07 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Let this be a lesson to the Tiffany supporters who encourage everyone to ''buy Tiffany''.
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There are many women who would much prefer a larger stone for the same money. Think about that next time a guy says ''what should I do''.

I''m not a Tiffany supporter or a detractor -- I think it''s got its place, and like anything else in life, there are some people who love Tiffany and some who don''t, and there are some pros and cons to buying there or anywhere else. If anything, though, this should be a lesson to guys about to propose, that they should get input from their girlfriend on what she wants before making a final decision, because it''s as emotional for her as it is for him. Letting the person who will be wearing it for the rest of her life have a say in it gives the best chance of both people being happy with the finished product. This could easily have been a thread that went the other way if the OP had gotten the bigger ring but wanted the Tiffany brand. You''re absolutely right that there are many women who prefer a larger stone for the same money, but there''s no need to bash people for preferring one company over another.
Agreed, Octavia. If you go back and read her Fi''s thread, it was her emotional reaction to putting on the T&Co ring that helped him decided what to buy. Nearly everyone who first responded to his thread said that they would go for the larger stone rather than the brand. Only a couple of posters said to go with Tiffany because of the brand name. Even ''Tiffany supporters'' said to go with the larger stone. It wasn''t until people read that her face lit up upon trying on a ring at T&Co that the tone of the thread changed.

To the OP, you''ve gotten great advice and you seem to be coming to terms with some of insecurities. I''ll have to ditto whoever said that the real gem you have isn''t on your finger but on your arm! Your Fi''s thread was incredibly sweet and even made me a little teary. Best of luck to both of you.
 

FrekeChild

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You really do have a gem of a man on your arm instant. I''m glad that my first post helped you.

Good luck to both of you, and congratulations on your engagement to a man who loves you so very much!
 

Octavia

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Sammyj, I think I worded my previous post a little incorrectly, but my basic point still stands. I meant that it''s important to tease out exactly what the most important factors are in ring-buying -- I just think that if the OP had the opportunity to tell him directly, "I really do love the Tiffany ring but I''m afraid that I may regret not going with a larger stone, so I may need to wear it for a few days before I can really determine how I feel about it," then he would have known better what to expect and might not have been as bruised by the fact that it happened. And I say this as someone whose FI picked out the ring with no input from me at all, and also went to Tiffany, and I never traded it because his feelings mean more to me than a piece of jewelry. But if he''d asked me about it beforehand, I wouldn''t have felt bad being completely frank about my preferences. I didn''t love my ring at first, although I have come to love it and wear it all the time...I don''t blame the store, or its efficient marketing team, or our friends who have and love brand-name rings and probably swayed his choice of where to shop, though.
 

LGK

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It sounds like you''ve been given some great advice and come to some good conclusions.

I will add that the wealthiest people I know (my father & mother in law) don''t wear anything more than simple gold bands- and she could literally have named whatever on earth she wanted to wear on her finger. And they prefer to drive older Honda Civics.

A 1.4ct Tiffany solitaire is just about the most classic thing ever. If you want something that says "class" and will fit in everywhere, that''s pretty much IT.

I think it''s easy to focus anxieties on a ring- you can change it!- rather than other stuff. And the shock of spending $20K on something that''s supposed to be The Perfect Thing is tough too, it''s hard for any ring to live up to I think!

I totally get what you mean about feeling like how on earth did you deserve such a sweet guy. My DH is very, very good looking, a wonderful funny person, and came from a very wealthy background, and literally could have had just about any girl he wanted. The fact that he picked (strange, gothy, fully "dark & twisty") me still seems incredible to me after thirteen years. Your guy sounds like an absolute sweetie and a keeper all the way.
 

diamondseeker2006

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I just wanted to reassure you that you are not the first to feel this way, nor the last. If you stay on here long enough, you''ll see plenty of women who have changed their rings 2 or 3 times. So no one needs to throw stones at you!

