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sexual harrassment- Ladies?

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Princes

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I recently went to purchase a wetsuit from one of our local Scuba diving stores (we only have 3) and felt I was sexually harrased by the salesman.

I tried on several suits and he helped...I needed help figuring out if they fit properly b/c it is very important that they do and I am not experienced enough to decide on my own.

Anyway, he made several remarks about the way the suits fit that were uncomfortable. He even once said "i can see your six pack". I dont have a six pack!!!!!!!!! I already felt vulnerable b/c of how tight these things are and I am a tomboy who doesn''t like things tight. I am also usually not offeneded by these kind of remarks. I can usually turn a deaf ear or bark right back at them and then they shut up. However, that day I couldn''t say a darn thing and I couldn''t even get the balls up to just put my clothes back on and walk out of the store.

I for once in my life was felt like a prisoner to this mans commments. lol

Am I wrong, was he just being sincere b/c he thought I was attractive? On another forum I had two guys tell me that I am basicly a nut. [rolls eyes] I responded and said you are men and its almost impossible for you to ever understand why women take offense to comments like this. Men would welcome the cat calling...women usually think differently.

Any of you ever found yourself in a simular situation??? What did you do?
 

Allisonfaye

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Well, I don''t think that six pack comment sounds so terrible but it sounds like maybe he was saying more than that. Without specifics, it is hard to say but I think in order to be sexually harassed, you have to have some type of relationship like he is your boss or something. I think you as a customer had the option of walking out, which for whatever reason, you chose not to do. Yes, you can be offended. Yes, you can call his boss and complain. Outside of that, not really sure what you are looking for?
 

decodelighted

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Sorry you felt uncomfortable! Being vulnerable like that (in tight, revealing clothing) can make anyone more sensitive than they might otherwise be ... so I''m not sure if you''re reacting to genuine intentional sexual harrassment ... or perhaps well-intentioned if badly timed flirting??

In my experience, salesmen DO flirt & use their own sexuality to move merchandise! Hard to know how he intended his banter to come across.
 

monarch64

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Princes, if he made you that uncomfortable and you felt harrassed, there''s no reason you should feel crazy. While I''ve never experienced a situation quite like yours (re. being fitted for a scuba swimsuit), there have been times where I feel completely ill at ease and frankly grossed out by a stranger''s comments, whether they are verbally out of line or just the way they are said comes across as sexual in nature. Sexual harrassment issues are just full of gray areas and fine lines, unfortunately, and people definitely take advantage of that at times.

My advice is to call the store manager and explain the situation to her/him. Someone who cannot conduct themselves in a professional manner should definitely not be working in that sort of environment. It''s not like you were trying on bikinis in a couples'' store or something (well even then there is no reason for someone to ogle you). Anyway, if the mgr. has any sense they will take your comments seriously and observe that employee to see what''s going on. And if you have to shop at that store again, take someone with you, i.e. girlfriend, mom, fiance, etc.
 

codex57

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I'm a guy. I'm having a hard time understanding how the six pack comment was sexually harassing. Even if you were really fat with no way to see a six pack even after an hour of lipo, I don't see it. I'm pretty sure it was just a lame joke. It's certainly something a guy salesperson would say to a guy trying on a wetsuit, even if the customer was sporting a beer keg belly instead of just a beer belly. Might not have even been flirting, just a salesguy trying to be chummy to get you to buy the wetsuit.

What other comments did he make?

This might just be a guys are from mars, gals are from venus thing. I wanna know what the other comments were before I'd agree with you talking with the manager. Monarch's right, this isn't as if you were trying on a bikini. This is a wetsuit. Much more coverage. However, this is where I disagree with her completely. B/c it's a wetsuit instead of a bikini, it makes the comment more innocuous instead of more sleazy.

Guys take being called rapists or sexual harassers very seriously. B/c of the common miscommunications and misunderstandings btw the sexes, girls are REALLY confusing to guys. A main reason why I'm still posting on this board is cuz it's a great way for me to see how you girls think so I'll be less confused.
 

