SAHM Thread?

[gailrmv]

Is there any interest in a thread for moms who are at home?

I agonized about whether to return to the office full time after having the baby. For now, I really feel that being at home is the best choice for our family, especially since my husband works very long hours. Some days are very trying, but overall it's wonderful to spend so much time with my son. I do hope to return to work part time eventually. I'm also continuing to do a little work on a part time basis from home, for my prior employer. I'm just taking it a day at a time. I feel very lucky to have choices!

Just wondering if there is interest in a thread for other SAHMs (or WAHMs or SAHDs!). We can discuss the ups and downs, how we structure our days, tips for keeping sane, keeping connected to our careers, etc!

 

[vespergirl]

I would be interested, for sure! Maybe you can get them to start one of those threads at the top of the selection in boldface, like the TTC and Pregnancy threads.

 

[Mandarine]

Hi!!

I''m not a SAHM but I work from home now (full time) and will be working part time from home after maternity leave.

While I know I''m very fortunate to have the opportunity to have a great job that I can do from home...it''s not easy!. I definitely get cabin fever and it was a huge adjustment from going to the office every day to sometimes not leaving the house for two days (specially now that I''m not going to the gym!).

Initially, I would always make a point of leaving the house at some point during the day. Even if it was to grab a cup of coffee by myself at Starbucks. I also find that it helps me to get dressed and ready to go right after breakfast. Not with any fancy outfits, but decent enough to leave the house or receive UPS packages! (ie: not in PJs or not in sweats+t-shirt).

Once I start working part time and with the boys I assume I will have to re-adjust my routine...as I also plan to start my workout regimen again. I think having a routine is key to keeping your sanity!

 

[gailrmv]

It's nice to hear from you both!

Vesper I always enjoy your posts. Congrats on your pregnancy!!

Mandarine hello nursery twin!! That is great that you can work part time from home after your twins arrive. THat is seriously the best of both worlds. I know what you mean about cabin fever when you work at home. Before my baby I had the option to work from home because I had a very long commute. I would usually do it 1-2 days a week. I enjoyed skipping the commute but I felt really lonely and isolated at home! It was also harder to stay focused (for me). I agree about getting dressed and out of the house at least once a day. The gym was usually my reason to get out!

Funny, it still is! My gym has a childcare center and the ladies just LOVE my son. We try to get there every weekday, although it can be hard because often their hours and our naptimes don't quite work out. Still, I feel much better when I work out and it is nice to have a short break from mom duty, also.

I've found that meeting other moms has been key for my sanity! I've met about 4 other moms to hang out with. Only a few of them, though, do I think I would have been friends with pre-baby. The others are very nice, it's just that we don;t have a lot in common besides the babies! But that is ok. It's working well for now. Most of my friends from before are working moms - so really busy and not available during the week- or else not moms.

Has anyone else noticed friendships drifting with your old friends, especially those who aren't parents?

 

[vespergirl]

Hi guys! I just wanted to mention how lucky you both are that you had the option to work from home part time - when I was pregnant with DS, I tried to work out a schedule where I would work in the office 3 days a week, and be at home 4 days a week - I thought that would be ideal. However, my company could only offer me Fri. afternoons off - it''s too bad, because I would have been happy to stay if I could have split my time more evenly between the office & working at home. I do have to say that they had a great maternty leave policy - I took all my company maternity leave, FMLA, vacation time and sick time, and ended up getting about 5 months of leave, 10 weeks of which were paid 60% salary (the rest were no pay). I did end up leaving to be a full time SAHM though since I couldn''t negotiate more time away from the office.

I do have a little side business, now, though - I have a music degree, so I have started teaching piano lessons from home. I only have a few students now, but my son is starting preschool in a few weeks, so I may try to get a couple more while he''s at school. It''s only a couple of hours a week out of my house, and it earns me a little pocket money.

I definitely know what you mean about the isolation - I was the first one of my friends to have a kid by two years, so there was NO ONE to hang out with during the week. I joined a local moms or babies group through my community association, though, and I met some great women with kids the same age as mine. Now it''s been two years since we met, and I''ve made some good friendships.