Many of us have trouble settling on one set! Seriously! I''d love to have the classic Tiffany e-ring, but as MrsS said, I''d rather get one second hand so as not to pay for the brand mark-up. When I was getting my new set (for an anniversary), I did look at Tiffany rings exactly the size you have. I adored them. But when it came down to it, I decided on a 1.63 ct. stone in a platinum setting which cost about a third less than the smaller Tiffany (and I sometimes wish I had stuck with 1.4 because most people around me have diamonds smaller than 1.5 cts.). So do I understand? Yes, I do. It is always best to make this decision before the purchase is made, but now that you have expressed second thoughts, you may as well really deal with this before the return period is up.

I''d never buy a Tiffany ring with the idea of trading up, because the value of the trade has to be double the amount of the first ring. That means a huge investment and really overpaying twice (as compared with comparable quality from other sources). Of course, this is not an issue for very wealthy people, but it would be for most of us.

I do want to tell you that you probably don''t need to worry about that setting because once you put on a wedding band with it, the knife edge is not going to bother you. You just need to deal with the issue of whether you want a larger diamond without the Tiffany name. And then be happy with the decision. I think it sounds like a wonderful ring, though, and one that would be acceptable in almost any social circles.
 

Imdanny

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Date: 4/16/2009 8:59:58 PM
Author: FrekeChild
First, breathe.


Second, 1.41ct is very respectable.

Very respectable size, it's a very nice size IMO, a real sweet spot between not being "small" or "large" for those who can afford it, he bought the ring at Tiffany & Co., and he put his heart in it.

I think you know by now what my personal opinion is going to be-- I think that you should keep the ring, wear it proudly, and make him understand that you appreciate the ring.

Just my opinion, and agree with the previous comments about "you never know." I've known plenty of "wealthy" women who would be just fine with 1.41ct and some that wouldn't even wear that.
 

Imdanny

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Date: 4/16/2009 10:54:09 PM
Author: LaraOnline

I just don''t get it. Perhaps it is because I am ''intrinsically cool''
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Imdanny

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Date: 4/16/2009 10:42:04 PM
Author: instantpig
I thought I would never fall prey to that, but that's easier said than done. It's the great Catch-22 of those schools - those who are there got there because they were never quite satisfied with where they were... but the irony is that very characteristic can also make them never satisifed with life. I guess it is wise to really think about where exactly the end point/goal is.
At this point, maybe it would be OK to return the ring and get something like the Whiteflash ACA equivalent, since you've already looked back and questioned the decision. I suggest, if you do go this route, that you, considering that you were involved in the first place, make this as painless as possible from here on out, surgical, if you will. I would be direct; I would be resolute; and then I would be effusively apologetic (but keep in mind point 2: resolute).

It's clear that he loves you. He's not going to give up his love for you because you changed your mind about a ring.

But there's one more word of advice I want to give you. I went to one of those schools, too, and while everyone is saying that the school chose you, yes, they did, but remember, and do not ever forget, that YOU chose that school. Then you will know that you belong there. You chose that school and you were admitted. QED.

I respectfully and regrettably have to change my mind (I don't usually do this). Please do what will make you happy (if that is having a bigger diamond, it is fun to have a bigger diamond, and the new ring is the same price as the old one, by all means do it). Just please don't drag it out. It's kind of hard for us to have to give both him and you advice.

Best wishes.
 

bee*

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Date: 4/17/2009 3:05:07 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Let this be a lesson to the Tiffany supporters who encourage everyone to ''buy Tiffany''.
20.gif



There are many women who would much prefer a larger stone for the same money. Think about that next time a guy says ''what should I do''.

I don''t think anyone says "buy Tiffany" all the time. I think everyone usually advises to go with what she likes (provided the finances add up too!).
 

Kellybell

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Just wanted to add my $0.02.