Mara

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hmm i don't really understand how 'i can see your six pack' is a sexually harassing comment. but maybe there's more than you are saying here. anyway, it's unfortunate in that kind of situation that you felt trapped because you are not. you should have said, you know what, i don't think i am going to buy today, turned your back and walked out. taken off the suit first. actually i would have made some snarky comments like 'are you this hands on with all your customers?' first. anyhow i am sorry you felt like that...no one should have to feel like that but maybe he thought he was really being complimentary or funny, sometimes guys are just clueless...do you think he gets a ton of women in there or mostly men? or maybe he was really being an a$$. anyway, glad you are out of there and don't go back.
 

anchor31

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I''m not sure it could be defined as harrassment, but I agree that he was out of line. I''m sorry it happened to you and that you feel this way. I definitely think you should complain to his boss.

It''s funny, I was looking of a definition of sexual harrassment, but most I found were centered around working environment. However, this situation doesn''t just happen at the office...
 

Princes

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Date: 12/13/2006 5:01:23 PM
Author: decodelighted
Sorry you felt uncomfortable! Being vulnerable like that (in tight, revealing clothing) can make anyone more sensitive than they might otherwise be ... so I''m not sure if you''re reacting to genuine intentional sexual harrassment ... or perhaps well-intentioned if badly timed flirting??


In my experience, salesmen DO flirt & use their own sexuality to move merchandise! Hard to know how he intended his banter to come across.

Allisonfaye,
This right here is what I believe I was looking for. Some justification to the way I felt yet a good explanation as to what was really going on.

Decodelighted, I think you hit the nail on the head. Reading what you wrote made me feel better about the situation.

I don''t want anyone to get into trouble. I have no intentions of calling his boss or going beyond making a rant/post. I just need to feel better about the situation. Otherwise I would prolly sit around and feel like I needed to do something, like call his boss or write a complaint. I do know I will never visit that store alone again.

Thanks again for the replies.
 

JulieN

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If he said, "I can see your six-pack" and you don't HAVE one, how is that sexual harrassment?

He could have been trying to make you feel better by making a lame sarcastic joke that really reads "I can't see anything."

If he said he could see other things that you actually have, that would be rude.
 

strmrdr

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not knowing what else he said I dunno...
The 6 pack comment sounds more like something he would say to a guy maybe he said it out of habit?
But the rest dunno......
 

Princes

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Date: 12/13/2006 5:14:54 PM
Author: anchor31
I''m not sure it could be defined as harrassment, but I agree that he was out of line. I''m sorry it happened to you and that you feel this way. I definitely think you should complain to his boss.


It''s funny, I was looking of a definition of sexual harrassment, but most I found were centered around working environment. However, this situation doesn''t just happen at the office...
Most of you are right, it isn''t so much harrassment as much as it was rude and innapropriate. I know realize that.

When he lowers his voice to say to me "you are not a bean pole, you have boobs and hips" when I am trying on a suit that doesn''t fit while he''s looking me up and down in a mannor that can be taken as though he''s checking me out and not checking me out to make sure the suit fits right....can be seen as sexual harassment. IMO That is how I felt at the time.

One of the suits I tried on was so tight I darn near had camel toe going on. He looked me up and down and smiled like he was on cloud nine. Again, my perception was THIS IS CREEPY. Then he makes the six pack comment. I looked at him funny and said, I dont have a six pack and started closing the door in his face and he said "seroius, you have a six pack"....I shut the door. At that point, which was close to the end of the hour... I was feeling helpless. That is something I am not used to feeling. I NEVER feel like I am backed into a corner and hardly ever don''t know what to do when put into situations like this. It was a new experience for me.

On to checking out....another guy is ringing me up. I decided to buy the suit that he seemed most excited about when he saw it on me. He''s standing there and states to me, "thats the suit that makes you look most feminin and blah blah blah your figure". I didn''t catch all that he said b/c i tried to tune him out. I was also on the phone w/ the FI.

Between the comments and the looks and his actions...it was just uncomfortable to me. So uncomfortable I was put into a situation where I had no idea what to do.

