Rules of Engagement...

[TravelingGal]

I had this as an answer in Diamond12''s "Engagement 101" thread, but in light of all the engagement angst going on lately, I thought it would be fun to use it to start a new one....

So Rules of Engagement...feel free to add your own for either men or women - hopefully keeping it light and fun so all the LIWs can get a chuckle and just generally feel better!

Engagement 101 for men...
1. Do not tell your girlfriends that you will propose when they calm down and chill out about getting engaged. This will only cause them to have hospitalizable heart palpitations, or possibly grow another head.

2. Please see the below definitions of "soon":

-adv. soon•er, soon•est
-In the near future; shortly.
-Without hesitation; promptly: came as soon as possible.
-Before the usual or appointed time; early.
-With willingness; readily:

Therefore if the year you are thinking of proposing has different numbers than the one you are in now, REFRAIN from using this word. The meaning of "soon" to an engagement crazed female is literally "yesterday."

3. Do not. I repeat, DO NOT buy anything of value over $100 for yourself during the stretch of time before your engagement. Your girlfriend''s normally illogical mind will turn into a human calculator and compute all the items including tax and restocking fees. She''ll feel totally down the priorities list and quite possibly have a freak out, which usually leads to an episode of engagement tip #1.

4. No matter how much she says she will LOVE any ring you buy for her, she is lying. This may come as a shock to you, but women have been known to lie. Do not shop at a mall...that''s a place for your girlfriend to shop at. Do not buy from any vendor who is wearing more than one ring per hand. If the vendor is wearing a gold nugget ring, get the hell out of dodge.

5. Do not say things like "I don''t understand why we need a piece of paper…it doesn''t change things between us." JUST a piece of paper?!? Is that what you think? Well so is the roll of Charmin in your bathroom...it''s important...accept it and move on.

6. Do not tease or torment your lady about the engagement plans. Sure, it''s all fun and games to you now, but who will be laughing when you are married and she withholds the nookie? Payback’s a b*tch, dude.

7. You''re competitive right? You like your fantasy football team to win. You work hard to get promoted in your job first. Life''s just awesome when you clean house when the boys have poker night.

Well getting engaged is a competition too. You want to beat all her friends'' boyfriends to the punch. You''ll get extra points if you come in first, but your girlfriend will probably be happy if you don''t come in dead last. Who wants to be with a loser?

8. The TALK will happen several times. Always at inopportune moments like the last 5 minutes of a close football game. Get used to it. There will always be a TALK about something in life. The TALK is part of a woman’s genetic code and if you don''t like it, start batting for the other team. Tread carefully, as your words and actions can easily trigger a #1, and don''t, for pete''s sake, say the word "soon" unless you mean it (see #2).

Engagement 101 for women...

1. Calm down. Chill out. Please.

 

[Harleigh]

LMAO T-Gal...this thread is just great!

I am too tired to add anything pertinent at this time, but I''ll be sure to check back later for some updates!

 

[mimzy]

Rule #12 for guys:
NEVER hint to your girlfriend that a ring will be purchased/finished sooner than you know it will be with the intention of trying to 'throw them off' or 'keep them on their toes'. This is only cute if you tell them it won't be ready, when it really is, NOT the other way around.

 

[bee*]

I read that out to my bf last night and he laughed out loud. He still loves the whole "soon" thing

 

[musey]

Couldn't possibly be more accurate if you tried.
BRAVO, TG!

 

[anchor31]

I''ve been thinking about writing something like that for a while... I guess now would be a good time!

Ladies,

So you''ve been with your BF for what you consider a reasonable amount of time, maybe you live together, have a dog/cat/house//whatever, maybe even a child... and you want to get married. Before you start daydreaming about a surprise proposal with a thousand yellow daisies and flipping through magazines for your dream dress, here''s a few things you should think about. And before you roll your eyes and say that all this is easier said than done, remember that we have been through this too, and we know how hard it can be. Hopefully maybe we can make things a little easier for you.

