Save the Dates - Who Gets Them?

[piccolascimmia]

edited to add...duh - the title barely captures the questions below!

Hi all - so we are nearly ready to put the deposit down for a wedding date in New Orleans, and the first real freak out of the wedding planning has occurred. 8 months ago when we got engaged, we created an invite list of 125...with the idea of a small wedding (under 100 attending). Fast forward to now, where FI is caving to pressure from his parents to invite ALL (and I mean all) of his extended Italian family. Those family members add 188 people to the list. SIGH! The total list is now at 330.

So we're working through the issue of basically doubling the wedding. The max on the location we've chosen is 200, and I think we're close to finalizing that we will invite a certain number and max out at that 200 (rather than choosing a new location). When we have more declines, then the idea is to send invites out to B-listers.

Questions:
-What # of invites would you initially send to try not to go over a total yes count of 200? The wedding will be in New Orleans, and most of these additional invites are in New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
-Is that invite list the same list that I'd use for save the dates?
-What if the B-listers don't get a save the date early (March), are invited later to an October wedding (invites in early August? so B-list invites in September?)...is that horribly tacky?
-FI is having a terrible time figuring out where to draw the line with these family members...and I know its going to be a slippery slope once we try to go thru the list to figure out who does/doesn't get invited. Any tips?

Thanks in advance all

 

[FireGoddess]

Questions:
-What # of invites would you initially send to try not to go over a total yes count of 200? The wedding will be in New Orleans, and most of these additional invites are in New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

It''s hard to say. Some people say to estimate 75% of people will attend. But I had even more than that, so I can''t really predict.

-Is that invite list the same list that I''d use for save the dates?

Yes, most importantly the people who may have to travel to get to the wedding.

-What if the B-listers don''t get a save the date early (March), are invited later to an October wedding (invites in early August? so B-list invites in September?)...is that horribly tacky?

It''s a little tacky. At least, it will be blatantly obvious that they were B listed. And if they have to travel far to get to the wedding, they likely won''t come either because that''s a little late to get a flight, hotel, etc.

-FI is having a terrible time figuring out where to draw the line with these family members...and I know its going to be a slippery slope once we try to go thru the list to figure out who does/doesn''t get invited. Any tips?

Perhaps his parents may have some insight on who can be omitted? Most of those extra family members were invited in my case but I knew they wouldn''t travel clear across the country for the wedding.

Thanks in advance all

 

[piccolascimmia]

FG, thanks for the info. I predict that his parents will say that all 188 need to be invited, in which case FI will either need to stand up to them and tell them we''re not changing venue/need to pare down the list, or have to deal with me because he caves and agrees to 3x as many invites as we first discussed (and have to find a new location, as well as dealing with the loss of an intimate wedding).

So I suppose it will come down to FI figuring out how to draw the line...I''m the one fighting to invite parents/siblings only! Or even just Aunts/Uncles. With 188...he knows the wildfire of chatter about invites will get around to all of the relatives even if he only invites a portion. My family isn''t like this...I just don''t get this need to invite every single one of them...but he has his family ways, and even though I don''t understand them, I feel like I can''t stop it either.

Ugh.