For the record....I hear comments all day long like this from dirty old men in nursing homes. lol But I am not offeneded b/c most of the are demented and I am able to pay no mind to it. I am also not in a sking tight suit that shows more than I like to show. lol
 

Princes

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Date: 12/13/2006 5:05:55 PM
Author: codex57
What other comments did he make?


This might just be a guys are from mars, gals are from venus thing. I wanna know what the other comments were before I''d agree with you talking with the manager. Monarch''s right, this isn''t as if you were trying on a bikini. This is a wetsuit. Much more coverage. However, this is where I disagree with her completely. B/c it''s a wetsuit instead of a bikini, it makes the comment more innocuous instead of more sleazy.


Guys take being called rapists or sexual harassers very seriously. B/c of the common miscommunications and misunderstandings btw the sexes, girls are REALLY confusing to guys. A main reason why I''m still posting on this board is cuz it''s a great way for me to see how you girls think so I''ll be less confused.
see other comments above for what else he said. btw, it wasn''t just what he said but HOW he said it and his actions.

Also, I am not fat but I am also not supper skinny. I have some boobs, ass, and hips. I think I am pretty IDEAL for a woman of 29, almost 30, who hasn''t hit the gym in over a year, who''s just a little pugy in teh belly. BTW i''m 5''5 and 135.

I also think you are right....this could be a complete misunderstandin of the sexes. He may have not meant anything by it. I just really couldn''t tell at the time. I do feel that decodelighted hit the nail on the head. I already feel better about the situation and again I had no intentions of going to his boss. I just won''t shop their alone (I usually shop at another Dive shop but this place had 60% off and with xmas around the corner and our trip, I couldnt'' spend much on a suit and went there for their deals).
 

codex57

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Date: 12/13/2006 5:41:53 PM
Author: Princes

When he lowers his voice to say to me 'you are not a bean pole, you have boobs and hips' when I am trying on a suit that doesn't fit while he's looking me up and down in a mannor that can be taken as though he's checking me out and not checking me out to make sure the suit fits right....can be seen as sexual harassment. IMO That is how I felt at the time.


One of the suits I tried on was so tight I darn near had camel toe going on. He looked me up and down and smiled like he was on cloud nine. Again, my perception was THIS IS CREEPY. Then he makes the six pack comment. I looked at him funny and said, I dont have a six pack and started closing the door in his face and he said 'seroius, you have a six pack'....I shut the door. At that point, which was close to the end of the hour... I was feeling helpless. That is something I am not used to feeling. I NEVER feel like I am backed into a corner and hardly ever don't know what to do when put into situations like this. It was a new experience for me.


On to checking out....another guy is ringing me up. I decided to buy the suit that he seemed most excited about when he saw it on me. He's standing there and states to me, 'thats the suit that makes you look most feminin and blah blah blah your figure'. I didn't catch all that he said b/c i tried to tune him out. I was also on the phone w/ the FI.


Between the comments and the looks and his actions...it was just uncomfortable to me. So uncomfortable I was put into a situation where I had no idea what to do.


For the record....I hear comments all day long like this from dirty old men in nursing homes. lol But I am not offeneded b/c most of the are demented and I am able to pay no mind to it. I am also not in a sking tight suit that shows more than I like to show. lol
I'm a little confused. Did he lower his voice and say that first part? The other stuff isn't anything to raise a fuss over, but if he did the first part AND all the other stuff, then yeah, that's out of line. I'd have no problem with you calling the manager to talk about it.

Without that first part, I'd just assume he's kind of an ass and weird, but didn't cross the line far enough to warrant too much thought into it (I'd just avoid that store in the future).

I have a strange natural facial expression. That's why I'm withholding judgment on how he looked you up and down. Depending on the lighting and how well I'm breathing, I can look like I'm smiling a certain way. Some girls my age assume I'm trying to flirt and start talking to them. Old ladies always smile at me or say hi and I'm very confused until I realize they think I'm smiling at them first. It doesn't help that my eyesight isn't the greatest right now and I stare more than I intend to cuz I just can't see. I'm not being a pervert, I just can't see and if a woman happens to pass into my range of view, it can look like I'm staring at her.
 