I also agree that the gym is a great getaway - we joined the local YMCA when my son turned two, and they have a wonderful "kids'' gym" program. I drop off my son in a wonderful play area when I work out. I also found out that they have a nursery that takes babies as young as 3 months - so after number 2 is born next year, I can take both of them to the gym. My son loves the ladies who run the kids gym, and he made his best friend there. It''s been great for both of us.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Yes, I'd love a SAHM thread so we can chat and compare notes. All the other TTC & mommy threads don't apply to me because my kids are school age.

TanDogMom - why not start up an official one that can be put as a sticky/bolded titled one at the top?

 

[steph72276]

Count me in! Former teacher here who has been at home for going on 3 years now. I am pregnant with number 2 now, so it will be a few more years before I go back to work. I would love to hear from other stay at home moms!

 

[gailrmv]

Cool! Glad there is interest! I''ll email the mods and ask them whether they could make one a sticky.

 

[Camille]

Def would like to play.

 

[E B]

I'm interested! If all goes according to plan, I'll be a SAHM until Henry (and later, kiddo #2) are in school. I'd love to work from home, but I haven't explored my options just yet. I probably will in a few months.

 

[gailrmv]

So I have a question.

Again, I'm pretty new to this SAHM business, as my little guy is only 5 months old.

I feel like I don't have as much to talk about as I used to, either with DH or with friends! I don't want to be one of those people who only talks about their kid, so I don't. Especially to friends w/o kids. I just don't feel like I have much else to contribute anymore. I read the newspaper and listen to NPR, I go to the gym, and I hang out with a couple other moms who are home during the day. That's kind of the extent of my life right now. I also read novels for fun, but most of my other friends and DH don't, so that's not good conversation either. It's hard to keep up with my other hobbies w/o much childcare help. I'm still working PT from home, but the work I'm doing right now isn't very interesting, trust me on this, so it's not good for conversation.

Have I just become really boring? Will it last as long as I am at home? As long as I have little kiddos at home?

Has this happened to anyone else and what did you do about it?

I wonder what I used to talk about? I'm pretty chatty normally. With DH, for a long time we talked about whether to have a child and then we talked about how I would balance work with the baby... now those two decisions are made. I think we need some new topics!

By the way - I emailed the mods about making this a sticky; just wanted to follow up with those of you who suggested it!

 

[nycbkgirl]

Def interested!

Im a mom of 4mo twins and I have a personal business with my sister and ever since bed rest I haven''t been working and she has been doing it all on her own. My MIL has been watchin kiddos during days up til now and I was able to work 2x a week during that time. Now she off to work and im stuck at home...I say stuck literally..can''t leave the house, can''t do anything period! Barely can eat,use toilet etc...im so lost. If it was 1 baby I would be totally at ease but with 2 im just a robot with no energy or life in me. My kids are my world but I need my time and I just don''t have that...im hoping it will get better....

I also have 0 else to talk about with others

...don''t even watch the news, have no idea what''s going on in the world!

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 8/29/2009 11:24:45 PM
Author: TanDogMom
So I have a question.

Again, I''m pretty new to this SAHM business, as my little guy is only 5 months old.

I feel like I don''t have as much to talk about as I used to, either with DH or with friends! I don''t want to be one of those people who only talks about their kid, so I don''t. Especially to friends w/o kids. I just don''t feel like I have much else to contribute anymore. I read the newspaper and listen to NPR, I go to the gym, and I hang out with a couple other moms who are home during the day. That''s kind of the extent of my life right now. I also read novels for fun, but most of my other friends and DH don''t, so that''s not good conversation either. It''s hard to keep up with my other hobbies w/o much childcare help. I''m still working PT from home, but the work I''m doing right now isn''t very interesting, trust me on this, so it''s not good for conversation.

Have I just become really boring? Will it last as long as I am at home? As long as I have little kiddos at home?

Has this happened to anyone else and what did you do about it?

