sharing cost of ring

[Rock_of_Love]

Date: 10/14/2009 1:48:14 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 10/14/2009 1:42:54 PM
Author: princessplease
TLH-
The fact that I contributed to my ring does NOT subconsciously say anything about me or that I''ll have to act when I want something from
him. It was a joint decision to get engaged, and it was a joint purchase, just like our house and items for the house, kids, etc will be. My ring was not pricey at all and FI was saving, but realistically told me it would take him quite some time to save it all up because he is the breadwinner in our relationship. He was willing to do it on his own but didn''t want to wait to propose. I know you can marry without a ring but the ring was important to fi. If you think I''m impaitent or anything else, then so be it. Fi did not ask me to contribute; I offered. The decision wasn''t materialistic or anything, and I did not give a lot, but I did give something. Fi saved and cut back a lot, but still was struggling to save, so I offered. I have no problems or qualms with paying for some of the ring. By no means did I pressure fi to propose by offering to contribute to the ring. He initiated the engagement and marriage talk, not me. The ring is OUR symbol of OUR committment to a life together, so paying for it jointly was the appropriate decision for us.

I love that logic. Engagement is a big step that needs to be discussed and decided on BEFORE the actual proposal, and honestly, we all end up paying for part of our e-ring in some way or another anyways. Whether it''s picking up the tab for dates more often because they''re trying to save, paying more of the bills, or just us cutting back totally as well to help them save, we help(whether it comes out of our pockets and goes directly into the ring fund or not).

I couldn''t agree more with both of ya...this is exactly how we feel about the ring.

Our finances are so co-mingled and intertwined now that it would be near impossible for him to do it all on his own. And, even if he somehow had some secret stash, I would still be paying for it in one way or another, as princess said.

But, as some have said, whatever works for you is fine...and that is really all that matters.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 10/14/2009 3:12:57 AM
Author: BlingADing
I''m old-fashioned and love chivalry. I think asking for permission, saving up for the ring, surprising the girl is such a charming old-fashioned thing to do. Everyone has different preferences and it really depends on your situation: ie. in grad school, buying a house, etc...

I felt that way in my 20''s as well. Now that I''m 40, I feel that if it is going to be a big ticket item, it should be a joint purchase.

 

[HopeDream]

I offered to pay half but BF said no, so we compromised: He''ll get the diamond and I''ll get the setting.
I''ll also buy him a nice engagement suit (he doesn''t want a watch).

I think it''s fine if the gal chips in, but not if it rushes the guy ahead of his timeline comfort zone.

 

[cindygenit]

I believe the man should pay for the ring, and I don't really put much importance into how big the ring is or how fancy. If my FI was poor, I would have been okay with a cheap ring. Its the sentiment that matters most. I guess I'm traditional but i like suprise proposals too

 

[Gleam]

Well, to each his/her own, but I wouldn't do it! For my fiance, it's a matter of pride that he can afford to buy me a nice e-ring... even if I could pitch in for half and offered, he'd never accept. I think of an e-ring as a GIFT -- one of the most special you can receive -- why would I pay for half of a gift?

I think people's opinions on this topic tends to be colored by how they split other things. For example, if a couple is already 50/50 with finances, it might not seem weird to pay for half of an e-ring? I don't know, I can't help thinking the e-ring is a gift, still... but anyway, my fiance and I do not split things 50/50 at all, so thus, it never even occurred to me to split the cost of my e-ring.

But again, to each her own!

 

[Dreamer1116]

GREAT TOPIC!

In my opinion, I think it is perfectly ok that the woman pays for half or part of the expenses of her engagement ring, especially if it helps you get the ring of your dreams or you just can''t wait to get engaged. However, personally speaking, I prefer that my fiance pays for the entire ring (he agrees). I do not think it is necessary for the man to ''guess'' what ring his woman would prefer. I was completely vocal and instrumental with the diamond and setting selection. I picked out MY dream ring and he payed for it, and ''surprised'' me with it during our very romantic proposal. I was surprised and wasn''t--I wouldn''t have had it happen any other way.

 

[tlh]

Date: 10/14/2009 10:56:49 AM
Author: tlh
But keep in mind, the ring is a symbol of a life he can offer you. (Or that is the commerical intentions behind it.)

Looks like this phrase has caused some issue, and unfornately was read, NOT as I intended. So I guess I should have been more clear. What I meant was this phrase as a WHOLE. I do agree that it is a JOINT decision, (and marriage is a PARTNERSHIP) and I don''t have an issue with anyone who decides that the ring should be a joint purchase... AT ALL. It is really an individual decision betweeen each couple. I personally didn''t want to contribute to the ring cost, because if I did - it would be really hard to split it in half if the engagement didn''t result in an actual marriage... or figure out the who gets what. (I''m a bit negative sometimes... sorry.)

I apologise if I offended anyone. My intentions with this statement, is that commercially we are sold the idea that a ring is a symbol of the life he can offer you... hence the 2 months salary, which I''ve since heard now claimed as 3 months salary... I did not mean to imply that THIS was my belief.

 

[Gleam]

Date: 10/16/2009 5:44:43 PM
Author: tlh

Date: 10/14/2009 10:56:49 AM

Author: tlh

But keep in mind, the ring is a symbol of a life he can offer you. (Or that is the commerical intentions behind it.)

Looks like this phrase has caused some issue, and unfornately was read, NOT as I intended. So I guess I should have been more clear. What I meant was this phrase as a WHOLE. I do agree that it is a JOINT decision, (and marriage is a PARTNERSHIP) and I don''t have an issue with anyone who decides that the ring should be a joint purchase... AT ALL. It is really an individual decision betweeen each couple. I personally didn''t want to contribute to the ring cost, because if I did - it would be really hard to split it in half if the engagement didn''t result in an actual marriage... or figure out the who gets what. (I''m a bit negative sometimes... sorry.)

I got what you meant, and I agree with you.

 

[Camille]

Nay, for me.....but every situation/relationship is different

 

[poshpepper]

Date: 10/14/2009 8:22:57 AM
Author: Sizzle
I am married and we came to a joint decision to get married but he STILL did the whole ask on one knee thing one night.. It was cute, but not necessary.

Ditto, we picked out the ring together and paid for it together (probably 50/50 or 60/40, don''t really even know haa haa), and he got down on one knee later and proposed.

I really never gave this issue much thought before or after I was engaged, I just figured it would happen however we were both most comfortable with.

 

[SparklyRing]

Well, my SO and I are both traditional, so he will be paying for the ring. However, I have nothing against other people splitting the cost, especially if they already live together and/or have joint accounts.