My FI graduated from a top tier, Ivy League business school, and comes from that East coast, prep school background. Yes, there were HUGE rings at his school (I think it is a business school "thing"...a lot of the men buy their wives massive rings as a show of wealth/success.) However, these women were as sweet as could be, and honestly would never judge another person by what they have or don''t have. I know it is easy for me to say, but please do not feel intimidated or inadequate - if he/she is a truly quality individual worthy of your time and attention, then they will not be so judgmental. Please do not wast your time on those that are.

Additionally, my advice is this - please don''t try to compete with these people. Many come from such ridiculous amounts of wealth that it is impossible to try to keep up.

Just enjoy this incredible time in your life, and take advantage of this amazing experience. You are going to meet some of the most inspirational, motivated, intelligent, fun, interesting people in school - who will come from all walks of life. Just have fun and enjoy!
 

sammyj

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Date: 4/17/2009 5:16:21 PM
Author: Octavia
Sammyj, I think I worded my previous post a little incorrectly, but my basic point still stands. I meant that it''s important to tease out exactly what the most important factors are in ring-buying -- I just think that if the OP had the opportunity to tell him directly, ''I really do love the Tiffany ring but I''m afraid that I may regret not going with a larger stone, so I may need to wear it for a few days before I can really determine how I feel about it,'' then he would have known better what to expect and might not have been as bruised by the fact that it happened. And I say this as someone whose FI picked out the ring with no input from me at all, and also went to Tiffany, and I never traded it because his feelings mean more to me than a piece of jewelry. But if he''d asked me about it beforehand, I wouldn''t have felt bad being completely frank about my preferences. I didn''t love my ring at first, although I have come to love it and wear it all the time...I don''t blame the store, or its efficient marketing team, or our friends who have and love brand-name rings and probably swayed his choice of where to shop, though.
Sorry, Octavia. I agree with you on all accounts (which perhaps I didn''t word correctly in my post?). I think my eyes kind of glazed over the meat of your post and I focused on the last sentence which was what I was atually responding to.
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sammyj

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double post.
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LaraOnline

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Date: 4/19/2009 9:34:37 AM
Author: Kellybell

Additionally, my advice is this - please don''t try to compete with these people. Many come from such ridiculous amounts of wealth that it is impossible to try to keep up.

Gad, it''s a different world, I can''t even imagine....

IP, you are in an incredibly lucky position and worthwhile position.
Imagine the millions of people with talent and brains, in all the countries of the world, and how even with the best abilities in the world, they will not be able to take advantage of the opportunities that now lie in your path!

You have so many other things to think about, that are so much more worthy of your time! And, you have the support and devotion of a loving man to help you along the way!

All the best with your studies, I hope you put them to really good use!
 

whitby_2773

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hi instant :)

i just wanted to comment on one aspect of what you wrote and give you three scenarios.

firstly - the comment. when you feel insecure and compare, EVERYONE seems to have something bigger and better than you - not because they actually DO, but because that''s the ones you SEE. we tend to focus on where we fall short, and consequently you''re noticing all the ''bigger, better'' rings than your own.

now - here''s my three scenarios.

a man married a woman around 45 years ago. she is a high powered lawyer who won her exclusive university''s medal for academic excellence. he was an officer in the army who went on to become one of his country''s most successful international beef exporters. the lady in question ultimately won the bicentennial ''woman of the year award'' for a well recognized national women''s group. they are both now retired, and spend their time on their (frigging ENORMOUS) property and lecturing around the world at beef raising symposiums about how to raise beef organically. they are high-powered and successful. they adore each other.

another man married a woman about 50 years ago. he was poor but ambitious and charismatic and she was very wealthy and beautiful. he worked hard and became extremely successful in the financial industry, chairing numerous well known public institutions and having a large and well respected public profile. they died well known, successful and financially ''more than secure''. they adored each other.

another man married a woman 25 years ago. they both came from very well off families. she loves jewelry and he indulges her. he is a partner in an international financial consulting company and she has more degrees than she needs. she has 3 university medals and is published in 3 continents. and she declined an offer of a PhD at harvard because she wanted to follow her husband around the world and support his career. they live very comfortably, moving in the sorts of circles you described with your ivy league class mates. they want for nothing. they adore each other.

