brendaman
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2008
- Messages
- 180
We''re in the middle of booking our dream venue, and I found a fabulouis wedding planner and am ready to hire her. Then my FBIL shows again his jerky side.
It''s Mother''s Day, and he comes over to tell my FI (we live together) that he''s purchased a Mother''s Day gift and card and would FI sign it. This has been a sore point for me. I''ve purchased presents in the past for FI''s parents and never asked FBIL to contribute, but I''ve always asked FBIL to sign the card, and when presenting the present to my FILs, I say it is from ALL of us. When FI asks his brother if I could sign the card, FBIL says, "No", and tells him some lame reason like I didn''t ask how he was feeling the other day (I did!). I''ve bent over backwards to do nice things, and I just can''t win. I do understand that all I can expect for FBIL to be is civil to me.
FI''s parents try to excuse FBIL''s behavior by saying, he''s unhappy at work; he''s tired of commuting an hour each way to work; blah, blah, blah! I commute an hour each way to work, but I''m never mean and take it out on other people. It''s really tough to be nice to FBIL. Some years ago, he and FI got into a fight, because FBIL called me a "Filipino whore", because FBIL doesn''t believe that a woman should live with a guy before marriage. Thank god I was not there. Somehow, we got over that, and I was the first one to talk FI into forgiving his brother by saying, "blood is blood", and "you only have one brother". I''ve tried to ininvolve FILs'' and FBIL into the wedding planning, and they were genuinely excited at our plans. I''m paying for the entire wedding as FI''s business is not doing very well. I''''m treating everyione to staying a few nights at the posh hotel where we''re having our wedding. I''m happy to do it. FI''s parents are in their mid-80s; my parents are in their late 70s. FI has survived cancer. We''ve survived serveral illnesses in the family. I want this to be a happy occassion, as it may be the last time we get the extended family together.
FI is so anxious about the wedding, because FBIL is the best man (FI says he kind of had to have his brother as best man as his family would not get over it). We''ve asked FI''s best friend to be a groomsman (he should really be the best man) and to help calm FI down as we''re afraid FBIL will be his negative self, complaining about something. FI is also anxious about his family meeting my family. First, I should say my family LOVES FI! They ask how FI is doing before they ask how I am donig. They see in FI all the things I see. The same can''t be said for FI''s family. I thought FI''s Mom has really turned around and has begun to like me as we''ve spent many hours going to bridal showcases (the very expensive ones, because I want her to have the nice experience). But at every turn that FBIL attacks me, FMIL finds some way to agree with her son or defent him. FI is so anxious about his "judgemental" parents and brother meeting my parents.
FI has always said we should elope, and at first he wanted his parents to be there. I had to explain to him that it would really not be an elopement if we invite his parents and shouldn''t we invite mine as well? When FI''s mother found out how much I may be spending on the wedding (still mad at FI for telling his family this), FI''s mother gave her blessing for us to elope. I had said that I wanted this special wedding day to get our family together as we''ve been through so much. FI and I have been together 10 years, and we''ve lived together for six. To be happy, I know I will always have to be the one to swallow my pride and turn the other cheek. I wll have to do it now if I want to have the small wedding (less than 100 people) of our dreams. I''m just tired of being hurt and crying. I''ve shared my woes with my sister, and she''s even said that she doesn''t know how she could talk to FI''s family knowing what they have done to me and continue to do. Should we just elope and avoid future dramas? Should I cancel our dream wedding? A part of me thinks it would be best for many reasons (avoid drama, save money, etc.). Another part of me thinks it would be like letting FI''s family win. What would you do???
It''s Mother''s Day, and he comes over to tell my FI (we live together) that he''s purchased a Mother''s Day gift and card and would FI sign it. This has been a sore point for me. I''ve purchased presents in the past for FI''s parents and never asked FBIL to contribute, but I''ve always asked FBIL to sign the card, and when presenting the present to my FILs, I say it is from ALL of us. When FI asks his brother if I could sign the card, FBIL says, "No", and tells him some lame reason like I didn''t ask how he was feeling the other day (I did!). I''ve bent over backwards to do nice things, and I just can''t win. I do understand that all I can expect for FBIL to be is civil to me.
FI''s parents try to excuse FBIL''s behavior by saying, he''s unhappy at work; he''s tired of commuting an hour each way to work; blah, blah, blah! I commute an hour each way to work, but I''m never mean and take it out on other people. It''s really tough to be nice to FBIL. Some years ago, he and FI got into a fight, because FBIL called me a "Filipino whore", because FBIL doesn''t believe that a woman should live with a guy before marriage. Thank god I was not there. Somehow, we got over that, and I was the first one to talk FI into forgiving his brother by saying, "blood is blood", and "you only have one brother". I''ve tried to ininvolve FILs'' and FBIL into the wedding planning, and they were genuinely excited at our plans. I''m paying for the entire wedding as FI''s business is not doing very well. I''''m treating everyione to staying a few nights at the posh hotel where we''re having our wedding. I''m happy to do it. FI''s parents are in their mid-80s; my parents are in their late 70s. FI has survived cancer. We''ve survived serveral illnesses in the family. I want this to be a happy occassion, as it may be the last time we get the extended family together.
FI is so anxious about the wedding, because FBIL is the best man (FI says he kind of had to have his brother as best man as his family would not get over it). We''ve asked FI''s best friend to be a groomsman (he should really be the best man) and to help calm FI down as we''re afraid FBIL will be his negative self, complaining about something. FI is also anxious about his family meeting my family. First, I should say my family LOVES FI! They ask how FI is doing before they ask how I am donig. They see in FI all the things I see. The same can''t be said for FI''s family. I thought FI''s Mom has really turned around and has begun to like me as we''ve spent many hours going to bridal showcases (the very expensive ones, because I want her to have the nice experience). But at every turn that FBIL attacks me, FMIL finds some way to agree with her son or defent him. FI is so anxious about his "judgemental" parents and brother meeting my parents.
FI has always said we should elope, and at first he wanted his parents to be there. I had to explain to him that it would really not be an elopement if we invite his parents and shouldn''t we invite mine as well? When FI''s mother found out how much I may be spending on the wedding (still mad at FI for telling his family this), FI''s mother gave her blessing for us to elope. I had said that I wanted this special wedding day to get our family together as we''ve been through so much. FI and I have been together 10 years, and we''ve lived together for six. To be happy, I know I will always have to be the one to swallow my pride and turn the other cheek. I wll have to do it now if I want to have the small wedding (less than 100 people) of our dreams. I''m just tired of being hurt and crying. I''ve shared my woes with my sister, and she''s even said that she doesn''t know how she could talk to FI''s family knowing what they have done to me and continue to do. Should we just elope and avoid future dramas? Should I cancel our dream wedding? A part of me thinks it would be best for many reasons (avoid drama, save money, etc.). Another part of me thinks it would be like letting FI''s family win. What would you do???