1. Make sure you and your BF are on the same page. If marriage has never been mentioned before, it might not be on his mind. It is on yours, but that doesn''t mean it''s on his. If it has been mentioned casually, it''s a step, but has he specifically said it''s something he wants? Has he mentioned some kind of timeframe (after graduation, before kids, a certain year, etc.)? If it hasn''t been discussed and jointly decided that you intend to get married by a certain time (ie: summer ''09), sit that boy down and TALK. Tell him what kind of time frame you''re hoping for and ask him if he had in mind. If the two don''t match, COMPROMISE. Do the same for the proposal timeframe, which is easier to do once the marriage timeframe is established (ie: if you decided to get married summer ''09 and you want a year to plan, then he should propose by summer ''0. This step is extremely important and you might be stuck on it for a while. Be patient and stay calm.Tell him how important it is for the two of you to be on the same page, otherwise one of you may end up feeling resentful. Tell him that you don''t want have expectations that don''t match his intentions. Even if the timeframe is even entire year (ie: 200, it''s very comforting to have this kind of confirmation. Also, tell yourselves that it''s good preparation for marriage, as COMMUNICATION is what you will need most.

Note: No, having this kind of talks will not ruin the proposal. Boys (and sometimes girls) need to get out of their heads that a romantic proposal is a girl caught completely unaware. Marriage timeframes should not be a unilateral decision, and setting a timeframe, that can sometimes be an entire year, will not ruin the surprise.

2. If you want to be involved in the ring choosing process, tell him. Again, boys can be silly sometimes. There''s this strange myth going around that says if he picks it for you you will (even have to) love it. What if he like princess cuts with trillions and this combo is once of your least favorites? What if what you want is a round with pears? Tell him that, at the very least. YOU are going to wear it, not him. If he resists, tell him that you''ll have to be the one picking his wedding band then, and see how he reacts. (Trust me, it works)

3. Let him do his thing. If you''re here, chances are you''re more or less a control freak like the rest of us. But now that your timeframes are set and he knows what you want for your rings, step back. He knows you''ll say yes and he knows you can''t wait, but he wants to do it right, maybe surprise you, maybe take you someplace special. It''s a very scary moment for him and he''s under a lot of pressure (as says the future Mr Anchor31). Some men spend a lot of time imagining and planning this proposal, so give him his moment. The more you nag, the more breakdowns and freakouts you will have, the less he will want to propose. Sorry, but you have to admit that nagging and crying are a bit of a turn off... Take deep breaths and enjoy your relationship. Make this moment special and happy for both of you. Have girls nights out, take up a hobby if you need to. Come rant here and not to your BF. I know it''s hard, but you will survive.


Note I decided to add after seeing the angst that''s been going on around here: If you come here and ask for opinion and/or advice, you may sometimes hear things that you don''t want or expect to. Some of us are quite frank and honest (and I''m pretty tame compared to some) and if we feel that you should be told to chill out and back off, or that maybe a proposal is not something you should be prioritizing right now, we will tell you. It''s not because we''re mean, but because we feel that it would be more helpful to say those things than to blindly agree.

That said, good luck!

 

[miss_flo]

Date: 9/27/2007 2:27:04 AM
Author:TravelingGal

3. Do not. I repeat, DO NOT buy anything of value over $100 for yourself during the stretch of time before your engagement. Your girlfriend's normally illogical mind will turn into a human calculator and compute all the items including tax and restocking fees. She'll feel totally down the priorities list and quite possibly have a freak out, which usually leads to an episode of engagement tip #1.

Ohh you pegged me on this one T-Gal! I freaked out SO much when my boyfriend was planning to buy his new motorcycle plus a new flat screen. I understand how important it is for people to want to reward themselves, but that grand total would have been around $10,000, which is double what I was hoping for in a ring. He makes good money but I told him (by way of passive aggressive email) that I thought he was being irresponsible.

Thanks for this list, I had a good laugh.

 

[princesss]

T-Gal, I just choked on my water. This is hilarious!

 

[ice_princess]

This is the BEST thread ever. SOOOO funny. You are hillariaous travelling gal.

*note to self:show to bf

(although I''m not quite at the freaking out stage yet, still quite calm....)