Princes

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Date: 12/13/2006 5:51:54 PM
Author: codex57
Date: 12/13/2006 5:41:53 PM

Author: Princes


When he lowers his voice to say to me 'you are not a bean pole, you have boobs and hips' when I am trying on a suit that doesn't fit while he's looking me up and down in a mannor that can be taken as though he's checking me out and not checking me out to make sure the suit fits right....can be seen as sexual harassment. IMO That is how I felt at the time.



One of the suits I tried on was so tight I darn near had camel toe going on. He looked me up and down and smiled like he was on cloud nine. Again, my perception was THIS IS CREEPY. Then he makes the six pack comment. I looked at him funny and said, I dont have a six pack and started closing the door in his face and he said 'seroius, you have a six pack'....I shut the door. At that point, which was close to the end of the hour... I was feeling helpless. That is something I am not used to feeling. I NEVER feel like I am backed into a corner and hardly ever don't know what to do when put into situations like this. It was a new experience for me.



On to checking out....another guy is ringing me up. I decided to buy the suit that he seemed most excited about when he saw it on me. He's standing there and states to me, 'thats the suit that makes you look most feminin and blah blah blah your figure'. I didn't catch all that he said b/c i tried to tune him out. I was also on the phone w/ the FI.



Between the comments and the looks and his actions...it was just uncomfortable to me. So uncomfortable I was put into a situation where I had no idea what to do.



For the record....I hear comments all day long like this from dirty old men in nursing homes. lol But I am not offeneded b/c most of the are demented and I am able to pay no mind to it. I am also not in a sking tight suit that shows more than I like to show. lol

I'm a little confused. Did he lower his voice and say that first part? The other stuff isn't anything to raise a fuss over, but if he did the first part AND all the other stuff, then yeah, that's out of line. I'd have no problem with you calling the manager to talk about it.


Without that first part, I'd just assume he's kind of an ass and weird, but didn't cross the line far enough to warrant too much thought into it (I'd just avoid that store in the future).


I have a strange natural facial expression. That's why I'm withholding judgment on how he looked you up and down. Depending on the lighting and how well I'm breathing, I can look like I'm smiling a certain way. Some girls my age assume I'm trying to flirt and start talking to them. Old ladies always smile at me or say hi and I'm very confused until I realize they think I'm smiling at them first. It doesn't help that my eyesight isn't the greatest right now and I stare more than I intend to cuz I just can't see. I'm not being a pervert, I just can't see and if a woman happens to pass into my range of view, it can look like I'm staring at her.

He lowered his voice when he said the boob and hips part. There wasn't a sole around us either. There was another time where we were looking at other wetsuits that he reminded me I had boobs and hips. Again whispering that to me with no one around. While thats true, I dont have a six pack. lol

As I changed suits and questioned his motives, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and attempted to brush it off as nothing.... yet the comments and weird looks continued. Which is what made me feel harassed. I still think he was innapropriate and I will not go back to the store as long as I can. If for any reason I need to go there, I will take the FI with me. Having only 3 scuba stores sorta puts me in a situation where I may need to go back. However at this point I pretty much have all my gear and shouldn't need anything for a while. {shrugs}

I appreciate the helpful comments and attempts to understand. I do feel better and will just laugh it off as nothing more than innapropriate and perhaps he's just clueless.
 

CaptAubrey

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Questions of sexual harassment frequently turn not on individual elements but on the big picture.

Each of these elements alone could be innocuous. All together, they are inappropriate and something the manager needs to be made aware of. In particular, the fact that you made your discomfort clear by shutting the door in his face, yet his behavior continued, is quite damning.

If I were the manager or owner of the store, I would want to know about this. If he''s doing it to you, he''s doing it to other customers. One of them may decide to sue them.