I wonder what I used to talk about? I''m pretty chatty normally. With DH, for a long time we talked about whether to have a child and then we talked about how I would balance work with the baby... now those two decisions are made. I think we need some new topics!

By the way - I emailed the mods about making this a sticky; just wanted to follow up with those of you who suggested it!

Tandogmom, I totally know what you mean. It was especially tough for me too because I was the first of my friends to have kids (all my other friends weren''t even married yet) so I was always terrified of being the one who became a parent and couldn''t talk about anything but her son. But, as a SAHM, your full-time job is mothering, so that''s all you do all day! My husband''s job stayed the same, but mostly we used to talk about my job at the end of the day (we both agreed it made for more interesting conversation). But then all of a sudden, he would come home at night, and after we talked about the baby, nothing to converse about. We always joke now that before the baby we used to have common interests (travel, friends) but after the baby the only thing that we had in common was eating I cried to him that I felt so boring after having the baby, and that I had lost my interesting identity. I also took Wellbutrin once I finished breastfeeding for several months, and it helped me get out of my post-partum funk.

It did take me at least six months to emerge from the "newborn blues." I started working out when my son was about 4 months old (and sleeping better) and that helped give me something to do. I also looked up a local "mommy & me" type class that our community center offers, and I made some new friends there. I still dearly love my old friends and see them tons, but they were talking about things like dating and shopping, and I needed to be around other moms sometimes who could also talk about breastfeeding and sleep schedules That was a great help to me. We actually started a little book club, because we all became voracious readers (great way to pass the time when you''re trapped in the house).

 

[Pandora II]

I''m definitely a SAHM until Daisy is a year old and then until I find something new job-wise - hopefully part-time or working from home.

I think that it has helped that DH and I are so involved in politics as it means we can easily spend a few hours talking without always mentioning kiddo.

Once my legal battle (another ''joyful'' topic

) is completely finished I will spend some of my settlement on doing up the house. DH is very keen on interior design so we have lots of fun looking at paint/tiles etc and he''s been coming up with ideas for Daisy''s room - which is currently an office/junk room with her changing table & chest of drawers in one corner.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 8/29/2009 11:24:45 PM
Author: TanDogMom
So I have a question.

Again, I''m pretty new to this SAHM business, as my little guy is only 5 months old.

I feel like I don''t have as much to talk about as I used to, either with DH or with friends! I don''t want to be one of those people who only talks about their kid, so I don''t. Especially to friends w/o kids. I just don''t feel like I have much else to contribute anymore. I read the newspaper and listen to NPR, I go to the gym, and I hang out with a couple other moms who are home during the day. That''s kind of the extent of my life right now. I also read novels for fun, but most of my other friends and DH don''t, so that''s not good conversation either. It''s hard to keep up with my other hobbies w/o much childcare help. I''m still working PT from home, but the work I''m doing right now isn''t very interesting, trust me on this, so it''s not good for conversation.

Have I just become really boring? Will it last as long as I am at home? As long as I have little kiddos at home?

Has this happened to anyone else and what did you do about it?

I wonder what I used to talk about? I''m pretty chatty normally. With DH, for a long time we talked about whether to have a child and then we talked about how I would balance work with the baby... now those two decisions are made. I think we need some new topics!

By the way - I emailed the mods about making this a sticky; just wanted to follow up with those of you who suggested it!

Your baby is too young at this time, but once he''s a bit older and you have more time, try taking up some hobbies. Stuff that most women do: stereotypical things like houseplants, decorating, and (some) books always make for easy conversation.

Sorry to say, but since having my boys, almost all my friends have become moms and if we''re not talking about kids, we''re talking about other "brainless" topics like clothes, shopping, and food.

I also read a lot and try and read more in depth books to keep my brain working. I avoid books which are by authors pumping novels out by the dozen. When I bring up the books I''m reading to most of my friends, though, they look at me like I''m insane.

One mom (one I just met) looked horrified when I told her about Farinheit 451.

