Sell, reset or wait?

[Shoney]

Last fall I upgraded to a gorgeous M color 2 carat stone for my engagement ring.
Now that I'm headed for a divorce wondering what others have done in similar situations. Still have my original e-stone, and hubby says I get to keep the upgrade. Kind of like the thought of a pendant...but then it's like having him around my neck. A RHR possibility but not sure I'd be truly comfortable with that either. Selling is also an option, but don't want to regret it later. Since I'm so undecided not going to do anything immediately. It's a gorgeous gorgeous stone and want to proceed with caution.
Ideas??

 

[rubybeth]

I would just hold onto it. If you picked the stone, it's really yours to do with what you like. Maybe at some point a RHR will make more sense, or you could trade it in for earrings or something.

 

[whitewave]

Every time you think he is around your neck tell yourself that isn't true, it is a beautiful stone and you are happy to have a nice piece of jewelry!

My suggestion!

 

[Tekate]

Last fall I upgraded to a gorgeous M color 2 carat stone for my engagement ring.
Now that I'm headed for a divorce wondering what others have done in similar situations. Still have my original e-stone, and hubby says I get to keep the upgrade. Kind of like the thought of a pendant...but then it's like having him around my neck. A RHR possibility but not sure I'd be truly comfortable with that either. Selling is also an option, but don't want to regret it later. Since I'm so undecided not going to do anything immediately. It's a gorgeous gorgeous stone and want to proceed with caution.
Ideas??

I had a lovely OEC stone that I kept after my divorce (my MIL said I could it was a family stone).. for years and years I didn't wear it and finally had it put into a pendant LOVED IT!! then after 28 years she asked for it back.. I gave it back. so if you and your ex agree that it's yours to keep then maybe you would put it away for some years and pull it out again (when you are getting engaged again ) I'd wait unless you need the money, or really want a fresh start. sorry about the D but I hope you are happy.

 

[Shoney]

Thanks Tecate. The D is a relief.
Fortunately no one else can lay claim to this stone. The idea of selling it to buy earrings makes sense...or maybe I'll go to Europe for a few weeks instead!

 

[Shoney]

Rubybeth -Had replied but it doesn't show...love the idea of earrings!!

 

[JLW05]

I think you shouldn't make any quick decisions. You are dealing with a lot! Put the ring aside for now and down the line it will be easier to know how you feel and what to do with the diamond.

 

[AprilBaby]

I would put it in a pendant and not think about the divorce. Only a ring would remind me, that and because it's not your original.

 

[Tekate]

Thanks Tecate. The D is a relief.
Fortunately no one else can lay claim to this stone. The idea of selling it to buy earrings makes sense...or maybe I'll go to Europe for a few weeks instead!

Shoney! it's your time ... enjoy.. earrings are awesome as is Europe.. to a new and happy life!!!

 

[partgypsy]

This is a tough one. If you don't know, just put it away for awhile, don't make any rushed decision. Then in 6 months, a year it may be clear what to do.

I sadly do not have my original anniversary ring (long story), and husband and I picked out a beautiful replacement, supposedly for our 20th anniversary last year. I actually wanted for our 20th anniversary to go away on a trip, but he insisted on the ring, said we would go on a trip for my birthday later in the year. Beautiful ring, I put it away for the anniversary. But, before the anniversary (around Valentine's day) he let me know he didn't feel the same about me and was leaving the marriage. After he left I ended up untangling a whole nest of lies, including a 5 year long affair as well as other emotional affairs. Needless to say, while the diamond was gorgeous, I could not separate his behavior and the loss of my marriage with the stone. He was involved in a affair during that entire time, including the girlfriend being in our house. To me it was tained. I ended up selling the ring at a loss. It gave me peace of mind. If it was my original anniversary ring, I would have kept it.

 

[Strawberry129]

This is a tough one. If you don't know, just put it away for awhile, don't make any rushed decision. Then in 6 months, a year it may be clear what to do.

I sadly do not have my original anniversary ring (long story), and husband and I picked out a beautiful replacement, supposedly for our 20th anniversary last year. I actually wanted for our 20th anniversary to go away on a trip, but he insisted on the ring, said we would go on a trip for my birthday later in the year. Beautiful ring, I put it away for the anniversary. But, before the anniversary (around Valentine's day) he let me know he didn't feel the same about me and was leaving the marriage. After he left I ended up untangling a whole nest of lies, including a 5 year long affair as well as other emotional affairs. Needless to say, while the diamond was gorgeous, I could not separate his behavior and the loss of my marriage with the stone. He was involved in a affair during that entire time, including the girlfriend being in our house. To me it was tained. I ended up selling the ring at a loss. It gave me peace of mind. If it was my original anniversary ring, I would have kept it.

