Rude/Funny

[chemgirl]

So I found out today that I'm not invited to my highschool BFF's wedding.

That's not the rude part. The rude part is that she sent us a Save-the-Date card, invited us to the Stag and Doe, and invited me to her shower.

The funny part happened when I asked her why she sent a STD card if she had no intention of inviting us. She told me she thought those cards were to announce the wedding. Like a "Look, I'm getting married" card. She had no idea that you only send them to the people you want at your wedding. The card said save the date across the front, lol.

DH declined a major work conference so he could make it.

I'm amused and annoyed at the same time.

The evil side of me is a bit pleased that her Stag and Doe is on Saturday and only 5 of the 126 people invited through Facebook have accepted. Wonder if the 121 people got STD cards!

ETA: I guess my question here is: am I still obliged to go to everything else? I already RSVPed to the shower, but its a 5 hour drive each way and when I said I'd go I thought I was actually invited to the wedding!

 

[amc80]

I wouldn't go to any of it. Rude!!

 

[Circe]

THE MIND BOGGLES.

No, I don't think you're required to attend a danged thing under these circumstances - and I think your friend owes you an apology! That's the sort of thing you double-check before you put it in the mail ....

 

[TooPatient]

Wow.

I wouldn't go to any of the other stuff. I'd just let her know that it is a long drive and you aren't able to make the other events.

Did the save the date include the message "Formal invitation to follow."?!?
I just sent ours out a few weeks ago and every last STD I looked at had that printed on it!

 

[chemgirl]

Wow.

I wouldn't go to any of the other stuff. I'd just let her know that it is a long drive and you aren't able to make the other events.

Did the save the date include the message "Formal invitation to follow."?!?
I just sent ours out a few weeks ago and every last STD I looked at had that printed on it!

It was a postcard print of one of their engagement pictures. There was text across the top saying "Save The Date" and then the wedding date across the bottom.

It didn't say "Formal invitation to follow" come to think of it.

 

[VRBeauty]

Wow.

I wouldn't go to any of the other stuff. I'd just let her know that it is a long drive and you aren't able to make the other events.

Did the save the date include the message "Formal invitation to follow."?!?
I just sent ours out a few weeks ago and every last STD I looked at had that printed on it!

It was a postcard print of one of their engagement pictures. There was text across the top saying "Save The Date" and then the wedding date across the bottom.

It didn't say "Formal invitation to follow" come to think of it.

Whether it does or doesn't is irrelevant. You only send out an STD to allow people to keep their calendars clear - if they're so inclined - as your DH did - so they can attend the wedding.

I thought everyone knew that. Just goes to show that you can never assume anything.

I kinda doubt the etiquette books cover this one, but you certainly have my permission to skip the festivities!

On the other hand, since you're close enough to her to have gone to her wedding - had you been invited, of course - you certainly also have the option of going to these parties if you want.

It's totally up to you!

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Argh! No! Cuz I recently experienced something similar and it was a big slap in the face!

 

[04diamond<3]

I'm telling you. the people that some how find someone to love them and their lack of a brain, they still amaze me. I would absolutely not go to anything. That is very rude and just like the other thread about a baby shower, it's completely inconsiderate!

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="VRBeauty|1362456314|
Whether it does or doesn't is irrelevant. You only send out an STD to allow people to keep their calendars clear - if they're so inclined - as your DH did - so they can attend the wedding.

[/quote]


at first i thought STD = sexually transmitted diseases...

 

[TooPatient]

Wow.

I wouldn't go to any of the other stuff. I'd just let her know that it is a long drive and you aren't able to make the other events.

Did the save the date include the message "Formal invitation to follow."?!?
I just sent ours out a few weeks ago and every last STD I looked at had that printed on it!

It was a postcard print of one of their engagement pictures. There was text across the top saying "Save The Date" and then the wedding date across the bottom.

It didn't say "Formal invitation to follow" come to think of it.

Whether it does or doesn't is irrelevant. You only send out an STD to allow people to keep their calendars clear - if they're so inclined - as your DH did - so they can attend the wedding.

I thought everyone knew that. Just goes to show that you can never assume anything.

I kinda doubt the etiquette books cover this one, but you certainly have my permission to skip the festivities!

On the other hand, since you're close enough to her to have gone to her wedding - had you been invited, of course - you certainly also have the option of going to these parties if you want.

It's totally up to you!

I'm glad to hear it wasn't printed on there at least! That would have been even more clueless!

If you send out ANYTHING that says "save the date", mentions an event, and gives a date you should only be sending to those you plan to actually invite.

A "Save the Date" is NOT an announcement.

 

[Clairitek]

Wow. Just... wow! As Circe said, "The mind boggles!"

I wouldn't go to anything else. I would make up a reason to no go to the shower and send her a small gift as a nice gesture and leave it at that. I wonder how many other people she has done this to!

 

[rubyshoes]

Horribly rude.

 

[Missy]

Absolutely not. Not only wouldn't I go I would *not* send a gift. Instead I would send her a card telling her you are sorry you won't be able to make either event and wishing her the very best. No gift. I wouldn't want to reinforce her bad manners. A save the date card is for those invited to the wedding hence the save the date info. Otherwise it's a moot point and there needs to be no saving of that date! She caused more than a minor inconvenience to your dh- so rude.

 

[JewelFreak]

Just when you think you've heard it all, you find you haven't!

You do not invite people to a shower whom you aren't inviting to the wedding! Gaahh, trolling for stuff, anyone? Inviting 126 people on FB just cracks me up -- 126 of my best friends, most of whom I've never seen in person.

So I guess she can't read, or she'd know what the words Save. The. Date. mean. You are not obligated to go to anything. I wouldn't consider it, if I had the misfortune to know her. Send a note of regret, good wishes, and NO gift. Her currency, rather than real friendship, is obviously stuff ($) -- no need to provide it.