If you get really bored, you can talk to the walls. Sometimes they''re more stimulating.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 8/30/2009 8:47:32 AM
Author: Pandora II
I think that it has helped that DH and I are so involved in politics as it means we can easily spend a few hours talking without always mentioning kiddo.

My husband and I are huge on politics and social issues, as well. I''ve long ago learned never to bring up any types of conversation with friends, though (or at least mommy friends), because often times, that ends in disaster.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 8/30/2009 2:02:03 PM
Author: MC

Date: 8/30/2009 8:47:32 AM
Author: Pandora II
I think that it has helped that DH and I are so involved in politics as it means we can easily spend a few hours talking without always mentioning kiddo.

My husband and I are huge on politics and social issues, as well. I''ve long ago learned never to bring up any types of conversation with friends, though (or at least mommy friends), because often times, that ends in disaster.

LOL, I guess that we''re lucky in that most of our friends also work in politics so it''s an acceptable conversation topic even if we don''t all belong to the same Party or have similar views! Much of it is political gossip anyway

I don''t talk politics with other friends though!

 

[gailrmv]

Thanks ladies. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

Ya know, I think the problem I mentioned (not feeling like I have much to talk about anymore) is mostly with DH. I talked to several friends this weekend about non-kid stuff and felt like I could keep up my end of the conversation just fine. I think DH and I need some new topics of conversation. We used to do (and talk about) a lot of home improvement which is hard to do now, so it's a rather frustrating topic. We're also thinking of a move across town eventually, but the "should we? where to? when?" conversation is just annoying too. I think I'm going to suggest to DH that maybe we choose a book to both read and then discuss - or even an article or something - just to jump start some new topics of conversation. I'm also trying to line up a date night next weekend. That should be fun. Always nice to re-enter the adult world if only for a few hours!

I hope I continue to make more mom-friends IRL. That will help too!

Does anyone else feel like their DH's job has boundaries, but the SAHM job has none? I've constantly told DH to please not assume I'm on 24/7 mom duty. (Even though we both know I am.)

Now I am wondering what I used to do with my free time pre-baby. It never seemed like I had enough of it, but man - I must have!

 

[makemepretty]

I''m a SAHM, was a stay at home wife before that. My kids are 12 and 13. I get a lot of "you could go back to work with your kids being older". Of course, this is from people who don''t have kids that age. A lot of people think teens are so much easier than toddlers and can take care of themselves. I laugh and tell them I''ll remind them they said that when their kids get that age. It''s like taking parenting advice from someone who doesn''t have kids. They don''t have a clue.

Being a SAHM is a full time job, add to that the clean house I keep, the dinner I make every single night, waking up hubby for work and packing his lunch....It''s a lot of work without an actual paycheck. Plus, with me being a homemaker, I''m the one who helps out every family member in a pinch. I''ve taken many people to the doctor and watched THEIR kids when they didn''t have someone to do it.

Think ''50''s housewife without the pearls and dress. Instead think pony tails and capri''s. I''m lucky that my hubby knows how hard I work and wouldn''t trade me jobs at all. He does construction and I''ve told him to imagine having to go to work and reroof the EXACT same house every day. But I love being home. We do give up a lot of luxuries two income families have. No vacations, no mani/pedi''s, no new cars and not very much eating out, we don''t have cable and I just gave up my cell phone a few months ago.

I will say, out of all the marriages in my family I do have the strongest. My kids are smart, happy and healthy. I''ve been able to volunteer at our local school and I was the lucky mom who went on field trips and kids spend the night at my house. It is interesting that most parents who work outside the home don''t want extra kids over, ever.

You do have to have thick skin because other people don''t value SAHM''s. But you do what''s right for YOUR family.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 8/28/2009 1:09:58 PM
Author: TanDogMom
Cool! Glad there is interest! I''ll email the mods and ask them whether they could make one a sticky.

I think they only make stickies for the more popular threads. If this thread gets enough regular posters and views I am sure they will one day.