the first couple are my in-laws. my mother in law''s engagement ring is 1/2 ct.

the second couple are my parents. my mother''s engagement ring was 1/4 ct.

the third couple, obviously, is my husband and myself. my engagement ring is .83 ct, tho i have recently added side stones.

instant, my suggestion would be to look at a few more fingers. not everyone has the huge rocks you''re seeing. and even if they do - BUCK THE TREND! but they dont - i assure you! i know exactly the sorts of people you''re talking about, and there are still plenty in that group like my parents, my in-laws, and myself who hold fondly to the ring they were given despite later success.

perhaps for your 10th anniversary you might like to add side stones and move to a more obvious 3 stone ring. but be aware - your rng now is large and beautiful, and adding side stones would make it huge indeed.

my advice, which comes through experience, would be never to buy into the ''competitive jewelry'' game. there is no end to it and the rings it produces mean nothing. your ring means a lot - treasure it.
 

iheartscience

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Well instant, I''m on your side. I personally would not be happy with a much smaller Tiffany ring-I would want the bigger non-branded ring. Although my reasons are different than yours, I don''t think there''s anything wrong with wanting a bigger ring. I have the biggest diamond of anyone in my circle (1.5 radiant in a halo setting) but I think that has to do more with my diamond obsession and buying my ring from an online vendor to save $, because I don''t think our budget was that much bigger than most people''s budgets are.

Honestly, I think everyone scolding you is kind of ridiculous. This is a diamond website and we all love diamonds and freak out when someone posts a giant honker of a diamond in SMTR! It''s pretty silly to scold you because you hurt your fiance''s feelings. I am very honest, too, and I think it''s worse to keep something like this to yourself (that seems like lying) than it is to tell your fiance that you''re not happy with it.

You want a bigger diamond, you don''t like how the setting looks on your hand, and you think the setting is uncomfortable. To me, those are 3 valid reasons for getting a different ring. Although your fiance loves you a lot, it sounds like he got you what he wanted to get you and didn''t really take into account what you wanted. He didn''t like the Jeff Cooper you LOVED so he decided to tell himself your face lit up in Tiffany. (I mean to be fair, what woman''s face WOULDN''T light up in Tiffany?!
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Although I am definitely not someone who is interested in keeping up with the Joneses (I don''t even know the Joneses, as a matter of fact!), I understand that you want to fit in to that circle, or at least feel that you belong, and if a bigger diamond is going to help you feel that way, who am I to tell you that''s wrong?
 

instantpig

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Date: 4/17/2009 2:33:50 PM
Author: Balaban
Hi, I don''t post on Pricescope a lot but I wanted to respond to this topic. I hope I''m not beating a dead horse, but this is important to me because I so hate the idea of anyone feeling out of place or, heaven forbid, inadequate because of her background.

First of all, like some of the other posters on this thread, I went to an ivy league undergrad and an ivy league law school. I also grew up in circumstances most people would consider pretty affluent on the east coast, but my extended family lives in much more modest circumstances, and I think sometimes my cousins (with whom I am close) feel out of place at their schools and jobs, precisely because they have been so successful, but come from a different place than many of their fellow students and co-workers.

Some of the women I have known who own the largest e-rings (and I''m talking so many carats I have no idea how to even estimate their weight) opt to wear simple gold bands for every day. I have a friend who just married into incredible wealth, and she turned down an heirloom e-ring in her now-husband''s family, because she wanted to wear her e-ring every day and she didn''t feel like she needed anything that large. Which just goes to show that you never know, and that it''s not always the norm among those who have wealth to wear large(r) e-rings.

However, I have many high school, college, law school, and work friends (I work at a pretty high-end corporate law firm in NYC) who wear e-rings that have diamonds that are smaller than 1.41 carats. I would guess that the average among female attorneys at my law firm is 1.25-1.5 carats -- and these are women whose starting salaries are well into the 6 figures (not to mention their SO''s salaries). In some cases, this is because they got engaged before they had this kind of income, but the same if true when they have already accumulated some wealth.

