Rude/Funny

[Autumnovember]

PAUSE, PAUSE, PAUSE!!!

She has a wedding planner? And she claims to have thought STDs are just a way of announcing a marriage? YEEEEEAH, OKKAAAY. That is laughable. Here is the real story: she sent you that STD knowing damn well what it meant, sent you invites to the other stuff cause shes greedy and wants your money/gifts, all while having zero intentions of inviting you to the actual wedding, I'm sure she had thought out what she would say to those that asked where the invite was. What a clown. I'm annoyed and disgusted at the same time. I really can't stand people like that.

 

[mary poppins]

Wow, giant faux pas. Poor thing. I would not attend the shower. I would definitely send a congratulatory/best wishes card to the couple (no gift included) to be polite and acknowledge their marriage, but that's it.

I agree with monarch's approach.

Wow, this girl must not be too bright if she didn't realize what a Save the Date card meant. It's pretty self explanatory: Save. The. Date. What did she think people were supposed to be saving the date for if they weren't going to be invited to the wedding? Even if she thought it was an announcement, it's still a lame excuse. Announcements occur after the wedding.

And S & D parties . . . so tacky! Couples should have the kind of wedding they can afford, and figure it out before they send STDs.

The wedding planner excuse is lame, too, unless she hired the planner after she sent to STDs. Oops. Otherwise, she has a pretty horrible wedding planner.

 

[ame]

AutumnNovember nailed it...she knew what she was doing and is just a greedy asshat. But then again...at this point, she's either a horrible liar and doing what A-N called OR I would bet money she doesn't have a wedding planner, because there's no damn way a professional wedding planner would have allowed that to happen. Her facility might have a coordinator for the day, but there's no way she has a full on planner. If she actually does, that wedding planner needs a few lessons. And perhaps this thread linked to her.

 

[chemgirl]

Not only do those parties disgust me, but i HATE that name, Stag & Doe. YUCK!

So how is the expensive wedding planner earning her dough? Her job is to educate young ladies like this one who haven't had the advantage of being able to read an ettiquette book on what's acceptable. Maybe she's waiting for the Cat & Dog...er...S & D...party & its loot before she coughs up any real help.

--- Laurie

To be fair I'm pretty sure they sent the STDs before hiring the wedding planner.

I know for a fact they took out a large loan to pay the deposits (I choked on my drink a bit when she went in to that one) so I guess the planner's been payed something!

Its sad, but I think she is genuinely confused. She's always been self conscious about being the last of the group to have a boyfriend, be kissed etc. so she has always been fairly showey about relationship stuff. I can totally buy that she wanted to let as many people know about her upcoming wedding as possible.

Gosh sounds like I can't stand her, but its not the case. I just can't get behind her choices sometimes.

 

[stargurl78]

So, she can afford a wedding planner but has a stag & doe party to get money from friends and family to help pay for the wedding?? We had a small-ish budget for our wedding so the last thing we thought was "hey let's dish out a sh*t-load of money for someone else to plan this thing and then ask other people to pay for it".

I think stag & doe parties are absolutely ridiculous, especially when she is having a shower too! She wants people to help pay for the wedding AND shower her with gifts?! And then on top of that, you aren't even invited to the wedding after being invited to both of those and getting a save the date card. All kinds of terrible etiquette

I think Ame said it best - she's a greedy asshat. I definitely would not go to any of these events or send a gift.

 

[pregcurious]

I agree. She's either lying, or is incredibly dumb and rude. Even if it was a dumb mistake, she now owes you a huge apology, which she has not done.

Spend your energy on people who have social skills, including apologizing when they mess up. We all make dumb mistakes...but not apologizing brings it into obnoxious.

 

[Laila619]

What a rude individual. I would not go to her shower. Inviting people to the shower but not the wedding? Clearly she just wants to be gift grabby.

She's shameless.

 

[Malbec54]

WOW! Shaking my head at the audacity of some people...
I'm sorry she did that to you, but with friends like that ---who needs em', right?

Definitely take the high road and send the card with your best wishes, but any more than that ---I wouldn't even bother.
Amazing...I'm still shaking my head over this one.

 

[partgypsy]

Wow. Just wow. She invites you to a shower, and to a party where you pay money to help her fund the wedding, and EVEN a save the date card (so you assume to are invited to the wedding), but doesn't invite you to the event itself! Wow. Just wow.
I would think if you had a small budget, need to choose a small elegant party in which a small number of people are invited, or if you want many people, to a larger but informal wedding. If you absolutely feel the need for the s and D, for God's sake invite everyone who is participating in this event, supporting your wedding, to the actual wedding!
But in general I find it distasteful to ask any guests to help pay for the wedding. Even if it means a backyard barbeque, I'd rather do that, than an expensive wedding you truly cannot afford. I've actually been to a couple weddings in the last few years to what would be considered large, but the couple was creative and inventive enough in the way they planned it (usually at someone's house, with relatives pitching in with favors/food) that they were extremely enjoyable, yet no one felt put upon money-wise. So if you did give money to the couple, you could do that at the actual wedding and it felt more like a gift to the couple than paying for a meal.

If you honestly still feel like friends with her, I would take her aside and let her know of these faux pas, so she can perhaps offer apologies or corrections to those affected, and save herself more embarrassment.

 

[Kunzite]

I agree. She's either lying, or is incredibly dumb and rude. Even if it was a dumb mistake, she now owes you a huge apology, which she has not done.

Spend your energy on people who have social skills, including apologizing when they mess up. We all make dumb mistakes...but not apologizing brings it into obnoxious.

This! This is what keeps bothering me. Now that it's been explained to her she's not apologetic in the least.

 

[momhappy]

What's a stag and doe? Is that different terms for bachelor/bachelorette parties?
Considering the circumstances, I would definitely not attend the shower. As others have said, she's either completely clueless or her actions had malicious intent and now she's lying to convince you otherwise. It's normal for friendships to grow apart and clearly, this ship has sailed. Move forward and don't look back. I would send a simple card congratulating the couple on their wedding and end all contact.

 

[JewelFreak]

Great post, PartGypsy! I agree a million percent -- have a wedding you can afford. I've been to a few at people's houses -- one where the bride's dad cooked dinner on the grill -- & they were so full of warmth & fun.

I remember them as special -- about the couple & their families & friends celebrating their love together. The cast-of-thousands, Cecil B. DeMille production weddings blur into each other, alike no matter how varied the table bouquets. You barely see the bride & groom at those anyway. Far from down-market, the small, intimate, non-budget-blowing weddings just shine.

--- Laurie