Sorry to hear about your husband.

To the OP, I agree with the others comments. Wait and see how you feel in 6 months about it.

 

[Shoney]

This is a tough one. If you don't know, just put it away for awhile, don't make any rushed decision. Then in 6 months, a year it may be clear what to do.

I sadly do not have my original anniversary ring (long story), and husband and I picked out a beautiful replacement, supposedly for our 20th anniversary last year. I actually wanted for our 20th anniversary to go away on a trip, but he insisted on the ring, said we would go on a trip for my birthday later in the year. Beautiful ring, I put it away for the anniversary. But, before the anniversary (around Valentine's day) he let me know he didn't feel the same about me and was leaving the marriage. After he left I ended up untangling a whole nest of lies, including a 5 year long affair as well as other emotional affairs. Needless to say, while the diamond was gorgeous, I could not separate his behavior and the loss of my marriage with the stone. He was involved in a affair during that entire time, including the girlfriend being in our house. To me it was tained. I ended up selling the ring at a loss. It gave me peace of mind. If it was my original anniversary ring, I would have kept it.

That is horrible!!!! My husband has lied about other things, and while he's had a couple flirtations to my knowledge it never went beyond that. The thing is though he also got me some gorgeous Mikimoto pearl studs for Christmas. I was so happy I cried. While he sat there. No smile. Just looking at me. I love the earrings and hope to wear them one day without remembering how detached he was. But the point is he got me the ering upgrade AND the earrings in a very short time period. Right after Christmas he made a comment, kind of wondering aloud, if I was staying with him because he had (finally!) started buying me jewelry. That was the last straw. He gives the cheapest presents possible when he gives anything at all. And discretionary income is not an issue, nor do I consider myself greedy. My original ering was .38 carats and he was throwing tens of thousands in another direction unbeknownst to me at the time he bought it. But I digress.
So I look at my upgraded ring, which I did help pay for, and the associated memories hurt. I love the stone...spent weeks and weeks researching on PS to make sure I got just the right one. Sigh.
Yeah, def going to put it away for awhile and spend some time processing. The good news is he's not fighting the divorce so it should be final in the next week.
Thanks for listening.

 

[pearaffair]

Just wanted to send give a hug

At least you have some beautiful jewellery to keep you company! For me, after a breakup, I keep the items that I can handle keeping. Some that were too emotionally connected, I sold or gave away to escape the connection and leave room and openness for the future. Some gifts from exes I just didn't have a strong emotional response to, and so I happily kept them.

I agree with everyone who says wait at least 6 months. That is the best advice.

 

[Sunstorm]

I can comment from the perspective of a jewelry fanatic and someone who has gone through a few such experiences. I always ended up selling or giving away. This is one reason I love making my own and many women today order their own custom designs. To me the memories were too negative and/or painful and I always felt that precious metal and gemstones carry energy, the energy of the giver too and some experiences have proven to me that was true. While some people do not believe in that, I do. I do not wear jewelry given by an ex. I kept some for years and loved some pieces, all ended up gone. I feel that they connect you to your past and the giver. I may be in the minority in this regard. There is nothing you can do about this as of course you will get gifts in my case I make some together with my current boyfriend. After a very painful separation I could not even use some of the same perfumes for years, some never. Certain things touch your senses more. You just have to do what feels right to you.

 

[partgypsy]

There is even more to the story to it. In 2015 my anniversary ring went missing, I filed a report, got insurance money and replaced it (honestly I didn't really think this part through, I should have sat on the money for awhile and got something I really wanted, than rushing). 7 months later I then found my ring in a strange place (junk drawer). Not a place where any of us would have put it. Very weird. Later after ex left the following spring, I started finding out more and more stuff, including the affair. He admitted his girlfriend was "insanely jealous" of me and that they were in our house together during the time the ring went missing. However he swears that she would never do anything so petty as hide my ring. But I have my doubts because in retrospect he seemed almost guilty, pushing me to get the replacement ring, even though he was never into jewelry before. Also when the ring was found he did not want me to report it. The whole experience affected my enjoyment of jewelry for awhile. I thought I would get myself a nice diamond band, one for myself I could wear for my own enjoyment. But my heart isn't into it, at least right now.