The reason that I am sharing all of this is that, like others have said, I don''t think you should in any way feel like a 1.41 carat e-ring is ''small'' for an ivy league b-school. Of couse some people will wear larger stones, and if it makes them happy and works with their lifestyle and their finances, that is great. But I genuinely do not think that e-rings so much bigger than 1.41 -- enough bigger that they would dwarf it in a comparison -- are the majority at either ivy business schools or in midtown/wall street banks and firms. The same is true for women on the (wealthy) Upper East Side of Manhattan -- some wear really large diamonds, some don''t. It''s a matter of choice and personal style as much as -- and in some cases more than -- wealth/education/what have you.

But most importantly, you should feel really, really great about the fact that you are going to such a wonderful b-school, especially in what was an extremely competitive admissions year. You got in, which means that you are just as smart and just as qualified to be there as any of the other students. And honestly if you don''t come from the same undergrad schools or the same part of the country as the bulk of them, if means you''re going to bring something new and valuable to the table in your classes.

I hope this wasn''t too long-winded or preachy. I echo what everyone else said re: your finace, etc, and know that whatever decision the two of you reach will be what is best for you as a couple, and as individuals.

Good luck at school next fall!
Since everyone has spent so much time to read and offer advice, I wanted to follow up and let everyone know that I have read every single post on here and also give an update. Immediately after spending three hours on this forum on the night of this post, I spoke with my fiance and let him know that I felt like a jerk for hurting his feelings (that it was unintended) and that I will be keeping the original ring. I am really bad at telling "white lies," so while I couldn''t tell him that I had a complete change of mind and that I suddenly loved the ring, I did tell him that it was important to me as a symbol of his love. Being the great guy that he is, he was able to let it go right away and sounded relieved.

I made a conscious decision not to think about "the ring" anymore. I did research the discomfort of the knife-edge design, and people on forums seemed to say that it was natural for the knife edge to be uncomfortable for the first month but that it got better for them.

Then a funny thing happened - starting about a week later, I started noticing how the light bounced off the ring in simply gorgeous ways. I wondered why I didn''t see this before. Then I started noticing how the light hitting the knife-edge design created visual effects on the band that highlighted the beauty of the diamond... and then a few days later, the knife-edge no longer bothered me (no more red marks on middle and pinky finger).

I absolutely LOVE this ring now and was able to tell my fiance so with complete honesty - this was such a great feeling for both of us!! I''m so glad that I kept the ring and am thankful to everyone here for their advice. In the end it is probably most accurate to say that the pressure of making a final decision on something so valuable was getting to me - and even if I had changed the ring I probably would have been afraid to "commit" to it. Removing that pressure went a long away in allowing me to love it for what it is.

Thanks again!
 

instantpig

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Apr 16, 2009
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p.s. I will be addressing the "uniqueness" issue of the ring by getting an interesting wedding band as some people here have suggested. Maybe an alternating round-baguette eternity... =)
 

VRBeauty

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IP: I''m so glad you popped back to let us know the (very happy!) ending to your story. For some reason, you almost (
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) brought tears to my eyes. I suspect that what you learned about yourself and your sweetie through this is a valuable as anything you''ll be learning in B-school. Wear your beautiful ring in good health!
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D&T

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Date: 4/26/2009 4:43:41 PM
Author: instantpig
p.s. I will be addressing the ''uniqueness'' issue of the ring by getting an interesting wedding band as some people here have suggested. Maybe an alternating round-baguette eternity... =)
Yeah,,, that will be so Beautiful!...

Enjoy Life in this journey...... Congrats on your engagement and good luck in school...
 

Octavia

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I''m so glad to hear your update! It also took me a little while to love my ring, but I can''t imagine trading it now. Sometimes it just takes some getting used to...and I think your plan for an interesting wedding band is the perfect solution. You''re going to have a beautiful set!
 
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