She gave me a good laugh for the day!

--- Laurie

 

[Harpertoo]

You should be sure to write a nice note declining her invitations....I'd use a pretty wedding money envelope!

 

[rosetta]

Bwahahahahhahaa!

I just laughed my socks off at the idea of anyone who doesn't realise what a STD is for.

Did she think you needed a reminder to save the date so you could raise a toast to her in your own home, with a happy tear in your eye?

EPIC FAIL.



Yeah, don't go.

 

[SB621]

Seriously that is just crazy! The first thing that pops into my mind is she just wants a gift! You do not invite people to your wedding shower who are NOT invited to the wedding! Actually on second thought you might want to get her a book on wedding ettiquette as her gift. But I would ABSOLUTELY NOT go to anything.

 

[orbaya]

WTF?? NO WAY would I go to the other events. The fact that she didn't invite you to the wedding, but to everything else is crazy. She just wants gifts and people to party with.

I would NOT send a gift either. I wouldn't spend $1 on someone who did that to me. And who invites 126 people to their party??

 

[NOYFB]

Is she for real?

Hell NO- I would not be attending any of the other functions nor would I be sending any type of gift. How very rude!

 

[ame]

ETA: I guess my question here is: am I still obliged to go to everything else? I already RSVPed to the shower, but its a 5 hour drive each way and when I said I'd go I thought I was actually invited to the wedding!

Nope, and you're not required to gift her a damn thing either. WOW the poor etiquette. This is a clear gift grab, to me anyway. She is wanting gifts from the shower, and the bach parties but doesn't get that you don't invite anyone to those that isn't included in the wedding.

Also, 126 people, and through FB? WOW. Inappropriate.

 

[iLander]

Wow!

What a moron! Historically, is she your "dumb friend"?

I had a "dumb friend", who asked me how to spell pizza and got a 500 on her SAT. Totally clueless. But she was also the prom queen (of course), so the teachers gave her passing grades. I'm pretty sure she's functionally illiterate.

I would send her a card, to Save the Date for your birthday. Then don't invite her to any kind of party. See if she sends you a gift.

 

[ame]

Wow.

I wouldn't go to any of the other stuff. I'd just let her know that it is a long drive and you aren't able to make the other events.

Did the save the date include the message "Formal invitation to follow."?!?
I just sent ours out a few weeks ago and every last STD I looked at had that printed on it!

It was a postcard print of one of their engagement pictures. There was text across the top saying "Save The Date" and then the wedding date across the bottom.

It didn't say "Formal invitation to follow" come to think of it.

Whether it does or doesn't is irrelevant. You only send out an STD to allow people to keep their calendars clear - if they're so inclined - as your DH did - so they can attend the wedding.

I thought everyone knew that. Just goes to show that you can never assume anything.

I kinda doubt the etiquette books cover this one, but you certainly have my permission to skip the festivities!

On the other hand, since you're close enough to her to have gone to her wedding - had you been invited, of course - you certainly also have the option of going to these parties if you want.

It's totally up to you!

They do, actually. It's VERY clearly spelled out in Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette.

 

[iLander]

OH! IDEA!

Send her a copy of the Emily Post book that Ame mentions above. I would mark the pages pertaining to this situation.

 

[pregcurious]

I wouldn't do anything more.

People can be dumb, but if dumbness runs into socially inept to the point of rude, then it's rude. People who do a lot of rude things often are just selfish to the point that the don't even think about others, which brings us back to being dumb.

 

[iheartscience]

WOW. Yeah I would go to any of her events and I would certainly NOT give her a gift of any kind. Don't reward rudeness.

 

[ame]

OH! IDEA!

Send her a copy of the Emily Post book that Ame mentions above. I would mark the pages pertaining to this situation.

I wouldn't even waste the money. She's not worth a dime. But if I think about it tonight, Ill take pictures of the pages and post so you can save them to your phone and text them to her. lol

Hopefully I remember. Im kind of in a Nyquil induced fog.

 

[aviastar]

Either a) she knows it's not nice and she did it anyway for the gifts and attention or b) she is really clueless to the point of not really functioning very well socially. Both are kinda sad.

In any case, you won't be the only person upset and you certainly won't be the only person to say something to her, so I wouldn't make a bigger deal of it at this point. If she really is that clueless, but not malicious, then this SNAFU is going to lead to a very stressful time before her wedding with a lot of people mad at her, which kinda sucks, too.

I wouldn't go or send a gift, cause, really, you aren't obligated to do either even if you ARE invited to the actual wedding. Just send your regrets and leave it alone, she'll have plenty of cause to regret this from other people.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

Its more dumb than anything. 5 hrs is too much to drive for this gal.


If its OK may I ask you ladies a question on engagements. Are gifts given upon announcement? At an engagement party?. I fall in the dumb class here.

I got an email announcing an engagement. I didn't send a gift, but now am wondering if I should have.


Thanks,

Annette

 

[ame]

Hi,

Its more dumb than anything. 5 hrs is too much to drive for this gal.


If its OK may I ask you ladies a question on engagements. Are gifts given upon announcement? At an engagement party?. I fall in the dumb class here.

I got an email announcing an engagement. I didn't send a gift, but now am wondering if I should have.


Thanks,

Annette

I can consult my Emily Post when I get home, but from my recollection, not for an engagement. You CAN but it's not an expectation or "requirement" if you will. If you are super close to the couple or one of the parties, you can, if you so choose, but it's not generally an occurrence unless it's a cultural thing.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Oh goodness! You should definitely NOT go to any of her wedding related activities. You know you're not invited to the wedding and the trek is a lot to manage even if you were going to the wedding. I would save yourself the time and money!