 

[elizabethess]

Yeah, def going to put it away for awhile and spend some time processing. The good news is he's not fighting the divorce so it should be final in the next week.
Thanks for listening.

*Hugs* Even if it is a relief, as you said, it's still an upheaval, and I wish you the best in your transition. It sounds like a good plan to put away, process, and revisit it in the future. I have jewelry from a previous marriage. But it's been more than a decade since the relationship ended and the emotions attached have long faded.

Not sure if you're a new age-y vibes sort of person, but I've heard of people doing sage 'smudging' ceremonies meant to purify or cleanse the energy of things (a house, an item). If something symbolic like that might help you feel that you've removed the negative associations from your stone and/or earrings, and give you the feeling you could have a fresh start with these once-loved pieces, it could be worth a try.

 

[Sunstorm]

Part-Gypsy I remember that story, wow and the divorce too, I just did not put two and two together, I did not realize both things happened to you. This is so disgusting. I am so sorry to hear about that. I can easily imagine that it happened just the way you think it did. My ex during my divorce poisoned and killed two of my cats with one surviving. There is no proof but I am pretty sure. Yes people do get cruel, do get petty and surely a mistress can do something like you describe.

When I went to UNI and doing GIA for fun some 15 years ago, I was so into jewelry and gems. I was just a real enthusiast. My ex then gave me some jewelry. Later I also found out he had a long-term affair and gave his mistress diamonds rings which he never gave me and I always wanted to have. That and studs. My jewelry was inexpensive. I was not able to have jewelry again for 10 years or more.

After that passed though, you really do not stop loving the things you love just because of a bad trauma forever, some ten years ago the opportunity came and I decided to change careers and do what my passion is. Then I was engaged and my fiancee then went back to his ex girlfriend to cheat, so I left him. He gave me an Art Deco watch one and I kept it, loved it, never wore it. A year later I put it on and he sent me a text like within two minutes. It was more than bizarre.

To this day I have my lucky jewelry. Not those from exes but other things I designed myself. Some of them are quite symbolic to me. They symbolize new beginnings, strength, courage, I gave a lot up for them and growing in what I love.

Hugs to all of you with bad experiences.

 

[partgypsy]

Thank you Sunstorm, I really appreciate it. Poisoning pets is so much worse than taking/hiding a ring, that is horrible.
I am doing a lot of things myself to move past it, and I know there are already so many things I appreciate, like freedom, peace of mind, the fresh air from a walk, that I know I will reclaim other enjoyments as well.

This winter I did buy some diamond studs, and a modest sapphire ring. But a diamond ring carries too much baggage for me (at least for now). I remember when I first took off my wedding band, and had no engagement/anniversary ring, I felt so exposed and obvious, and weird hanging out with the other Mom's wearing their nice jewelry at the school or get togethers. But I wore a treasured silver ring I had for ages, and I got over it. Yes I'm not a trophy wife. I'm just me and I'm fine with that.

 

[Sunstorm]

Part Gypsy that will come back slowly like everything else. It is incredibly trying. It takes time to be fully alive. You will change. But remember that what does not kill you only makes you stronger at the end, even if sometimes you feel no energy to go on especially at first. You have to endure it, embrace even your pain, accept it, ride it out, that is the only way to process it. And process you have to do. Those who do not never recover and move on. You can move on and be much happier again. I never believed it but it came. Today if it happened again, it gets harder each time I think with what you consider meaningful relationships and people in your life. But there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. First, it often helps to bury away everything, to break some habits too painful, even jewelry. Eventually what is really you will come back. The jewelry you love is a part of you, new jewelry will make its way in your life when you are ready and so wish. Whatever anyone else thinks really does not matter. Just be you and accept this temporary you for now. Big hugs to all girls hurting.

 

[totallyfree]

Put it away for a while and revisit in the future. I have a previous E-ring (and the accompanying wedding bands) from a relationship that ended almost a decade ago. Only now am I looking at resetting options as those pieces have previously had a lot of emotions behind them.

 

[Shoney]

I had gone through and written a reply to nearly everyone but got an error message when I hit the submit button to post.
I so much appreciate all the thoughts and ideas shared. Smudging is a wonderful idea, but I like Europe and sapphires too.
Am hanging onto the stone until I'm completely clear about what to do with it. At least six months. Quite possibly longer.
Thanks to all who replied and shared, the support means more than I can say.

 

[kenny]

I'd just put it away and put it out of your mind for a while.