 

[softly softly]

I''m game to join in. I''m currently at home with an almost 5 year old and a 3.5 year old and have been since the eldest was born. Before I had kids I assumed I''d want to go back to work within the first 12 months, but things didn''t really pan out that way. Now my husband works away from home (away for 9 days out of every fortnight)so it seems to suit our lifestyle best that I stay home with them for the time being.

When my son starts full time schooling next year and my daughter starts preschool I''m hoping to start a PhD in English Literature which is something I''ve always wanted to do. I finished my Masters just before my son was born and in the intervening 5 years I fear my brain lain fallow so I''m hoping this will give me some time to focus on myself and the goals and interests I had prior to having kids.

I''m grateful to have this time with my kids even if some days I have trouble feeling that gratitude to the fullest!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 9/1/2009 11:28:52 PM
Author: softly softly
When my son starts full time schooling next year and my daughter starts preschool I''m hoping to start a PhD in English Literature which is something I''ve always wanted to do. I finished my Masters just before my son was born and in the intervening 5 years I fear my brain lain fallow so I''m hoping this will give me some time to focus on myself and the goals and interests I had prior to having kids.

I''ve been contemplating going back to school, as well. . .problem is I don''t plan to go back to work, so I''d be studying for stimulation only and I''m not sure we can add that into our budget. I''m thinking of purchasing a few used text books in areas of interest and reading them

Also, my kids take up so much time and with going to classes during the day and then taking my kids to after school activities, not sure if I''d manage everything.

 

[Haven]

I''m not a SAHM, but I wanted to say that I really love lurking on this thread! I plan on being a SAHM when DH and I do have kids, though, so it''s encouraging to read about all of your experiences.

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 8/31/2009 12:17:18 AM
Author: TanDogMom
Thanks ladies. I''m glad I''m not the only one who has felt this way.

Ya know, I think the problem I mentioned (not feeling like I have much to talk about anymore) is mostly with DH. I talked to several friends this weekend about non-kid stuff and felt like I could keep up my end of the conversation just fine. I think DH and I need some new topics of conversation. We used to do (and talk about) a lot of home improvement which is hard to do now, so it''s a rather frustrating topic. We''re also thinking of a move across town eventually, but the ''should we? where to? when?'' conversation is just annoying too. I think I''m going to suggest to DH that maybe we choose a book to both read and then discuss - or even an article or something - just to jump start some new topics of conversation. I''m also trying to line up a date night next weekend. That should be fun. Always nice to re-enter the adult world if only for a few hours!

I hope I continue to make more mom-friends IRL. That will help too!

Does anyone else feel like their DH''s job has boundaries, but the SAHM job has none? I''ve constantly told DH to please not assume I''m on 24/7 mom duty. (Even though we both know I am.)

Now I am wondering what I used to do with my free time pre-baby. It never seemed like I had enough of it, but man - I must have!

I feel that way sometimes! I think Nate could set more boundaries with his job, but he doesn''t! Residents call for him all the time. My dad is in academic medicine too, but I don''t even recall residents calling him at odd hours.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 9/1/2009 11:59:06 PM
Author: MC

Date: 9/1/2009 11:28:52 PM
Author: softly softly
When my son starts full time schooling next year and my daughter starts preschool I''m hoping to start a PhD in English Literature which is something I''ve always wanted to do. I finished my Masters just before my son was born and in the intervening 5 years I fear my brain lain fallow so I''m hoping this will give me some time to focus on myself and the goals and interests I had prior to having kids.

I''ve been contemplating going back to school, as well. . .problem is I don''t plan to go back to work, so I''d be studying for stimulation only and I''m not sure we can add that into our budget. I''m thinking of purchasing a few used text books in areas of interest and reading them

Also, my kids take up so much time and with going to classes during the day and then taking my kids to after school activities, not sure if I''d manage everything.

Hi guys, I''m another one who''s planning to go back to school - I just woke up thinking about it this morning, so it was interesting to see it on the thread. My son will be 3 in Nov., and I have a baby due in April. I was thinking of starting a Masters program the September after the baby turns one (2011) and I''m really torn about what to study - something useful, or something esoteric that I will enjoy more ... my B.A. is in Music (not practical) but I had taken my LSATs and was planning to go to law school a few years ago when I decided against it (I started wanting a family and didn''t want to be working lawyer''s hours).