It''s not uncommon for men with these kinds of behavior patterns to seek out occupations that give them opportunities for sexual harassment, e.g., watching women try on wet suits.
 

codex57

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Date: 12/13/2006 6:04:28 PM
Author: Princes

He lowered his voice when he said the boob and hips part. There wasn''t a sole around us either. There was another time where we were looking at other wetsuits that he reminded me I had boobs and hips. Again whispering that to me with no one around. While thats true, I dont have a six pack. lol


As I changed suits and questioned his motives, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and attempted to brush it off as nothing.... yet the comments and weird looks continued. Which is what made me feel harassed. I still think he was innapropriate and I will not go back to the store as long as I can. If for any reason I need to go there, I will take the FI with me. Having only 3 scuba stores sorta puts me in a situation where I may need to go back. However at this point I pretty much have all my gear and shouldn''t need anything for a while. {shrugs}


I appreciate the helpful comments and attempts to understand. I do feel better and will just laugh it off as nothing more than innapropriate and perhaps he''s just clueless.
So he did say that first part. I wasn''t sure. The Capt''s right. You gotta look at the whole picture. The later parts could be innocuous to me. However, now that I know that first part was said, the total picture says sexual harassment to me. Sure he may have been clueless (some guys honestly are that dense), it''s still something they should be called on.

Whether you talk to the manager or not is up to you, but you were certainly right in feeling creeped out by the guy. Not oversensitive at all.
 

Princes

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Date: 12/13/2006 6:20:13 PM
Author: CaptAubrey
Questions of sexual harassment frequently turn not on individual elements but on the big picture.


Each of these elements alone could be innocuous. All together, they are inappropriate and something the manager needs to be made aware of. In particular, the fact that you made your discomfort clear by shutting the door in his face, yet his behavior continued, is quite damning.


If I were the manager or owner of the store, I would want to know about this. If he''s doing it to you, he''s doing it to other customers. One of them may decide to sue them.


It''s not uncommon for men with these kinds of behavior patterns to seek out occupations that give them opportunities for sexual harassment, e.g., watching women try on wet suits.

How true. Now I am lost at what I should do. I think you are right but I do not want to get someone in trouble for something I took to serious or out of line.

I am sure many women and men who get harassed end up feeling this exact same way. While I am uncertain that I was "harassed as I stated before" I do know the comments were inapropriate. Perhaps sending a letter to the manager to let him know what was said and how it was felt as inapropriate would be the best thing. The other thing is I have no idea what this guys name is. So I couldn''t even tell them WHO. Perhaps the mngr will have a meeting and discuss appropriateness w/all of them.

Does anyone else feel I should report this? I sure wouldn''t want another women/girl to feel cornered or helpless like I did. This is also a small store where I am sure these guys are all budy budy..... I sure hope I haven''t made a mountain out of a mole hill. The FI wonders why I didn''t leave either. He knows its not like me to REACT to something like this. Any other time I would have. I still think it''s b/c of the suit and how uncomfortable it was alone. I dunno.
 

galeteia

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If I was wearing something so clingy as to make me feel like I was auditioning for "Hot Girls in Wetsuits Gone WILD! Calander 2007" and a salesguy was checking me out that closely and admiring my breasts and insisting that upon closely examining my torso, I had a ''six pack'', I probably would feel a little freaked, too. Generally, if something is so tight to leave nothing to the imagination, and the guy is leering at you, it''s innpropriate.

So I don''t think you''re being unreasonable. He probably was just trying to charm/flatter his way to a sale, but picked the wrong outfit to do it with.
 

CaptAubrey

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I believe you should report it. Keep it neutral and non-judgmental, and simply describe exactly what happened. What he did and said, and what the circumstances were.

If this guy has been a good salesman and this is the first reported problem, I doubt he would lose his job. What you''re describing isn''t that serious--"sexual harassment" comprises some far worse behavior, after all.

But think of it this way: If this isn''t the first time something like this has happened, wouldn''t you want him to get fired, rather than continue this behavior? As harassers continue get away with this sort of thing, they get emboldened in what they think is "okay." He may end up groping some other woman a few months from now while he''s "helping" her into a wetsuit.
 

perry

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Princes:

First off - I'm a guy: This is a tough one - and after reading the thread I feel you should contact the store manager and report only that you felt uncomfortable; that you are not sure if there was anything intentional or not and not sure what the norms may be.

Perhaps their was an intent to "look" and "comment" beyond normal - perhaps no intent at all.


I am extreemly sensitive to this issue because I've twice been formally accused of sexual harrasssment in the workplace. Once for complementing a gal on how nicely she was dressed. The second time for offering to help a person who had spilled her problems to me (my statement was along the line of... If what you are telling me is true - and you really want help with those items their are agencies and religious organizations who do provide such help - and I'd be willing to find the right one for you - and if needed even take you there).

In both cases I had no sexual interest in either. The first one was married and off limites (but did dress nice), and the second one was unappealing in several ways due to attitude and beliefs.

Yet, I was dragged over the coals and almost fired twice.

Thus I rarely comment on such things anymore - and am a lot more carefull about offering to help someone who is a coworker.

On the other hand; I'm involved with international whitewater canoe and kayak racing and most of the foriegn racers think nothing of stripping down and wandering "au natural" - gals included. It's OK to look - but not to stare - and there is a difference.

Thus, without more solid information than you have - please limit your comment to the fact that you felt uncomfortable. The store manager will know if their is a pattern - or perhaps that the person was not their normal self that day.

Perry
 

MINE!!

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You know,

Divers are a whole different breed of people. I LOVE the way I look in my wetsuit!!! I wish everything made me look so curvy and sexy. I think that when the right woman wears one, than it can look very nice.

I understand that you felt you were in a sensitive situation... but once again, most divers are people that feel very comfortable around each other and compliment each toher often. I feel like I am in some kind of "club" I know when I drive down the street and someone sees my dive flag on my car and they have one on theirs, they and I always wave, and that is the same in EVERY city I have driven through. They assume a type of farmiliarity that others do not.

Sorry you felt harrassed, but I think, personally, that it was a matter of the assumption that you were a diver and comfortable with his farmilaraity.

ETA: However, if he was being learing, not just complimentative and you felt physically threatened, you can call the manager or the store and explain your concern
 

february2003bride

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Reading the entire thread you definitely should report him. By having him put on probation or fired saves the next woman from being harassed by this creep.
 

decodelighted

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I''m still not sure whether the guy''s just a boob (heh) and doesn''t know how to describe "you look good in that - it flatters your figure" without being so specific about WHICH parts .... or .... that he''s perpetrating something more nefarious, repeatedly & knowingly.

But basically I just don''t like "tattling" on people without confronting them or simply addressing my concerns to them first.

I know it could be intimidating ... but you might go back to the store - find the guy in question and tell him how you felt. If he''s a good salesman & reasonable person - he''ll be grateful for the feedback (if it''s done kindly), and will perhaps be more careful with his approach in the future. If he''s a jerk & responds badly to the input - then ABSOLUTELY report him to his superiors.

This is one of those shades of grey cases ... and it''s Xmas ... would you rather someone give YOU the benefit of the doubt if your job was at stake ... just a thought.
 

mia15

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Princess, it''s one of those you had to be there situations, but I can say that this is the last guy I''d want selling me a wetsuit, you know?

I do find his behavior inappropriate. Given what his job entails, he does need to be more aware of keeping a distance. If you want to complain, why feel bad about it? His record would speak for itself. I''m sure you won''t insist they fire him, but will say you felt his comments were questionable or something to that effect.

I agree with the Captain about the whole picture, and like Deco, I totally would have confronted him, but that''s not everyone''s style and you should deal with it your way.
Anyway, he has no right to appraise your appearance. With peers it can be a grey area, but someone who''s changing in a dressing room?
 

Mara

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i gotta kinda agree with deco...it''s tough to advocate calling to tell his manager because he could get fired. and maybe he''s just a dumbass who has no idea how he was coming across. i would also go back into the store, and take your fiance with you if it makes you feel better, and confront the guy. don''t be mean but i would tell him how he made you feel. gauge his reaction. and then maybe you''ll know if he was being an ass or not. but the confrontation for him might be enough to snap him out of it. who knows.
 

ladykemma

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2,194
i''m with capt aubrey. guys like like seek out professi0ons where they can behave like this. he creeped you out and gave off a sex addict energy. you are not the the first, and it is not your fault or responsibility if he loses his freakin'' job!

tell the manager point blank why the store lost your business and why.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
26,948
All I can say is as a man I keep my mouth shut.
I don't let my guard down and joke with women, unless I've known them really well for years, understand their boundries when it comes to humor, and we mutually enjoy a high comfort level. ( I know exactly one woman like this.)