I''m pretty sure that I don''t want to go to law school anymore (even with kids that are school age I would never want to be gone that much) so I''m thinking about a Masters in Museum Curatorship (I live in the DC area - they offer this at a few schools near me, and there are tons of museums in this area). I really like that idea because I''ll get to use some of my fine arts background.

I also am not sure that I would ever want to go back to work full time, or at all, so there is the chance, like MC mentioned, that the degree would be self-indulgent, but I''m OK with that too. As long as we are able to afford it at the time, I feel like after spending over 5 years at home with babies I deserve to do something to enrich myself. My husband is on board with it as well, and is fine with paying for the degree as long as I''m happy. He was getting his MBA through my pregnancy and the first year and a half of our son''s life, which left me with the brunt of the childcare work, so he is happy to support my advanced degree once I am ready to start.

 

[softly softly]

Doing a PhD in English Lit is completely self indulgent! In fact I've had several people say as much to me, and they are probably right, especially considering I've already done a Masters, but it's what I love to do, even if it will probably never pay the bills in any meaningful way. I worked mostly full time while I was doing my Masters so I know it's possible to do a research degree while maintaining other commitments.

I am lucky in that here in Australia post graduate education is heavily subsidised by the government - although given the budget deficit we currently have who knows how long that will last. My husband is supportive also, but then my career path has often been impacted by following him across country for his, not to mention by having our kids. However, it probably isn't something I would pursue if it meant we would incur a large out of pocket expense.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 9/2/2009 9:33:51 AM
Author: softly softly
Doing a PhD in English Lit is completely self indulgent! In fact I've had several people say as much to me, and they are probably right, especially considering I've already done a Masters, but it's what I love to do, even if it will probably never pay the bills in any meaningful way. I worked mostly full time while I was doing my Masters so I know it's possible to do a research degree while maintaining other commitments.

I am lucky in that here in Australia post graduate education is heavily subsidised by the government - although given the budget deficit we currently have who knows how long that will last. My husband is supportive also, but then my career path has often been impacted by following him across country for his, not to mention by having our kids. However, it probably isn't something I would pursue if it meant we would incur a large out of pocket expense.

My husband's degree is in Physics and at the time looked at it as enrichment because he was already working and making good money in real estate development. . .it wasn't until the bursting of the bubble that he decided to work that original field into his professional direction. Now he's talking of earning a Masters, so we're saving for that right now. If only we lived in a country with subsidised education. I'd have ten BAs by now.

Hopefully when/if I can go back to school, I'll have decided on a field. There are too many choices. DH doesn't seem entirely supportive only because he thinks I'm not entirely set myself (which I guess I'm not - I'm still a bit torn on where to focus my life now that my kids are busy in school). I guess also it's because the fields I'm thinking don't bring in a lot of cash, but he said definetly go for business, which would be one of the top five fields I'd WANT to avoid! (no offense to business majors, but my lowest grade in college was in economics. I use to fall asleep reading my text book!) I'm thinking botany or something like art history/archaeology.

Oh, and I spelled Fahrenheit wrong back up above. Sorry, spelling isn't my thing. I keep spelling the same words wrong over and over! Maybe I should focus on math/science.

 

[steph72276]

Count me in as another planning on going back to school. I had started my master''s in education when I got pregnant with my first son, so when this baby is around 2 or so, I plan to go back and be finished right about the time when the youngest will start school full time. That is the plan right now, but we will see what happens down the road!

 

[anchor31]

Hey all! I''m 6 months pregnant and on preventive leave and I will be on maternity leave for a full year after the little one is born, so I will have been at home for 18 months when I go back to work. I''m looking forward to sharing my experiences with you and reading about yours. So far I''m very thankful to be spending most of my pregnancy at home because the discomforts are pretty bad. I''m also starting online classes on September 28th.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Any update on whether this will become a bolded thread at the top?