These days you have to be so careful what you say.
People, not just women, can take offense when no offense is intended.

The best policy is, if in doubt to just don't say it.

(Oh, and 6-pack is a compliment that refers to a very muscular abdomen.)
 

crowmama

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 20, 2001
Messages
161
After reading the whole thread, some comments...

1) sexual harassment has to include a couple of factors, legally, such as the harasser has power over the victim''s employment conditions, etc. I technically don''t think it was sexual harrassment

2) the guy was definately creepy and an a-hole. CaptAubrey is right on, and I''m certain he''s done it before and will continue to do it. Management would want to know about it for the purposes of avoiding litigation and losing business

Some people (both men and women) forget their social graces or don''t employ social filters. This guy I think is simply a clumbsy ape -- can he be taught, retrained, reformed? Also, this guy is just one employee -- maybe that''s the work environment there, where they are so used to crossing the line they forget there''s a line?

I''d write a letter, including all the details, including identifying the specific employee. I would also ask in the letter that the employee write you an apology, and not the manager. This forces the employee to deal with what he did, and maybe it''ll be enough to get him to watch his mouth?

Awkward situation... you were not crazy to feel violated in some sort of manner, and you do have a right to take some action. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
I''m sorry you were put in a situation where you felt uncomfortable, and I definitely think you should confront either the manager or the employee. I also don''t know if it was sexual harrassment however, or just the guy being creepy. I have a manager at work who actually DOES sexually harrass the women, by hugging, touching you on your lower back (once he kissed me on the cheek... even though he KNOWS i''m married, as is he. He''s disgusting, makes me nauseous actually!). Anyway, my point is, THAT is sexual harrassment because he has power over the employees, so in a way they are trapped. Although I am currently looking for another job because I refuse to work somewhere I feel uncomfortable, others do not have any options open. But you also have a right to walk into a store and try on merchandise without feeling uncomfortable or watched. If I were you, I wouldn''t give that store any more business, either, or always take your FI as you mentioned. I hope you get this sorted out!

*M*
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Date: 12/14/2006 11:06:35 AM
Author: crowmama
After reading the whole thread, some comments...

1) sexual harassment has to include a couple of factors, legally, such as the harasser has power over the victim''s employment conditions, etc. I technically don''t think it was sexual harrassment

2) the guy was definately creepy and an a-hole. CaptAubrey is right on, and I''m certain he''s done it before and will continue to do it. Management would want to know about it for the purposes of avoiding litigation and losing business

Some people (both men and women) forget their social graces or don''t employ social filters. This guy I think is simply a clumbsy ape -- can he be taught, retrained, reformed? Also, this guy is just one employee -- maybe that''s the work environment there, where they are so used to crossing the line they forget there''s a line?

I''d write a letter, including all the details, including identifying the specific employee. I would also ask in the letter that the employee write you an apology, and not the manager. This forces the employee to deal with what he did, and maybe it''ll be enough to get him to watch his mouth?

Awkward situation... you were not crazy to feel violated in some sort of manner, and you do have a right to take some action. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.
I disagree. If a male friend started constantly insisting to have sex with you/asking you for sexual favours/making sexual orientated comments and wouldn''t stop no matter how you say no, and you can''t just avoid him (at school/work/neighbour/whatever), would you say that''s not harrassment just because this (former) friend doesn''t have any power over your employment condition? Repeated unwanted sexual orientated comments or requests are harrassment, no matter the circumstances.

I personally wouldn''t care if the guy lost his job. If he wants to keep it he should learn to be respectful towards women. I don''t really have any kind of sympathy towards this type of guy.
 
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